Summary: A short songfic to 'Like We Used To'. "Will he love you like I loved you?" A little hurt and a little fluff. AH

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, lyrics to A Rocket To The Moon (even if I give credit for the song to someone else) :)

Chapter 1 – Sharing Pillows and Cold Feet

"It's so nice to have you home again, Edward," my mother smiled from across the table.

"It's good to be home, Mom." I leaned back in my chair, the same one that I'd sat in through my childhood and teens. All of my family had come to dinner to celebrate my return. I was happy to see all of their faces—even if Rose looked thoroughly bored, though that was nothing new. There was just one glaringly obvious hole in the group.

As if reading my thoughts, Alice looked up from her lap nervously. "Does she know you're home, Edward?"

My heart clenched for a moment, but I showed no outward signs of frustration. "Unless one of you told her, I doubt Bella's aware of my arrival."

I watched as most of the people in the room winced at my careless use of her name. Honestly, even I had to fight back the urge to choke on it as it left my mouth. Nonchalance, I reminded myself.

"I mentioned it to her in conversation last weekend," Rosalie said, eyeing me carefully, as if I were a bomb ready to go off. "She asked how you were."

I grinned, though I knew it didn't reach my eyes. "That was kind of her. I hope she's doing well." I had to get away before the pain got the best of me. I stretched my arms above my head before faking a yawn. "Well, I hate to be a party pooper, but I'm pretty tired. Jetlag, you know?"

"Of course, Edward," my father said, standing from his spot at the head of the table, signaling the end of dinner.

I accepted kisses on the cheek from my sister and Rose and a handshake from Jasper. When it came to Emmett's turn he gave me a bone-crushing hug and a forced smile.

I was finally able to escape to my old bedroom. As soon as I closed the door I fell back into it, letting out a ragged breath. This is ridiculous, I reproached myself. Here I stood, a twenty-six year old man who had just completed med school, still heart-broken over a year later. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the emotions. I shed my traveling clothes and crawled into bed.

As I drifted to sleep, I noticed the picture frame that still sat on the bedside table. The memory of her smile haunted me as I felt my heart beat agonizingly in my chest.

.:*:.

It's our first night in our new apartment. I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me. I smile, completely content in this moment as I run my hand through her dark hair. She stirs slightly, cuddling closer to me as she mumbles my name. My heart swells and I know that life will never be better than this, sharing pillows and cold feet with her in our bed.

She rests her head on my chest. Her lips turn up at the corners slightly when she can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat. I tighten my arms around her, pulling us under blankets and warm sheets.

.:*:.

I woke with a gasp, grasping desperately to the sheets on my left side, quickly realizing that it was just a dream. I fell back to my pillows and let out a strangled moan as I clenched my eyes shut, fighting back the tears.

If only I could be in that bed again.

I reached blindly into the bedside table drawer, pushing past expired condoms and science award ribbons until I felt the worn leather book. I sat up and turned on the small desk lamp so I could see at that early hour. I grabbed a pen and immediately opened the notebook to a blank page, hesitating for only a moment before I eagerly began to scribble down the thoughts in my head.

.:*:.

I was picking up food from the diner a week later when I finally had to face her.

"The prodigal son returns," she said from behind me. Her voice was sweet and low, almost drowned out by the noisy restaurant, but I'd know it anywhere.

The last time I had heard that voice was fourteen months and seven days ago.

I took a deep breath and turned around, putting on my best game-face. The sight of her nearly knocked the wind out of me. She was still the same beautiful girl I had loved for so long. Her chocolate eyes looked up at me, smiling. My heart beat erratically, trying to climb its way out of my chest and into hers, where it belonged.

"You look well, Bella." It was the only thing I could think to say without breaking down.

"So do you, Edward." The sound of my name on her lips caused my stomach to flip. I watched as she looked over the light blue scrubs I was wearing before meeting my eyes again. "So it's true? You've moved back?"

"That was always the plan," I said sadly.

The girl behind the counter announced that my order was ready, so I turned and paid her, giving her a smile with her tip, earning a giggle in response. When I turned back to Bella I saw her brow furrowed, bottom lip locked between her teeth. She seemed lost in concentration, though on what I had no idea.

I lifted my paper bag of greasy food and nodded toward the door. "I have to get back to the hospital."

"Oh!" she said. "Right. Let me walk you out."

"That's not necessary. I don't want to interrupt your evening."

"Not at all, Edward. I was just leaving, as well." She gestured for me to go, so I moved toward the door, holding it open and allowing her to go through before me.

I looked around the parking lot. "Where's the truck?"

