You can't say you're surprised when you don't get an Emmy nomination, the promise of an Emmy-deserving storyline having eluded you after the seventh episode of the season. But it doesn't make it hurt any less, especially with all the pre-Emmy nomination buzz you'd been getting. It all had gotten your hopes up but you hadn't realized that until they didn't call your name. A few close friends call and remind you that the show only received three nominations in total, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't really make you feel any better but you smile on your end and you thank them all the same. There's no chance you will be going to the Emmys now, which is fine because you actually hate red carpets and giving interviews, and you're sick of losing to Modern Family at every stupid awards show anyway.
The next two months are spent splitting time between recording your album, working a little on Glee, and shooting your first music video. It's an exciting time in your life; you're working hard to establish yourself outside of Santana Lopez, which is scary but you hope ultimately rewarding. If you could change anything, you'd make more time to spend with Heather. They've been working her like crazy on Glee and you're psyched for her to finally be getting some decent screen time. You still haven't forgiven Ryan for making her mute most of last season. It's just a shame you can't be with her, every day, witnessing it all. You've actually only been on set a few days this season and you find yourself yearning for the company of your best friends, especially Heather.
The time and space apart don't stop her from texting you pictures and silly updates all day. Most of the pictures are of her and Vanessa making silly faces behind Darren or Kevin, or Heather putting on wigs with Chord and blowing kisses to the camera. Sometimes you receive "for your eyes only" pictures. They make you blush in meetings with your record label or in line at Whole Foods. Most of the other texts she sends you are about how she misses sitting beside you all day and making you laugh. You miss her making you laugh too because she usually ends up laughing harder than you do. She tells you that she wishes you were with her because Ryan is making an ass out of himself once again and she needs someone to vent to. She needs you to vent to. And on very special days, which soon turn into every day, she texts you about the things you used to do in her trailer and the things she wants to do to you the next time you're fortunate enough to spend time alone together.
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It's a week before the Emmys and she calls you to talk about your plans for the following weekend. You're set to start working on Glee again that Monday and while you like not dancing and working 16-hour days, you find yourself sadistically missing it, missing her. You haven't seen her in over a month, not since she dropped by your video shoot and you let her have her way with you in your "sexy Cleopatra meets Mars Attacks!" outfit, as she called it. She won't let you forget how easily she dominated you either.
"So I have an idea but it'll only work if you don't know anything about it." Heather is silent on the other end, then, "So are you free next Sunday?" She states plainly to you over the phone when she's in between scenes.
You're still in your bed at 1:30 pm, another luxury of not working full-time right now. Even after knowing her for four years, you still find yourself perplexed by what she says to you sometimes. But you know she never steers you wrong, so groggily you respond, "Well of course, count me in Heather." Then you backpedal, "Wait, what exactly are we talking about though?"
In a grand British accent straight out of Downton Abbeyshe says, "Without giving too much away, I'd like to request some time with you at your house on Sunday." Then a shy little voice, "Like all of Sunday actually, if you can swing it."
You smile, your mind already wandering into places you're not prepared to be going to the first thing in the morning. You bite back a little excited whimper, "I think I have an opening in my schedule for a HeMo day."
Heather is barely able to contain her own excitement and it makes you laugh but at the same time feel upset because spending the day together shouldn't be something that has to be planned in advance. You shouldn't have to schedule time to see the girl you love, but you shelve those thoughts because Heather's giddy laughter makes you feel so happy.
"Really Naya? I get the whole day with you!"
You wince and promise yourself to give her every day if she wants it. You'd like nothing more than to spend all of your time with her.
"Yes Heather, it's all I'll think about all week." You say it as if you're rolling your eyes, but you aren't. Not that you want her to know, but it really will be the only thing you think about all week. You're already calculating the hours, the minutes, until she's yours again, even if just for one day.
Heather stifles a scream, "Yay! Oh we're gonna have so much fun! K, I'm getting called to set. Bye!"
She hangs up before you can say anything in response and you think that's probably a good thing because you would have told her that you love her and you think maybe you're not supposed to say that to her anymore. It wouldn't be weird because she's your best friend, of course you love her, but you would've meant more than best friend love and you're not sure either of you can handle that right now. A year ago you weren't even really talking to each other. You'd gotten back together and had a summer fling during tour and that was great but then you came back to Los Angeles and hehappened, and your PR made it seem like that made sense, and you basically forced Heather to get back with T, which led to him moving in with her. And now here you are, sleeping with each other behind their backs, struggling to find any time together, and you're not sure how much longer you can do this. In the ultimate life imitating art moment, neither of you are talking about your feelings, which is making it difficult to navigate what you're doing together. You know in your head that you love her and you want to be with her, but you don't know if she feels the same way. Never mind the collateral damage that will result if you actually take your relationship to the next level. But knowing that her arms will be waiting for you in a week is enough to get you to forget about everything else.
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You wouldn't say she's ignoring you, but it's Wednesday and she's barely sent you any texts. She did send you a funny picture of Ryan wearing yellow pants and a yellow shirt. He looked like the "Man in the yellow hat" from Curious George except, for once, he actually wasn't wearing a yellow hat and you almost spit out your Americano on your way out of Starbucks laughing at how much you hate him sometimes.
