Authors note:

NOTE: THIS IS A REWRITE PROMPTED BY MY LOVELY REVIEWERS TO CARRY THE STORY ON. I HAVE ALSO SPENT A LONG TIME AWAY FROM THIS STORY PERSUING DRAGON AGE FURTHER SO I HAVE RE-WRITTEN TO FIT THOSE STORY LINES THE BEST I CAN. THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO EMAILED ME TO ASK FOR MORE.

I always wanted the happy ending but I have been so inspired by all the ideas on here that I pondered with the idea that Elissa and Alistair may not have broken so amicable. So what happens then? They obviously were made for each other? Responsibilities make us do the stupidest things. These events do not run alongside any characters or events in awakenings or Dragon Age 2 and are homage to the afterlife of the original game and its fabulous characters and DLC's. Thanks :)

CHAPTER ONE – HOME

Highever never looked more beautiful than when it was wrapped in the dark and nestled in the snow.

When the snow fell in the ending months, it used to bring a strange comfort and a slow ease towards the events of the ending calendar. For wives it would mean their husbands would come home from the work that was found in further cities or villages where it was available. Mothers who had lost their sons to the frequent call of duty and war would hope to see them march home again wounded and yearning for the quiet of the home that brought them comfort in the dark, the blissful white making it more beautiful than their minds could ever conjure. The only stain on the warm and setting scene would be for thoughts of those who had not returned and those who expecting them. The drum beat keeping them in line banged longer and yet softer as their battered armour clanged a soft lullaby to the hooves of the war torn mounts that neighed in exhaustion. This was how it always was and how it will always be.

A lone figure stood upon the snow dunes of Highever its cloak drifting off with the breeze brought by the high air. It listened to the marching pipes and tavern tunes the soldiers played to let everyone know they were coming as hopes seemed to now rise on sight of the warm lights coming from the small battlement ahead of them. Strands of loose raven black hair escaped from its shelter of a fur lined hide cloak and intertwined with the snowflakes that fell loosely on the shadow. A pair of battle worn hands gripped the hilts of its side daggers firmly, not fooled by the steadiness of the air that surrounded her. Looking down the silhouette watched over the weary festivities of the castle grounds deep below, enough skulking, the shadow thought, better get this over with.

Shadows Fall

And hope has fled

Steel your heart

The dawn will come

The old song of faith and courage floated over the hills and wrapped itself around the tired and brave souls proudly lifting their chins as they marched those final steps towards warmth and light.

Elissa Cousland should be in a pretty dress waiting wistfully at one of the battlement windows as the true and just march in through her keeps drawbridge but she was not, she was soul deep in the war and its blood. She carried scars that even now ate at her body and hope. Nothing was left but a long sleep and even in her bleakest moments she could think of nothing that she was more thankful for. This needed to end. Her calling had come and this time it was for real.

As she trekked down the dunes her people began the short walk through the surrounding Highever village and through the valley. She fell in line with the other soldiers returning home, tired smiles and light pats on the shoulder were her people's way but as they didn't know the upcoming celebrations would be a sombre affair for her she lightly went along with the tradition and placed her calloused and torn hands into the welcoming embrace of those who had come outside their homes and shops to meet them. She had not known at the time they had left four years ago but she had gone looking for trouble. Corruption threatened the very ideals she thought the Grey Wardens stood for and the frightening thought that she no longer cared worried her more.

Elissa had finally marched from Val Royeaux with all the dignity she could muster and she seemed to pick up new Grey Wardens with every mile home.

Home.

What was home? Home was where the heart should be? No if home was where her heart should be then it should be the fade. She had no comforts anymore and she liked it that way, when she was comfortable her mood would darken and her memories would return. She had no time for comforts as they were her weakness and she was drastically about to change that but first she needed to make sure those who followed her were taken care of and safe. Her thoughts strayed to the plan before her and the people now marching behind her; perhaps too many had followed her back to Highever?

The effect the 'Hero of Ferelden' had on Thedas was astonishing and made her feel like a poster child for the Grey Wardens. She had witnessed the lethal ritual of passage what seemed like a hundred times and she had become more distant and cold with each one. She needed to be, not all would survive and after a while each unlucky candidate who sipped and died just became a number to her as she pursed her lips and closed her eyes thinking how Duncan would have dealt with death at her own initiation. Some of the battered soldiers returning with her now were originally from Highever but most were about to call this bruised keep home for the first time and a light smiled played at her cracked lips at the thought that her old family home would welcome these brave friends in as its own just as her father would.

