AYangThang: Trying my hand at some bumblebee. It's not super long…but hope you like it.
So Long As You Mean It
"I should have known better than to come here." A lone huntress thought bitterly to herself. In the era of peace she had too much time on her hands. "It's not like anyone really gives a damn about the festival anymore. Not after what happened back then…"
She kicked a lonely pebble as she pressed off the nearby wall. There was no need to keep stalling, so she entered the building. The door creaked open, and she stepped through. Her lonely footsteps echoed in the empty academy halls. What else could she expect? This school hadn't seen students in years, and not everything could be repaired. Even if they could be, the horrors of that night still weren't laid completely to rest.
The huntress looked around the otherwise deserted ruins that the students of Beacon Academy had once called home.
It was that time of year again, when all of the memories came flooding back. Ash and soot had a taste of metal, and the cries of terrified carnival goers rang out in her mind. Fear, then, had a numbing quality to it. Thoughts were like wisps in the tides of those battles.
Life and death had really meant something tangible in a way she had never quite felt it before.
Blake shook her head, Faunus ears folding back atop her head unpleasantly. She snorted distastefully at a crumpled up banner, it wasn't the first that she'd seen. Some of these ruins had gone on untouched, perfectly preserved with a layer of settled dust.
She walked by several of the classrooms, noticing that artifacts of students rested there. Everything had ended so abruptly that tiny mementos were easily forgotten. A lonely pencil here, an abandoned notebook there…the lives of her friends, her classmates had never seemed so impossibly sentimental before.
Now...?
Blake shot a glance outside of a nearby window. Amber eyes catching a glimpse of a torn flag that wafted in the gentle breeze. The tattered ends were just flailing around aimlessly, adrift beneath the too sunny sky.
"Amazing, what I took for granted." She thought.
She leaned against the sill for a few long moments. Watching nothing, and thinking of everyone she'd ever crossed paths with beneath that once proud banner.
With regretful force, she pushed away from that window and continued on, her fingers curling into fists at her side. Her eyes downcast, she continued her lonely path.
Aimless, yet seeking.
She watched the floor, her feet stepping over the debris. Broken glass, a few stains, and the occasional student I.D. that had been dropped. The photos gentle reminders of the souls that had once filled these halls. Their faces recognizable as people Blake had come to consider as part of the world she wanted to belong in.
A world of equality, or at the very least, acceptance.
It was amazing to walk this twisted hell-scape as it stood now. The crippled metal sometimes groaned as she passed by. The crushed stone crunching beneath her feet. Fractured mortar leaving gaping holes where there once stood monuments. All of it culminating as a testament. Warning those willing to look upon it.
Evidence of what the right amount of anger and hate could do to the world, if given the chance.
After walking for what seemed like forever, she exited one of the main buildings. The student dormitory in the next building over. It was almost surreal, stepping through the large glass doors that were hardly damaged. A single crack in the glass was the only shallow imperfection she could find.
Yet, within, the same eerie echoes of loneliness greeted her.
She went to her old dorm room a few floors up, amazed that the staircase hadn't seen any damage at all. Honestly, going back to her old room just seemed like the right thing to do. Her hand hovered over the door handle. Something stopped her though. Something deep, and dark, and she swallowed hard. Pulling out a soft black ribbon from her pocket, she thought it was only fitting to enter it the same way she always did.
Yet, that didn't seem quite right, either.
If she was going to visit the ghosts of her past, she should do them justice. So she stuffed that back ribbon into her pocket. Fear had defined her life back then, it caked everything she ever did, and that distrust had caused rifts between the people that should have mattered the most. Her bow was the single most oppressive object that Blake had ever witnessed, and she'd done it to herself.
She knew now, she shouldn't have worn it at all.
Though she'd thrown her old one off of a boat, the new one was just as heavy, weighing her down just by thinking about it.
She was so tired of her fear. She was tired of being burdened by her regrets. All in all, she was tired of all the things she couldn't, or wouldn't say to the people she still cared for. She'd even come to this tattered place to make peace with it all, and that too, had been a mistake.
She reached out to grab the handle of the door, surprised to find that it opened with barely a nudge. It was as if someone had already busted the lock.