She sighed desolately. "She died last year. Finally had to replace her." She held up her keychain and pressed a button. A shiny, midnight blue Sentra beeped, flashing its lights at us once.

"I can't believe it," I breathed, suddenly winded.

"I know," she whispered, pain lacing her voice. "I thought she'd last forever. Part of me died with her."

"I can imagine," I replied, not sure if we were still talking about the truck. "So many memories."

"One in particular," she mumbled. When I looked at her in shock, she smirked. "Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night."

I knew exactly which memory she meant, and I was about to make her elaborate when we were interrupted.

"Bella!" a male voice called out. I turned to see a burly, dark-haired guy coming out of the diner. He was dressed in a tailored suit and waving a cell phone in his hand. "Sorry, I couldn't get Joshua off of the phone. You ready to go, Babe?"

Babe?

"Felix!" she said, apparently caught off guard. "Um, sure." A blush rose to her cheeks as she looked down at the pavement.

I looked between her and the imposing guy whose arm was now encircling her waist. Her eyes were wide with panic as he said, "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Oh, of course. Felix, this is my . . . friend, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Felix Kaplan."

"Her boyfriend," he added, holding his hand out to meet mine.

I wasn't sure whether I was meant to shake it or rip it off of his body. Her boyfriend? The polite part of my brain moved into action as I watched my hand grasp his automatically, not even bothering to put any threatening pressure into it. "It's nice to meet you, Felix."

"It was good seeing you, Edward," Bella whispered as he pulled her toward the car, unable to meet my eyes. If she had, I'm sure she would have seen the heartbreak I couldn't hide behind my typical mask.

I hadn't realized until that moment that I'd still harbored hope that one day she'd come back, that she still loved me. But now I knew better.

She had moved on.

I watched as she got behind the wheel and started the car, still refusing to look up. Felix gave a friendly wave from the passenger seat as she pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the highway, heading away from town.

I moved toward my car on autopilot, getting in and setting the now forgotten food in the passenger seat. Instead of putting the key in the ignition, I dropped my head to the steering wheel, fighting off the panic attack that was starting to take over.

I tried, desperately, but I couldn't stop the memory from invading my mind.

.:*:.

I push her back against the passenger door, shirtless, just her skin against the window. My lips cover every inch of her that they can reach, moving what's left of her clothing to get to the places that cause her to make those beautiful noises.

"Please, Edward," she begs.

"Are you sure?" My voice shakes, betraying my nerves.

She smiles and touches her hand to my cheek. "I love you. We belong together."

I retrieve my wallet from my discarded pants as she removes the last of her clothes. I pull out the condom with shaky hands, trying unsuccessfully to tear the foil packaging. She runs her hands through my hair and I calm slightly, finally able to get the damned thing open.

After a bit of fumbling I manage to get it rolled on. I pull her away from the door so that she can lie across the bench seat of her ancient truck. Settling between her legs, I move until I rest right at her entrance and look her in the eyes. "I love you, Bella. If it gets to be too much, tell me to stop and I will." She nods, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. I reach up with my thumb and pull it loose.

Slowly, carefully, I push into her inch by inch, trying to keep my moans quiet while she's clenching her eyes. I feel her resistance and stop, unsure if I can purposely cause her pain, even though I want nothing more than to be completely sheathed inside of her.

She looks up at me through her lashes, so much love and adoration, and I know that this is right. I push through, watching as her mouth opens in a silent cry, but she doesn't look away from my eyes.

Once I'm all the way in, I wait for her to get used to me stretching her. It's the most amazing feeling in the world and it's taking every ounce of my being to keep from moving. When she finally shifts her hips experimentally below mine, I moan from the sensation and pull out almost all the way before sliding slowly back into her.

I kiss her lips tenderly and look into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She gives me a little smile. "I'm perfect."

"You have no idea," I say, and then move again, a little faster, earning a moan in response. The sound goes straight to my groin. We take it slow, but I know I'm not going to last much longer. I bring my hand down and start rubbing her, wanting her to get something out of this experience as well.

Moments later she cries out my name as she comes undone. It's the single most incredible sensation I've ever felt and it triggers my release, her name rushing out on my breath as I drop my head to her shoulder.

I gain control of my breathing and raise my head to look at her. A single tear escapes her eye and I panic. "Oh, God! Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry—"

She smiles. "No, Edward. It was just . . . it was wonderful."

I lean down and kiss her. And we both know that this is forever.

.:*:.

I stared at the steering column for God knows how long, not really seeing it. Eventually I felt my pager go off, reminding me that I was late getting back. I sighed, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. I looked in my rearview mirror—in the direction she'd driven—in more pain than I thought was possible.

