Lost innocence
Its Tour Day and Mother is running around the already tidy house while Father rolls his eyes at her overreaction. "Okay everything is ready." She said with a nervous laugh. Why does she need to be nervous? I'm the one they're looking for not her.
"Finnick, sit up straight, Coral, don't slouch either." Mother instructs me and my twelve year old sister as we sat in the living room on the sofa while father sits in a chair beside us.
I sigh and comply with her demands. If it weren't for my age I would be living here in the Victors Village alone, but I'm four years too young. You would think I would be proud for winning the Hunger Games at the age of fourteen, the youngest to ever win the Games, but how could I be proud when I had to kill to survive? I think of myself as a survivor who had to do horrible things to get out alive. My parents think of it as a blessing that their only son was returned to them alive and over looked the things I did in the Games. Coral is just happy to have her big brother back.
I look over at Coral with her long wavy sandy hair and her pale blue eyes. She's growing into be a very beautiful young woman. Just like me she has a pretty face that everyone loves. I like to think that's what got me out alive was because I lined up many sponsors because of my looks. Mother always said I would be a heart breaker when I grew up. But my pretty face came with a price when I was a child a teacher touched me and afterward I ran home frightened. My Mother learned what had happened and turned my teacher over to authorities. She wasn't too happy, that I told my Mother on her.
I try to look after Coral and make sure no one tries anything like that with her. Hopefully no one will since her older brother is a killer now. Maybe they'll be too afraid to even talk to her. I sometimes wish I was an only child, not that I want the attention for myself from my parents, I love Coral, it's just that it would be easier on my parents if they only had one to send off to the reaping and have that one win, and never worry about them losing that child ever again. But fate has other plans. Luckily Coral just now turned twelve and her name will be in the reaping ball once.
The camera crews and my escort Cherry walk through the door. Cherry is a plump woman with bright red skin, red shoulder length hair that had fake cherries running through her hair. Her lips a dark red color and her nails painted black with cherry design on them. Everything on her was cherry related. She walked them in talking in her high Capital accent with a smile on her face.
They give the interviews and I'm quickly ushered out of the house away from my parents and sister. Mags accompanied us on the train platform and the train leaves for the Capitol. "Now when we get to District 3 you give a speech and a brief eulogy for the fallen tributes. There'll be a celebration in your honor and so on and so on. It will be the same in every District. The best of the best is last, The Grand party in the Capitol at the presidential mansion, hosted by President Snow himself of course." Cherry said excitedly. "I'm so honored to be the escort of the youngest winner in history…" She babbled on and on about how proud she was and how she was hoping to be promoted up to a better district.
Yes I am the youngest to win, I just turned fourteen the week before the reaping and I still haven't quite hit puberty yet. My voice still sounds like a boy not a teen or an adult man. It does crack a few times when I talk but not a lot. I'm just starting to grow hair in places. I'm fourteen and my twelve year old sister already has hit puberty, with her curves starting to form and her face maturing faster. Father said it was common for girls to mature quicker than boys. I was hoping to be able to shave my face by now like my Father but nothing. I admitted it on my interview before the Games that I wanted to shave and grow a beard like Father's thick beard. And of course everyone laughed. Cherry said to play up the innocent boy routine, which wasn't hard to do. I am innocent. My parents sheltered me as much as possible. Mother works at a market that sells things like cloth, foul, etc. things that people may need. Father is a fisherman. He goes out to sea for three months fishing with his crew. The ship is captained by the Capital and many peacekeepers accompany them to make sure no one tries to take over the ship and sail away. Father and ten other men live in small quarters of the ship locked in every night after their quota is complete and taken out to work before dawn.
Yes even in this beautiful serene setting we are slaves to the capital. We're luckier than other districts because of how we can feed ourselves by fishing, although it's against the law to fish for ourselves, but we do it. Being the "Careers" We have a lot of Victors and so we get lots of wealth from the Capitol.
The victory tour ended at the Capitol and we were taken to the training center and back on our old floor. Cherry sits us all down to discuss the schedule. "You have been invited for a private party in the president's mansion later on after the toast. It's more like some of the elite would like alone time with you rather than share you with the rest of the guest." She said excitedly. "Everyone wants a piece of you." She laughed. Mags, glares at her with a death glare that I didn't understand.
My prep team cleans me and polishes me to where I couldn't even recognize the boy in the mirror. They somehow made me look older. I looked two years older. After I'm dressed and ready to go. Mags walks out of her room looking twenty years younger. She looked like Mother's age rather than the elderly woman she is. We load up in the fancy black car that'll take us to the president's mansion for the party. We were the last car to arrive. An Avox opens the door and Cherry steps out first with her long black velvet dress with dark red trimming the top of the bodice. Then Mags stepped out after her with a white long sleeved dress. And then me with a sea blue tux with a white shirt and a blue tie.
Everyone cheered and applaud me as I walked the deep red carpet to the large mansion. Avoxes open the doors for us as we entered the mansion. I've never seen something so luxurious as this place. In the courtyard was a huge platform full of people dancing around each other. I couldn't believe all the food they had laid out on long tables.
