Yeesh, it's been a while since I've written anything! I've really been aching to get back to this...series? Succession? I don't actually know what to call it since I'm just putting out random excerpts- BUT I'm back if anyone cares. I wanted to do a small continuation of my last piece "It'll Hurt, but That's Okay", though I'm not sure how small it'll actually be since it's mainly inner monologue. Also, instead of writing on my tablet, I'm working with an actual keyboard, so please excuse any punctuation or spelling errors as my fingers are still figuring out the new flow. Thank you!

~Infirm~

There was murmuring around them.

Talking.

Laughing.

It was all too loud.

Blinding light shone down from above; so warm it was almost searing his skin away. Pets and children played in synthetic grass. Or was it real? He couldn't remember...

Where was he? Where had they taken him? None of it seemed dangerous, but he couldn't be sure...What if-

"Well? What do you think?"

The question was met with silence and he couldn't help but glance at the shorter of the two. Wasn't he going to answer?

"Astro?"

He jolted. The name still felt somewhat foreign to him...it was all sharp syllables and it sparked a fire on his tongue when he repeated it. It was almost painful.

They were still looking at him, expectant, and for a moment he felt a familiar fear sweep through his limbs before he realized...he'd been asked a question. A question about his opinion. He scolded himself for these irrational feelings; he knew these people! They regarded him just the same as anyone else! They had come here for him...After being cooped up in the penthouse for the last couple of weeks, he jumped at the opportunity to go outside, even if he wasn't entirely confident in his own tolerance. Now that he was here, he felt...content.

Free.

Safe...

Nervous...

Insecure...

Afraid.

He knew these people. He also knew that his word meant nothing compared to theirs.

He took one last look around, giving himself the chance to actually take in what he was seeing. They were encased in a thick glass dome- geodesic, if he wasn't mistaken. The air was warm around them...so perfect he wondered if it was conditioned or if they were all simply unused to a purely organic environment. Well...maybe not so pure. The pathway under their feet wound elegantly through the complex. It had been the first thing to catch his eye and now upon closer inspection, what he had first thought to be tile was, in fact, sliced wood and glass. While he disagreed with cutting down perfectly good trees for something like decor(it was almost insulting, really), he was in awe of the appeal it still possessed. The dark borders and multicolored rings contrasted sharply against the tumbled glass. The various teals and blues made it akin to water in his mind, though maybe that's what they were going for.

While his logical thinking mocked him, he desperately hoped the lush vegetation around them was actually alive. Unpolluted soil was hard to come by, viable seeds even more so.

He whirled back around to look at them, ready to answer his question -had they always been standing that far away?- and felt his face contort at the mouth. Was he smiling? They weren't reacting...was he sending the right message? His vision began to distort -had all of these people been here before?- and he could just barely make out the frowns adorning their faces. What was going on? Why weren't they happy anymore? Wasn't he-

He took a step back. Felt the air on his skin as people walked passed; heard their voices and shook with their footfalls. Where were-?

Something hit his shoulder.

And suddenly they were quiet.

He didn't know how long he'd been stuck in here...but he was beginning to lose his patience. The fear that had brought him here was replaced with anxiety and now restlessness. He supposed he'd always been fidgety, having self sustaining energy literally coursing through your body did that to you. He needed to move, but he liked the darkness...

He stretched as far as he could before settling back into the corner. God, it was so quiet...though, did it really even count if you could hear everything? That blasted ticking...he'd always been able to make out the faint sound of the blinking lights in his bedside alarm, but now it was closer to pounding. The thought of chucking it out the window almost had him out of his closet. Almost.

They were talking downstairs. He didn't dare try to figure out what they were saying; the anger and desperation that poured from the murmurs were enough.

He felt shame bubble in his stomach for what was probably the hundredth time that day. His mind refused to let go of the terrified faces, the yelling, of everything he saw so clearly, but somehow didn't exist. He had done this...They were having such a good time, he had been so close! Or was that progression in his head? Why did it seem like he was only taking steps backward? All of his attempts to face his new fears bore no fruit and the only one who could understand him was sitting in a closet losing his mind! His body ached as he tensed up; he could still feel the prongs stuck under his skin, hear their shouted warnings and, in turn, his father pleading for his life. He shut his eyes against the thought that, maybe, they'd been a little too prepared to kill him.

No doubt his father was angry with him...even Elefun had seemed disappointed with him and as terrible as it was...somehow it hurt more. They were probably beginning to realize how futile all of this was. It wouldn't be long before he was back on that table or worse...back on The Surface.

They wouldn't do that.

Or would they?

I don't know...

You're safe. They wouldn't hurt you.

But I'm not SURE!

Pain suddenly registered in his mind and he tore his hand away from his face. He shifted his vision until he was able to make out small ridges running along his knuckle. Had he...bitten himself? No...that couldn't be right, he-he would have noticed!

Why didn't he notice?

Water gathered in his eyes, and he clutched his arm before pulling it closer to his chest. His fingers brushed along the branded 'R' on his wrist. Danced on the uneven borders of burnt silicone and the reminder of his status in society. A novelty. Something to be owned and used and ogled. He supposed he should be grateful, as the pain would probably be greater if he had real skin...but he just couldn't. Its purpose was too sharp to feel anything but shame for...no matter what he accomplished, he would never be equal.

This wasn't fair...he'd tried so hard. He did so much...and now he couldn't do anything. He wanted his old life back, however young it was. He wanted his friends, he wanted out of the responsibility he never even asked for! He wanted Orrin...

In the end, it was the misery that drew him out of his closet. It was dark outside and even darker in the room. He let out a humorless chuckle and figured he must look a sight; a filthy, trembling mess with tears flowing shamelessly down his face and into the crude wrapping that hid the hole in his throat. He knew his pride would take a hard blow, but it was worth it if it meant he wouldn't spend the rest of the night alone.

As he reached for the touch pad, the door abruptly slid open in front of him. Warm light poured in the from the hallway as did a tall, looming shadow.

And there we are! I won't lie, I started this back in February and I've been making adjustment after adjustment on it. I was going to make this just a big oneshot, but I figured it might be more organized as a two-parter. I did my best to try and describe the course of anxiety and panic attacks through my own experiences, so hopefully it worked out. Please feel free to leave a review! I'll work on getting the next chapter out as soon as possible!