But that was on Monday. You cringe at yourself for feeling this way, but you're second-guessing everything once again. What did she mean when she asked if she could spend Sunday with you? Are you spending it together as friends or lovers? Did you really just say the words "lovers" in your head?
*********************************************
It's Friday night and you're lonely and you want to cuddle but you don't want to cuddle with him. You only ever want to cuddle with Heather because her arms fit around your body better than anyone else's. When you were really serious a couple years ago, you sometimes let yourself think that maybe you were built for each other. The first time you made love she didn't even have to tell you what to do to make her feel good, you just did everything right and she did the same for you. You fit perfectly under her chin and you wish, as you lay in your bed with Lucy half lying on your hip, that you could feel Heather's breath, warm atop your head right now. You can almost hear her laughing at you getting so emotional about the Real Housewives of Atlanta. You know if you called her she would come running over, well you tell yourself that, but you don't want to burden her, so you decide to wait until Sunday to see her, even if you have to sleep all day Saturday just to get there that much sooner.
*********************************************
You don't sleep all of Saturday but you might as well have. You get out of bed and shuffle under your comforter to let Lucy out a few times. You knew this was going to be one of the longest weeks of your life but you didn't think it would be as bad as it's turned out to be. You decide to go to bed around 11:00 pm even though the cast is getting together to celebrate the majority of them being back on set Monday to film the first of what you think will be many reunion episodes. This idea makes you sad because you wish things could be simple again. You wish you had some place to show up every day surrounded by the people you love more than anything. Everyone's doubted how season 4 is going to work out, except Lea. You're pretty sure if they turned Glee into a zombie apocalypse show that Lea would say it was the most amazing thing ever, but with more exclamation points. Most of you just wish that the creators could have suspended reality for another year and not had anyone graduate, except maybe Finn, because if you're thankful for anything it's that the likelihood of Santana ever having to be abused by him again is pretty much nonexistent. And you hope the rumblings of this being the last season quell before anyone can get a hold of them and make it a reality.
Suddenly you're crying under your covers and you tell yourself it's because you just want things to go back to the way they used to be, on set all day with your friends, but you know that it's because you really miss Heather and sitting beside her every day and flirting in front of everyone under the guise of acting. You hear a knock at the door that startles you out of your thoughts, and Lucy jumps on top of you and barks her loudest, which isn't very loud at all and normally you'd laugh at her, except you check your phone and it's just turned midnight. And someone knocking on your door at midnight is never a good thing.
You've been living in your new house since the beginning of May but you still get spooked when you're alone. You hold your breath and cautiously move to the front of the house, the monster Maglite your father gave you as part of a housewarming gift heavy in your hard, your knuckles white from gripping it so hard. Through the glass cutout on the side of your door you catch a glimpse of long blonde hair and immediately you relax, your breath taken from you for another reason now. You pad over to the door quickly and unlock it.
"Hi," Heather smiles at you, a bright purple duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She's wearing baggy sweat pants and a unicorn tank top and are those slippers? She is literally dressed in her pajamas, standing on your doorstep at 12 in the morning, smiling coyly as you try to process the sight before your eyes.
"Hi." Your attempt to remain calm is fading as she steps closer to you. "What's going on Heather?"
Heather cocks an eyebrow, "You said you were free today."
You scrunch your face because you have no idea what she's talking about, but honestly you don't care what's going on because finally the person you've wanted to touch all week is standing at your doorstep and nothing else matters.
Heather doesn't look too worried, she explains, "I asked you if we could spend all of Sunday together, so here I am. It's officially Sunday." She excitedly points to her wrist where a watch would've been had she been wearing one, and you roll your eyes and laugh at her crazy definition of spending all day together.
You bite down on your bottom lip and pull at the waist of her sweatpants, "Get in here you goober."
She falls into you, casually dropping her duffle and gently kicking the door shut, as you jump up and wrap your legs around her waist. She guides you into the nearest wall and you both moan at the force. Your kisses are sloppy and heated and your hands seek out her skin because you've grown hungry for her touch and judging by the way her hands slip under the long t-shirt you wear for bed and settle on your ass, she has been hungry for you too. You're thankful you aren't wearing a onesie.
You're fairly certain she wants to do you up against this wall right now but you're not having that, so you cradle her face in your hands to get her attention away from your breasts and onto your face. She stops and looks up, her eyes a deeper blue than you ever remember seeing them before, dark with want.
"We are not doing this in the hallway, Heather."
She pouts and you almost moan from the fact that she wants you so badly she is willing to fuck you up against a wall. She sneaks in a lingering kiss and you utter against the warmth of her tongue skirting your lips almost breathless, "Bed. Now."
She gathers you with little effort, her strong arms cradling you against her body as she moves fluidly to your bedroom, her lips never leaving yours. And you find it insanely hot that she can navigate her way to your room without even looking. Her shins hit the edge of your bed and she gently sits you down. She stands in front of you just taking you all in before pulling the shirt over your head.
"Baby, it's so hot that you wear my shirt to bed." Heather pants out and slips her sweatpants off.
