Disclaimer: All recognizable The Good Wife characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners including, but not limited to CBS. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fan fiction story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No financial gain is associated with the publishing of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This is a post-ep piece for "Oppo Research" (6x04). It picks up with Alicia standing in the parking lot of Florrick Agos. If the show isn't going to give us Kalinda/Alicia scenes, I'm going to write them. –dkc
One Name, Two Meanings
Alicia stood outside watching Mr. Bishop drive away. He was behind the PAC raising money for her candidacy? This would surely backfire in numerous ways. She couldn't help but chuckle at her luck. Nothing was simple, was it?
Turning to walk to her car, Alicia was more than surprised to see the one and only Kalinda Sharma leaning against her car.
"Does my forehead read 'please stop me in the darkened street' today?" Alicia asked the universe, stepping toward the investigator.
"Did he threaten you?" Kalinda spoke with the serious and overprotective tone Alicia had once come to expect from her.
Those four words were the first they had shared face-to-face in months.
Had Lemond Bishop threatened her? Alicia considered it. No, not exactly. He was supporting her and controlling her in the way only he could.
"No," she sighed, slouching.
She stood beside her old friend, mirroring her position leaning against the car.
"He's a complicated man," Kalinda noted.
"It's hard to know what is or isn't a threat."
As much as Alicia would like to discuss the complexities of Bishop, she was far more interested in why Kalinda was here.
"Why are you here?" she said much more harshly than she had intended.
"I met with Eli."
Of course, the lawyer thought. She should have known he would call her.
She had said Kalinda's name. God, somehow she had forgotten about the conversation.
He had asked if there were any other skeletons in Alicia's closet that could derail her potential campaign. She should have known that Eli would do anything, if not for Alicia's campaign, for Peter's sake. However, there was much Eli didn't know and never would.
"I shouldn't have mentioned it," Alicia conceded. "Well, I didn't exactly intend to."
In the way Kalinda had perfected, she raised an eyebrow, asking for elaboration without actually speaking.
"Opposition research," Alicia started. "I was meeting with Eli and my campaign manager to discuss any skeletons that could be unearthed. After going over a few issues, there was the assumption I wasn't revealing everything."
Kalinda was quickly seeing where this was going.
"I blurted out your name without thinking."
At this Alicia let out a breath she had been holding since the moment she found Kalinda against her car.
"Who would have thought it would be easier to point to my friend sleeping with my husband," Kalinda visibly cringed at this, "than..."
Alicia couldn't say the words.
"Than you sleeping with your friend?" Kalinda completed Alicia's thought.
There it was. The crux of the matter was Alicia had somehow given in, allowed herself to appreciate Kalinda's sensuality and had taken her to bed. They stopped pretending there wasn't a connection between them, fueled their desire with alcohol and had an earth-shattering night together. Not just the one, either. It happened again, after the awkwardness of first time regrets dissipated and their chemistry returned. But whatever they were to one another ended the moment Alicia discovered who Leela was.
"Yes," Alicia's voice reflected shame.
"I told Eli that you have nothing to worry about. Not from me."
Kalinda's discretion was something Alicia had never questioned. It hadn't occurred to her that she might ever reveal the truth. Not about what Peter had done for Leela and at what cost, but also their own dalliances.
"I never thought otherwise," the brunette said.
They stood in silence staring at the dark street in front of them.
"How did Eli take it?" Alicia was curious.
Kalinda shrugged her shoulders and pursed her lips.
Here again was the mysterious, secretive woman that had made Alicia so crazy in the beginning of their friendship. She had pried every bit of information out of Kalinda that she could and still their friendship ended with the revelation of yet another secret.
"You don't have to protect me," the lawyer said.
"He didn't know. Or I should say, he was caught off guard completely. And he was trying to process the awkwardness between Peter and I as well as my…"
Alicia turned to look at the suddenly quiet investigator. What was she leaving out?
"Kalinda."
"I've been resistant to do any investigative work for the Governor," she hesitated before saying more. "Not unless it involved you."
"Me?" Alicia's reaction was sudden and concerned.
"He wanted to know if you and Finn were—" she didn't elaborate. "He thought it might hurt the office or potential campaigns, I guess."
"Wait," the brunette's face was showing how defensive she was, a look Kalinda knew from seeing her in court. "Peter wanted to know, or Eli?"