I ate and danced with everyone till the President walked up to his platform and toasted his glass of champagne in the air. I never drank before and the champagne started to get to my head. Mags gives me a glass of water to help clear my head. It does help. "A young boy shouldn't drink this stuff." She scorned. I laugh a little and drink the next glass of water she gives me. The dizziness fades and I can think straight again.
An avox walked over to me and handed me a thick piece of paper. I thanked her and opened the paper.
I invite you to join me and a few elite friends of mine for a private party.
President Snow.
I looked up as a man in a black shirt, black pants, black blazer jacket and black sunglasses came to collect me and escort me to this private party. I glance over at Mags before I follow him. She gives me a nod to go on. I can't shake this feeling something bad will come out of this. My stomach churns and I feel sick. Something bad is going to happen, but I can't run from this. I can't refuse the President's invite.
The peacekeeper stops at a white double door. He opens one of them and motions for me to enter. The room is all white with white carpet, white walls, white ceiling, and white furniture. Five people stood around each other talking amongst themselves. There was a middle aged woman with white hair with a white feathery dress on. Her hair was shaped like a bird. Now that I take a closer look she maybe older then what she appears to be.
I spotted President Snow conversing with a heavy set man with inky black hair that covered his head like someone painted it there. Probably, it is the Capital and they do and wear weird things. He turned to look at me with piercing icy blue eyes, and fleshy lips that resembled fish lips. An icy cold chill ran down my spine. I looked away from his glare and his smile that promised perversion was ramping through his mind.
The second man looked younger much younger. He wore practically nothing. He sat by the woman and looked at me not with lust or wanting but with fear. What is he afraid of? I wondered as I looked at the third man who looked to be around mother's age. He was tall and thin. He wore a black shirt and pants with a red tie. He had shoulder length straight black hair with deep dark red streaks in his hair.
"Ahh, young Mr. Odair nice of you to join us." President Snow said with a smile and walking closer to me and puts an arm around my shoulders as if we were old friends. "Meet some of my colleagues of mine who've been waiting to meet you personally." He says as he walks me closer to the woman.
"This is Mrs. Swan and her friend Luke." He introduced me to the woman and then to the young man. I noticed the way Snow said "friend" and it made me a little nervous.
"It is a pleasure to meet you young man." She said drawing out her words.
Snow introduced me to the thin man but the man made little contact just nodded and walked away. Snow led me to the heavy set man. "This is Mr. Walker. You will be entertaining him this evening." Snow said as Mr. Walker smiled and conversed with the president. I lost my train of thought after Snow said I was to entertain the man. I don't understand. How do I entertain him?
Their conversation was short when I saw Snow hand him a key and whispered something in his ear. All I could make out was "Remember the rules." I thought I heard him say.
"Come let us go somewhere private." The man said as he nodded towards the door. I was frozen to the floor as I realized what was going on.
"Come on!" He demanded.
"No! I don't want to go with you." I said. I meant for it to be sturdier but my voice trembled at the words.
"I bought you fair and square, now come." He said in a low voice as he got into my face. An icy cold shiver ran down my back.
"No! I won't go!" I said sturdier this time.
"Ah Young Odair can I have a word for a moment?" Snow asked.
I hesitated for a second and walked slowly to him as like when I was a child and I got caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. "You will go with Mr. Walker or your family will pay costly for it. I hear you have a little sister. Twelve, am I correct?" He asked. I nodded with horror. What is he doing? Is he threatening me? I wondered.
"Would you rather I sell her as well?" He asked. A shiver ran through me.
"N-no sir." I stuttered.
"Good boy, now go with Mr. Walker." He said with satisfaction in his voice. I go with Mr. Walker defeated. I never thought this would happen. I should have died in the arena if I knew this was awaiting me. What could this man want from me? What could he do to me?
We stop at a one door room. He unlocks it and pushes me into the room. The room was large and grand. The walls were white, the ceiling as well and the bed was huge with blue and white bedding and pillows. The drapes covered the large windows with long deep blue velvet drapes.
I hear the door shut and a click of the lock as to lock me in with him. I started trembling as the fear took over me. He came behind me and pulled off my jacket. He loosened my tie and pulled it off over my head tossing it to the floor. He slowly unbuttoned my shirt while kissing my neck. I wasn't told about this. I was numb, but not too numb to feel every touch and caress he made. I wasn't told about this. My father told me about what married men and women do. I was given the sex talk last year when I turned thirteen. My father said sex is between a man and a woman. I am a boy! Why would he want a young boy who's barely into puberty? Why not a woman? Does he only like boys rather than adult men? I was so lost in my questioning, that I didn't realize his hand was down my pants touching me. The only time someone touched me like this was hung for it.
I was eight and my teacher had me stay in for recess. She undressed me and touched me as she touched herself. I didn't like it then and I most definitely don't like it now. I felt something run down my cheek. I didn't realize I was crying. I never cry.
I just stand there and let it happen. I hate myself and my body for giving him what he wanted. He stops and lifts his lips away from the back of my right shoulder. He unbuttons my pants and pulls them off, my underwear soon follows. Now I'm as naked as the day I was born. He walks me over to the bed. "On the bed." He demands. So I climb up on the large bed with tears streaming down my face. I choke down a sob as I was afraid of what will come next.
