A/N: Hello!
I am alive, and have followed through with my plans to split this ridiculously epic story into two. The first part is named: The Diary of a Misunderstood Potter oddly enough, and can be found easily by following the link through to my profile.
Firstly, I would like to just thank everyone who supported the last story either by reading it, reviewing it or adding it to their favourites. It honestly means so very much as everyone who writes knows and although this chapter has taken a while (sorry) updates will be coming much more quickly - I'm really excited about the plan I've got going for this and it should be good!
Also, my apologies, this chapter is once again unbeta'd but let me know if you spot any mistakes . . . there'll be a few!
Here we go (again!) enjoy!
Billie,
Merry Christmas. I hope you've had a great year and that next one is even better. I know I'm supposed to keep the tradition and only buy you something pointless lest either one of you Potter twins gets grumpy but I saw this and thought of you and I noticed you were running out of pages in your other diary. Please though, don't mention it to James, I haven't bought him anything nice and we both know he'll rage if he finds out.
I'm too proud to say it to your face but thank you for everything you've done for me this year, it hasn't always been an easy one but it's been great. Thank you. And, I guess I should apologise for the incident in the kitchen last night. Not that that there's anything to apologise for, really.
I hope you like the diary, have a great Christmas and I'll do my best to make sure next year is as great as this one has been. Remember, I'm always here when you need me, no matter how much of an 'idiot' I can be at times. Lots of love, Padfoot.
6th Jan
8:00am
We're off back to Hogwarts in ten minutes. Well, James, Sirius and I are being driven down to King's Cross by Mum – which is a shame because I really wanted Dad to take us down, he's been in an astonishing mood this last week, he hasn't said one thing me (which is leading me to think that he can remember his torturous ways on Christmas Eve, but no-one has actually said anything so I don't know). I hate to say it, because I bet other people have had it a lot worse off this Christmas than I have, but my last week has been pretty average.
Mum thought it would be funny to have Sirius, James and I put into a compulsory Arithmacy Boot-Camp with Sophie as our mentor. She completely misjudged how good we were and was insultingly shocked when I was able to do anything she gave me within 24 hours. The boys gave up after ten minutes of not getting it, claiming they had better things to be doing, but I was determined to put the bitch in her place. Arithmacy isn't hard as long as you have the right chart and know the basics. Turns out you don't have to go live in Nepal to be good at it. When Sophie grudgingly admitted how well I was doing in 'Arith Camp' Mum looked almost proud. It was odd. Of course, she had to ruin it by saying: "Why can't you be as helpful as you are good at Arithmacy?"
I'm not a Hufflepuff, mother.
Uncle Articus let me tag along to pick up some files from the Auror Office with him and I had a chat with a few of his and Dad's workmates I've known pretty much all my life. Funny, they all left the conversation with – "See you in four years Billie, yes? When you've done your Auror training!" I don't know.
Things haven't been too awkward between Sirius and I. It gets a little tense when Sophie is around and continues to flirt, but she's going back to Nepal tomorrow so hopefully I won't have to see her (ever again) until next Christmas. She's been reminding him to write to her all freaking morning, it's driving me mad! And I swear she's probably going to molest him goodbye or something.
8:15am
She did. Oh Godric, my eyes.
1:00pm
Been on the train for a few hours now and I am currently sat all alone with only a sleeping Peter and the slightly restless Ethelbert for company. So not all alone, but I have no-one to talk to.
James excused himself to the Prefect meeting as soon as we boarded, stealing Remus as he went. Mum was exceedingly upset at the station; something about how this was the last time. I don't know, she made a fool out of herself and used all of Remus' mum's tissues while denied being related to her I went off to find Lily. Her Dad gave me the customary high five and I was halfway through a general, 'Hey, how are you?' conversation with them both when Lily pointed out Sirius edging towards his brother and his friends. Why? I don't know that either, but it took me three minutes of scolding before he shut up and got on the train. By then, Lily and her Dad where hugging good-bye and I didn't want to interrupt, so I waved to Mum (sentimental, I know) and got on the train myself.
Sirius has been gone for about an hour and a half. He snapped something horrible at Peter before storming through the carriages. Nowhere to hide on a train, Padfoot.