"Eli," Kalinda answered. "For Peter."
"So you've been working for my husband? It's none of his damn business if I'm sleeping with Finn or any other person for that matter!" she was fuming now.
"I knew you weren't," Kalinda said quietly, bowing her head.
Alicia took a moment to control her anger. She looked at Kalinda and realized that there was something else going on here.
"Why did you do it? Work for Peter, I mean," she asked.
"If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. You don't need that."
The lawyer was quiet, thinking over what Kalinda had said. It wasn't about whether Alicia's life might cause problems for Peter, not to Kalinda. It was about protecting Alicia from prying eyes and the possibility that she might impair her campaign before it even started. The truth of the matter was that Kalinda still cared about Alicia. This came as a sudden and confusing blow.
"Why do you care?" she finally spoke, her voice softened.
This was the question that Kalinda hoped to never be asked. She worried Eli might ask, but his obliviousness to her had carried him through to Alicia's revelation to him in her apartment. She didn't think Peter would ever catch on. For all his political strengths, personally he was blind. A man like that was a true mystery to Kalinda. Here was this woman, a woman she had come to know intimately, that sat at home, raised their children and stood by his side even in the darkest moment of his political life. And yet he wasn't faithful to her. He wasn't aware of her pain.
When Kalinda didn't answer Alicia's question, truly unsure of how she could possibly answer, the brunette looked to the dark sky and tried a different tack.
"Don't you get tired of it, Kalinda?" Alicia continued to look to the sky. "Skulking in the shadows?"
Taking a moment to consider what exactly the lawyer was asking, Kalinda's eye line followed that of Alicia until they were both contemplating the night sky.
"The shadows of your life or in general?" she asked.
That sardonic smile Alicia Florrick had learned and refined since Peter's early days in politics was now on her face as she turned her head to look at Kalinda.
"God, I talk for a living. I argue. I defend. And I don't even know what to say anymore. Not to you. Not about you," Alicia sighed.
"You don't have to say anything. Not to me, at least," Kalinda watched Alicia as their eye contact broke and the lawyer looked down at her hands, her wedding ring still on the appropriate finger despite the status of her marriage.
"How did you know I wasn't sleeping with Finn?" Alicia's curiosity got the better of her.
"The same way I knew you were in love with Will," Kalinda's eyes darkened as she said her late friend's name. "You were broken. After the shooting. It would have been too soon. I know you, Alicia."
Alicia found herself blinking back tears. The woman was right. It took Will's death for her to realize she had once been in love with him.
"Finn is a good man," she said.
Whether she was thinking about what he'd done for Will in that courtroom or his Boy Scout demeanor, Kalinda wasn't sure. She found herself thinking about how safe Alicia could be with Finn and how well he would treat her. She might harbor feelings for the lawyer, but that didn't prevent her from wanting the best for her.
"There are worse men," Kalinda sighed.
Nick? Peter? Who could the investigator be thinking of? She knew not Will.
"I don't need you, of all people, pushing me toward a man much younger than me with whom I do battle against in court."
Not knowing how to respond, Kalinda left Alicia's words alone. A silent truce, she guessed, or, as she would hear, a one-sided truce.
"Were you jealous?" Alicia found herself speaking her thought aloud.
"Of?" Kalinda hadn't followed.
"Finn, or, you know, the possibility of him."
The idea struck Kalinda funny. Finn?
"What's so funny?" the lawyer bristled.
Unable to restrain herself, Kalinda turned her head and leaned toward Alicia's ear.
"I believe my abilities are more worthy of jealousy."
Sultry, sensual and tempting-this was the Kalinda that Alicia had once known. Not only known, though she had known her intimately, but maybe even loved.
"Do you enjoy this?" Alicia asked.
"Which?" she stepped back.
"Playing with me. Acting superior to everyone else."
The latter stung Kalinda in a way she wasn't expecting. Her investigative skills were superior, yes. And her skills in bed of course were, but what her friend was saying comprised much more.
For a moment memory eclipsed all else. At first a painful reminder of the history between them; eventually, though, it took both women back to the many nights they spent perched on bar stools drinking tequila. They arrived at a comfortable silence.
