Blech, I don't own Bleach. Poor people like me don't own anything ;p
(insert text here)= Narrator (Me) Speaking, so pay attention ;p
Bold= Narration
Italics= Sexy Flashback/Dream Action/Thoughts
Hello fan-fic. readers worldwide. I will read you a story, stole*cough* I mean borrowed from Kurotsuchi's computer, called "The Soul Society's Most Embarrassing Mistake".
Once upon a (friggin) time, something amazing(ly predictable) happened, the Soul Society made a fairly larger mistake (aka. BIGGER FUCK UP) then usual. It all began on a sunny (pouring cats and dogs) day at a wonderful (cramped) mall in the city of Honolulu Hawaii (Overcrowded with tourists as usual) where two friends were having a friendly debate over a drawing (I will shoot whoever wrote this, god damn happy people). And so begins our tale (Ass-hat).
"Aww, come on man please?"
"No!"
"I'll do anything, short of paying, for it! PLEASEEEEEE?"
"NO! That's my point, I'm going to try and sell it to get some money, not just give it to some cheap ass Asian like you."
"But that drawing is so perfect and awesome it's"
"Just a drawing of Gin Ichimaru from Bleach taking an order from McDonalds in a workers uniform at the cashier and, shit." Aiko snickered vindictively the second he said "Gin Ichimaru" and "Working at McDonalds. He put his head in his palm and sighed in exasperation. But he knew that her reaction is something someone as vindictive and crazy as her cannot help. Like telling a sadistic fan-girl who reads too much yaoi "Mpreg". It's a combination of creepy and some weird form of well, romance, if one can call a guy getting a pregnant or an anime character working at McDonalds romantic.
"Sorry, god damn it." She breathed out calming down from her vindictive laugh fit.
"Seriously, that drawing is awesome!"
"Glad you like it. Not sorry, you can't have it"
"Asshole"
"Love it"
"Pervert"
"THE GAME!"
"GOD DAMN IT I LOSE!" She cries as she grabbed her head in defeat and anguish from the mental mind fuck that is The Game. (Seriously wtf is up with that game? I beat my friend every time though so it's not so bad mwahaha back to the story
Mariko-Because she cheats- that's why she wins. /)
(Sara Aiko- Oi! I said back to the god damn story!)
"Submit! Or I shall continue with the mental mind fuck! Surrender!" He cried. One of their two other friends sitting at their mall sighed exasperatedly and sat back in his chair while the other simply continued reading the latest volume of Skip Beat. Their persona was calm yet irked, as this was obviously not the first time they fought like this over something small like a doodle; an awesome doodle, but it was just a doodle nonetheless.
"NEVER! THE CRAZY LORD OF AWESOMENESS SHALL NEVER LOSE!"
"Aiko, indoor voices" chastised Aaron, sitting back in his chair.
"I SHALL NOT BE-"
"Aiko you're not the only crazy violent Asian here, if you keep interrupting my Skip Beat, I will silence you, permanently." ordered Jinni as she continued to read Skip Beat. Aiko sighed and sat back down in her chair, weighed down by the order from the other violent Asian.
"HAH!" He cried in his second victory.
"You too dickhead."
"Damn." he mutters as he bows his head in submission. He feels his pocket vibrate.
"Is that a missile in your pocket or do you have a phone call?"
"What'd I just say Aiko?"
"You just said to pipe down, not to not make perverted jokes or copy Achmed."
"Aiko..."
"..."
"Aiko..."
"...Fine"
"Well I have to go guys, my boyfriend is done with work and we have a date. See yas. No you can't have the drawing. Bye!" And with a taunting smirk he left with the precious, leaving Jinni and Aaron to hold back a violent Asian hell-bent on revenge (not an easy task I might add).
"Jesus Aiko, calm down. Jeez, did you take your Ritalin?"
"I took a white pill that I got from some guy at the corner who said it'll make me fly higher then the sky." She felt something hard and square like slam right into her face. Jinni walked over next to her and picked up her Skip Beat manga that she'd just thrown at her off of the ground.
"Owiiiiiie" Complained Aiko as she rubbed her injured face.
"Did you take it" Jinni asked as she opened her Skip Beat.
"Yes mother…" She did, three days ago. She liked being happy, and Ritalin made her..normal…it was an evil thing.
"Why'd you want that drawing, out of all the other really nice ones, so badly?" Panted Aaron as he slumped back down on his chair, exhausted from restraining an unnaturally strong Asian.
"I have absolutely no idea, it just screamed awesome to me I guess" She had felt drawn to it, almost hypnotized by it; just a pure desire to glomp and own it like a bishie, like it was using its powers derived from the awesomeness of mind fuck. But the awesome Asian ninja will not be mind raped by the awesome, she will-
"Right, anyway, psycho can you go to McDonalds and get me a quarter pounder with a coke?" He ordered his psycho friend, cutting across her ADD monologue. He knew that if he didn't cut it off, well he didn't feel like getting kicked out of the mall before he got something to eat.
