The First Cry of life

"Why does this always happen to me?" Shinji whimpered at the sky.

Shinji sat on his knees, his face directed towards the uncaring moon as tears streaked down his face. He gasped and pinched his nose, trying his hardest to hold back the burst of emotions that were building inside of him. Behind him stood unit 01, looking down at him with expectant eyes, the Eva had come from nowhere at Shinji's howl.

Shinji glanced behind him at the Evangelion with a mixture of hate and determination. Shinji failed to notice a black shadowy figure standing in front of him that evaporated as soon as he looked back. Shinji clawed at the sand and watched it pass through his fingers before looking to his right, towards the sea at the dissolving Rei ANGEL. He had to wonder whether Rei had any clue as to what she had done and what she had made him do. No, not instrumentality, but the price of his choice, to allow everyone to choose. Humans were not meant to come back from instrumentality, that was something he could feel in every fibre of his being, and now that they could, and would, an unnatural process had begun, one that would right itself in a most terrible way. Well, it would if he did nothing about it.

He looked further down the beach at the unconscious redhead a mile away. He could only make out her hair in the rising sunlight at the distance he had made between them. For all Shinji knew, she would be the only other person who would come back, maybe then it would be quick, like pulling a trigger of a gun rather than slicing away with a sword.

He smiled sadly at that, he knew his friends, some of the people at NERV, his guardian, and he knew they would come back. Shinji looked to the sky and then back to the red sea; he took a lung full of LCL filled air. Shinji thought about all the things he had experienced and all the things he wanted to see, feel, taste, smell, hear and sense and realised that for others to have those he would have to give up his desires, his own chance at a normal life.

Shinji chuckled directly into a miserable sob. Karma, that was it, he had made a choice regardless of the consequences and now he had to take responsibility, he wanted everyone to escape a false heaven to live in a dead earth and he fought in a real hell.

He chose to believe that was what he deserved, considering how is inefficiency took many lives during the ANGEL attacks, his ignorance and selfishness during the final battle, his defilement and strangulation of Asuka and his weakness to save her during the events that led up to instrumentality.

He had to admit he was a different kind of fucked up to be able to pull all that off and still believe he deserved more.

"But they deserve even more" He said to himself, referring to humanity, nations of people, the people of japan, NERV, his fellow colleagues, his friends, Kensuke, Toji, Hikari, his guardians, Kaji and Misato and…Her.

That was a lie, he had no idea what they deserved but he did have a pretty good idea on what they did not deserve and hell was one of them. Not for the first time he wondered what life would have been like if he was more outgoing, more of a man, as Asuka and Toji would say. What it would be like if he took charge around Asuka, kissed her when he felt like it, made her cook for him, fought like a warrior instead of a wimp manipulated into his situation.

It was all ifs and buts really, things that would never be and things he was not sure he really wanted. Shinji wanted to be respected, to treat others as you expect to be treated. He wanted to be left alone most of the time with a few acknowledgments of his existence and he would do the same to others. No one could get hurt, get too close to be hurt, a relationship could be made, harmless with little investments. It was what he wanted but not needed. He needed Asuka to constantly berate him about his inadequacies even if some were over the top. Why, because he liked it, it was that simple. He needed Misato so he could take care of her. Why, because he liked feeling productive, valuable. He needed his friends to constantly badger him to do things like egg windows or search for great porn sites. Why, to feel part of the whole.

What he did not need was the thing standing behind him, the best it could do for him was earn him a simple 'Good work, Shinji'. That's right, save the fucking world more than a few times, fight monsters that could eliminate a nation with one shot, suffer inhumane pain only achievable through Eva, to be hit for trying your best in a machine you did not want to even pilot and practically get pissed on when you try to leave it all, and for what? Good work, Shinji, good work, Shinji! No money, no celebration, no star status, he was not even treated better and he did it time after time for nothing but a "Good-fucking-work, Shinji!" Was that really enough, could it ever be enough, when he had sacrificed so much and got so little in return, was it enough?

Yeah…, it was.

Shinji broke out laughing with tears falling down to the sand. Say what you want about religion deities and the afterlife but right now, Shinji really needed a God to pray to because his life was almost the best joke a human could live.

Shinji clasped his hands together for the second time in his life and the first time he could remember. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. To anyone who knows what the last year has been like for Shinji, specifically the last 24 hours, one might find themselves laughing at the irony and the absurdity of an ANGEL killer and, if you include whatever Rei became and instrumentality, a god killer and rejecter, praying.