A dark sedan with tinted windows slowed to a menacing speed, the passenger window down enough to see the intimidating hulk nearest them. If Bishop had already been by to do whatever threatening he had done, Kalinda couldn't determine the point of this drive by. She took a half step forward as if protecting Alicia from the man's predatory eyes. She was jerked from the range of possibilities running through her mind by the touch of the brunette's hand. Alicia had taken Kalinda's hand, whether in fear or as a way to calm them both, neither was sure. Yet it felt right, the weight of one hand in another; the memory of the gentility and grace of those hands flickering between fear and relief.
The car rumbled on down the street, but Alicia didn't release Kalinda's hand.
Afraid that looking at this woman whom she had fallen head over heels in love with not long after they met and far too late to be truthful about her own past would cease the touch, Kalinda looked ahead into the dark night. What was it she hoped for? She didn't know. Maybe for the moment to never end. Maybe for their lives to slow down and return to a time when she could have done something that might have salvaged their friendship. She knew none of it was possible. She and Alicia would never be the friends who sat carefree at a bar late at night watching each other with the inquisitive eyes that came inherent with their jobs, but also with their nature as women. Two attractive women who threw caution to the wind and allowed a share of passion, they would never be again.
That is until she felt an unexpected touch to her thigh. Looking down she noticed the lawyer's manicured forefinger, reaching out from where it was entwined in her own honey-toned fingers, tracing the bottom hem of her shorter than normal leather skirt. Attempting to focus amidst the adrenaline of surprise, Kalinda drew a deep, shuddering breath.
Standing so close allowed Alicia to feel that shuddery breath with the entirety of her body. It, more than the touch to Kalinda's thigh, increased her own heart rate and breathing.
Kalinda still felt something for her. After all this time, after how poorly Alicia treated the investigator. After all the hurt and anger that had passed between them, Kalinda still had a deep affection for Alicia.
And Alicia felt something, too. She hadn't reached out to touch Kalinda on a whim.
"Alicia…" Kalinda's voice took on a seductive tone.
"Tell me you won't hurt me again," the taller woman appealed.
A moment of quiet reflection for Kalinda, an inventory of all the reasons she thought she had kept her secret from Alicia and all the reasons she was wrong took place, causing Alicia to worry.
"Kalinda?" she panicked.
"We were best friends once," Kalinda said, repeating the two words she'd found objectionable out of Eli's mouth. "We would be best friends still. Had I not… Or had I been honest."
"Had you been honest from the beginning, we never would have become best friends," Alicia realized aloud. "We never would have been more."
There was a deep sadness in the reality of this, a sadness that weighed heavily on them both. As hard as it had been losing one another, as hard as it had been for Alicia to hate Kalinda and for Kalinda to hate herself, neither one of them would rather it have been honest from the start with no possibility of ever being friends.
"We were so much more," the investigator whispered.
She now realized why she was adamantly opposed to Eli calling them best friends. It wasn't because she had totally and unforgivably hurt Alicia. It was because they had been so much more than best friends. She lusted after Alicia for over a year. She flirted with her to the point of frustration. And yes, the temptation led them to the point of no return. But what Kalinda now knew was they hadn't taken their friendship through to several nights of unbridled passion simply out of loneliness or even salaciousness. They were in love. There was nothing one-sided about it. Kalinda hadn't been hopelessly in love with the lawyer in an unrequited way. Alicia reciprocated. She may not have loved Kalinda all along, but the only way Kalinda could completely devastate her once lover and friend was because she, too, was in love.
"We can't start over," Alicia spoke the truth and her fear.
Knowing this to be the truth, Kalinda nodded and disentangled her hand. She needed space from the hope that came with holding Alicia's hand.
"Kalinda," Alicia turned toward her friend and placed her hand on the smaller woman's cheek. "That doesn't mean we can't find a place between meeting, friendship and loving to begin again."
This brought a soft smile to Kalinda's face. She found her own hand touching Alicia's face, reveling in a feeling she hadn't felt in over a year and a half.
"What—"
Before Kalinda could ask what that place might entail, Alicia's lips were on hers. It was muted, the kiss. While she wanted desperately to deepen the kiss, Kalinda didn't want to push whatever luck the universe had allotted her that resulted in this reconciliation.
"I've missed you," Alicia hummed as their lips parted.
Tilting her forehead to rest against the brunette's, Kalinda could only smile. Though the investigator would have settled for as much of a friendship as they had created in the first months of Alicia's employment with Lockhart-Gardner, the kiss suggested otherwise. There would always be more between them.
-finis-