(note: recent episode spoilers-ish)
She was once at the top of the world.
Now she was at the most miserable corner of the entire universe…
Sitting around in a bar while her homeland was burning and being destroyed by the mistakes of her ancestors. Dithering as her friends were dying or interred, unable to come to terms with what was to come. Of what she was about to lose.
That tapestry offered her everything. Everything except for one thing. It promised her victory… peace and resolution, everything she'd been working for for the past few months. Yet it would take away one thing, one person. And the thought endlessly plagued her mind as she took a seat in the tavern, with the image of that tapestry seemingly burned into the back of her head as the time for action drew nearer and her last moment with Marco would only draw closer.
The revelations kept playing through her.
No matter what happened, she was going to destroy magic. No matter what she did, Marco was going to be pushed back into his own dimension, with no means of coming back to her. And, no matter what, the ending was going to be the same.
And of course, maybe that was a good thing. Maybe magic had been the root of this centuries-long rivalry, ever since that first boat arrived onto those shores.
But that wasn't the problem, darn it!
She'd gotten a glimpse into the near future once more, yet unlike before, this image was painful and dreadful to see, bluntly telling her that the most important and vital person in her life was going to disappear after all of this came to an end, with no time for a real goodbye and no way to stay connected.
She was going to solve a problem her ancestors had caused, and she was going to pay the price on her own! She was going to lose him because of something centuries-old that wasn't even her fault! And she couldn't even do anything about it!
Why?!
Why did she have to be the one always sacrificing things for others, never able to get what she wanted even once? Why couldn't she take a break or finally take things easy for once?
Why had those old days gone, when the future was uncertain yet no one cared, and when the present was all that mattered to her and to him?
Everything now was just hardship and continuous betrayal…
…
Phasing out of her introspection for a moment, she raised her head up to look to her side, Marco sitting beside her, speaking words she couldn't process as her mind still lay in a daze and the weight of the impending future continued to push down on her. She couldn't help but blankly stare, sighing...
This tavern was so far from home… full of strangers and people she'd never met from all corners of the known universe.
But what was home anymore, knowing life would never be the same again with him gone forever?
Ever since running away back to Mewni, ever since leaving Earth for the first time, her life's been nothing but an infinite mountain of endless battles and pains, of close calls and expensive fights. Quiet moments became nothing more than a rarity in this noisy world where everything that could possibly go wrong went bad and nothing seemed to improve anymore.
And yet ever since this rocky road of an adventure had begun, he'd helped guide her and make her days more bearable. He'd make those quiet pauses that lay in between her busy life worth everything, and always made everything easier to approach.
Even now, when she'd seen all of her efforts, her work and her struggles, all crushed within an instant through the actions of those who'd come centuries before her and of those around her. Even now, when, for months, she'd been toiling endlessly to legitimize Eclipsa as the new Queen of Mewni and make integration universally supported. And even now, when, in the stroke of a day, she'd seen that project, that dream of Mewman-Monster unity collapse into a pile of ashes, he found a way to make life better.
They were meant to be with each other, destined to meet and become what they were today.
Yet fate was to turn its back on her, planning to erase him from her life just as suddenly as it had put him into her life.
That tapestry looked back at her, laughing comically as it defines her, compelling her future actions towards a singular, decided outcome. Acting as if his presence never really mattered to her, as if the thought of his absence wouldn't torture her from every day forward. Always taunting with the promise of victory, leaving a single absence which would prevent from making the moment truly whole. And as such, even with the guarantee of success and victory, she knew she would have nothing to look forward to anymore.
She had no control over her fate.
The photo happened regardless of circumstance.
And if the tapestry was to the likes of that beach day photo, she couldn't change the outcome.
But she refused to submit to the idea that there was no other way. Surely, another solution lay at hand. Father Time could not be that cruel, to show her something amazing, only to snatch it away from her at the last moment. She must have some control, she must have had some power to change the result.
But where was that power?
Father Time had everything on a set path, he had a view of every timestamp and every outcome, with a clear-set picture of every point in every adventure and choice that she'd ever made. The tapestry and the beach day photo told her something. Her destiny was set in stone. Her current choices and thoughts, no matter how contrary to some future portrait or untaken photo, would not change anything.