The man turns me on my back and he hovers over me. I hold back the bile as he kisses me on the lips. His lips never leave my skin as he works his way down. I gasp in surprise when I felt something warm and wet around my length. I looked to see the man had me in his mouth.
I couldn't hold back the pleasurable moan that escaped my lips. It felt strange but yet pleasurable. I felt disgusted with myself at my body's reactions. I couldn't stop another moan as he sucked harder. I exploded into his mouth and he seemed to like it. He sat up on his knees and started undressing himself. Soon he was as naked as me.
He was very hairy and his gut was large. His length was fully erect. He walked on his knees closer in reaching distance. He grabbed my hand and wrapped it around his length. He moved my hand back and forth along his erection.
It was hard as a rock but the skin felt soft and fragile. I swallowed the vomit that threatened to come up. His hand stroked me as I stroked him. I froze when I felt one of his fingers go to where I never thought possible to be touched. He penetrated my backside. Pushing his finger further in. It was very uncomfortable and I started to tremble again. He seemed to like that he was making me feel uncomfortable and for more discomfort he pushed it in further. I held back a scream as he forced another finger in with the first one. It hurt. He smiled as he took his fingers out and pushed back in. He pulled them back out and he touched his own length coating his fingers with his own fluids.
After he got his fingers wet he rolled me over so I was lying on my front. I cringed as he penetrated me again. I whimpered and cried quietly to myself as he continued. He pulled my legs apart from each other and lifted my hips upward a bit. I screamed as something bigger than his fingers, penetrated me. I didn't have time to register what it was as he thrusted in and out. Pounding me from behind, I never dreamt men did this with each other. Obviously this isn't his first time with a boy. I screamed into the pillow as he continued. I felt him give me one last thrust and he collapsed on top of me. I was in tears from the fear and pain I felt.
He rolled off of me and I whimpered. I laid there clinching the pillow in my fist as I gritted my teeth together as the pain racked through me. I felt myself bleeding. I feel him get up off the bed "Stay like that I'll be back." He says. I hurt too much to move anyway. I closed my eyes picturing the beach and the sea air anywhere but here. I sense him returning.
"Get up!" He demands. I don't budge. I'm too afraid.
"I said get up!" He nearly shouts, but I'm frozen and I cower at his shout. He lifts me up and turns my head to look at him.
"You will obey me." He says as he back handed me across thew face. The impact jerked my head to the left as he slapped me, which stung.
"Now, suck it!" He demands as he lowers my face down to his groin. His length lay sagging and limp.
"I said, suck it!" He says through clinched teeth. He becomes impatient and pinched my mouth open and shoves his limp length into my mouth.
The taste hits my tongue and I feel like vomiting. He lies down and swings my body on his. And again he is touching me. I felt repulsive as I did what he demanded me to do. I slowly push my mouth down his length and pull back off it. I did what he wanted and he stopped stroking me as he became lost in his own pleasure. His length becomes hard again and I can feel he is getting closer to exploding. I was not letting that happen. I take him out of my mouth. "Don't take your mouth away. Drink it up!" he demands. I look at the wall in horror. He yanks my hair till his lips are at my ear. "Do it!" He says menacingly and pushes my head towards his groin. I do what he says and take him in my mouth again.
I wasn't going to let this happen any longer. So I bit down. I hear him shout in pain and throws me off of him. He's bleeding a little bit and I feel satisfied that I caused him pain. But it was short lived. He got up off of the bed and pinned me down on my back and he punched me over and over again. He hit my chest, my stomach and my face. Once satisfied with hitting me he turned me over again. No not again. I kicked him in the paunch of his belly and crawled towards the door.
He stood up and went after me. "NO!" I screamed as he held my hips up in the air and he penetrated me again. I screamed till I couldn't scream no more.
This went on throughout the night. He forced himself into my mouth again and I vomited afterwards. He touched me in ways I never thought possible. I felt raw and dirty when finally he got up and showered and left the room. Three Avoxes walk in silently. I try to sit up but I'm too weak and hurt to move. The room smells heavily of sex. When two male Avoxes lift me up, I whimper and cringe as they took me off the bed. I looked at the bed it was covered with blood and sex. There was a lot of my blood staining the bed. They dress me in just the pants and shirt, not caring to dress me up. I tried to walk but my knees buckled and I fall to the floor whimpering in pain.
The two men half carried and half walked me out of the mansion and escorted me back to the training center. I lay on my side the whole ride back.
Once the elevator opens to my floor I'm dragged to the red sofa and deposited there. I whimper again. I feel Mags's hands flutter over me. I can't move it hurts too much.
"Shh. It's alright you're alright." She coos at me. It was then I realized I was sobbing uncontrollably. She gets up to leave me, but I stop her. "Please Mags don't leave me. Don't let them hurt me again." I cry as I grab her hand. She nods and sits on the floor next to me while I cry myself to sleep.
"No more! Please no more" I say as I wake up and I feel a hand touch my cheek.
"Shh. It's alright I won't hurt you." Mags says as I open my eyes to her face.
"Finnick you need to calm down. It's alright. It's over." She adds. I nod and take in a deep breath as I try to calm myself down. "Come on let's get you cleaned up." She says. I try to sit up but whimper and cry as I do. My body aches especially there. "You're getting blood on the sofa." I hear Cherry say all upset. Sure I was brutally forced to have intercourse with a man and getting the life kicked out of me is nothing. But getting blood on the fancy furniture is a tragedy.