"I'm not sure if anyone is really up there and I know I don't deserve this, but I want to ask something from you. I know its horrendous that I only call in a time of need but I always felt you never cared, no one cared, but even I'm here about to fight against something that should never be." His bottom lip trembled at his future but he carried on. "I want two things actually, the first thing is for you to take care of my friends, I'm sorry to admit that I really couldn't care for humanity as a whole but I'm not you so it's impossible for me to know them all even with, whatever that was I was in. The second thing is that you give me the strength to right two wrongs, one humans committed with this mind hive thing and the other being my choice." Shinji opened his eyes for a long time, sensing his time was running short and the fact the Eva had kneeled down as some type of prompt.

Shinji stood up and continued "I'm not sure if you were ever there for us but even if you were, we, us, humans got us into the mess we are in now, not some devil or monster or angel, humans, and we have to answer for that." Shinji could imagine Asuka saying something like 'look at you trying to sound all adult and wise' which was true but this required nothing less.

"Thank you," were his finishing words, though, he did not know who he was thanking, the gods, his friends who had been part of his life, Asuka, NERV, humanity, Misato or the Eva that was waiting for him so they could make a trip into a type of hell he may never survive, or worse, escape?

He did not care whether there was a god or if he was just talking to a figment of his imagination, like that black shadowy figure that had informed him of the Homunculi born from his choice that he had to fight. It did not matter, he needed to ask for help and whether he got it or his imagination made him believe he got it was irrelevant. He just needed to create something to rely on, some form of support for the coming times.

Shinji could feel the coming distortion of time and space like nature was becoming twisted, grotesque, and unnatural.

Time would not wait forever, though, after everything he had been through, it really should.

He moved a hand up to his left cheek where Asuka had touched him, it was still warm, and he could almost feel her sinfully soft skin against his rough skin. It was amazing how she had a way to make you feel like dirt from toughest of punches to the softest of caresses, it was almost unnatural.

Perhaps, if he ever came back, he would try to go further, when they were older and knew who they wanted to be, when they both understood what they wanted to be. He had a crush on her, yes, but he would be content with being distant friends if that was all he could get and that was all he wanted, to feel contentment.

Shinji stood there watching Asuka as he and the Evangelion started to fade away like the winds, becoming transparent until they were gone, just as the morning light peeked over the horizon, it would be some time before Shinji ever stood on the earth again.

X X X X X X X X X X X X

Asuka stood over a basin as she poured water for the 98th time through a filter and into the basin, showing off clear blue water, you'd never believe it was red with LCL and blood this morning. There was now enough clean water in the dugout basin for a dozen people thanks to the help of Eri, a mute girl a year younger than she and Austin, a tourist who could not speak a lick of Japanese but was very good at his English. Asuka had yet to establish where he was touring from and he had yet to remember. Austin was a tall quiet blonde hair blue eyed man, but he was a doer, not a leader and he was fine with that.

Asuka was thankful as the other two talked too much, almost as much as herself and she could not stand anyone with a bigger mouth than herself. Both were female and both were twins, just not to each other, and both disliked Asuka. Regardless they understood who was in control around here and they did what they were told, they just did not do it quietly, which, in Asuka's case, was not silent. She had sent them off to get more purifier for the water and more canned food.

It had been more than a week since 3rd impact and there were already a dozen people back including Kodama, Hikari's older sister who was, thankfully, a nurse and her knowledge was key to their survival and how they prioritised resources.

Asuka looked up at sudden ringing from a bell. The sound emanated from a beach tower not too far away that Asuka had put a middle schooler in. The frequency of people coming from the sea was rising and Asuka needed someone to keep an eye open just in case anyone came back outside of her notice.

The middle schooler hit the bell once, north, and then a pause before striking again, northeast, before hitting it very lightly, in shallow water. It was a little code they had thought up due to the fact that the camp and the beach tower were outside shouting range. It was also important so other human groups did not get to them first.

The growl of a bike could be heard and Asuka and the other two helping to purify the water watched as Toji shot over the hill separating the beach from the city and landed on the sound with a nullified crash. Toji pressed a button on the bike before the wheels deflated into spikes that caught traction and allowed the bike to manoeuvre across the sand and towards the Rebirther.

Toji had come back in good spirits a day after Asuka, for more than one reason. His injuries were healed, his arms and legs were fine and his spirits were even higher as his sister had skipped along beside him in good health. Thankfully, Kodama had come back with them along with a comatose Hikari. It was a joyful and depressing moment for all.

Hikari had awoken on the second day for a brief moment before falling unconscious again. Kodama had suggested a possible case of narcolepsy due to rapid emergences of REM sleep. Kodama had not seemed worried at the time, believing it may not be permanent but for some reason that had only increased Asuka's worries.

