The almighty Author popped out of nowhere, most likely from the couch in her living room, and materialized as an awesome ninja-samurai-pirate-Soul Reaper crossbreed with a Keyblade. And she had some things to discuss with the Bleach characters.
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna torture some Bleach characters today, but first, I, the author, would like to make an announcement. A very, very important announcement," said the creator. She cleared her throat and pulled up her britches before stating something that everyone thinks at least once in their fandom.
"I LIKE ICHIRUKI FLUFF, AND I CAN'T THINK OF IT WHILE EVERY TWO MINUTES YOU HEAR INOUE OR ORIHIME OR WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL HER SCREAMING, 'Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun!' PLEASE SHUT UP. Thank you!" The creator was pleased to get it off of her chest.
Inoue, who was a bystander, whimpered before running towards her hallucination of Ichigo (created by Aizen's bankai). She tripped over a tied-up Tosen (because they couldn't find a better use for him, seriously) and hit her head on the floor, and soon passed out. The arrancars had plans for this lady, oh, plans indeed, as Syazel picked her up, and enjoying every second of it, did very innappropriate things. In broad daylight.
Needless to say it made a hobo (who had very high spiritual energy, duh) completely burst into flames right before the real stuff started, after Gin, Aizen, Nnoitra, and Yammy joined in on the fun.
Scary stuff.
Ichigo and Rukia sat in a corner dumbfounded while Renji knitted a sweater for Byakuya. Toshiro and Uryu took advantage of this and took a video of it all from the bushes and stuck it on YouTube, and it later got many, many, many views. "BYA-CHAAAAN~!" he yelled, holding up the sweater with a heart specially embroidered on the chest. "I MADE IT FO JOO~!"
Byakuya skipped through a conveniently placed field of Senbon Zakura petals, screaming "Renji-chan! I LOVE JOO TOO~!" They hugged in the middle, and some possessed, RenjiBya-supporting weeaboo screamed a "KAWAII NO DESUUUU" to the two, but a sensible fan stabbed it with a pitchfork. In the eye.
Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, dressed very appropriately as Batman (pun plz?) and Robin, made a very dramatic superhero entrance, out of one of them fancy holes they always seem to appear from. "Holy pedobear, Batman! Orihime and that fangirl are in trouble!"
"You're right, Robin! To the Batmobile!" Sadly, Rangiku was waiting for them in there and she had a very large bottle of tasty looking Sake. They got drunk and crashed into the wall of the nearest flower shop. Somewhere, Byakuya was weeping. A bunch of fangirls later had a memorial service.
Uryu was playing Neopets and pwning some n00bs in the Petpet Park when suddenly, he heard Orihime scream. "LE GASP," he said, strapping on his superhero cape. "THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR QUINCY MAAAAA-"
"Hold it, hold it, hold it. This is getting WAAAY OUTTA HAND. And what's with the lack of IchiRuki crack up in this joint?" She tapped her pencil, and thought for a moment. "Heheh... no one can stop me now... BWAHAHAHA!"
"Oh no..." Rukia's eyes filled with tears. "I see them coming, I can feel it in my bones..."
"THE MARY SUES ARE COMING, THE MARY SUES ARE COMING!" screamed the nearest Soul Reaper. Aizen's eyes were widening, and he started to scream like a four-year-old. He also went tinkle in his diaper, but let's just ignore that.
To be continueeeed...