"Cherry, can't you see Finnick is in pain?" Mags yells at her. "Who sells a young boy to be forced to have sex with anyone is a despicable action." I hear Mags mutter. So she knew what was going to happen before hand?
"Clearly Mr. Walker abused the rules." Cherry shouts in anger. Not angry that he forced me to do terrible things but that he marked me with cuts and bruises. Mags had an avox help her take me to my room. She sent the avox away, which I was grateful. I didn't want anyone else to see me like this but her. She's always been like a grandmother to me. After the whole incident with the teacher she helped me cope and comforted me. She's always been there for me. When she became my mentor she gave me survival skills to go by and helped me get a lot of sponsors to help save me.
Mags cleans me up and tries to tend to my cuts by putting something on them. She walks me to the bed and I climb in. I lay on my side, it hurts too much still. I panic as she starts to leave. "Mags please stay with me?" I beg. She smiles and walks back to me. "Scoot" She says and I scoot over so to make room for her. I place my head on her lap. She strokes my hair and sings to me. I fall asleep to her comfort.
~o~
I jolted awake screaming. My whole body covered in sweat. Mother comes running in. She looks at me wide eyed with concern. "It's okay it was just a nightmare." She says as she walks over to me and cradles me in her arms as I cry. She and the rest of my family don't know what happened to me when I was in the Capital. How could I tell my parents that their only son was brutally forced to have intercourse with another man?
It's been a month since it happened and I refused to go home to my parents till the bruises went away and my body to heal. I didn't want them to ask questions. I stayed with Mags during that time. I went back to my parents a week ago. They tried to ask questions on what did I do in the Capital but I couldn't answer.
Mother rocks me for a while till I calm down and she tucks me in the bed. She kisses my forehead and leaves my room. I couldn't fall back to sleep my nightmares were of that night rather than my time in the Games. That night was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I shake my head to try to erase the memories.
Months go by and again it's reaping day. I dress in the nice but casual clothes. Since I've already been through my Games I am a mentor now. I pass Coral who is sitting on the sofa staring at the floor. I can see the horror in her eyes, she's terrified. It's her first reaping.
"Coral it will be fine. Your name is only in there once and there's always someone who volunteers, so you have nothing to worry about." I said as I sat next to her on the sofa.
"Your name was called last year and no one volunteered to take your place." She reminds me. That is true I was called and I waited for someone to volunteer but no one spoke up.
"You'll be okay!" I said trying to comfort her. She nods and I hug her tightly and let her go. I hope she isn't called to be a tribute. If she's called I don't think I can handle being her mentor. And if she goes into the arena I can't save her. If she did win the games, which I seriously doubt that outcome. She'll be the Capitals slave like me. I tense up at the memory and shake my head slightly to erase it from my head. She looks at me confused and I just give her a reassuring smile.
Mother calls us to get ready to leave. We follow her out the door and the peace keepers herd us to the town square. I kiss the top of Coral's head before taking my place on the platform of the justice building. It takes an hour to bring everyone into the square. The mayor reads out the history of the dark days and then the anthem plays. Cherry walks up to the microphone and goes to the bowl with the girls names are and all I could think of Coral's name not be called. I relax when it's not her name. I look for her face and see the relief in her eyes as well. I find my parents and their faces are one of relief as well. I can't imagine my little sister being reaped and taken to the arena to be slaughtered like every kid except one is sent off to be. I was lucky I made it out but yet I still feel I should have died in the arena especially after what had happened with Mr. Walker.
I shake my head a little to try to erase the memory. Mags grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. She knows my nightmares no longer are of the Games but of that awful night. Panic swipes over as I think what if President Snow sold me again. I look at Mags at the corner of my eye and she sees my fear in my eyes. She gives me a sad smile and nods a little as to answer what I feared most. I look away and look at my parents. I'm just as scared as the two kids standing on the steps of the justice building.
No one volunteers for my old childhood friend who is a year older than me and someone takes the place of Coral's best friend who is twelve like her. An eighteen year old girl takes her place. I'm grateful she did. The older you are the most likely to survive. The boy was my best friend growing up. He's name is Sandy. He's strong and skilled with a spear. He can skillfully debone a fish easily. He might have a chance of winning these Games but his compassion gets in the way. He's constantly taking in orphaned children and feeding the hungry. He hated whale hunting. He even befriended an orphaned orca and a bottle nosed dolphin. Everyone loves him, he is the friendliest kid I have ever known. I really hope he makes it in the arena.
There's nothing we can do. He has to go when his name is called. You have to be on your death bed to not be able to be reaped. I was surprised no one volunteered in his place. I have to admit I wouldn't volunteer either if it meant to save myself from going to the arena. Last year I was hoping someone would volunteer in my stead but no one did. I can't understand why would anyone volunteer to go and kill other kids your own age just so you could be a victor? It's madness. I know the true reasons behind the Hunger Games. It's to keep us, Districts, in line and made sure we knew where we belonged.