As she dropped the hood of her cloak and shook her hair loose, a sudden spray of light fluttered past her with small gasps of joy adjoined to it. The colours were beautiful and felt like a summer's day as they whizzed around her. Firebugs, she thought to herself. Such a beautiful thing on such a sour day, she sighed and her heart sank an extra few miles deeper into her bleak soul. Nothing would hold the joys she used to feel when she made this final stride home; life could never be the way it was four years ago.

Never.

As they reached the top of Highever and stopped before the great doors of her old home, a watchman made the traditional call down do the figures in the dark. His torch billowing madly in the air as it struggled to stay alight.

"By the name of the house of Cousland state your business!" A voice roared down and over the wind. The watchman knew who they were but procedure was procedure when an army this size arrived at your door. The marching drums and tavern songs behind her stopped and the Chantry apprentices stowed their incense and prayers for Highever. Silence fell awaiting her words and she felt the people of Highever behind her stiffen. The last time this tradition occurred we let the bastards in…and we paid heavily, perhaps they shouldn't be so jovial she thought to herself when those cursed memories seeped back in. His words were sent with a smile and it was a sure sign of the delight the people inside the walls were feeling. She knew all too well that her men would be treated like kings tonight and her reply was softened.

Her men behind her dropped to their knees as was custom with their heads and eyes lowered to the ground. A sign that they made no effort to assess the castle for weakness or the walls for access should it be denied.

"I am Elissa Cousland, second child of Teyrn Bryce Cousland. I am Teyrna of this castle and its lands. Knight Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens and slayer of the blights armies. Lay down your arms brothers we come with peace in our hearts as this army…is Ferelden' s army…This army is your army!"

A deafening sound of celebration erupted as Elissa bowed her head with her right palm laid on her chest. Not until the metal gate rose and the creaking of the drawbridge begin did she raise her head and step back for its arrival. As her men began to stand again she cast her gaze up to the windows of the top wall where her room had always been, she saw a fire was lit inside it as the light was seeping out and into the night. In a blink she thought she had caught a glimpse of a fleeing figure standing and watching down on the activities below, a servant perhaps fluffing her pillow and lighting the candles by her desk? Her people tried their hardest to spoil her when she came home but she refused most of it. She had taken to not letting them know she was returning on the odd times she found herself back on this side of Thedas but this time she was left with little choice, much needed to be done.

Elissa held her head high and forced the corners of her mouth to turn up into a smile as she ventured first across the great bridge and into Highevers impressive courtyard. The sound of the soldiers armoured boots and horses hooves made a great clattering that felt like a line was being drawn under her final chapter. This was it. She had made it….to Highever castle. She fought the annoying impulse to call it 'home' and proceeded to march towards the castle doors and into the cackle of old family, friends and servants who had not only survived the massacre four years ago but also the blight, the Quinari raids and then the cursed fade rifts that appeared to be swallowing Ferelden up as a whole. Much had happened within the Grey Wardens over the last four years and she was not as easily available to travel back and help as she wished. Greed and corruption was staining the order and all the good Greys travelled to their calling earlier then they should. Corypheus the conductor did so much to damage the Greys and most left Thedas to its devices but those who survived the 'calling' disappeared into the hills never to be heard of again.

Elissa made it her mission to build the numbers ready for the next blight and rebuild the Grey Wardens name as she travelled the Ferelden countryside in the shadows but word spread and cities like Val Royeaux and Denerim looked at this as her building her own personal army, in their defence it had happened before. She was recalled time and time again to the seedy elegance of Val Royeaux but Weisshaupt ignored their accusations. She had been given a free pass to defy by the old ones and some resented her for it, keeping her close so they could watch her or turn her to their cause. It sickened her. She was the Hero of Ferelden and even after the Herald of Andraste people didn't forget what she had done to save them and news of her trip home spread through Thedas. They would meet her on the road or in small villages. The biggest gathering and saddest sight she had witnessed was as they travelled through the ruins of Vigils Keep. She rode through the gates and was greeted by desperate boys and girls with nowhere to go, such poverty and despair, what on earth was their ridiculous king doing about it. If she was honest most of the trouble she caused was to anger him and make his life difficult. I hate him!

Stop it , Elissa…not him, never think of him!

Elissa Cousland, Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens steeled her now trembling fingers and touched the hands of all who requested it. She had become somewhat of a leading figure since the blight, but she cared nothing for it. Nothing mattered anymore, not even the new danger. In fact she quite thought she might be ready to sit down and talk with it this time. She didn't mind if no one wanted to join her, she would gladly go on her own. This plan had been etching itself out in her head on the four-week journey home. 'Mustn't let them know. Smile Elissa…Smile.'

