A Special Bond
A/N: Hey, so this is a future fic, and my first shot at one, and since I'm writing it, and I'm a Hevans shipper, Sam shall be given the role of Kurt's hubby. You know, just so he has one, and not at all so I can subliminally change people's minds. ;)
Epic Love
Kermodei
Sometimes, it's hard not to wish I was different than I am today. It was hard as a teenager, with people always telling me I should dress differently (give up fashion? Never), act differently, or even love differently. I had gotten passed all of that. Their points were ridiculous, and in many cases, used because of jealousy or fear. But the desire to change now has nothing to with either.
Watching my husband and son practice for a football game, or go skateboarding, or bond over comics, it's less than easy. I love both of them dearly, and though I needn't question affection when it comes to Sam, he proposed to me, after all, sometimes I wonder if Conner feels like he only has one father.
My son and I have very few things in common. Two to be exact. Cars, and music. Maybe that should only count for one and a half, because even his appreciation for music leans more towards Sam's style then my own.
Am I saying I want my son to be just like me? No. Not at all. I want him to be whoever he turns out to be, whoever he wants to be. But the parallels between himself and Sam are so evident, while between myself and him are quite few.
It's almost like back when Finn moved in. I'm torn between understanding my father's difficulties with me growing up, and feeling the same jealousy for my husband as I did for my step brother.
I understand how difficult it was for my dad to have a son who had so many interests and so many things he wanted to do with his life, when my father himself had already reached his idea of happiness. I wanted fame and fortune, he wanted a calm, happy family. I liked showtunes, he liked Meloncamp. That was the synopsis of our relationship. But the love and respect we held for each other is what made our family work. We knew we would always be there for each other, but it was hard to know how to be there for each other.
I can also now understand my father's willingness to bond with Finn. Finn was, in a sense, a younger version of my father, just as Connor is a younger version of Sam. They have similar interests, they have similar traits. It's easy for them to click. But I know now that my father had always loved me.
Which is why the jealousy I'm feeling for Sam while watching them play football is completely unnecessary. My son loves me in the same way my father loved me, and I he. But it is so difficult to watch Sam easily click with Connor, and knowing that it will never be so casual for Connor and me.
The ball hits my chair, pulling me out of my reverie, and into the present. I laugh and toss it back towards Connor who catches it, no problem at all.
"Thanks, dad!" The fourteen-year-old yells.
"My pleasure." I laugh. They continue throwing the ball around until Sam approaches Connor and tells him something. He nods and comes over to me.
"Hey dad…" he asks. I look at him sternly.
"Is everything okay?" I glance over his shoulder to Sam, who just smiles and tosses the ball up in the air.
"Yeah, I just want to tell you something. Um, well, I'm straight." I cock my head and snicker.
"I know, Connor, really-" He cuts me off.
"Well, Dad and I were talking, and I just wanted to tell you. I knew how scared you were when you came out to Grandpa, and I just wanted to let you know I trust you the same." He scratched his head. "That was a lot different in my head." He explained. I laughed, and hugged my son.
"Thank you for telling me." He nodded. "You're sure right?" I said with mock sternness. He laughed,
"Yes sir!" Then he ran back out to play with Sam.
After Connor had gone to bed, Sam and I were sitting on the couch, watching one show or another. His arm was around me, but I turned and asked him.
"What was that whole stunt about today?" I queried.
"Connor coming out?" I nodded, Sam laughed, then was serious. "Kurt, you know how much you wanted to have something in common with your dad when you were his age? How much you looked up to him?" I nodded, "He's just like you were. Me? I'm his buddy, his friend. But you're the one he respects, and he wants the same respect from you." He paused for a second, "He just wants something in common with you, he wants to make an effort to say that he loves you, too." Sam rubbed my shoulder. I sighed.
"You told him to do that, didn't you?" Sam raised his hand in defense.
"Nope! Swear on my soul." The he kissed me, just sweetly. Connor had just wanted to open a door for us to bond, and maybe by tomorrow, one of us will have walked through it.