How could any of the Capital citizens stand to watch the Games? It's sickening. Of course I can't say what I think out loud, I'd be hanged for treason for just saying these thoughts out loud. I wouldn't dare, me who survived the Games just to be killed for my rebellious thoughts? Although it doesn't sound like a bad Idea to die right now. The thought of being sold to Mr. Walker a second time, hanging sounds like a peaceful way to die right about now. My body aches even thinking about Mr. Walker.
The time came to go to the train. Mags and I and two other victors join us on the train. I leave it to the rest of the victors to give the two tributes advice and how to kill and survive. If it were me to advise them I would just simply say don't win. There are worse horrors then being in the arena. President Snow doesn't just let you win and you can go live your life free from being going back in the games. Free to live your life in riches, never having to get a job or starve. I wish someone told me that I would be sold for sex I would have let them kill me in the arena. But how could've I known? I was just barely fourteen.
The train starts up and we're on our way to the Capital. I'm called to dinner by Cherry. I walk to the table and sit by Mags. I rarely stray away from her side now-a-days. I feel safe around her.
"So Finnick, how did you do it?" The eighteen year old asked. I can't remember her name.
"I really don't know. I should have died but I didn't. I killed 'cause I had to or they would have killed me." I answer and I truly wished I had died. She seemed to not like my answer and turned to look at the man who won his games fifteen years ago. I looked at the boy and tried to give him an assuring smile. He smiled back and went on to eating. Cherry told us the schedule and I made my leave without anyone noticing. I really didn't want to get attached to those two tributes, even though Sandy is my childhood friend. I'm not the only victor on this train that can advise them.
I hear someone knock on my door and I give them the okay for them to enter and of course it's Mags. "Mags, I'm scared. What if I'm sold again?" I said looking at her. She sighs with sorrow and comes to sit next to me.
"I'm sorry Finnick, but Snow has already sold you again and when we arrive to the Capital you are invited to…." She pauses and looks at me.
"To who?" I ask.
"To Mr. Walker again. It seems he likes you." She answered my fear.
"WAIT, YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN AGAIN?" I shout with anger. I jump off the bed and turn to face her.
"Yes I knew. Cherry got the invite before she came and told me that Mr. Walker would like you to accompany him to a private party his friend is hosting." She answers.
"NO! I CAN'T GO BACK TO HIM! DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME TO HIM AGAIN! PLEASE MAGS DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME!" I scream at her with fear and anger but mostly fear.
"Shh. Finnick it's alright. I wish I could stop it from happening but I can't. I have no say on what happens to you in the Capital." She answers slowly.
I can't listen anymore so I scream for her to leave me be. She doesn't leave she just waits till I calm down and I'm glad she didn't leave. She knows me so well. She knew I just needed to calm down and when I did I would want her comfort. I sit back down on the small sofa in the room. I lay my head on her lap and she pets my hair back. "Mags, he's just going to hurt me again. What do I do?" I asked in a squeaky voice as my voice is starting to change. "There's nothing you can do but to let it happen. I know you're scared and I'm scared for you, but there is nothing you can do to prevent this from happening. Snow will hurt you more than Mr. Walker could ever do so do as you're told to do and hopefully it gets easier for you over time." She says. I nod and let tears fall down over the bridge of my nose.
I wake up with a scream as the dream fades away. I see that it's morning so I get dressed and walk out to the dining car. Everyone is there already eating. I don't feel like eating so I just get a few slices of bread and a glass of water. I sit down at the table and look up. Everyone is staring at me with confusion and concern, except for Mags who already knows what's wrong with me.
"What was with that large outburst from you last night?" Cherry asked with disapproval in her voice like she was scolding a toddler.
"I'm sorry!" Is all I could say, they all looked at me as if they wanted more information. I didn't know how much they heard.
"It's nothing I'm fine." I snap at them all. They go back to eating and discussing their strategies on how they're going to be the next victor for our District. I sigh and leave the car and go to the very back of the train where it's all window and you can see everything rushing behind us. I lose myself in the sights that I didn't her him come in.
"Hi." Sandy says.
"Oh, hi. I didn't hear you walk in." I said when I looked at him.
"I was wondering if you could tell me more on what to expect when I go into the arena?" he asked. I look at him and sigh.
"Well there's not much to say but to survive. When the gong goes off run the other direction everyone else is running too. When in training learn survival skills rather than killing skills. Find what you're good at and just practice survival skills. If you can out live them you'll be alright." I say trying to give him something to at least give him a chance. He nods his head like he understood and I nod as well.
"So why were you screaming and shouting at Mags last night?" he asked.
"It's none of your business. There are worst things then being in the arena." I answer looking away from him.
"What do you mean?" He asked. I turned to look at him.
"I said it's none of your business." I snapped.
"If you tell me I won't tell anyone else." He probed for more.
I stare at him for a minute I don't understand why he is so persistent on me telling him what I'm talking about. Why would he care? I can't help the shame that fills me. I try not to think of Mr. Walker and his terrible hands touching me in ways I never wanted to be touched by another man. I was just a boy. I'm still not quite yet a man either.
"I can't tell you." I said as I looked away from him.
"What did you mean "Don't let them take me to him again."?" He asked. I stared at him for a minute as I tried to come up with an answer.
"Why do you want to know so badly?" I asked.