"He didn't mean it." I assured Pete, who nodded, still a little shocked. "He saw his brother on the Platform and I think he heard something he didn't want to. Either that or he's on his period again . . ." Pete let out a laugh and a relaxed a bit in his seat. It was a little weird, it just being us two, but not awkward. "Did you enjoy your holiday?" I asked after a second. He frowned a bit.
"Not really, my mum made us all go up to Scotland to see my ill cousin and spend Christmas with my Gran." I was shocked, Peter had never mentioned an ill relative before and I felt guilty for not knowing.
"Are-are they ok?" Peter grinned and I knew he'd tricked me.
"Yeah, it was only a cold."
"Pete! You had me feeling really guilty!"
He told me about how his Mum had embarrassed him by making him do all the cooking because "he is a talented little chef" and how he accidentally mixed up the pâté with the dog food so he had to make this complicated starter twice on Christmas morning. Plus, he was really lonely as his cousin wasn't much fun and too young to be of much interest. I felt bad complaining about Sirius and James to my old diary and to Lily via those letters.
So when he asked me about my holiday, I kept it out. In fact, I kept a lot of what happened in my holiday out, focussing on the World Cup friendly to avoiding anything slipping out. He didn't seem to notice. Peter's always enjoyed watching quidditch and sounded gutted that he couldn't make it to the game. Rightly so, it was spectacular.
We chatted about light and not very world-changing things until Pete saw the time and said he'd better get an hour's sleep before we get to Hogwarts and he falls asleep during dinner. I agreed. It has happened before.
He's still snoring away and I have no idea where Sirius is and I frankly cannot be bothered to go look for him and how long is this bloody meeting supposed to last? Merlin, they're a bunch of unorganised nerds, that is all. At least I have time to think.
Text in brackets has been scribbled out.
[There's a niggly feeling in my stomach every time I think about getting back to school. The only way I can describe it is like when you're a child and to make you go to sleep your parents say "The quicker you go to sleep, the quicker you'll wake up" and it's true, the night goes in a flash once you're asleep. I guess I just feel like because I only have seven months out of my seven years at Hogwarts left, I'm on borrowed time and it don't like it. Hogwarts is my home, it's safe there and all you have to worry about is: 'are we going to win the next quidditch match?' or 'did Slughorn mark me down on my homework again?'. What the hell am I supposed to do when I leave? I don't know what I want to be when- Not when I grow up because that's not going to happened for a long time, but when I leave school. I'm expected to be auror, I think, and it's always been what I've wanted to do, but what if I don't get the grades? What do I do then? I don't want to leave Hogwarts because then I have to decide things that I should never have to decide. And there's not that much time left.
People too. There's no guarantee that the Marauders are a life long thing. I know I'll always have James, there's no getting rid of him, but no doubt he'll settle down and have a family with someone (Lily) and won't want me around. Merlin, Sirius could end up settling down with a wife and children – now, that is an unsettling thought, and there's no way 'wife' would want me around, ex-best friend/bestfriend's sister, and as annoying as he is, I don't know what I'd do without him. Remus, too. Emily's on the scene now and I know there's the furry little problem to overcome but there's a strong possibility that they'll still be together when we leave. I don't know about Peter, but he's not going to be alone all his life, is he? I'm so scared of being the only one left. Some Gryffindor I am.]
I'm getting bored, might try to have a nap myself.
8:30pm
I'm home! Back in my real bed, sharing a dorm with people I actually like although, I agreed with James, something's up with Lily.
I didn't sleep after all. After a moment of indecision, I had a rummage through James' coat pockets until I found the two-way mirror, Sirius had the other one with him at all times.
"Padfoot." I hissed, trying to be quiet. "Sirius!" His face, pinched with confusion, appeared in the glass. "Where are you?" I demanded before he could say anything. He smirked, apparently taking pleasure in what was my rapidly growing annoyance.
"Prefect meeting?" His nonchalant tone irked me.
"Why the hell are you in a prefect meeting? You're about as far from being a prefect as it gets!" I thought I heard Remus' low chuckle from out of sight.
"I whined at the door until James let me in." I couldn't help but grin at the blatant Padfoot reference.
"Well get you ass back up here, Peter's asleep and I've got cabin fever." He tipped me a salute and the image vanished so I shoved the mirror back in James' pocket, noting the amount of screwed up parchment but figuring he'd kill me if I read it.