You want to feel embarrassed that she's found out a secret about you that shows your vulnerability, but you can't be bothered because she takes off her tank top and stands naked in front of you. You can't tell her that you'd really rather wear her to bed every night for the rest of your life but you seek comfort in wearing her shirt all the same.
*********************************************
You don't remember falling asleep. You remember Heather whispering in your ear "I love you" over and over again. Or was that a dream? She was definitely kissing your closed eyes because you remember the feeling of her hair whisping on your cheeks, her breath on your forehead as she pressed a kiss there. Sometimes you think you miss this the most about her, the times she thinks you're asleep and lavishes kisses and loving words upon you and your soul because she's even more uninhibited than usual in those moments. And you wish you could see and feel and hear what she does when you're really sleeping. Does she ever sleep? Could you ever stay up later than she does so you could do the same for her? You tell yourself that tomorrow you'll wake up earlier than Heather, but you know that'll never happen. She loves to wake you, usually by tracing patterns on your stomach with her long, slender fingers. You don't think anything can beat being tickled awake by Heather Morris except being kissed to sleep by her. Those two things might be tied.
As hard as you try, you don't wake up before Heather. By the time you stir from your sleep, she's lying beside you, running her fingers through your hair. She smiles as you rub the sleep from your eyes.
"Hi," she says as she leans down to kiss your temple.
"Hi," you smile up to her, pulling her hand from your hair and linking your fingers together.
"If you're interested, I made us some breakfast."
She's staring at your lips, so you lean up and meet hers and kiss sweetly for a few moments. You part and meet her eyes and bite back whatever that feeling is going on in your stomach, a feeling you're certain is not hunger.
"Well that's convenient because I just happen to be starving."
Heather smiles and holds your hand as you get out of bed. You throw on some sweats and a tank and she leads you to your backyard, the morning sun shaded by the trees surrounding your property.
Heather's track record with cooking isn't very good so you're glad when the breakfast consists of your favorite bagels and freshly cut fruit and brewed coffee. The fact that she hasn't burned down your kitchen is just a plus.
"Did you really go to 'St. Urbain'this morning, just for this?" You ask incredulously.
Heather blushes under your disbelief and nods her head.
"Heather," you may never get used to the way she takes care of you, "this is so…thank you." It's all you can manage without saying something that could quickly change how easily the morning has gone so far.
She slides over the plate of bagels and spreads, all your favorites, and she pours you a cup of coffee.
"Well it's a special day, so…"
You hope you'll never really figure her out. "What are you going on about?" You ask as you bring the cup to your mouth, the scent of the coffee mixing with the smell of the flowers in your freshly planted garden, flowers Heather bought for you to plant. Some she even planted herself.
"Well the Emmys are today and I just wanted to make things easier for you."
This is even more confusing than the usual Heather behavior. You look at her in question and gently say, "But we're not going to the Emmys this year, Heather. Remember we didn't get a series nomination?"
Heather shakes her head and smiles slyly, "Well, you and I will be attending a special Emmy ceremony tonight. Now you better eat because Clyde and Jo are going to be here soon to do our hair and makeup then Lou is bringing our dresses by."
Clearly, today is being brought to you by the words disbelief and confusion. "You're joking, right?"
"No, silly. Okay? And seriously, please eat because I want you before they get here, preferably more than once."
You blush, still incredibly confused, but the tightness in the pit of your stomach tells you to just go with it. You aren't going to deny her sexy times and a little pampering, even if you have no idea what she has up her sleeve.
*********************************************
After breakfast and the best morning sex you can remember having since forever, your favorite makeup and hair people arrive to make you glam for whatever it is you're doing later today. Heather sits on the counter in your kitchen, gazing at you, while joking around with Clyde and Jo. When it's her turn, you take her place on the counter and do the same except you have nothing funny to say, the taste of Heather still lingers in your mouth. She makes up for your silence, regaling them with stories from the Glee set. The stories mostly consist of her pulling little pranks on Chord and making silly videos with Vanessa. You welcome these stories because they are distracting Clyde and Jo from your unbreakable gaze on Heather. Heather can't help but notice and she smiles your way and shoots you a sexy little wink when they aren't looking that makes you want to jump over the island in your kitchen and take her in that chair.
Lou stops by shortly after Clyde and Jo leave you. You were wondering why Heather would have the former costume designer for Glee bring you gowns for this Emmy thing she's pulling, but before you can ask, you realize that she's brought you your prom outfits from season 3. You cringe at the thought of wearing it for the rest of the day; memories of being locked in a hot stinky gym for days flood your senses.
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Sure many of the memories from those days are disgusting, filled with foul smelling extras trying to steal as much camera time as possible, but you definitely had fun with Heather on that shoot. The guy you were seeing wasn't on set and you were free to goof off and flirt with her because your characters were attending their first prom together. One time, during a break for a lighting fix, you and Heather skipped, hand in hand, to the edge of the stage to take a seat. Heather leaned over and started meowing quietly in your ear. You felt her warm breath tickle your ear and your face flush. Luckily they'd caked on your makeup because you were certain your cheeks were on fire. You turned to her and held your hands up like little paws and meowed back. Heather started laughing but picked up her hands in the same fashion and you both just meowed at each other until the director called places. It was silly and embarrassing but that's what Heather does to you. She makes you forget your insecurities and lets you be yourself.