"Money." she ordered, holding out her expectant hand.
"Your treat."
"Fuck no."
"Cheap Ass."
Damn straight. Now pay up."
"Alright, alright" he mutters exasperatedly as he reached into his wallet and pulled out a ten.
"I better get all of the change back cheap ass."
"After I take my tip."
"Wait! NO tip for you cheap ass!" Too late, she was already halfway to McDonalds. Aaron slumped back down into his seat and watched his hyper Asian friend skip into the distance and hearing the cries for mercy from his money.
"Damn, I hope she isn't gonna actually take her tip."
"Hah! Your praying for world peace dude, not going to happen." mocked Jinni. Aaron winced, he could just hear his poor wallet crying from the pain.
I'M A LINE BREAK GUESS WHAT I DO
"ALEX!" Shit , the white haired teen in a McDonald's uniform groaned to himself knowing exactly why his manager wanted him to come over there. He groaned and squinted at the man in a similar uniform glaring at him.
"Do you hate me Alex? Do you?"
"Is this a rhetorical question?"
"Shut up. What the hell is your problem? Is it too much to ask you to not tell our customers how stupid you think they are? Do you have to insult every idiot customer who asks you those stupid questions?
Well, what was he supposed to do when they started the conversation like this.
Sexy Flash back action
"Hello, welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?"
"Wow, dude, you're as pale as like snow." Pure poetry dumbass, really original and accurate.
"Is your hair like, real?" Twitch, of course, his white hair….
"Yes, this is my hair's natural color." For the fifty thousandth fucking time.
"Like how'd it get like that?" And his patience goes cwackity cwaaaack…
"My mother drank bleach when I was still in her, what would you like to order sir?" Take a hint asshole, don't even think about asking about my-
"Sick eyes dude, how'd they get so red?" Patience is like wood, you can hear it snap.
"I smoked the same shit you did! Except instead of making me stupid like you, my eyes stayed permanently bloodshot! Now, for the love of god, may I take your fucking order?"
End of flashback porno
Jonathan sighed, that wasn't the first time Alex had endured and attacked others for their ignorance about his condition. He then noticed that he was squinting his eyes again, something he did when he was feeling self conscious. As much as he likes and understood his soon to be brother-in-law, this issue must be dealt with, now.
"Look I know being an Albino is an issue with you because of all the stupid comments and questions people ask you and it'd gotten worse since your temper's on edge because the divorce." Twitch.
"Don't you twitch at me asshole." Damn.
"Point is, life sucks and then you die. But ring on your sister's finger or not, so help me you will either suck it up and get over it or I will fire you." He's not serious…is he?
"I'm serious Alex, this has gone way too long, enough is enough. Heads up, we got a customer. Oh for gods sake smile you uptight asshole." Alex sighed and turned to face the customer walking up. He squinted his eyes and took a deep calming breath. If he didn't give the customer a reason to comment on his uniqueness then he wouldn't fight, and then he wouldn't get fired, and he'll still have a job to pay for his art classes.
"Hello and welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?" He then did a double take.
Hmm, this customer's kind of cute..He leaned towards her, trying to get a closer look at her blushing pale attractive face framed by her long black hair. His heart raced as he saw her smile and bite her lips, as if trying to hold it back.
Awww, she's blushing.
And then, she suddenly began to laugh.
His jaw dropped.
What, the, Fuck?
LINE BREAK! GUESS WHAT!
HOLY SHIT! He looks exactly like Gin! He looks just like his drawing! Aiko tried unsuccessfully to contain her maniacal laughter. He actually has the white hair, the red eyes, and even the same face shape!
Gin, working at McDonald, IN REAL LIFE! Aiko clutched her gut and tried to catch her breath while she laughed her ass off.
"Ahem." Aiko looked up and saw the Gin look-alike staring at her. She felt the awkwardness tighten the air.
Did I just see a Gin look-alike, and break down laughing in front of him? She sobered up immediately and stared at the dumbstruck Alex staring at her.
To Be Continued
A/N
Dun dun dun. Well this is just me writing my comedy. It's acutally based off of a real life story of mine where a friend had drawn a picture of Gin taking someones order from McDonalds, and for some inexplicable reason, I wanted it. But he wouldn't give it to me...jerk...
Ever notice how many fanfics are created when the writers start to think "What if?" :3 Yeah that's how this was created.
Uhhhh Dedicated to Mariko the Forgetful Troper :3 Because she actually thought it was funny.
Do y'all like my sense of humour? If so, gush about it in your review :3