A few minutes later the door slid open and Sirius literally laid out on the seat, rolling his eyes at Pete's prone form and resting his legs on me.
"You should see those two." He'd shut his eyes but opened them when he spoke.
"Which two?"
"Moony and Emily." He smiled warmly. "It's so cute, they both flush if anyone says anything to them or if they accidentally touch hands."
"How's James doing?" Sirius barked a laugh and Peter almost woke up.
"Making an idiot out of himself. Lily's got this huge plan, she's obviously put a lot of effort into it and all Prongs can do is nod along while trying not to look to horrified at some of the measures in there. He did have a go a Dickory though . . ."
"What?" I asked, interested now. Sirius nodded.
"I was hovering outside and heard the tail end of it, I think Dickory was kicking up a fuss about something so James told him that if he had a real problem then feel free to share it but not just to nit pick and make things awkward for everyone." I considered this for a while.
"What did Lily say?"
"Nothing, and neither did Dickory for the rest of meeting." I quirked up an eyebrow in amusement, but that meant that Lily was likely to be in an odd mood later and I really wanted to talk to her.
I've decided to tell her, Lily, about the kiss. Possibly about both of them if she insists on knowing. It seems stupid not to tell her and deal with all the awkwardness and whatever is going to unfold when we get back to school, because something will, when she's someone I trust and who might be able to help. I'll try and catch her before she goes out on her patrol if she's in a good mood. And she will be sworn to secrecy.
James and Remus (and Emily, but she only came to say hi and then left before Jade got stroppy) arrived about half an hour later, both sighing as they sat down and looking tired out. I threw a pumpkin pasty and James and he smiled but it slid off his face as a thought occurred to him.
"What's up?" I asked, Peter was awake now and made for James' unwanted pasty. His lips twitched and he did the traditional nervous hair ruffle. Remus, who was sat to my right, leant across to smooth it back down for him with a slight smirk.
"Have you seen Lily yet?" I decided not to be awkward and point out that you can't answer a question with a question. But of course, the problem was the same as it's been for the last four years of my poor twin's life, Lily.
"Yeah, I saw her at the Platform. Didn't talk to her much, had to go stop this stupid mutt from starting a fight." From beside me, I heard Padfoot huff and I felt him wriggle his toes indignantly as he had removed his shoes and buried his feet under my legs. James frowned.
"Why?" The stupid mutt asked.
"She's been really quiet and she disappeared straight after the meeting. I don't know what I've done this time though." I was prepared to voice that yes, she'd been a little weird with me over the holidays (ignoring) not being able to reply to my letters and not giving a reason for it when we showed up. However, an uncomfortable squirm in my stomach made me bite my tongue. It'll be something to do with her sister and that cretin fiancé of hers, I'm sure.
"I think she's just nervous Prongs." Sirius promised and I was glad I'd kept my mouth shut. Remus hummed in agreement.
"She had a lot to go through didn't she? And Diggory can't have helped."
This time James nodded too.
We arrived at the castle at about six-ish after laughing away the rest of the journey (and trying to forget everything I scribbled out earlier). Remus got rather flustered when James and Sirius took to re-enacting how he and Emily acted in the Prefect meeting and even more so when we made him describe their 'study session' in the holidays as innocently as possibly and we deliberately made it sound the opposite.
"Wow, you are a charmer!"
"Excellent wandwork Emily!"
"STIR MY POTION REMUS!" You don't need to be Dumbledore to work out who shouted the last one.
It felt nice to be back home. Back in the Common Room, seeing the Gryffindors, the ones who have been wise enough to stay during the holidays, greeting their friends with cheers and fits of giggles. It felt nice to be able to dive on my (freshly made!) bed and muss up the covers. And then it was also nice to run downstairs and do the same to Sirius' bed. I am a child.
The feast was spectacular as per. We had a quidditch team greet afterwards, everyone's looking well and happy – the Goldsburg brothers are tanned, been on a ski trip they said. Lucky them, the rest of us look ill in comparison. Dumbledore said a few words about the tournament before we left. He started off by congratulating us on our win and "hopefully we will continue to bring such teamwork and determination to our future efforts." Our table went wild with cheers and a burly 5th year boy went as far as patting me on the back causing James to bite back laughter at the look on my face and Sirius to raise a challenging eyebrow. Though, whether that was aimed at me or him is undecided.