By the last day of the 3-day "Prom-asaurus" shoot, being cooped up with Heather on and off set was beginning to take its toll. Because you were shooting on location, you shared a trailer with her, which reminded you of all the time you spent together in your shared trailer during the first season. You had nothing but good memories of those times. You thought about protesting being paired with Heather because you knew it would be the ultimate temptation, but after the first day it actually wasn't so bad. You were worried because since the fall your relationship had been different. The first half of the season you didn't really spend much time together, which was fine because you were still hurting from breaking it off with her and you could see she was hurting too, but you both came back from the holidays reenergized and you were having fun again. By the time filming for the prom episode began you were actually thinking you could do this friendship thing with Heather.
You filled the downtime during "Prom-asaurus" watching ridiculous youtube videos Heather insisted upon, and you both read a lot. Over the course of 3 seasons that was the one thing that hadn't changed between you, your shared love of reading. You'd both be reading on opposite ends of the couch in your trailer and eventually one of you would stretch their legs out and the other would follow, tangling them together. The first time it happened, Heather stared up at you over the top of her book, trying to determine if it was okay. You smiled and you both went back to your reading, hiding your blush behind the pages of whatever Hunger Games book you were reading that day. The second time it happened, neither of you looked up. Then it just became the way you sat to read, just like you'd done all of the first and second season. Being friends was possible and you couldn't wait to shove it in Dianna's face. She warned you it wouldn't be healthy so soon after breaking up, but now you had proof it could work.
The last day of filming, Eric Stoltz, your director that week, called cut on the final prom scene and all the principles were released for the night. Hot, stinky, and tired, you and Heather retreated back to the trailer to get cleaned up before heading out to dinner with the rest of the cast members on set that day. Once you got inside, Heather immediately took off her jacket and top hat.
Flustered at where this was going you said, "You take the first shower Hemo, I owe my mom a call." Already heading to the shower she waved at you with one hand, trying to unbraid her hair with the other.
She stopped just short of the door, "Hey Naya, can you…I can't seem to get these stupid braids out."
You laughed and walked over. Heather's blouse was unbuttoned, her bowtie hanging open around her neck, but you weren't distracted because you were just helping your friend unbraid her hair, right? Heather's height proved rather challenging.
"Hey, I need you to sit."
"Oh. Duh." Heather sat on the couch and turned her back to you. You settled behind her on your knees to get the height advantage. The cushion sunk below your knees as you tried to position yourself, you lost your balance and gently fell into Heather's back. She was warm against your body.
She immediately braced you with strong hands and you said, "Sorry about that. These cushions are shit." Heather laughed and you pushed off of her back to regain your balance.
"You're fine, Naya." Her hands lingered on your wrists a beat longer than you than you thought they should.
You found the end of one of the braids and gently unfurled Heather's soft golden hair. It slipped through your fingers like silk and you found yourself taking longer and longer to undo the remaining braids.
"Those things are in really tight, aren't they?" Heather asked, in what you thought was an attempt to deflate the obvious tension that had built up since colliding with her back.
She didn't turn her head, so she couldn't see your face flush with something you thought you'd buried months ago. You remained silent, perched behind, her hair woven through your fingers like you were the miller's daughter in Rumplestiltskin, tasked with weaving straw into gold, except her hair had already been woven into gold and you were afraid you were going to turn it back into straw.
Heather moved to turn but you interrupted, "Hey, yeah, we're good. Sorry I'm just really tired." You laughed to cover your nerves. And you wished you had changed out of your costume because you could feel the flush creeping down your cheeks to your chest and the low cut of your gown left you feeling incredibly exposed.
This wasn't how you'd imagined things going. You broke up with her, or she let you break up with her. She said she wanted you to be successful and if separating was the way to do it then that's what had to be done. You trained yourself to stop looking at her in any way other than as a friend. You declined invitations to her parties, skipped cast meals to avoid seeing her, you detached and up until a few minutes ago, you thought you were doing a really good job of it. Deep inside you always knew you were just putting up a front, your feelings for her burned below your skin whenever she walked into the room, whenever you saw something that reminded you of her. These feelings had never really been buried after all and now you could feel her warmth in front of you and you were certain she could sense your feelings, so you shut down.
"Naya?"
Forcing tears back you choked, "I need to go Heather." Her hair slipped from between your fingers and you turned to leave the trailer, still clothed in your gown. She grabbed your arm before you could reach the handle. She looked sexy and silly in her costume but the firm hold on your arm preventing you from leaving was anything but silly.
"What's wrong?" Heather already knew; you could see it in her eyes, the quake in her eyebrows. You couldn't answer. "We're okay. This friendship thing is working for you, right?"
You closed your eyes and she released your arm. You shook your head no, "Is it for you?" You opened your eyes to find hers staring right back at you.
Without hesitation, "No. But this has never worked for me, Naya. I've done my best to act like this is all fine, for your sake, but no. It's not working for me."