Asuka had to admit, Toji had been a good addition, for two reasons. The first being, he was good muscle. That jock physique and Osaka accent made him seem like a tough bastard and a gangsta, even more so after finding the multi-environment motorcycle. He even wore a dark blue and white head band with extended tails. The second reason was his energy, an energy that made you want to get shit done, an energy that had rivalled her own. It had sparked some rival energy between them that had made them work twice as hard.

She watched as Toji swerved close to the person and jumped off with delight. She angled her head in curiosity as Toji swung the person in a hug. Her heart thumped for a moment before it fell a bit at the reflection of light coming of the person's glasses.

Kensuke, it had to be him, for a moment she thought it was Shinji. It was not as if she was unhappy that Kensuke had come back, she did not love the stooge but a familiar face was a familiar face. Hopefully Kensuke could help her with some of the fried electronics the EMP burst from third impact had incurred.

Asuka stood up and dusted off her plug suit before walking off to a small camp made of rubble that was in the shape of semi-circle open towards the sea. There were people their kneeling down working on electrical equipment that had been brought back from the city. The progress had been slow due to the lack of useable scraps and equipment to create and repair circuits. Asuka had put out an order to everyone who went off into the city to bring back a welder if they found one.

"How's it going?" She enquired to the group of four women and two men. It seemed more women than men were coming back from third impact and, as much as she hated to admit it, they needed more man power. Besides, the women seemed to have an attitude problem or something because they were frequently more uncooperative and questioning of her orders. The men just shut and got it done.

One of the 'technicians' from a university looked her over with lecherous eyes before looking back down. "We got one phone working but it won't be much good without some form of network hub and antenna, third impact took out everything we had in orbit,"

Asuka frowned, she had not considered that and she began rubbing her bottom lip with two fingers. The two guys had to fight to keep their eyes on their work and not her lips. "Walky-talkies short wave radios?" She suggested.

One of the girls raised a knife while she struggled with something inside the radio she was working on. "I put a notice on the 'Runner's board' A Runner named Hiro took it and went into the city." The girl informed lowering her knife to start scraping at some burnt out circuits.

The 'Runner's board' was something Asuka had thought of when people started to argue about what was needed. Asuka had got the few men around to pick up a slab of concrete and place it in a standing position so its smooth surface could be used to place notes onto, someone had found yellow sticky notes and now requests could be placed for runners. The Runners were the individuals who had no particular skills to contribute to advance their survival and so they offered themselves to manual labour or, in this case, taking trips into the city to find resources and requests.

Asuka had priority requests, meaning the notice board requests were secondary objectives and her own were primary objectives. Thankfully, all of the runners were men so she never had to worry about an argument and they wasted less time, they could usually go through one to three runs a day.

She turned around at the sound of an approaching bike and watched as Toji pulled up with Kensuke riding on the edge of the seat. "I offer another soul to you, she-devil" He said with the most noble accent he could put on, which sounded like he was itching for a fight rather than being mockingly submissive.

Kensuke was in a daze as he looked around at the sky and then his hands, classic symptoms of someone going through a reality check. People do that after the first few days of coming back, after waking up one will go through the motions of checking whether or not they were in the real world. Checking of hands, inflicting pain on oneself, aimless walking and even social checks like revealing things that, in the false world, would be fine but in the real world would garner odd looks or even a punch to the face.

Asuka snapped her fingers in front of Kensuke while moving them side to side. Kensuke followed them sluggishly before Asuka suddenly backhanded him, knocking him off the bike.

"Holy shit!" Toji exclaimed in shock, "Did…did you just pimp slap him?" Toji was bewildered by the injustice done to his friend who just stood back up now looking back to himself.

"Where's Shinji?" Kensuke asked a second before regretting it. Asuka and Toji's faces fell and neither looked each other in the eye. Kensuke looked down crestfallen before looking back up with a reassuring smile. "Shinji was always a late guy, I'm sure he'll show up eventually,"

Asuka sent Kensuke a look that asked him if knew anything about Shinji. If there was anybody in the universe that would prefer to stay in a dream world rather than the real one, it was going to be Shinji. He almost deserved to stay in there, for better or worse.

Asuka still pondered the last dream she had before coming back. It was a dream of Shinji strangling her, it had felt so real, even the tears after she had touched his cheek and he had fallen apart. It had almost sent her mad, her throat had still hurt after the incident, if it were not for Kodama informing her of her mind trying to make dream a reality using her body as a medium she may still be going through a reality check even now.