Dumbledore went on to say that the tournament won't start until after Easter, which is a bit gutting, not only because I was excited for it and wanted to get going straight away, but because then the tournament's going to crossover with exam revision. I predict stress. And then we were scraping back our benches, joining the throng headed towards the door. I managed to catch up with Lily as she scolded two second years for pushing.
"I need to talk to you about something – important." I added before she could come up with an excuse to put it off. Then I'd lose my nerve. She frowned, interested.
"Now? I was going to take a bath before I go on patrol." I bit my lip in a grin, she sets herself up sometimes.
"Wanting to be fresh for James?"
"Someone has to set a hygiene standard for him." She replied a little icily, glancing over her shoulder. She seemed a bit, quiet was the word James used, but it was more distant in my opinion, like she was really far away – maybe back on the swings she deserted my letters to play on. "I'll talk to you after my bath, you'll persuade yourself out of it if it's left too long." She was smiling slightly, I nodded and was pulled off to join the team while she ferried the firsties back to the portrait hole.
She's still bathing now, possibly on her way back from the Prefect bathrooms, and my stomach feels like jelly. What if she laughs at me, or tells me off like she did those second years? Or what if she tells James?
Oh, she's back.
9:30pm
Ok, I've told her. The secret's out. I had to spend ten minutes lying on my bed in shock after she'd left for patrol – I actually told someone.
"First off," I told her as she crossed he legs and began to dry her hair. We were both sat on my bed and I was fidgeting and avoiding eye contact at all costs. "You have to promise not to tell ANYONE." Looking up, I saw her grin slightly at this. "I mean it Lily, tell anyone and I will END YOU-"
"Alright! You have my word. I will not tell a soul." The glint of humour had gone from her eyes so I trusted her, mainly because she's Lily. I took a deep breath. "Spill already!"
"Ok! I'm trying to figure . . . how to word it."
"Figure faster!"
"OK! You know Christmas Eve?" She gave me a look dripping with sarcasm. "Shut up, anyway, my whole family got drunk – James, James got very drunk – but erm, Sirius and I didn't. Didn't want to be drunk around my family. I was getting sick of my dad pratting about with the radio so I went in the kitchen and then Sirius followed me in and," I blushed horribly, Lily was watching me like a hawk. "He, erm, there was mistletoe." Her face lit up in understanding and a disbelieving laugh escaped her lips. I refuse to believe it was any other type of laugh but disbelieving because why would Lily be happy about Sirius kissing me?
"Merlin's warty nipples Billie! You kissed him!"
"No! He kissed me! I tried to say no!" She'd missed the right end of the stick completely.
"Mhm, did you now?" My jaw fell open in protest, why was she so giddy about this?
"YES! And he just kissed me and there wasn't much I could do about it!"
"Has he kissed you before?" She asked and I wasn't able to hide the truth on my face quickly enough. It was her jaw's turn to drop. "When? Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"His birthday? He pulled me into a broom cupboard on the way to lesson and demanded a birthday kiss." Lily burst into fresh peals of laughter.
"Oh, this is priceless!"
"Lily! You're really not supposed to laugh!" I complained and she giggled.
"Did you like it? Did you? You DID! You kissed Sirius and you liked it!" She was jumping up and down a little on the bed and making me feel sick with watching her (and listening to her). Lily was now deaf to my expostulations so I gave up making them. Suddenly, and with a scary efficiency, she snapped into business mode. "Does he fancy you?"
"What? No, of course not!" Because he doesn't, I'm not his type and I think I'd know if my best mate fancied me. Lily showed no expression at my answer.
"Do you fancy him?" My heart was going berserk; I must have released a crazy amount of adrenaline for it to be going like that. I didn't realise I was so nervous to tell her.
"No! Lily, do you honestly think I fancy that I fancy him? He does my head in! I think I hate him a higher percentage of the time than I like him!"
"Of course not!" She smiled sweetly and I glared at her, seeing straight through it. She changed tack, "You'll tell me if he does anything else? Promise."
"Promise you'll keep this secret." I countered.
"Promise."