And with that she might as well have pushed you over the edge of a cliff. Your stomach felt like it was in your throat. You did not want to hear that. You could not hear that. You ran out of the trailer and kept it together until finding your car and letting go completely, head placed firmly on the steering wheel, your mascara running down your face in a total clichéd moment.
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As Lou lays the outfits on your bed, you're thankful you fixed the sheets after this morning's activities, you realize that she's altered both of your costumes. Your dress is now completely strapless with a high slit placed along the left side. Heather's top has been turned into a sleeveless tuxedo shirt and some of the volume from her skirt has been removed. Her cummerbund and bowtie are still intact, which makes you happy because she looks dapper as fuck in them. The outfits smell freshly laundered and you're thankful Lou likes you and Heather so much.
Lou decided to leave the show after working tirelessly on all of your outfits for the last three years. You're definitely going to miss her, especially because she always seemed to just get you both on a different level than most of the other crewmembers. Lou is almost out of the door, in a rush to finish up some designs for her new job as head costume designer for American Horror Story when she tells you how beautiful you both look and that you better come bug her when you're on set. You thank her and Heather walks her out to her car. They share a long embrace and you can see Lou whispering in Heather's ear and Heather nodding at her with a smile on her face. You wish you knew what they were discussing but you're not sure it's your place to even ask, let alone think about.
Heather returns and looks you up and down, not in a strictly sexual way, almost like she's trying to memorize everything about you in this moment so she never forgets. That's what you tell yourself because you're doing the same thing to her. She looks amazing, like she even needs makeup and a gown to achieve that, but she really does look especially gorgeous.
Almost as if reading your mind she reaches for your cheek and says, "Naya, you look phenomenal. You looked stunning last night when you opened the door and you look even more so now." You knew it was cheesy but it was so Heather at the same time.
She looks at you pleadingly but you're not sure how to respond. She continues, "I just…sometimes…I don't know."
You struggle to figure out what she's really trying to say, the pained look in her eyes giving away something else going on. Obviously there is. You're both dating other people, and Heather thinks she's pretty close to getting engaged, but at this moment with her hands cradling your face, you're having trouble figuring out why you aren't together. Why is she doing all of this for you if she doesn't love you as more than a best friend? She swallows whatever she was going to say and you really don't want any tears ruining your makeup, so you let it go for now.
"You look gorgeous too, Heath. You always look gorgeous. I wish I knew what was going on in your head about tonight so I could thank you properly." You bust out the nickname Heath because you know she loves when you call her that and you want to bring her back up from the sadness she's fallen into.
She smiles and bites her bottom lip, "You just being here with me and us spending the day together is enough, Naya." She winks then adds, "Also I still don't want to tell you."
Just then the doorbell rings, you roll your eyes and then suddenly feel a pang of unease. You really hope he isn't on the other side of that door when you open it. Cowardly, you look through the window before opening and then feel immediate ease when it appears to be a food delivery guy. He's holding two bags from 'Shu', your favorite restaurant. Of course. You're starting to think Heather knows you better than you know yourself.
Before you even open the door you giggle, "Heath! I don't know what to do with you. They don't even deliver!"
You open the door and the delivery guy looks at you oddly. You realize that you are in total red carpet mode. You want to feel embarrassed but you don't actually care and you just really want the sushi you know he's carrying. He hands it over and tells you to have a good night, Heather obviously already having taken care of the bill.
You laugh as you walk into the kitchen and start unpacking the bags. Heather is nowhere to be seen. You start looking around for her and you hear a knock on the window above your sink. Heather is motioning for you to join her outside.
You bring the food out there and Heather has already transformed the porch. Candles are lit, even though it's still plenty sunny out, a white tablecloth is draped atop the table and a bottle of champagne sits in a wine cooler. Heather grabs the food from your hands, places it on the table, and pulls a chair out for you sit down. You blush at this whole act, but honestly you love it. Heather takes off her top hat and sits down beside you. She's so close you can feel the heat radiating off her body or maybe it's your heat radiating off her body back onto you. Either way it's a bit overwhelming. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as Heather pulls the food out and arranges it on a platter.
She ordered everything you love, like that comes as a surprise, and she grins as you put some food on your plate.
"Seriously, what is this all about?"
Heather ignores your question and picks up a piece of sushi from your plate and holds it up to your mouth. You hesitate, but she urges you on with a cute little noise, so you open and she gently slides the sushi into your mouth, just enough for you to bite down and get a mouthful. She pulls the other half out as you chew, and you look at her just grinning at you. You'd think she was possessed if you didn't know any better. You decide to copy her, so you pick up a piece of sushi to feed to her. She laughs and shakes her head.
"Come on Heath, it's only fair!"
She acquiesces easily when your fingers trace a line on her lips and her mouth opens like you've just uncovered a secret passage with your touch, and you suppose maybe you have. She takes the entire piece in her mouth, clearly to show off. You find it pretty hot but not as hot as when she pulls your fingers back into her mouth to clean the sauce from your fingers.
You blush when she returns your hand.
"You're funny." Really, that's all you have to say?