Her choices did not matter.
There was nothing she could do.
It was all decided for her.
Her entire life had always seemed to be some battle between her own will and her seemingly imaginary destiny, yet as much as she wanted to believe she had control over her actions and that her choices truly affected her outcomes, looking at it now…
It's as if her life was just some video that had been on play for 15 years, untangible and predecided. What was the point in trying anymore, if it was clear this would all end the same?
What was the point in getting out of this hopeless place if she knew it all ended with her destroying magic and 'saving the day' without him by her side?
Some sick joke this was…
Always running from her apparently inevitable post as future Queen of Mewni, believing she had free will for the longest time only to realize it all came to this point no matter what. Always doing things for everyone else, never able to be happy herself because it had been decided she'd lose one of the last people that brought her happiness in this haze of problems that was her life now.
Being introduced to him as if he'd always be there throughout the rest of her life, becoming friends and even getting in a relationship after all that time, only to know that he was going to be taken away from him the moment they actually had gotten together.
Coming to learn that she was always going to act selfless and act as if she was going to let the most valuable people in her life just go away because some tapestry had decided she would years before she had even been born.
No.
Absolutely not.
This was not how things were going to end.
She'd rather just stay here as the world beyond collapsed. As her mistakes rippled across the land yet had no prospect of reaching back to bite at her. Where time could go by and she would be none the wiser, free from that magical hand which drove everything she'd ever done to that point.
She'd rather just be here with Marco, watching the days go by in this quiet edge of the multiverse without a care, living life like those first days back on Earth, without responsibility and without worry.
In a place that is always peaceful and quiet, with the one she had trusted and cared for most.
She'd rather let everything go wrong than give him up.
It was better knowing she actually had a choice.
And so, it was decided. She wasn't going. Not anymore.
For once, she'd go against her actual enemy. She wouldn't give in anymore to its will. She would not let that concept of destiny, those glimpses into the future, decide how this all would go for her.
Slumping down into her chair, she had decided to stay here.
And even if she was wrong for acting this way, wrong for acting selfishly and letting everyone else suffer because she refused to help, a thought crossed her mind.
If this all was already decided beforehand, at some point or another, she'd get out of that chair.
Then she'd actually go and destroy the magic to save them.
And then what?
She'd know for certain, her choices had no effect on her life.
She would know, none of this mattered.
Her life would only be a story, already written years in advance. She'd only be but a reader, a viewer watching on as her actions were dictated by some greater being, living an artificial existence in which she no longer mattered.
But she didn't know that for certain. Not yet.
And as she sat in that chair, with Marco's words tuned out and her surroundings all blurred, the only thing that mattered was whether or not she actually did have control.
It was a question of whether or not she'd get off that chair.
Or maybe, just a question of when.
(1670 words)
A/N: Well, I'm back...
Probably the longest break I've taken so far. The past few episodes have been a lot to take in, and really I didn't know what to write for like an entire month. I dunno why this episode was what gave me an idea on what to write about, but I guess its better than nothing.
But it does really ask an interesting question: How much control does Star actually have over her actions if that tapestry told her what was going to happen? How much power has Star had over her entire life if a photo from the future and a portrait tell her what's going to happen before she even actually does something?
And really, if she doesn't have control, how do the show's lessons and themes of Fate vs. Free Will hold, knowing that some magical thing knows how her story ends? It seems the entire show has focused on that idea before, yet this seems to be a complete turnaround from the Blood Moon Ball, although in a different topic. And if she does have control, how could the Beach Day photo have occurred despite everything that went wrong? How could the tapestry construct such a photo and how could Star just accept that it's all been decided for her when she's spent the longest time trying to decide things on her own through her own volition?
I don't know, I'm probably just an idiot who can't understand these things right.
Still, I think it's an interesting idea to ask what it would be like if Star didn't want to destroy magic in the end, and if she would defy what has been decided for her in advance.
anyways thanks for reading, i appreciate it!
bye