So I have told her that I'll tell her if he does anything else weird. Although I have told him that kissing (as well as burning things) is off limits, but he does have a habit for breaking rules. As Lily was leaving she turned round and asked.
"Have you owled Gideon yet?"
I sighed deeply, a small fire of anger lighting up in the pit of my stomach.
"Somebody burnt my letter- my letter that was hidden in my bedside drawer underneath a magazine." Lily's shock faded quickly to amusement.
"Oh my-" As she shut the door I thought I her mutter something that sounded quite like: "Priceless."
7th Jan
8:30pm
We have just played the best prank on James in the history of our pranks on James! He's furious, absolutely furious and is refusing to speak to Remus, Sirius or I "until you apologise! I HATE YOU ALL!". He's not holding Peter as responsible which is stupid because, from what I gather, without him distracting James, the whole thing couldn't have happened. I think Lily's dealing with him at the moment although I don't see how she'll be able to help. Hopefully she'll stop him from going to Dumbledore and asking him to expel us though; he said that was his plan.
At first I thought tonight was going to be pretty boring, I was just settling down with the essay title Professor Jubential had given us earlier today with a few regretful apologies when we all groaned. I was sat at one of the tables in the corner of the Common Room, watching James and Pete by the fire and admiring my brother's patience as Peter was still (pretend) struggling to turn the mouse even a dull lilac when what he was going for was the sort of deep purple Dumbledore wears – I was sure I'd have gotten frustrated and told him to try harder, or just given up. The rest of the Common Room's inhabitants were behaving no differently to normal, squabbling over seats and playing noisy games of exploding gobstones (we are Gryffindors after all) whilst ignoring others' protests for them to shut up because the more studious of us were trying to concentrate. Can't say I minded, I didn't want to work, watching the fifth year who got friendly during the feast last night be slaughtered at chess by his mate in an almost painful to watch way was much more fun. Then my own fun started.
I'd barely written an inch when Sirius slipped down the stairs from the Boys' Dorm.
"Billie, come quick!" He whispered, gathering up my things for me. I was a little disarmed by the way he was grinning but all my questions were ignored. "Shh, don't let James see you!" I let him drag me up the stairs and into the dorm where Remus was sat on the end of his bed, grinning in the exact same way. Sirius joined him on the bed and gestured for me to sit opposite. I felt like I was being interviewed. "We've done something brilliant." Sirius explained, Remus nodded, the rare grin still there.
"Incredible."
"Amazing."
"Glorious."
"May I ask what you've done and how I'm involved." A slight flutter of worry appeared as Sirius jumped up and reached out for my hand.
"That you may!" Reluctantly, I took his hand and he led me over to James' bed. I frowned up at Remus who was eyeing the covers with an expression of glee.
"Brace yourself." Remus advised me as Sirius reached out to pull the covers back.
Initially, I almost screamed. It was the shock of seeing something under the quilt when there should have only been the bottom sheet, a pure white from being washed. After jumping a foot into the air, I burst out laughing.
Once I had controlled myself they were ushering me out of the room and before leaving I glanced back at James' bed, the trophy charmed to be undetectable under the covers.
"James is going to kill us."
The buzz of chatter dimmed a little as the three of us entered the Common Room. Several girls, who's names I should know but don't, looked up at Sirius and his brilliant grin before bursting into a frenzy of whispers and giggles. Our victim was still sat in front of the fire with Pete, going over the same spell. Even though I now know that Peter was doing it wrong on purpose to give Sirius and Remus time, I would have flipped at him by now. He saw Sirius approaching and took the grin as a sign of a new Marauder plan.
"Good evening Mr Padfoot."
"Evening Mr Prongs, Mr Moony and I require your presence in the Boys' Dorm immediately. James was on his feet in a flash, Peter standing less hurriedly and aiming a grin at me.
"This is going to be brilliant." Remus whispered in a sing-song voice as he brought up the rear into the dorm. The first thing I noticed was the massive drop in temperature from when I'd been in there a few minutes ago.
Let's face it, the boys are geniuses.
"So what's the plan?" James asked, diving onto his bed, but due to the charm, he couldn't feel any stray antlers poking into his back. But, before Sirius could launch into what I'm sure was a fabulous lie, James added, "Bloody Hell it's cold in here, one sec, let me get my jumper!"
