Not Enough

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters. But didn't Taylor still look totally cute last night on SNL? Oh Mikash. I tell ya blonde, brunette, pigtails - any wig Taylor still looks HAWT! GO TEAM JACOB!

This isn't how things were supposed to be. You were supposed to stay behind and wait for me. I was coming back – you knew that, right? I loved you by choice but my choice wasn't strong enough to withstand the imprint pull. The day I left four years ago was without a doubt the worst day of my life after my mom's death and the day I first phased. I was so excited to be, finally, coming back home. I've missed everyone and everything about La Push – especially you. Life with the Cullens has been anything but boring. Bella and Ness just had to experience everything so quickly. By the time the day was done I was dog tired and couldn't call you like I had promised. You didn't expect me to call though, did you? Did you think I forgot about you? As if I ever could. Is, is that why you left?

I called one day and instead got Seth. He told me that you had left home some years ago. My blood turned cold at the news – you left only months after I did? Seth said that you're good, healthy, doing well and 'living the life'. I didn't know what that meant until I was shopping with Ness and caught a glimpse of a familiar face smiling back at me. It's your face that's plastered on a magazine and despite the 'girlie' print, news and advice I snatch up the magazine and buy it. I had heard everyone talking about you being a model and putting that wolf height and metabolism to good use 'sides hunting leeches. The article inside was a 'normal' story of growing up on an Indian reservation, your father dying before you graduated from high school, the heartbreak of your then-fiancé leaving you for your cousin and then 'running' with a so-called bad crowd. They ask if drugs were involved and you laugh saying that it was more of a 'feud' between two different families. You talk about your strange growth spurt and the teasing, hazing and ridicule you had to suffer until finally finding your own self-worth. No mention of me at all.

I read that article months ago and just had to come home – come home to you. I recall my last phone conversation with Seth, "I've told her you were coming home for a visit." He says and I sighed heavily at the word 'visit'. Not even Seth Clearwater is expecting me to stay for long. But I hold onto my hopes of you being there when I arrive. No matter what happened you were always there whenever I needed someone the most.

My heart beats quickly when I smell the ocean, the pine, and the wolves – all smells that are unique to only La Push. My 'family' comes along, much to my disappointment, because they are excited about seeing the 'wolves' as well. Bella is looking forward to seeing Emily, Edward and Ness to see Seth.

"She said she'd try and make it." Seth says with a weak smile when I ask for you. "But she said she couldn't make any promises." And at that one word I give up; I let go of the hope I was holding onto. I made you so many promises that I couldn't keep. Not even the simplest of calling you – even once. Your brother pats me on the back – why he does it, I don't know. His pat only seems to beat on the hollowness of my soul.

The night drags on as I sit trying to drown my disappointment in beer, vodka, gin, scotch, whisky and your personal favorite tequila. Really it doesn't work because it only makes me think of you more. We had our second roll in the hay after a night of drinking. Edward gives me a look and I roll my eyes at him opting to get up and grab me another pack of beers. I walk into the kitchen and feel my stomach turn – must be the sight of so many imprints crammed into one area. Rachel gives me a look – an almost sad, apologetic look. I raise an eyebrow in question but then I get my answer. Emily squeals excitedly, hurting my ears, at something Sue has told her but I didn't catch. "She's engaged!" Emily screams bouncing up and down in place. I freeze and pray to God that they are talking about Claire – I know she's only 12 but still.

"I know." Kim adds. "Leah's finally engaged." And the beer bottle I've been holding shatters in my grasp. The entire room falls silent as all eyes turn on me.

"Jacob?" I turn my head to look back and see Ness standing behind me with Edward and Bella – the perfect family. My nose crinkles at their scent, at their presence. She calls my name again but I ignore her as I walk out the door making a beeline for the trees. You're not coming back – ever. Not even to see me. And why should you? This small backwater town full of legends come true, where only death, lies and broken promises reside.

I explode into my wolf form and take off running. Just running. I don't know if I'm trying to run from you or to you. You've stopped phasing, haven't you? I've missed hearing your voice, feeling your warm body pressed against mine, your –

You're engaged? As in getting married? To some guy?

Well that's usually how it works for us girls.

You would say if you were here. But is it to the guy who 'supposedly' found you? How can you be found or discovered when I knew where you were the whole time? Why him? I've seen him in some of Seth's memories. What's so special about him? He's short! Okay, so he's like 6' even and that's short compared to us – compared to me. And, and he's white! He looks like a stinking, fucking leech with his dark brown, shit colored eyes. You can't marry him – he's not me!

So what? What did you do? Just fall in love with the first guy after me who told you were beautiful? Was it because he couldn't imprint? You can't love him, Lee. I forbid it! I wish – no! Wait! I order you wherever the hell you are to phase and talk to me. I stop running and look up at the sky trying to will you to follow my Alpha command. I've never ordered you before because just bossing others around isn't leadership, you told me that. But I would order you now. Order you to love me and only me. To stay the hell away from him and anyone else that would try to keep us apart.

That's not love though, is it? Love, real love, true love is about choice. I chose to love you for as long as I could. I considered myself lucky that you allowed it at all.

Suddenly there are many voices. The two packs have long since recombined in our absence. They are looking for me, telling me to get over it, get over you – most are surprised that I even care. Of course I care about you. You were mine – still supposed to be mine.