Heather laughs, "That's what people keep telling me!"
You keep eating, your own food, from your own plate. Heather keeps making eyes at you and you smile and try not to get too flustered. Why should this be flustering? Heather looks like the extreme opposite of flustered. Get a hold of yourself, Rivera.
Once you finish, Heather clears the table, refusing your help, and returns with some raspberry gelato from Baciami, another favorite haunt of yours.
"Heath, how did you orchestrate all of this?" You shake your head in disbelief as she hands you dessert.
Heather slyly grins, "I know you might not believe this, but I know people…who know people."
You laugh. The sorbet is already melting in front of you, the L.A. weather hotter than you'd like it, even for September. You like the tartness as the treat hits your tongue then becomes sweet, but you think you'd rather taste something else in your mouth when Heather wraps her tongue around her spoon and licks off the gelato. You're just hoping that she has sweet lady kisses planned for later this evening.
*********************************************
After sitting in contented silence finishing off your champagne, Heather slowly rubs her hand up and down your arm. You smile as you both watch the sunset, hand in hand.
"Hey, I want to show you something on my computer," she all but whispers, leaning close and resting her chin on your bare shoulder. The contact alone causes you to blush. She stands, not letting go of your hand, and leads you inside.
Heather grabs her Mac and you join her on the couch. She's clicking on tabs and typing, but you're having trouble focusing on what she's doing because her left hand is rubbing your thigh gently and you're lost in the contact.
You bite your bottom lip and try to bring yourself back to reality. "What are we looking at?" You are genuinely curious.
"Live stream of the Emmys." She responds like you should know that already. You start to think that today is the weirdest day of your life. Before you can roll your eyes, Heather says, "Don't even think about rolling your eyes Nay Nay! I just want to watch one category. Then we can do…other things." She shoots you a mischievous smile and your stomach flutters.
You're about to inquire about the category when Heather sweetly shushes you.
"This is it!" She clicks something and the feed begins.
Gwyneth Paltrow is walking to the center of the stage in a gorgeous Marchesa gown. You recognize it because you wanted to wear it to the Emmys, had you been given the chance to attend. The crowd is applauding as Gwyneth makes her way to the podium. Something looks a bit off to you but you chalk it up to a crappy live stream.
"Harry Levin said it best that 'The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness.' Every year the Academy is given the seemingly impossible task of selecting one performance to bestow Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series upon. This year the field was filled with some of the most talented comedic actors the Academy has ever seen. Here are the nominees…"
You stop paying attention because you're trying to keep your emotions in check. Why is Heather forcing you to watch the category you didn't get nominated in? You want to confront her about it but then she grabs your hand and you hear your voice singing "Rumour Has It/Someone Like You" over a montage of jokes you said during season 3. Utterly confused you look over to Heather who is watching you. She nods for you to look back at the screen and you do.
"And the Emmy goes to," Gwyneth fiddles with the envelope then announces, "Naya Rivera for Glee!" She puts the envelope down and you slowly turn your head back to Heather.
Heather senses your confusion and the video ends after Gwyneth tells you she loves you and you should call her soon.
Dumbfounded you say, "Heather…I don't…understand."
Heather turns to you, still holding your hand, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are filled with tears. "So the whole point of today was to celebrate you, Naya."
You can tell she is working hard to keep her voice from wavering. "You don't know how many nights I spent wishing for you to get nominated. I was so crushed when they didn't announce your name and I wasn't by your side to comfort you. So I wanted to do something special for you."
She's completely turned towards you now and her knee is pressed into your hip. "You're a remarkable woman and so talented in everything you do. I know if the writers hadn't fucked up everything, that you and I would be sitting in that theatre right now." A few tears escape her eyes when she tries to blink them away. You're trying to focus everything on her but your mind's stuck on the end of her last sentence.
"When I close my eyes," she closes her eyes, "and think about our future, I see you getting nominated and winning awards." She smiles in her blindness, "All the awards, for everything."
She might be done but it's not like you can even respond. Our future, she said. And you're pretty sure this is the realization you needed to finally be honest with her.
"Heath, this is the nicest, albeit craziest, thing anyone has ever done for me and that's saying a lot since you've done some epic things for me." You hold her hands in yours. A little smile forms on Heather's face between the sniffles. "I don't really know what to say. I can't even wrap my head around all of this. You had Lou custom tailor our prom outfits, you paid god knows what to have my favorite restaurant deliver, and you somehow orchestrated a fake Emmy ceremony with Gwyneth Freaking Paltrow."
You laugh and Heather relaxes, joining you laughing.
"Oh please, Gwyneth wants to adopt me! But seriously, I wanted you to feel better. I wanted you to know that what you do is worthy of so much more…you're worthy of so much more."
She's getting closer; you feel it in her shortening breaths. You want to make this easy on her. It's your fault things have gotten so fucked up. It's your stupid PR team who forced you to be apart. You wish you were as brave as Heather. The only reason she agreed to stay away from you was to help your career. She would gladly walk down the street holding you hand, kissing you on the cheek when you get froyo together in WeHo. You know because she's told you as much. It's not like she had to tell you, because you can see it in her eyes when she looks at you from across the canteen on the Paramount lot. You see it when she holds the door for you even if you're half way down the hall and she's in a hurry. You see it when she walks you to your car after late nights on set because she wants to protect you because she loves you more than you think should be humanely possible, except that you know it's possible because you love her just as much.