"Yang…?" Blake rasped out as she stood in the doorway, looking at the blonde who was sitting in a heap upon the old bookcase that looked out over the window.
The blonde didn't say anything at all as she sagged against the wall, her long mane of hair just as unruly as always. Blake sighed as she crossed the room slowly. This room too, had been kept in perfect condition. Their posters were still on the wall. The white luggage that belonged to Weiss was still under the bed. Ruby's blanket fort was still put in place, though the sheets had yellowed in age. Even the books holding up their bunkbeds were still steadfast.
Everything was the same. Everything, expect for the two women who still remained so far apart.
She crept over to the small alcove where the bookcase met the wall. Yang had crumpled herself up in the small space, and had fallen asleep in the setting sun. Her shoulders sagging inward, as if to protect her from the gentle cruelty that surrounded her.
"If only she knew…" Blake thought to herself.
Yang had never truly forgiven her for leaving. Or perhaps that was completely, wholly, inaccurate. Perhaps Yang had forgiven her too much once they crossed paths again.
"Why did you let me come back to the team, Yang?" Blake wondered. "Ignoring that, why did you even protect me in the first place? Why sacrifice yourself for a coward like me?" Blake swallowed a knot in her throat. "Why me? Why was I worth something like that?"
She should have asked those questions sooner. She should have found the time to talk properly, but time hadn't been a luxury with Salem on the loose. Now though, the fighting was done with. The scars had mostly healed. Life had gone on, and as for Yang and Blake?
They'd both all too willingly buried the past beneath duty and excuse.
"But, we have all the time in the world, now." Blake reminded herself. "Now, we don't have that excuse…and I'm not the only one who wishes we did."
Ever so carefully, so as not to wake the sleeping woman, Blake reached forward, her fingers caressing smooth metal. "She used to be so warm." Blake thought, horrified. "That arm used to be flesh and bone." Her fingers shook, as she recalled once again that it was her fault. Yang had been so irreparably wounded, and Blake had been the one to blame. The urge to run bubbled up from deep within, and along with it came shame.
"Stop it, Belladonna!" Blake mentally screamed when her breath caught in her throat. "Stop being so goddamn afraid of her!"
But, she was more than afraid, she was terrified.
She pulled away when it became too much to bear. When that yellow appendage glinted in the sunlight, cold and metallic. Completely, entirely, inhuman. She swallowed down a defeated sigh. There were so many things she needed to say, and she hadn't been able to articulate a single one. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't she just tell Yang everything, from start to finish? Why not just blurt out every tiny confession?
What was worse, was that Yang's dream was anything but peaceful. The fitful expression that furrowed her brows had become so common after the fight with Salem. They all had nightmares, some worse than others. Somehow, they'd all become huntresses without the comfort of a classroom. There was no doubt it had tainted all of them for the worst, leaving behind a list of sins that no one could begin to untangle.
Yang had gained a deathly calculation in battle, and had somehow inherited her uncle's world-weary cynicism on top of it. The life of a huntress had not been kind. Though they were all still so young, even Blake felt incredibly old. It was amazing how brittle their hearts had become. "I know I'm to blame for that too." She thought. "That's my fault."
"Why do you still let me travel by your side? I know it hurts to even look at me, so why torture yourself? I just…" Blake reached out again, her hand pausing in midair before she dropped it back to her side. "I just don't understand."
And that was a well-crafted lie too. Blake did understand. She knew perfectly well why Yang let her stay. It was merely that neither one of them chose to acknowledge it.
Yang loved her.
Somewhere, deep at the heart of it all, Blake had always known that. "Why else would Yang…" Blake cut herself off. Yang would have done anything for her. Blake knew that now. Yang's loyalty and trust had been fractured in a very real way, but even still, she allowed Blake to stay.
Yet, given everything the Faunus had done to damage that gentle soul, was it even fair to ask that anything be repaired between them? A silent rumble in her throat chastised her. It wasn't fair. It wouldn't ever be. There was no excuse for not addressing it sooner. Yang had fought for her, bled for her, and in response, Blake had ran. Her ears pressed down painfully atop her head as she sat down soundlessly on the bed.
Her old scent lingered faintly on the sheets.