She still had a doubt as to whether or not that was a dream or not, it seemed so unlike Shinji that it seemed more like something he would eventually do, especially after how she had treated him. Still, if had come back, where did he go to? She knew Shinji well enough that he would never leave her, he just would not, no matter what would happen between them, no matter how much time could change them, he would not just leave her on the beach.

"Anyway, Aida, you're a tech head, right?" She said more as a statement rather than in question.

Kensuke looked up with a sheepish smile and scratched his head. Asuka had never liked Kensuke's smiles and for the life of her she could not figure out why. There was something so… dishonest about it, like it was his way of hiding behind something, though, oddly enough, Shinji had something similar about his smiles.

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that," He said glancing around which caused Asuka to grind her teeth. "Why, do you need me for something?"

That was it; Shinji smiled for other people rather than for himself, Kensuke did it almost purely for himself. She had to wonder why she was comparing the two, now of all times.

"Well, the last impact set off an EMP of sorts. All working electrical equipment got fried so were trying to get it repaired." She gestured towards the group of six working behind her who raised a hand or two in recognition. "Our number one priority is creating a form of communication and working radio, they are try to make some form-"

"Yeah, a Hub of some kind, we could make a dish as our network that we could use for mass interlinking." He cut her off and unknowingly putting himself on her blacklist.

One of the girls looked up questioningly. "But what could we link to the hub, walky-talkies?"

Kensuke looked at the girl "We could use our own phones, they have a circuit breaker in case of EMP due to the A.T fields the Evangelion and ANGELS put out having similar effects. So we just have to replace that and besides, all phones have an emergency short wave linker in their power cells so we already have short wave radios." He said moving towards a table with a phone. He took the casing off the phone and showed everyone a burnt out circuit with a red label connected to it. He ripped off the label showing another circuit connected underneath. "The labels made out in zinc, all you have to do is remove the circuit breaker connected to the label and then rub the label over the new circuit which should make it live." He followed his own instructions, placed the casing back on the phone and they all watched surprised as the phone powered up.

"Shiiiiiit, Street soldier, I'm glad we got you back." Toji said with a mixture of pride and relief. They had really needed some sort of breakthrough, both for their physical survival and their mental health. "I'll leave you to kick ass here, I'm going back on patrol to find a gas station." Toji said hopping on his bike and speeding off.

Kensuke seemed put off by his friends sudden departure and Asuka quickly stepped in. "Trust me, he's going away more for you than himself, you'll need the time to think, find your own pace and all that." Again, Asuka did not really like the two stooges( that felt wrong to say, it should be three) but she did understand the reasoning for Toji's departure. Everyone was still getting adjusted, to reality, adjusted to a life with boundaries, a world where if you did something wrong you could not just reverse time and do it all over again. It was a choice they all made to leave the false universe and come to their own, a choice some regretted.

Asuka sad down for a moment and pulled out a canteen and looked it over. There was text on it, in English;

Recognise the past; survive in the present, fight for the future.

They were hard hitting words for Asuka, and she could not accept some of the meanings they could inspire. She had detested her past and now it had been altered. The discovery of her mother's sanity resting inside Eva 02 had been tear jerking but there was also the fact that NERV had kept this a secret. Someone had to have known, they knew about Eva unit 01 and Yui Ikari and the requirements of the Evangelion, so someone had to have known.

Asuka had not used instrumentality as a means of escape, to create her own universe of no wrongs and nothing but rights. No, Asuka had used the soul like unity of every individual as a network and created a world like search engine, sifting through everyone related to her mother, to Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. She was surprised by the amount of people who had a connection with her mother, especially the male connections; it seemed her father's quick movement to another was not so heartless after all.

The connection she had wanted was finally made, and it tore her heart apart. He was the closest thing to her one greatest ally she could ever obtain, so much so that she was still giving him the benefit of the doubt. He must have had his reasons, but honestly, looking at the results of synch rate after finding out the truth of unit 02, it boggled her why he would hold back. Did he really not think that knowing her mother was fighting alongside would raise her synch rate? Did he think she would be less motivated, shocked, hurt, and betrayed?

She was not sure if he ever would come back of if he even could, all she did know was that their relationship would forever be jaded and grey.

Survive in the present, eh? That was what she was doing now, increasing her survival rate, not from the elements, but from her fellow man. She was not naïve; she knew the world would be like a global wild west, no law, no order, everyone fighting for resources of every kind. It was already beginning, a group that did not want to listen to a foreign red headed child had come and gone and started their own survival group north of their position, picking up anyone who came from the beach down there.

