A/N This one shot came to me in the car today as I was listening to one of my A-ha CDs. It was the lyrics that prompted it and I just had to write it. Thought it would be fun to have Emily talking to Becker, they have a fairly abrasive relationship and she would be unlikely to take any nonsense from him! Please review and let me know what you think! :-) NO LONGER A ONE-SHOT, BUT A SERIES OF SHORT CHAPTERS...

BECKER

"So if you're careful, you won't get hurt
But if you're careful all the time, then what's it worth?"

Cosy Prisons - A-ha

Becker was sat in the armoury, as usual, cleaning a gun. There were lots of guns all lined up, ready to be cleaned. He intended on staying in the armoury, alone, for a very long time. Above all, he was not going to think about Jess, at all. He refused to think about how close he had come to losing her, twice, over the past few weeks. First to the beetles and then to the future predators. How she had managed to keep herself and Lester alive was still a mystery to him, he had never had chance to ask her, but she had been quieter, more withdrawn since the incident. She didn't smile as often and he missed that.

Damn, he wasn't doing a very good job of not thinking about her. He banged the cleaned gun into its case and picked up the next one, dismantling it easily, his eyes closed, concentrating on his breathing and trying to clear his mind.

A whirlwind blazed its way noisily into the armoury, banging the door out of its path. Sighing he opened his eyes and looked up. Emily, just what he didn't need. The Victorian woman, dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and one of Matt's shirts tied up at her waist, stood staring at him and he stared back with a sour look on his face, waiting for her to speak.

"Captain Becker," she began, paused, then began again. "Is it really necessary to clean all these guns?"

"Yes," he stated shortly. "And I'd rather do it alone if you don't mind."

She sighed loudly. "You don't like me much, do you Becker?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Becker raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to reply, but she held up her hand to silence him.

"Its all right. I understand. My husband didn't like me much either," Emily admitted, without the slightest tinge of regret. "I'm opinionated, abrasive and I don't like to do what I'm told. I believe that annoys Matt also."

Becker smirked but said nothing. Emily walked towards him slowly and sat on the bench next to him. Becker sighed. Clearly she was not going to leave and had much more to say.

"Captain Becker, I must speak with you and I urge you to listen to me, whether you like me or not," she said fervently, leaning towards him.

Becker rubbed his chin. "Its not that I don't like you Emily. I would like you to follow orders when I give them however," he told her gently.

She smiled wryly. "I would still be at home with my husband if I followed orders, Becker. But I'm not, because I choose my own path."

Becker regarded her intently for a long moment. "I think you are a very brave, courageous woman, Emily. But you are also foolhardy and reckless."

She laughed, tipping her head back and making her brown curls bounce. "Foolhardy and reckless I will agree with. Brave and courageous, hardly! Selfish, stubborn and unladylike, my husband would say!"

Becker leaned back and smiled. "You left behind everything you knew to live in a different time with people you hardly know. You have put yourself in harm's way to help us and become a valuable member of this team. I would call that brave and courageous." He may not like her attitude but he admired her spirit and he wanted her to know that.

Emily scoffed. "That was not courageous, Becker, that was selfish. I left behind my husband, my family and friends because I didn't want to be the person they wanted me to be. My husband was ready to commit me to Bedlam because I was not a good wife to him and I chose this to live in this time to save myself. I am selfish, Captain Becker, taking what I want with no consideration of others."

"I'm not sure Matt sees it that way," muttered Becker.

Emily blushed and lowered her eyes before drawing in a deep breath and staring hard at Becker again.

"This is not what I came here to discuss with you." she told him firmly.

"Ok," he replied slowly. "Then what?" and he knew from the look on her face that he would wish he had never asked.

"Jessica," said Emily clearly and calmly.

"I don't want to talk about that," Becker snapped, harshly.

"That's all right. You can just listen." Emily smirked as Becker rolled his eyes. After a moment's silence, Emily asked him bluntly, "Why have you not told her?"

Becker put on his "patient" face, the one he often used with Jess when he allowed her to ramble on, digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole, until she dried up under his gaze and changed the subject. Unfortunately, it didn't work with Emily.