But you're not as brave as Heather, nor will you ever be, you don't think.
She is having trouble meeting your eyes but then she does and says, "I guess…I don't know what we're doing, Naya. The last two months have been so crazy."
You weren't expecting this.
"I've been so happy when we've spent time together but then we're apart for god knows how long and I hurt like I've never hurt before."
You think you're going to be sick.
"Life is so fucking messy right now and…" Heather looks down at her engagement ring finger, "before it gets any messier, I…"
You cut her off because she shouldn't be the one telling you this. It's your responsibility. You look into her eyes, prepared to finally give it all up.
"I love you, Heather." Heather quietly gasps, but you continue because you need to get this out, right now. "I've known that since I saw you walk into the canteen your first day on set. And I know that's the cheesiest fucking thing I could ever say but it's true. I saw you and immediately I felt something change in me. There was a shift inside my soul. A hole left dormant for so long was finally filled just from the sight of you. And I just fell harder for you every day as you filled more holes in my soul, in my heart. Every minute we spent together made me love you more."
Now it's your turn to keep your emotions in check, but you're not very successful. You can feel tears pricking your eyes while Heather is sitting in front of you with her mouth slightly ajar, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"And yeah, I got scared, but I've never stopped loving you, not for one second. I've just been such a coward…"
"No, Naya, you haven't been…" You hold your hand up because she will defend you to the death, but that's not what you need right now.
"Yes, I have Heather, and I haven't been fair to you or myself. If this summer has shown me anything, it's that I can't be apart from you. I can't do it anymore. The last couple of months have been fun but every time you leave me, I feel like I'm going to die. I miss spending 16-hour days on set with you, then spending the night together and doing it all over again the next day. I miss cuddling with you on the couch in your trailer after exhausting dance rehearsals. I miss when the only thing that mattered was you and me, not PR or the fans. Just you and me against the world. This year has fucking sucked because I wasn't strong enough to standup for what was right. I never should have been with him. And because of that, you felt pressured to let T move in with you and now you're probably going to get engaged and I'm too late." You almost start sobbing at the thought of having already lost your chance to be with her.
Heather tries to speak but before she can interject you say, "I'm still scared about losing everything I've worked for my whole life but I've realized that as long as I have you, I'll be okay. You mean more to me than my career. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say sorry enough for ending what we had, for forcing you to hide. I can't believe I made you lie about us and forced you out the front, while I snuck out the back."
"Naya, you didn't force me to do anything. I did all of that because I loved you. I love you. I'm willing to do whatever I have to if it means we can be together some day.
You smile at her through your tears. She takes your hands in her own and kisses your knuckles, "You're not too late, Naya. I'm yours. Of course I'm yours. I've always been. We're a two shot, remember?" She smiles and you let out a laugh that sounds more like a sob.
"Fate has laid a hand," you offer with a smile, still sniffling.
"Yes, exactly." Heather leans in and presses her forehead to yours. Then being typical Heather, she pulls away and looks up at the ceiling, "Thank you, fate!"
You roll your eyes, "Oh my god, we're such freaking dorks."
"Well, obviously." Heather laughs.
You move up and kiss her and she wraps you in a tight hug that you're more than happy to reciprocate.
You're both so happy afterwards that you open a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Heather reminds you, "This is for your Emmy win too, Nay Nay!" All you can do is laugh at that while she picks you up and twirls you around in a circle.
*********************************************
You find yourselves in the pool not long after realizing what you've known for years, that you're supposed to be together. You know now that being with Heather for the rest of your life is the plan and you've finally decided to give yourself over to it. The water is cleansing for so many reasons tonight.
You're skinny-dipping in your new pool, at the request of Heather, and you're finding it difficult keeping your hands off of each other. You fool around under the moonlight until the water can no longer soothe the heat of your desires.
She scoops you up in her arms and you wrap your legs around her waist like last night, but now you're together in a brand new way. She carries you, naked and dripping wet, through the house to your bedroom. You make love truly uninhibited for the first time and it's all at once perfect and overwhelming, every thing it needs to be.
You both cry, which is not something either of you has ever done before, because you're so happy. Heather then reminds you that you get to have "happy sex" for the rest of your lives and then you both start laughing and crying. Heather hugs you before wrestling herself on top, straddling your hips.
She looks down, her hair shrouding your face like you're in a confessional, and says, "I love you Naya, so much. I'm so happy right now. And I don't think I'll ever be sad again, not like before. Never like before."
You lean up and catch her lips, and tell her how you feel in a long, heated kiss. But you can't help yourself, so you add, "I love you too Heather Elizabeth Morris. I'll never get tired of telling you that." It's definitely the cheesiest thing you could say at the moment but it's the truth. You pull her down into a hug and you both continue showing your love to each other for the rest of the night.
