Rogue- Hard At Heart
Breaking me down, bit by bit, year by year, every single moment of my 'mortal' life. I hate that word, 'mortal'. The world thinks that there are two types of people, 'normal' people and mutants. Which one am I? What about all my years living with my parents, don't they count for anything?
I can still hear them. I never touched them, I never hurt them, but their voices are the ones that are loudest, louder than anyone I've ever harmed. They saw everything as failures, little things like a piano exam or grades, and bigger things like deciding to remain a mutant after The Cure was made public. I never understood regrets or mistakes, but they definitely did. Throughout my whole life, I felt like I had been just living, it was only until I got older that I began to understand it was much more to them. According to them, everything had to be analysed and inspected, every little footstep had to be carefully planned before I finally took one step.
When I broke free, I began to take strides, living my life to the full as I had always dreamed. I went too fast, a little too over the top. My parents would have been ashamed of me, and the worst part was that I cared. I cared that they never treated me right, I cared that they smothered me, I cared that I became a mutant at the worst time...
I knew it would be hard to explain, so I just kept quiet. I was broken and hurt and I didn't know how to handle anything. Then I met Cajun.
There was something about him that was different, something I trusted. I could tell that he minded about my powers, but not in the way every other boy minded. He wanted to be able to hold me, to hug me. He loved me. He told me that today. We were walking and he just said the three words that I had most wanted to hear. He did everything right and I messed up. I didn't say anything, I didn't smile, and I just walked in silence. Then we said goodbye and that was it, he was crushed and I knew it was my fault. I hated that, that fact I could cause that much pain while not even touching him.
I don't know what to do anymore. Remy knew I was damaged and he accepted that and he loved me anyway, it was an unspoken bond that neither of us touched, but when he dared to say it out loud I shut down and made it clear I wasn't ready. I must be wired wrong or something. I'm not a whole person and I should be. I should have taken The Cure when I had the chance. I know what regret is now. I know it'll haunt me now.