"It is obvious to everyone that you have these profound feelings for her. And yet you refuse to acknowledge them, apparently even to yourself. Have you given leave to your senses?"

She paused, giving him time to respond. When he didn't, she continued.

"Captain Becker, you may not be aware of it, but that poor girl is in love with you," Emily rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Heaven knows why! Shouldn't you at least acknowledge that?"

Becker's face turned stony. "No," he said flatly.

"Do you have a reason for that statement?" asked Emily gently.

"I have plenty. None of which I am prepared to discuss with you," Becker's tone was getting less friendly by the second and he returned his attention to his gun, indicating the conversation was over.

Emily was not ready to leave yet. She had decided to say her piece and say her piece she would.

"I fail to see what possible reason you could have for not at least acknowledging that you care for her," she pressed.

"Because I don't," Becker muttered angrily, not looking up from the gun, hoping he sounded sincere.

Emily laughed and Becker guessed she wasn't buying his denial.

"Captain Becker, you forget I was there," she murmured gently, touching his arm.

He flinched her hand off his arm and stared at her, hard. "You were where?" he asked coldly.

Her gaze was as gentle as his was stony. She was not intimidated by him, as he had intended her to be and it was a little unsettling.

"I was there when Jess was bitten by the beetles. I was there when you carried her through the corridors and panicked about the lack of adrenaline -"

"I didn't panic," muttered Becker under his breath, but Emily heard him anyway and smiled.

"I was there when you held her in the car and in the panic room. I was there when you administered the adrenaline and saw the relief in your face when she opened her eyes. Are you telling me these were the actions of a man who doesn't care?" Her eyes probed deeply into his. He closed his eyes under the force of her stare, knowing she was right, but denying it anyway.

"I would have done the same for any of you," But he knew it was a lie, as did she.

"I don't think so. I saw you abandon your post for her Captain Becker. If it had been myself or Abby, you would have remained defending the ARC and let someone else take care of us. Only for Jess would you forgo the security of the ARC."

He sighed, knowing she was right and wishing she would leave.

"I saw your face when you found her covered in Lester's blood. You thought it was her blood and it frightened you. You wanted to comfort her but you couldn't, you daren't." Her insight was beginning to get under his skin. "Why won't you tell her?" Emily asked again.

Becker stood up, needing to put some distance between himself and the very annoying, persistent woman sat on the bench. With his back to Emily he made a small concession.

"Because she deserves better than me," he said quietly.

Emily stood too and smiled at his back.

"Don't you think she should be the judge of that?" she demanded softly.

He turned on her then, angry and uncomfortable.

"Emily, at some point this job is going to kill me!" he declared, running his fingers though his hair. "She deserves better than to suffer that kind of loss. You have no idea!"

Emily's face became cold. "I have no idea of loss?" she demanded, her anger resounding in the high tone of her voice. "I became trapped through an anomaly, I survived by keeping moving, watching friends I had made being taken by dinosaurs and diseases, being chased through anomaly after anomaly. I have left behind my family to live in this time and you think I know nothing of the pain of loss!" She stopped to draw in a noisy breath, her emotions threatening to get the better of her. Her self control won out, a surprising dividend of her Victorian upbringing and she sighed as his face fell and he looked chastened. She softened and spoke to him more gently.

"Becker, I know you have lost friends. I know you have witnessed your fair share of death and I know how you take it upon yourself to shoulder the burden of each and every loss. But you cannot let that stop you from enjoying what life has to offer. You are barricaded in this safe, cosy prison that you have constructed around yourself, no-one is allowed in and Becker is not coming out. However, there are many joys and pleasures to be had to temper the pain - if you just lower the walls for a moment."

His eyes looked defeated and when he spoke it was very, very softly.

"Emily, at some point, she will get hurt - or I will. I have to be careful, to prevent that." He looked so sad that Emily felt the need to comfort him.

She moved closer to him, standing toe to toe with him and gazing deeply into his eyes.

"So, if you're careful, you won't get hurt?" she whispered. He only nodded. She stroked his face gently with her hand and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"But if you're careful all the time, then what's it worth?"

She drew back, raising her eyebrow at him, then turned on her heels and marched out of the armoury, leaving Becker alone and bewildered.

What if she was right?

Well, was she right? Answers please! :-D