She was not worried about them, they were violent, and to resort to violence is to exhibit a lack of control, intelligence, unity and security, things Asuka had established and was building upon. Asuka herself would have fought of a more violent path if she did not consider the final words on the canteen.

Fight for the future.

It seemed cliché and overused but it was appropriate. Systems based around senseless violence was more like a primordial soup; it was archaic and built around a system that had to force unity than naturally keep it. It was a system that brings about its own destruction out of necessity rather than choice. They would realise that people wanted a more fair system, a system they were familiar with, something that they would not mind living the rest of their lives with.

Asuka recognised what she was doing was not selfless but rather, aimless. She was doing something natural to her, something easy. She had a knack for utilizing people effectively, prioritising, and problem solving and never letting a situation get ahead of her. These natural leadership abilities appealed to those lost, those who were reliant and those who wanted to shrug away responsibility.

There was something cowardly about it. At least, she thought it was cowardly, as much as she took heed of the words; to fight for a future seemed to stray away from the choice, the responsibility of deciding what that future was. She did not want to recognise her loss of purpose; fighting the angels in the Evangelions. Every time she began to consider it something dark and heavy would settle upon her, it was like… it was like a sense of dread, of inevitable doom that she could not escape.

Asuka sighed and rubbed her forehead in vexation. She would never be caught dead admitting this but she needed support. She would not say something stupid like; oh, I'm only thirteen, I'm a child, I need help' Asuka Langley Soryu was a woman who superseded age and the leniencies that came with it. She was not an adult, true, but she was responsible and weakness, especially in front of others, in her books, was irresponsible.

"You look cute when you brood," a voice said teasingly.

Asuka gaped at the ground before slowly turning her tearing eyes up to the face of her smiling guardian. Misato looked the same as ever, her hair was a little unkempt and she was sporting a black eye, but apart from that she looked as, again, never be caught dead saying it, cool as ever.

"Wh-what's with the black eye?" She said trying to maintain composure of her voice.

Misato rolled her eyes and looked behind her at twenty some people who had come with her. Asuka recognised some of the faces, they were the people who had left her survival team for the one down the beach, in fact, this was the group at the northern end of the beach!

"These guys were talking very badly about my cute little charge so I had to rough'em up a bit. Not bad going for only coming out of the sea not thirty minutes ago." She then turned back to Asuka. "Now, then" She held her arms out and even though it was her invitation she was surprised at the speed in which Asuka embraced her. She threw he head back sharply at the people behind her to signal for them to go away.

Asuka relaxed into the hug once they had gone. In all honesty, Asuka was streaming tears in Misato's shirt. She was doing everything in her power to stop herself wailing, so much so that the strength required left her legs and Misato quickly sunk with her to the floor softly stroking her hair while tightening her hold on her.

Misato had made sure to shield her weak charge from the others. She understood Asuka's personality and her abilities. From what the northern group had said she was a leader of some sort and a tough one at that. However, Misato knew Asuka was no leader, not in action but in spirit. She understand the weaknesses Asuka could not show anyone but she also understood that Asuka was too young to have created an outlet for her worries and anxieties and according to the Northern group, she had been at this for over a week straight after third impact.

It was amazing she had not broken already.

Asuka's muffled sobs had decreased to sniffles and she slowly pulled back from Misato, rubbing her face and averting her eyes. She glanced up at Misato briefly before muttering "Thanks,"

Misato pulled her into a hug with a soft smile "No problem" She said, this time in Engrish.

Asuka had to fight off the smile that appeared on her face before she broke off into laughter which was quickly followed by Misato's own laughter. Everyone in the vicinity had looked around at that, simply because it was the first sound of genuine laughter anyone had heard since Rebirth, hell, it could be the first genuine laugh throughout the globe. There was something very … human about it, something that made one realise they were truly alive that they had made the right choice in coming back.

The people started to glance at one another with genuine smiles, it was infectious, smiling, it was so good, and then the sound of more laughter, this time triumphant. There was more and more, Kensuke pumped his fist and directed his laugh towards the heavens. It was a laugh that could only be described as one of life.

It was a laugh that was not simply one of voice, it was felt, the feeling of your entire being shivering with life, pulsing with pride, a feeling that made you wish you could smile wider because you could not smile wide enough. A feeling that made you jump and close your eyes to concentrate on nothing but that power, that pride of being human, being alive, just existing.

All the people resonating on the beach; Asuka, Kensuke, Toji, Kodama, the Runners, the techies, the northerners, the people coming out of the sea, all of them could only sum up the feeling in one way. Even though they all had their own worries, their own faults, their own trials both now and in the future.

For better or for worse; it was damn good to be alive.