"Because we were once best friends and we told each other everything, including what Ms. Rafter did to you. But ever since you came home you're a different person from what you were before the Games." He answered. That is true. But that was different.
"I can't. I'm too scared if I say it out loud than it's true on what happened when I prefer to think of it as an awful nightmare." I explain. He sighs and gives up. I watch him leave and I feel relieved that he's gone.
We arrive at the Capital and escorted to the training center. Everyone gets settled in while we wait for the stylist come to polish the tributes to ready them for the opening ceremony that will take place tomorrow afternoon.
I don't get a chance to go to my chambers since I am escorted out of the building and into a car. I find that Mr. Walker has been waiting in the car. I try to contain my fears and try not to tremble in fear on what will come next. He places his hand on my thigh dangerously close to my groin. We go to his friend's home for their little Games party to celebrate the 66th Hunger Games. Everyone watches us walk in and the woman I met at the president's mansion with her "Friend" standing next to her.
I'm handed a drink and I sip at it. It's spirits. Very strong spirits. I set it down on a table and pretend to drink when Mr. Walker looks at me. Thankfully all the rest of the guest are too drunk to notice.
It was starting to get late and Mr. Walker guides me out of the house and into the car again. The driver takes us to a large building and we get out. He walks me through the door always walking behind me with his hands on my shoulders guiding me towards the elevator like as if he let go I would runaway.
Once in the elevator he hit the 43rd floor. He started kissing my neck before we even got to the floor. By time we reach the floor, I'm already half naked. The elevator doors open to a large room with a few black sofas and chairs strong out all over the room. He walks me towards the double doors. He opens them and half pushes my unwilling body further into the room. It's dark and with black furniture everywhere just the same as the main room. The walls were white and the bed is large with black and white pillows and a black comforter.
He shuts the door behind him and I hear him lock the door. I feel his hands roam my body again just the same as the first time I was with him. His hand finds its way down my pants. I again feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks quietly as he touches me. He kisses me all over my neck and upper back. He unzips my pants and pulled them off along with my underwear. I step out of my pants and my shoes and socks, like he instructed. He turns me around to face him. He leaned down and kissed me fully on the lips. I feel his tongue trace my lips, almost seeking entrance but I don't let him enter my mouth. How revolting this man is.
I gasp when he grabs me and he took advantage of my gasp and sticks his tongue into my mouth. Licking every inch of my mouth, swirling his tongue around mine. His hand strokes me till I was fully erected and aroused. And again I hate my body for giving him what he wanted. He continued to stroke my shaft till I explode. I hate myself even more. His tongue swirled around mine as he unzipped his pants and let them fall around his ankles. He brought my hand to his shaft and I knew what he wanted and stroked him as he did me. He breaks from kissing me as he lost himself in his own pleasure. I felt his fluids hit me on my abdomen since I was still shorter then him but I grew a good foot from last fall. He pushes me towards the bed. He turns to sit on the bed and orders me to take him in my mouth. I learned from last fall to better do as he says or he'll beat me.
I gag and swallow the bile that threatened to come up and he groans and moans when I swallow the bile back down. He moves my head back and forth pulling his shaft in and out of my mouth. He releases himself into my mouth and orders me to drink it up. After he releases my head I can't help but to run to the toilet and puke. After I'm done, he pulls me by my wrist back into the room. He nearly throws me on the bed. He sits next to me as I lay on my back in the middle of the bed. He leans down to my shaft and takes me into his mouth I nearly lose it as he sucks. He pulls his head away and grabs my wrist to his shaft so to stroke him as he sucks me.
My body reacts to what he wants from me and again I explode. I knew what comes next when I feel him grow hard and he tries to roll me over onto my stomach, but I can't help but protest. "Please, not this!" I can't help but plead. I start to protest and push him away. "You will do as I say." He said as he slapped me across the face.
He rolls me over and I scream as he penetrates me; pounding into me over and over. I can't help but to cry and scream, as he pounds in and out of me. I hate this part about this whole sex thing the worst, it hurts. It hurts still as it did the first time. He seems to like my screams as he grows more aroused. He finally stops and my screams turn into whimpers. I can feel my blood seep out from me along with his fluids he had released into me. I think he's done with his torture, but then I feel him finger me and touch me. I whimper as he adds more discomfort and pain. It was like he wanted me to be in pain as he violates me with those torturous fingers of his.
I feel disgusted with myself and him for doing this to me. Why would anyone want to use a boy in such a way is beyond me. The rest of the night is just more pain and tears.
He finally leaves me alone and I crawl out of bed and grab my pants to put them back on. He sleeps snoring loudly in the bed and I can't handle sleeping in that filthy bed next to him. I curl myself in the corner of the room and tremble as the pain racked over my body. The sun finally shines and I'm allowed to leave. I walk into the tribute center and off the elevator. I by pass everyone and go straight to my room.
Mags enters my room just as I fall face down onto the bed, as I was too much in pain to lay on my back. "I'm sorry." She says. As she rubs my back.
"At least he didn't beat you like the first time." She says with a smile.
"He slapped me when I tried to stop him from pounding into me." I said looking at her with fearful eyes. She is right though, it could have been like the first time.