Well, it is what you do isn't it? When your heart won't beat anymore and your soul seeps away every time you close your eyes. She used to think that she had run out of tears but that was just a ruse her mind played on her. For a few months after…after…she still couldn't think about it. The pain threatened to spread across her face and they would know, they would finally find out that the hero of Ferelden wasn't as strong as they all thought.

She found a friendly face and made her excuses from the crowds now jumping all over the returning heroes. Slipping the top button of her cloak out of its sheath she started to pull at the itchy fabric that had kept her warm. Stepping inside she started to peel off the thermals she had wrapped herself up in and headed towards the fire. Its crackling silence calmed her more than anything else that day. She used to jump at the sight of seeing her old home but now it was nothing more than bricks and mortar.

Empty.

There were only memories.

Bad memories.

Memories she never wanted to embrace again. And she never will if…no when her plan took effect.

"My Lady…. There is something you must know…" a voice squeaked beside her as she moved through the bodies. Arlan, she smiled with a crooked glee knowing that he must have been waiting for her some time outside and in. As she glanced down she noticed his nose was red and his eyes watery, small specks of snow were on his lapel and some had melted into pools of water on his shoulders thawing as he restlessly flitted between the warm halls and cold pathways.

"…Not now Arlan…repack my bags, restock my poultices and rations. I will need new armour and a smithy to tend to these. By tonight." She chucked a small leather holdall at Arlan and the clank as it hit him reassured him that they were her beloved daggers. He reached his eyes to her belt and realised that the helms of the ones she wore at her hip were simple, plain and not of the Cousland armoury.

Arlan was of medium stock and bred for the winter. His father had been steward and loyal friend to Elissa's own father and she could think of no one else she would have served her the same then Arlan. They had grown up together in the castle and both had lost much during Arl Howe's treachery and butchery of their home years before. Arlan was fiercely loyal to the warden commander. He was never fooled by the same excuses she would give others as to why she did things. Why she sat by herself of an evening? Why she hardly ate? And why she wanted her weapons sharpened seemingly as if she was to leave again when they were done. And leave she did. Regularly. Always in the dead of night she would sneak in and sneak out with one or two Grey Wardens by her side but never was a big fuss made or a report sent to Denerim to announce her arrival.

On one visit he cleared an entire wing of servant's quarters and guests so that the sounds of her night-time weeping could not be heard and spread about by the kitchen gossips. He was loyal…and worried. But he also had to tell her that the returning grey wardens were not the only guests that had arrived at the castle that day.

"Erm…My Lady, before you go upstairs I think I should let you know…"

"…Please Arlan I want to take a long bath before I see any more bloody nobles and give them their sodding reports. I have shrubbery where shrubbery should never be."

"…Yes but…erm…"

Arlan bustled after her catching random bits of armour as she tossed them at him over her shoulder. She bounded down the long corridor that led to her quarters and removed one boot after another smirking just a little as a thud could be heard when they connected with Arlan. Her feet gloried in the touch of the fine cotton carpet upon her tired and cut feet. They felt so clean as it swept under her tired arches, stroking the calluses away. She swung the doors open to her rooms and turned to face Arlan.

"Get to it Arlan…please." She smiled as she looked Arlan in the eyes thinking of what she had to do this evening " You are a good man and don't think I don't know what you have done for me…I have been honoured to have known you." Arlan looked at her forgetting momentarily that he had something important to tell her as he caught the glimpse of goodbye in her eyes. But it was just a glimpse, because she had shut the doors in his face.

Elissa ripped her armoured bodice off and slunk out of her trousers, she took a long sigh and closed her eyes, not long now, she thought to herself as she turned around.

"Hello, Liss"

She could feel her heart jerk, stop and then slowly start again. Thoughts…memories rushed through her mind one clip at a time faster and faster. Sounds, voices, whispers, laughter, roses, meadows, tents…love…pain. She opened her eyes, and she wasn't wrong. She wanted to vomit with remorse.

"Get out!" she spat quietly. She didn't even hear the words come out she just opened her mouth with no power and that's what came out. It sounded pretty accurate so she stuck with it "GET OUT!" she replied a lot louder. "ARLAN!"

The doors erupted and flew backwards as Arlan ran in, fully aware of what had happened. He had tried to tell her but she wouldn't give him a chance to. He still had arms full of the armour she had chucked at him but dropped them on the ground when he realised Elissa was naked. He brought his hands up to his eyes and turned his back.

"Yes…yes my lady?" he stammered

"Get him out." She spat at him not taking her eyes off the unwelcome intruder in her room.

"Erm…I cannot. He…he is the king of Ferelden, My lady…I don't think I can"