*********************************************
Later that night, so late that the sun is soon to rise, you lay cradled in her strong arms, linked around your waist, her bare breasts flush against your back. Her head is nestled on your shoulder and you feel her warm breath upon your cheek. You lazily caress your fingers along her arms and hands. She's not yet fallen asleep so you decide to say something that has to be said before you can sleep soundly.
"Heath."
She stirs behind you, "Mm hm?"
"There's something I didn't get to do today that I really need to do."
"And what's that baby? I feel like we did it all once and then did it over again and then did it over again again." You can hear the smile on her lips as you assume she gets lost in the memory of the night's events replaying in her mind. They can't help but replay in yours too.
"Yes, Heath, we did all the things."
She squeezes you tightly and places a kiss at the crook of your neck. "Yeah we did."
You turn in her arms to face her. The room is dark but the light from the moon or the sun, you're a little drunk on champagne and sex and happiness so you're not sure, fills it enough so you can see her face, most importantly her eyes. They are locked on yours right now and she looks concerned.
"What's wrong, Nay?"
You quickly quell her concerns, "Nothing. Nothing, honey." Her face relaxes. "I just never got to give my acceptance speech." You smile at her and she smiles back.
"Oh, no you didn't but you don't have to. It was just for fun."
"I know. But I want to." You don't sit up but you wrap your arms around her waist and stare into her eyes. She's looking at you so intently that you start to doubt whether you should be doing this. "Don't laugh," you say for some assurance that you're not going to be totally embarrassed.
Without hesitation Heather responds, "Never, Naya."
With a final breath you begin, "Thank you Academy for this honor. It's always been a dream of mine to be nominated but to actually win is something I can't even begin to process right now. I want to thank the cast and crew of Glee for being the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. I love you all but it would take hours to list you so I'ma find you afterwards and mouse kiss the crap out of you." Heather stifles an excited giggle and mouse kisses you. You continue, "I want to thank my family and friends for their unwavering support over the years. None of this would have been possible without your guidance. So thank you." You stop for a moment before the next part.
"Naya, that was so nice." Heather kisses you sweetly.
"Thank you honey. But I'm not done yet." You grin and continue, "There is so much doubt and uncertainty in this business, too much, and honestly it's sometimes hard to trust what people tell you is good for your career or your image. But today, I think I've finally realized that no one knows what's better for me than myself." You are getting choked up again and you try to swallow down the tears you know are coming. Heather senses this and pulls you closer. "Four years ago, I met my soul mate. She walked into my life, into my heart, and never left. We've been through hell but she's here with me tonight and I know without any doubt or uncertainty that I'm here, accepting this award because of the strength she gives me every day." You hear Heather softly crying before you see her but you continue because you can't stop now that you've gotten this far. "This is for you Heather. I love you and I'm thankful every day to have you in my life." You lean forward and Heather meets your lips. You feel her tears on your face and you know she feels yours too. You kiss like it's the last thing you'll ever do, with such urgency that you're not sure your heart can take it all.
As you become breathless you pull away and hold Heather's cheeks in your hands, "Heath, I love you so much and I wish I could have given that speech tonight, in front of the world. I want to tell everyone, every day, how much you mean to me. And I meant every word of it. You are my rock, even when we couldn't be together you were always on my mind. Always."
Heather kisses your forehead and whispers, "I love you so much. Thank you." You smile into another kiss.
"Just one more thing," you say hesitantly.
"Anything, Naya."
"What were you and Lou talking about when you walked her to her car?" You focus on Heather's chin, because even though you know it wasn't anything bad, you're still too nervous to look her in the eyes.
"Oh that?" Heather quietly laughs. "Lou was sort of giving me a little pep talk."
You look up, "For what?"
Heather scrunches her nose and brings her hands to her face, clearly embarrassed.
Gently you pull her hands into yours and hold them between your chests. "Heath, come on, just tell me."
"Well she knew that tonight was important for me. For us. And she just gave me a little confidence boost. She told me I was doing the right thing."
Confused, yet again, "The right thing?"
"Well, before you beat me to it, I was going to tell you that I loved you and the whole night was supposed to be a build-up to that…"
You cut her off and rest your hand on her cheek, "Heath, I can't believe I ruined it!"
Heather kisses the palm of your hand, "Naya, you didn't ruin anything, okay? We both needed to say it and I'm so glad you did. Really, tonight couldn't have gone any better. Believe me."
"Really, really?"
Heather shakes her head, "Really, really."
You lean up to kiss her again because you have free reign to do so whenever you please now and you don't think you'll ever get used to that freedom. She wraps her arms around and pulls you in close, you can feel her heart beating against your chest. Your kisses slow down until you almost fall asleep with your mouths still touching. She takes your hand in hers, lazily twining your fingers together.
"So tomorrow, huh?" Heather says, out of nowhere, and even without context you know what she means. Tomorrow you'll give yourself over fully to love, no matter the consequences because tomorrow your life truly begins, your life together. And you won't look back, only forward.
"Tomorrow," you whisper back to her. You rest your head on her chest, her strong arms embracing you and her warm breath atop your head grounding you in reality. You decide that you want to stay like this forever. Heather kisses the corner of your mouth and you finally drift off to sleep.