What is a good wife?
Again, I look at the carrots and the knife in front of me. I lift the knife and prepare to cut the carrots.
My name is Eva Ushiromiya. What I'm about to do is rather simple; make dinner. No, it would be simple to most people. But I never learned much about how to cook. I was born into a wealthy family. Our servants would take care of all the cooking and cleaning, along with other household chores.
My father and my brother would keep urging me learn how to do these sort of things, so I would become an useful wife. But that wasn't what I wanted. At that time, I never thought that my decision would bother me later on. On the other hand, if I had given in.. I would have admitted defeat. A humiliating defeat. Even so, at this moment I can't help but wonder.. was it wrong to not swallow my pride and do as I was told? Was I wrong to study, rather than learn about the things a "proper" wife should do?
But this is different. It's not like I'm doing this for their sake. This is my own decision. It's in order to make someone happy.. a person who is important to me. This recipe is a bit more advanced than what I usually would prepare. But I want this to be good. I want him to notice that it's better than usual.
He's not demanding. He doesn't tell me to stop practicing martial arts because it's "unladylike". When I have nightmares, he'll wake me and hold me tight until I fall asleep again. If he'd just stop smoking, everything would be perfect. As I think that, I let out a little laugh. This person is my husband. His first name is Hideyoshi. Not even needing a long discussion, he agreed to take on my last name, Ushiromiya.
Because of that, I want to make sure that this dinner turns out good. And if I try hard, it certainly will! With that in mind, I position the carrot and get ready to cut it.
Cut. Cut. Cut. Half done with the first carrot. I keep going. The pieces have different thicknesses and are sometimes uneven. In an attempt to hide it, I cut them in half. To my disappointment, it doesn't really help. I move on to the next carrot.
Cut cut cut. Halfway through, I can't help but let out a sigh. This carrot is turning out even worse than the previous one. Even halving the pieces.. it will be too visible. Annoyed, I start to use more force. I cut quicker, caring less about how the pieces turn out. It's too late anyway!
The next second, the knife is someplace it shouldn't be. It's not cutting the carrot anymore, but instead into one of my fingers. My brain doesn't register the pain yet. I stand there, unmoving, and look at the blood that is starting to seep out from my finger. More and more. So quick that it scares me.
Red. Blood. Pain. I clench my teeth. It bleeds, I have to stop the bleeding. I wrap a hand around the finger, try to stop it. But it keeps bleeding. No, this isn't working well. I need to try something else.
I let go of the injured finger and reach for the shelf. It'll bleed more, but only for a bit. If I can find something to put around the cut-! My fingers leave bloody marks as I shuffle through the contents of the shelf, but I don't care. There it is! I reach for the packet of bandaid.
My fingers are a bit unsteady, so it takes a little while to open the box. But when I do, I take a piece of bandaid and quickly wrap it around the wound. Now that it's sealed, I feel calmer. First now, I notice the small droplets on the floor. They form a trail. It really isn't a pleasant sight. I better get to cleaning this up before Hideyoshi decides to wander in here..
Sighing, I get a bucket and fill it with water. While the bucket still is being filled, a hand touches my shoulder. I turn around.
"Dear?"
I see that it's Hideyoshi. The running water probably is the reason that I didn't hear him. I try to take a step back, but the kitchen counter stops me after I've pulled back half of the intended distance.
"Eva? What happened?" he asks. "There's blood on the floor.."
"I.. I was making dinner, but I ended up cutting myself.." I reply hesitantly. A thought slips out. "I must be such a troublesome person to be married to.."
Hideyoshi raises an arm. An image of my angry father raising his fist suddenly appears in my mind. I'm just a kid. He's displeased with me. He scolds me for tripping and scratching my knee. I'm not supposed to run around like that. The scolding ends with a hit.
Another image of my angry father appears. I'm older than the last time. He tells me to stop acting like a man, tells me to learn to cook and clean. Tells me what a useless wife I'll be.. again, he hits me in the end.
The images keep coming. Again and again. Always something. I'm never good enough. He's never pleased with what I do. And every time, it ends with me being hit.
Instinctively, I shield myself with my arms.
But then.. something makes contact with my head. Carefully. A gentle pat. I open my eyes, unsure about when I closed them in the first place. I look into Hideyoshi's worried face.
"Eva? What's wrong? I'm not angry with ya.."
I take a couple of deep breaths in order to calm down. Then I speak. "I'm sorry.. for being such a useless wife.." I truly feel awful right now. I must be such a burden to him, he could have chosen someone who was better. Someone who knows how to do "womanly" things.
Hideyoshi puts his arms around me and pulls me closer.
"Why would ya think that yer useless?" he says, smiling warmly.
"I can't even cut a carrot properly.." I pull away from him and point at the carrots. "Look at this! They're uneven, differently thick-" It wouldn't matter if this only was for me. But it's for him.
"It doesn't matter how they look. Those carrots are supposed ta be eaten, not to be viewed in an art gallery," Hideyoshi chuckles slightly.
"But I wanted to make them look nice for your sake.. I wanted to do something special.. but I only caused trouble! I-"
Hideyoshi covers my mouth with his hand. "It doesn't matter." He says in a determined yet kind tone of voice. "The thought of ya wanting to make today's dinner special makes me happy. And don't say that yer useless. Because that's not true."
Hideyoshi must have noticed that I'm not trying to say anything anymore, because he removes his hand. He wraps his arms around me and gives me a hug. Even though I'm such a useless person. Once he lets go, he looks at my hands.
"Eva, ya should wash yer hands and then finish the dinner. I'll take care of the floor, and then we'll eat dinner soon. Deal?"
I nod and begin to wash my hands. Since the blood is fresh, it doesn't take long before not even a trace is left. I do as Hideyoshi says and finish the last preparations while he takes care of the bloodstains.
Soon, we're at the table eating dinner.
"Is it good?" I ask while avoiding to meet his gaze. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I just wanted to cook a nice dinner without anything happening. But instead I troubled him and I made a mess that he needed to clean up.
"Very," Hideyoshi replies before he takes another bite. He swallows and smiles at me. "I really appreciate that ya made such good dinner."
"Really, it's not that great.." I mumble. Even so, I feel my cheeks getting hot as a result of the praise. I don't feel like I deserve it.
Hideyoshi laughs again. Then he leans toward me and gives me a kiss. My cheeks turn even hotter. I can feel a tear forming in the corner of my eye. It doesn't take long before it runs down my cheek, followed by others.
"Eva.. why are ya crying?" Hideyoshi asks.
"I.. I'm just happy that I'm married to such a kind husband," I smile at him.