She helps clean me up and gives me something to alleviate the pain somewhat, which I'm grateful for. I'm so tired when it is time for the opening ceremony a felt like I would pass out. Sandy looks at me with worry and concern. "I'm alright. Just focus on the Games." I assured him. He nodded and let me be.
Again I'm invited to a small party. It's a private viewing of the open ceremony in a house with a very large T.V. everyone is drinking and eating and judging on what each district is wearing.
"How are you holding up?" Luke asked as he stands next to me and asks with real concern.
"I don't know? I'm scared." I admit.
"Don't worry there are a few more I heard had paid for your services during the whole games." He informs me, he says the word "More" with sarcasm. So I know he doesn't approve on how they treat us. I just nod. I try to wish that it isn't more men. The crowed started watching the open ceremony and started betting on the tributes.
They applauded and cheered at the end of the ceremony. A woman with yellow hair that was shaped like a yellow flower. She had pink lips and flower tattoos on her face and neck. She looked to be in her mid-forties. "Hello Finnick I'm Natalie Carson." She introduced herself to me with a smile and held out her hand towards me like she wanted me to take it. So I took it and I saw Luke motion for me to kiss her hand and so I did. She smiled and laughed a little as she took her hand away and fanned her face with an elegant looking fan.
I soon realize I was to leave with her. And for once I was glad. She takes me to a room in the house which I figured this must be her house. She locks the door and pushes me down on the bed. I cringe internally from the pain from last night. She doesn't hesitate on undressing me and she looks me over with lust filled eyes. She stands in front of me and undresses herself. She is the first woman I have ever seen undressed before. Her breast are large and looked perfectly rounded as if they were filled with something else. Her body is taught and firm like she was still very young. She was completely hairless except for her head. She nearly pounces on me.
She wraps her hand around my shaft and strokes it holding me too tightly. It hurt. "You're hurting me." I say as she tightens her hold. She grabs ahold of my sack squeezing them tightly. "Stop, please, you're hurting me!" I cry out as she continues torturing me.
She finally stops and she replaces her hand with her mouth and hungrily sucks it. I can't help how my body reacts to her and I explode quickly after a minute. She drinks it up and looks up at me. And smiles. Her hand begins to stroke me again till I'm hard again and she mounts herself and pushes herself down till I'm fully filling her. I don't want this but she doesn't care as she rocks her hips against mine. I do have to admit it is a lot less painful with a woman than a man. She pauses for a minute before collapsing on top of me. She rolls off me and lays next to me as she catches her breath.
I try to catch my own breath as I too exploded. I hate my body so very much. It always betrays me and gives these people what they want. She rolls over and props her head on her hand as her elbow rests on the bed. "Was this your first time with a woman?" She asked. "Y-yes." I answer. She smiles a wide smile. "Well let me be your teacher then." She says as she sits up straighter.
She pulls me up as well. She brings my hand to one of her breast and moves my hand around it and have me squeeze her nipple between my fore-finger and thumb. Her breast were hard as a rock as I touched her.
She turns to lay next to me and I sit up like she instructed. She grabs my hand and guides it to place it between her legs, and I flash back to my teacher when she wanted me to touch her. She pushes my fingers further into her and she felt so hot and wet. She guides my hand to do what she wanted from me.
She stops and pulls my hand away. She pushes me onto my back and she straddles me. She slowly pushes down on my erection filling her. It felt amazing I had to admit. So warm and wet as she rocked her hips against mine. I explode. She isn't done with her own pleasure and continues to ride me till I explode again and she follows me. I feel disgusted with myself, I never said I wanted to be bought and sold for sex. I hate that my body betrayed me with its natural reaction.
That night turned into a lesson on how to please a woman. I have to admit it was less painful than being with a man.
After that night with her I tried to do the things she taught me with the three other women that bought me. But for the men who bought me, they were very violent with me and I ached for days afterward. The last one was so brutal I had to be hospitalized for my injuries. He beat me to a pulp because I refused him and he brutally forced his self on me. I thought Mr. Walker was violent I was wrong. He was the least violent one. I hated being with the men, but I had no choice in the matter I had to go with the person who bought me for the night.
As the Games continued weeks at a time I was tortured just as they were being tortured by each other on screen, I was off screen. I thought it to be strange that it was mostly very wealthy old men who wanted my "Service" rather than women. Although I had many fan girls who saw me with the woman who had bought me was public, but it was hidden that I was with these men like it was a big scandal for them if they got caught being seen with me. I began to let myself grow numb when the same men bought me over and over again. Finally the Games ended and a new victor was crowned. It was a boy from District 1. Of course it was another career District boy. He was seventeen and he was huge with massive muscles.
I felt saddened that my childhood friend died and he would be buried at home. I tried not to watch how he died in the arena. But they showed it anyway, because it was he who was one of the last two standing. They fought to the death and I watched as the boy from District 1 cut Sandy's chest and rip out his heart with victory. It was a brutal death.
The time came for us to return home and I was beyond grateful to be going home. "Please don't tell my parents about being in the hospital." I told Mags. She looked at me with concern. "I'm sorry Finnick they already know." She said sheepishly.
"What, how?" I asked with horror.
"Cherry told them saying that you were in the hospital." She explain
"How much do they know?" I asked.