We all drew in a breath as he scrambled around to get his jumper from inside his quilt. His hand seemed to inch towards the cover as if time had slowed down until at last he reached it and pulled it down.
Apparently his scream was heard out in the corridor. At the sight of the stag he fell backwards, toppling off the bed and scrambling away from it, screaming, as white as a sheet. The rest of us burst into gales of laughter. Remus, who'd only heard about James' reaction at Christmas, was crying and clutching onto Sirius' bed-frame for support as he howled with mirth.
Over our wailing I heard brisk footsteps hurrying up the stairs. The door flew open, Lily.
"What on EARTH are you doing?" Her green eyes were like slits as she tried to make sense of the scene in front of her. Us, in various poses, clutching out stomachs, doubled up with laughter, the stag head, resting amongst James' covers and the boy himself, now hiding behind the thick scarlet curtains of Peter's bed. He was making little pathetic whimpering sounds at the back of his throat. At the sight of Lily he managed to pull himself together a bit.
Apparently his cursing could be heard out in the corridor as well.
With a glare in our direction, Lily told James to go with her and for us to sort ourselves out because we're "CHILDREN!". I've moved the stag up to my dorm, not going to get rid of it. More opportunities will present themselves in the future and nothing cheers me up like seeing my brother scream. I think it's a sibling thing.
Sirius offered for me to come down to the kitchens with him and Wormtail when Remus went on patrol but I told them (though the food was tempting) that I needed to finish my defence essay. So far I've written this . . . but I suppose I'd better get it done. Judging by the look he gave me when I told him, it'd look a bit bad if he found out that I hadn't done it and caught me finishing it later.
Good night, I suppose.
11:00pm
Speaking of Sirius, it got INCREDIBLY tense in Defence today. We were sat in out usual seating arrangements, me sandwiched between James and Sirius on the back row and we were just getting started copying out the necessary diagram (why I bothered is beyond me, I can't draw to save my life and it's already in one of the books that Uncle Articus got me for Christmas) when Professor Jubential wandered around the classroom, pointing things out to people.
"Billie, what is that?" He asked me in mock horror when he saw my beautiful handiwork. Sirius looked down at my work and sniggered before returning to his own perfect drawing.
"It's my work, sir." I replied, pretending to be hurt, "Don't you like it?"
"I never knew you were so artistically challenged." Was all he replied.
"You should have seen the year she made Christmas cards." James muttered and both he and Sirius cringed. In indignation, I knocked James' elbow so his quill slipped and a black line sliced through his work.
"Children." We were warned. Merlin, it was like being back at home with Dad while he's trying to be funny. "Hey, did you have a good time at the quidditch?"
We talked about quidditch for a few minutes before Sir asked, "Who was that girl you were with?"
"Oh, Sophie McKinnon, our cousin." I said, finally able to get a word in after the quidditch conversation that James monopolised completely. Sir's eyebrows raised and he smirked at Sirius.
"She liked you." He stated and I felt a curl of annoyance in my stomach. Of course she liked him, that was more than a little obvious, she practically threw herself at him at every chance. I didn't dare glance at Sirius so I stared fixatedly at my messy 'diagram'.
"Hah, not really." He sounded offhand but out of the corner of my eye I saw his grip tighten around his quill a bit.
"Nepal, huh?" Sir asked and unable to stop myself, I groaned. No more Nepal. No more. Both men/boys laughed and then sir had to move along as Emily wanted something explaining – she was way ahead of us.
As Sir moved away I allowed myself to glance at Padfoot only to find that he had chosen the exact same moment to look up at me. I blushed, which is the natural reaction, isn't it?
A tense silence settled on us after that. Even James felt it, shuffling around in his seat for a bit before starting up another conversation about Lily and whether we thought she was ok. The talk of Lily made me remember the conversation we had so I felt even more awkward and wound up. Wondering, stupidly, if either of the boys would be able to read what happened in my eyes or sneak into my brain and see it, I added a few vague markings to my diagram. Thankfully, things settled down when sir stopped us working to go on to the next phase.
All I know is that I'd appreciate being able to do my work without someone mentioning Sophie and dragging up memories of the stairs and the kitchen because that's just no fun.
None at all.
A/N: Phew! How was it?