The creaking of the bedframe made Yang stir from her sleep.
Yang jolted awake, her eyes crimson red for a few brief blinks. Then they changed back to lilac. "Oh, it's just you." She looked out to the Beacon grounds, her voice soft. "What are you doing here, Blake?"
"Same reason you're here, I imagine." Blake said as she looked down at her bedsheets. "I'm here for the festival…in a manner of speaking, anyway."
"It's your first time, isn't it?" Yang said, her tone flat.
"It isn't for you?"
Yang shook her head. "I came before I left Vale. Thought maybe I'd find some answers... Hey, uh...did you go to the cafeteria?"
"No."
"I didn't either." Yang said, her voice gaining an edge. "Funny really, that's why I came here the first time. I couldn't go in. You know, my gauntlet is probably still in there."
"I could get it for you…if you want."
"Dad offered to get it, I said no." Yang told her. Then she turned her gaze to Blake. "When I came, I decided it should stay here. I don't want to tarnish it's sentimental value by taking it now." Yang let out a long breath then. "Everything in this school, it's not ours anymore."
"What do you mean, Yang? It's your gauntlet, you made it."
"Do you remember when we went to Mountain Glenn?"
"Of course." Blake said. "It's kind of hard to forget."
"I took those ruins for granted. I didn't think about every little piece of rubble that we passed by. It didn't occur to me that each little thing represented a loss for someone else." Yang shrugged then, she had been so blissfully ignorant. The lesson seemed simple on the surface, but the truth was far more painful than she could have fathomed. "It wasn't until coming back to Beacon, that I finally got what Oobleck was trying to teach us."
"Hmm?"
"The history, it's about the things we leave behind, and respecting that loss for what it is." Yang said quietly. "When I could put faces and names on the stuff left behind, that's when it really sunk in. Pyrrha died here, Blake. We lost her, and there's no un-doing that. Most of her old stuff is still in the room across the hall…she never got the chance to come back and take anything."
There was a heavy silence that permeated the room. Blake didn't know what she could say in the face of that too true claim.
"When I realized that, I got to thinking." Yang continued. "What right do I have? Why do I think I can just take any of my old belongings back now? I lost my arm, but, I'm still alive. For other people, this is a grave...and you don't just take things from graves…you leave things there for the people that are gone…so, I left my gauntlet where it lay. If someone finds it later, maybe they'll get the magnitude of just what happened here…maybe they'll give it more respect than I gave that city…and maybe, it won't ever have to happen again."
Blake frowned as she stood from the bed to wander around the room. Her bookshelf was exactly the way she'd left it.
"Have you been here long?" Yang asked, changing the subject.
"Not as long as you." Blake murmured as she examined a few of the tomes. All of the spines had seen a lot of use over the years. Each book of hers read over, and over, and over again. They seemed so unfamiliar now. Somehow, she had lost her zest for fairytales, and her romances were full of empty promises. "How long have you been here for?"
"I come and go."
Against her better judgement, Blake asked a somewhat rude question. "Any reason why?"
Yang said nothing at first, and Blake turned to her, their eyes meeting for a mere moment. Yang's pained expression was enough to cause Blake to look away again. Yang also turned back to the window, watching as an orange hue began to replace blue. The setting sun casting rays of pinks and purples against the clouds. The peaceful splendor seemed so out of place, as Yang folded in on herself.
"Stupid, why did you even ask that?" The Faunus thought, berating herself. "We were finally having a meaningful conversation for once, and then I go and ruin it…"
"Do I need a reason?" Yang asked then.
Blake bit the inside of her cheek. "I'm hurting her." She concluded, disdainfully. "Why do I keep doing that?" Blowing out an agitated puff of air, she sighed. "No, you don't…" She said gently as she closed her eyes. "I have to address this. I need to. …I can't just stand here and let it go on anymore."
"...Hey, Blake?"
The Faunus looked to Yang, flinching at the somewhat annoyed expression that was aimed her way.
"Why do you let me stay?" The Faunus blurted, much to her own displeasure, and Yang's surprise. She shrunk in on herself, ears lying flat once more.
Yang just let out a tiny huff of a laugh. Bitter, and dry. "Do you really need to ask that after all this time? It shouldn't be all that hard to figure out..." Yang trailed off. "It's because I love you."