Again, I hear, 'Get over it, Black.' And at the usage of the surname with a hint of sarcasm and a warm feminine voice that makes my heart skip a beat. It's separate from the hive mind and I whimper pitifully as I sniff the air desperately. Are you here? Did you come to see me?

Through the trees a huge light gray wolf steps into the meadow. 'Heard there was alcohol.' You state with a carefree laugh and my heart sings with excitement and joy over your presence. I run towards you with my tongue lulling out of my mouth in a wolfish laugh. But I stop short of a few feet of you as my eyes catch sight of something shiny around your neck. It's a piece of jewelry – ring. A diamond ring, in fact.

You shake your head and walk towards me with a slight pep in your walk I've not seen in years, maybe a decade. You circle me and I can only imagine how long your hair is now – but that, that ring mocks me. 'Take it off.' I demand angrily.

'As a wolf there ain't any clothes for me to take off.' You state matter-of-factly and brush my nose with your tail. I'm aroused, definitely, but not amused.

'I don't mean your clothes.' I snarl as you dance out of reach of my jaws. 'I meant that damn, fuckin' piece of shit ring.' I order roughly. You freeze and look down at it before looking at me.

'No.'

'What?'

'Are you hard of hearing?' You snap with that familiar anger that brings to mind some of our hottest, heated and roughest sex – 'Focus, boy!' You snarl viciously. 'What? Fuckin' your imprint isn't enough for ya? I thought she was just as pretentious as her mother.'

'She's not enough.' I admit and you snort. 'She's not my lover.' Silence. 'She's not my heart.' More silence. 'I left it with a feisty she-wolf.' Still nothing. 'And I've come to collect it – and her.' You look at me and nothing else. 'So take off that ring. You belong to me.' I state smugly.

'No.' You answer flatly and the fur on my hackles rise again as we prepare to do this dance again.

I know I should say something else but all that comes out is, 'What?' You rolls your eyes at me. You're defying me? Your Alpha? Your Jake? And then I see him through your memoires. Your first meeting here at First Beach, your first date together, your first kiss? He's shown you the world, your own inner beauty, your value, worth, strength and love? 'He won't be enough for you.' I snap angrily moving to stand over you dominantly. I glare down at you utilizing all of my power to bring you back to me.

'No, you're not enough for me.' You state coldly and something inside of me dies. There are noises behind me but I ignore them and phase back unable to deal with the pain even in my wolf form. You – you can't mean it. We loved each other – we still love each other.

"I love you still." I whisper. "Despite the magic, the so-called perfect," I spit angrily at the word 'perfect' as tears well up in my eyes, "love, imprint. I still love you." You phase before me and my breath catches at the sight of your body naked before me –again, as it should've always been. Your hair falls down around your shoulder, covering your beautiful breasts but that doesn't deter my eyes from taking in your glorious body; your soft hips that my hands have gripped tightly to the point of leaving bruises.

"Your words mean nothing." You say calling my eyes back to your face. "Nothing if you can't back 'em up." You continue shaking your head. "Our love came too late to fight for. I can't fight that," you wave your hand at the air – no, your eyes are focused on something behind me. I look back to see her again. "Love isn't enough for us – not now; not ever. It was good seeing you, Jacob. I hope to see you again." You kiss me and walk away leaving me behind this time to live your new life; probably to make love to him and eventually take on his last name as your own while I'm left standing here wanting to feel your lips on mine again.

I move to follow you but she calls my name and I realize that yet again I'm stuck. Her voice and presence is more like a choke collar around my neck. No matter how hard I try I can't break it and the knowledge brings me to tears. I never cried over Bella but I'm crying over you right now. I cry because I know you're right. I'm not 'man' enough for you. I'm not strong enough for you. I'm too much of a wolf to escape this damn pull – for now. "I LOVE YOU, LEAH CLEARWATER!" I yell into the darkness. I know you can hear me. "ONE DAY I WILL BE ENOUGH FOR YOU! IF IT TAKES ME THE REST OF MY LIFE WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN!"

I promise to not just her, the woman I love, but to my pack and my imprint. I will break free and I will have Leah Clearwater as my own again some day.

A/N: Well here's an idea that hit me real late last night right before SNL came on with our fave werewolf, Taylor Lautner. LOVE YOU TAY-TAY! And to that red-headed cougar checking out my boy-toy when he introduced Bon Jovi. *points at my eyes and then her* I'm watching you. Damn cougar. PICK UP SOMEONE AT LEAST MY AGE AND BACK OFF! I'M A PUMA AND THAT'S MY PREY, YA HEAR! MINE!

But anywayz since it's been so long since I posted anything because of the holiday rush and so much has been going on I'll start with my first question.

My sister posed this question to me and honestly I'm still at a loss of who I would pick. Now here's the scenario.

Sis: Who would you pick between Taylor Lautner and The Rock.

Me: Well, obviously, The Rock because he's not jailbait.

Sis: Okay, Taylor is legal.

Me: . I TAKE BOTH!

Sis: You can't have both.

Me: But they 'both' want me, right?

Sis: *rolls eyes* Yea. But you're not a slut…are you?

Me: Well for them…I…would…be…?

Sis: JUST PICK ONE!

So the discussion has grown but I will save that for another post that may come up tonight unless I get distracted by new Coach purse. Who's the cutest purse tonight? You are. ^_^

But, as always thanks for reading and remember it only takes a second to click that magic green button and tell me what you think.

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