Chapter 1

Story: What if

Show: Higher Ground

Author: TooWeirdTooFunction

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There were a lot of "what if's" in my life: What if my mom and dad had stayed together? What if my stepfather wasn't an abusive bastard? What if I - just for once - could be normal? Feel normal?

But I'm not. That is not my life.

I laid on the carpet, which was staged on the floor. My head was on his shoulder and I could feel his steady breath and warmth surround me. It was like an ecstasy, a haze, just to lie there with him.

He was my biggest "what if".

If things had been different, it would have been a fairy tale I imagine; Me and him.

But things aren't different: I was still the damaged, guarded girl, keeping everybody in arm's length.

Give as little as you can - that was a lesson I had learned early on. If given the chance, people would take and tear every little piece of you, only to throw you into a gutter, and I wasn't about to let that happen (again)!

It's not like I was afraid, or anything! But I knew that if I let him in I wouldn't stand chance. He would have my heart within seconds.

… and then life would happen, like it always did. My screwed up life, my past, would get in the way, just like always. And then my heart would be dropped from his hands, as if it was poison…

I guess it was poison - With everything that had happened in my life, I couldn't help wonder if it was me? If I was the one to blame? Spreading the poison around, that flowed through my heart and into my veins.

No, my heart definitely wasn't pure, or whole or happy, like a certain Juliette's. It was no wonder he had fallen for her. I couldn't help but wonder if they were getting back together now that we were over?

Over?! I had to laugh at that. We hadn't even had a chance to begin.

My heart was protected with barbed wire and trip wires. Pieces of it were missing leaving the edges sharp and rough, from the combat called life.

I had tried to fight my nature, tried to let him in, but it had ended before it had even started.

I couldn't be what he wanted, what he needed. And it wasn't fair to either of us.

Still, it felt damn good to lie here with him!

It was too good to be true - in the most literal sense! I could feel the rest of the Cliffhangers, our group, looking as us expectantly. Ezra seemed especially impatient to get the scene started. I could tell that, even with my eyes closed. But I didn't care. It just felt good to lie here. Even if it was staged. Even if it was a lie. This felt more real than anything else in my life.

Not that I would ever admit this to anyone.

I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal anyway: My bar for "happiness" wasn't set very high.

I felt him beginning to move, and I couldn't help but squeeze my eyes a bit tighter together, hoping to hold on to this fantasy a bit longer.

It didn't help. It never did.

He sat up abruptly and began to put on his vest over his white t-shirt. He forced me to open my eyes and I was immediately met by a couple of dozen of eyes staring at us expectantly.

I quickly zoomed in on him, ignoring anyone else.

Our eyes met for a split second, and my lines flew right out the window. Damn his stupid green eyes for affecting me this way! What was I supposed to say again?

From the corner of my eye I saw Daisy, my best friend, mouth the word to me. Bless her!

I refocused on the scene, and let the word flow freely from my mouth:

"Where are you going?"

"The sirens-" he said while looking around "They're close".

"You're hearing things, it's just the wind" I said, yet he still refused to look me in the eye and his posture was tense. I couldn't help but wonder how much of this was acting, and how much of it reflected how he truly felt?

He couldn't still be mad at me, could he?! I should be mad at him: He was the one who said he was done trying! He was the one who said he no longer had anything – not at home, and not here! I just gave him his way out. He should be thanking me!

There was no way I was going to let him screw me over now, and let me be punished for his lack of focus. I had already cleaned enough pots and pans to last a lifetime, thank you very much!

"I gotta go" He said sourly, and began to make a move to get away.

"Don't!" I said almost desperately, while grapping on to his hand to keep him from fleeing. I cursed at myself from being so obvious, and just hoped the rest of the guy's just had thought I was really into the character.

"Don't go – not yet" I said as I pulled him closer once again. I could see him stiffen at our close proximity, and I couldn't help but send him a not so subtle "get-your-shit-together"- look.

I think he understood the message as he sent me a small smile - or at least he tried to – it came more across a grimace more than anything else.

I heard him take a small intake of breath, as if to compose himself, before he looked at me head on for the first time in the scene.

"I'll be back soon I promise" he said, squeezing my hand in the process. I looked down to see our hands still intertwined – I hadn't even noticed that I hadn't let go.

I looked at him again: "Then why do I have this God-awful feeling I'm never gonna see you again?"

He looked at me. Just looked at me, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. This scene was hitting just a little too close to home.

I could feel the tears starting to well up. I justified them, by telling myself that it was all just part of the scene.

"If I get caught here, I'm never gonna see you again" he looked truly distraught as he said this. His green eyes seemed to be boring into mine for answers.

Damn, that boy could act when he put his mind into it!

When he saw my reaction, a mischievous smirked seemed to threaten at the corner of his lips. That son of a bitch! He was just trying to mess with me?! Oh it was so on now.

Bring it on Scott!

The tears I had willed back from before, I now demanded to spring forward. As my blue eyes misted with tears, I put on my most innocent-looking face (I was just hoping I had one!). I went to sit in my knees closing our proximity even more, while stating:

"Our love – it will protect us"

He looked slightly taken aback for a second, as his eyes darted from my eyes to my lips. He quickly realized what I was doing though as his eyes slightly narrowed. In fact it seemed as though he leaned even closer, just to state the fact that he wasn't going to be the first to back down.

"They can't see us, we're safe" I stated as warmly as I could, but was acutely aware of the irony in the statement: Everybody was watching us! Even the two councilors of our group, had joined in now.

An intensity filled the room, as me and Scott starred each other down.

"We are" Scott said, and I wasn't sure if he was asking or telling this time.

Our breath mingled together which kept my mind from thinking too clearly.

"Do you know how much I think about you all the time?" I asked. Again I couldn't help but draw comparison to real life.

If he only knew.

"Me too. Every second of everyday"

He said it with such intensity, such honesty, that my blue eyes slightly widened in response. Could he really be telling the truth?

Nah, who was I kidding. Every girl in campus pretty much stood in line to get his attention.

As if on cue, I heard Juliette sigh longingly from the audience.

As if to prove a point, I raised my hand to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. Our noses were practically touching by this point.

His warm skin seemed to burn through mine.

I stroked the back of his short, sandy-blonde hair, hoping to get a reaction from Juliette. Oh how I loved getting her all riled up!

To my surprise it was Scott I got a reaction from: I could have sworn I heard a small moan escape from the back of his throat.

I quirked up a questioning eyebrow in response, and was met with a pair of embarrassed green eyes. Luckily for him no one else seemed to have heard him. But I did.

This time it was my turn to smirk, because I knew I had won this round.

Shelby 1, Scott 0!

"Oh, I love you Bobby Joe!" I said, hoping the mischievous edge to my voice wasn't too obvious.

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