It should have been me inside that car.

It should have been me instead of him.

Worse is that nobody had told me. They'd all left me in the dark.

.:*:.

The next morning found me on Alice's doorstep. She smiled brightly as she opened the door, but I didn't give her a chance to greet me. I pushed past her and into the foyer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Good morning to you, too, big brother," she huffed. She closed the door and led me into the dining room. Jasper, Emmett and Rose all sat around the table, staring at me wide-eyed. Breakfast items were spread out in front of them.

"Edward!" Emmett smiled. "We thought you couldn't make it!"

It's then that I remembered that I had turned down the invitation to brunch. Food was the last thing on my mind right at that moment, however. I looked at each of them in turn before asking again, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We invited you . . ." he replied, obviously confused.

Alice sat down beside Jasper. "I don't think he's talking about brunch, Em."

"None of you could have told me? Instead I had to run into them at the diner last night, completely clueless!" I began pacing, on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Jasper stood up and reached out to me. "Edward, why don't you just sit down?"

"I don't want to sit down!" I yelled, pulling away from him. "How long have you known? How long have you guys been keeping this from me?"

After a few moments of stunned silence, Rosalie spoke up. "She's only been seeing him for a couple of months."

"God damn it!" I grabbed my chest, the pain reaching new heights. I looked at Rose. "Why didn't any of you tell me?"

"We didn't think you'd care," she snapped.

"That's bullshit. Why wouldn't I care?"

"You haven't cared before now!" She pointed a finger at me. "You never asked, you never called, you never even checked on her! She always asks about you and you haven't spared her two words."

"Why should've I?" I seethed. "I have no idea what she told you, but she's the one who broke my heart, not the other way around."

Everyone sat quietly, looking between each other in shock. Even Rose kept her mouth shut, looking as if she had bit into a lemon.

Alice met my eyes. "We had no idea, Edward. She never said anything, we just assumed . . ."

"What? That I was the bad guy? That I dumped her without reason?" My anger spiked higher. "Sorry to disappoint you, but that was her. Glad to know that you all thought so highly of me, though." I turned, heading for the door.

"Edward, don't go!" Alice said. She jumped up and grabbed my arm to stop me. "Please, don't leave like this." She wrapped her arms around my waist and put her head on my chest. "How were we supposed to know? She was an empty shell and you acted like it was no big deal."

"I had to," I whispered. "I didn't want to make her look bad, so I just pretended like everything was normal. Like my whole world hadn't shattered when she told me she was done."

She pulled me back to the table and forced me into a seat. A cup of coffee appeared in front of me as they patiently waited for an explanation. After a few calming breathes, I started at the beginning. I told them how she had started getting weird after the holidays last year, acting distant and spending less time on the phone with me. I had been so exhausted from school that I'd just thought I was imagining it.

"I finally said something when I was planning my trip home for Easter last year," I continued as Jasper refilled my coffee. "I was asking her if she wanted to visit Angela and Ben in Seattle but she kept changing the subject. I asked her what was wrong and she just flew off the handle. I was so shocked. I don't even remember half of what she was yelling. She said something about being tired of trying, that dealing with the distance was too much for her. She told me she needed time to think and hung up on me."

I explained how I had tried everything I could think of to get her to talk to me. I'd sent flowers, I tried calling, texting, e-mailing her for a week straight, all with no response. "Finally, the day before I was supposed to fly home, she e-mailed me. E-mailed me. Said she was done and not to contact her anymore."

"That's why you didn't make the trip," Emmett said quietly. I just nodded.

"You mean to tell me that she didn't even have the balls to tell you over the phone?" Rosalie fumed. When I didn't respond, she slammed her hand on the tabletop, knocking over a basket of banana-nut muffins. "The coward!"

"Rosy—" Emmett started.

"No," she said, turning a glare on him. "She cried on my shoulder and I didn't ask one goddamn thing. I figured she'd open up when she was ready. It's been, what, fourteen, fifteen months since that happened? And she just let us coddle her. Fuck!"

"Rose, it's okay," I said quietly.

"The hell it is! I'm the one that told her she needed to move on!"

I just gazed at her, numb, wanting to feel betrayed but knowing she'd acted on good intentions. "She would have done it eventually anyway. Better to get it out of the way now."

"I'm so sorry," Alice whispered. "We were all upset when we found out. You two were meant to be together."

"Too bad she didn't think so."

A/N: You like? Let me know. Constructive criticism? Send it.

Link to the song is in my profile.

Next chapter on Sunday.