The Faunus took a step closer. "Even after all that I've done?"
"Yep."
Another step. "And all of the things we've been through."
"Yeah."
"It's really just that simple?" Blake asked, eyes narrowing in confusion.
"In a way…" Yang admitted softly. "I mean, yeah, I guess on the surface, it is that simple. The problem is, simple doesn't always mean easy. When I dig down deeper, the stuff that goes on in my head…" Yang shook her head with an angry scowl. "That's not simple at all. I don't know if it ever will be."
Blake stuck her hand in her pocket, the brush of the black ribbon against her knuckles reminded her of why she almost put the bow on in the first place. She grasped the ribbon, crushing it in her hand. The silky fabric had been her safety net not all that long ago. Without it, there were times she felt her world topple, and this was one of them. She wanted to ease Yang's hurt expression and go back to better days.
There was no way to turn the clock back, so she only had one option.
Stop running.
She had to stop running.
Her hand closed instinctively around the one thing that had offered her protection. It gave her no solace now. She doubted anything could.
"I don't know if I can put the pieces back together, but…" Blake thought as she took a breath. "I want to try…and the only way I can is to be here…and stay here the way she needs me to be…" Blake bit her lower lip as she took another step forward. "And if I do that…then, maybe…"
"Yang…" Blake began, having trouble finding the words. "You…" Her tongue felt like sandpaper, her throat impossibly dry and she cleared the knot that had lodged itself there. A tangle of words she couldn't string together. With a growl, she forced herself to move forward, grasping Yang's metal hand in her own.
"Blake…?"
"I should have done this before." She said, pulling out her ribbon and shoving it into the cold metal hand, urging Yang's fingers to close around it. "I should have been this before. What I am. Who I am. I should have been there, and the fact that I wasn't…that…" Blake breathed out a curse. "It's unforgivable." Her thumb stroked over those metal fingertips, so smooth to the touch. "You should hold that over my head, you have every right…I'm a coward, Yang, and some part of me always will be…"
"I know." Yang said.
"I don't know how not to be…and you…" The Faunus looked down at their joined hands. "You're brave…braver than I could ever be. I've had to stop and think about that a lot, and over the years, I thought it would get easier for us…but it hasn't…and you're right…" Blake sighed. "It's complicated…but I'm tired of all this hurt that I feel. I'm tired of seeing the pain I cause you."
"What does that even mean?" Yang asked. "Is that your version of an apology?"
"I could do that to the moon and back." Blake murmured. "But would that really solve anything?"
Yang closed her eyes and wordlessly shook her head.
"I'm here, Yang." Blake said softly, fingers closing around Yang's own as she pressed closer to the blonde. Her other hand reaching out to do the same. "I've been here, and I'm going to keep being here, so please, just…if nothing else, trust that."
With raw strength that only Yang could possibly possess, she reached forward and clutched Blake's jacket, dragging the Faunus into her lap. Yang wasted no time wrapping her arms tightly around the woman. Without even thinking, she buried her nose into jet black tresses, feeling Faunus ears grazing against her cheeks in surprise.
"I was wrong." Blake thought to herself. As she pulled away from Yang ever so slightly. "She's still warm."
For the first time, in a long time, Blake allowed herself to be pulled away by impulse. She closed her eyes when Yang's lips met her own, relinquishing her entire being to the force of nature that was Yang Xiao Long. The arms holding her securely trembled, holding more tightly, as if Blake might disappear into thin air.
"She's scared too…" It was a realization that came too late for Blake when the kiss ended.
"You have to stay." Yang said, her voice uneven.
"I will." Blake promised.
"No, you don't get it…you have to stay." Yang told her. "No more running from the team. No more running from me…" She lifted up her prosthetic arm. "Or this…" Yang sighed as she rested her chin on Bake's head. "Or us…" Yang finished softly. "If you stay, you stay for good…"
"I won't run, Yang." Blake said, as she took hold of the yellow appendage. "I'm here now." She said, twining her finger with Yang's own. "I mean that…"
Yang swallowed hard as she tightened her grip around Blake again. Her heart constricting almost painfully in her chest. "So long as you mean it…"