"I don't think they know anything and they will most likely want answers when you return home." She warned. I nodded. The train finally arrived home and I was greeted by my parents. Mother checked me over with deep concern, but physically I was healed.
My parents and I sat in the living room with silence. "What happened?" Mother asks. Am I allowed to tell them? I wondered. Snow never said I couldn't. But what do I tell them? That their only son is a sex slave in the Capital and whoever buys me I have to comply or get hurt or my family get hurt?
"I don't know what I can tell you and what I can't." I say truthfully.
"Well start by telling us why you were in the hospital." Father says.
I take in a deep breath "I was beaten by a man who…bought me." I answer trying to keep a brave face. They both look at me with shock of horror and disgust. "I didn't want you to know. President Snow threatened Coral's life, I had to do what I was told." I tell them in a rushed panic of fear of them being disgusted by me.
"It's okay!" Mother soothes me as she pulls me into her arms. "You did the right thing to protect your sister. It's okay." She says as she comforts me. I nod in agreement. My Father's face is full of anger at me I'm assuming. I sit up straight and look at him in the eye.
"Father I'm sorry." I apologize quickly.
"Don't apologize to me. It isn't you I am mad at and you did nothing wrong. You did what you had to do to protect Coral." He answered. I nod.
"Is that why you stayed with Mags for so long when you returned home from the Victory tour?" Mother asked. I nod my head.
"It was the first time and he was very brutal. I couldn't face you, I was too ashamed. It was a bit easier this time well except the last one. I tried to protest but I was told by Snow if I stay incompliant then you will pay the price. That was the last time I saw the President. I have to do what they want with me to keep my family alive. I'm sorry." I said with tears streaming down my face and I get up to run out of the house and I found myself at Mags's door step.
She opens her door and lets me in. I can't figure out why I go to her when scared but I've always done it when I was a child. She's been like a grandmother to me. She lets me cry it out and I lay my head in her lap as she sings to me.
Months went by and I was summoned to leave for the Capital for the victory tour's final party. I knew I wasn't invited for the big celebration, I was invited for the private parties my clients had. It was a month before the party and I read that my invite came from Mr. Walker, my number one client.
I can't go back to see him. I can't handle this anymore. I hate myself. My body always gives into what he wants, well except for when he penetrates me over and over. He really likes watching me cry and protest him. I think it gives him pleasure when I scream out in pain.
The time came for me to leave for the Capital again and once there I'm quickly escorted to a car where Mr. Walker is waiting. "I've missed you." He says as he scoots closer to me. "I have paid for you to stay with me for a week." He says as he puts his hand on my thigh and rubs his hand on my thigh, moving his hand dangerously towards my groin and I hold back my fear. No matter how many times I've been with him I still feel very afraid of him. I know what he's capable of doing to me if I protest him. And so I let him have his way with me.
He unzips my pants and touches me while we ride to his apartment. I close my eyes as I fight a moan from coming out my mouth. The car finally stops and the door is opened by an avox. He, like usual, walks me into his dark room and like always, his hands grope me. His lips kiss every inch of my exposed skin. He puts his hand down my pants and touches me till I am fully aroused.
I hate this. It's always the same with him. First there's touching then there's kissing and then oral and finally penetration. All in that order. He pounds into me like always as I can't contain my screams of pain. No matter how many times he's been doing this to me, it still feels like he'll split me in half.
Afterwards I'm allowed to shower but he has to watch. This time is a bit different as he asks me to touch myself. He orders me to stroke my own shaft while he watches. I hate myself even more.
The next day he locks me in his room while he leaves for work. I assumed no one in the Capital worked. I decided since I'm trapped here I'd might as well learn something about the man who buys me more than any of the other elite people in the Capital. I go up to the bed side dresser. I open it up and find nothing that lets me know who this man is.
A male avox walks in the room with a tray of food and water. I guess Mr. Walker doesn't want me to starve while I'm here. "Thank you!" I said as the avox sets it down on a table that's next to the only window in the room. There are two chairs on each side of the table.
I look at the avox for a minute then decided it wouldn't hurt so I did the one thing you are not allowed to do in the Capital. "Can you write?" I asked. He looked at me with confusion. He thinks for a minute before answering me. He nods his head.
"Can you tell me what Mr. Walker does here in the Capital?" I ask. He looks back at me with an expression that he was debating on doing what I asked or not, in fear of being punished for telling me.
"I won't dare tell anyone about this. You have my word. I just want a little more information on the man who buys me the most. I know nothing about him except that he loves to torture me." I explain my reasoning. He looks at me with pity in his dark brown eyes.
He walks over to the bed side dresser and pulls out a pad of paper and pen. He walks back to the table. He motions for me to sit and eat. I cringe when I sit. He notices and gives me another look of pity. He begins writing.
What's your name? He writes
"Finnick." I answer out loud since I don't need to write out my answers.
How old are you? I'm just curios because you look awfully young. You can't be more than thirteen or fourteen.
"I'm fifteen. I thought you knew about me? I won the Games the year before. I am the youngest to ever win the Games."
I'm not allowed to watch the T.V. I strictly serve Mr. Walker. Like serve him his food, send out his clothes to be washed, clean the apartment, and now keep watch over you. I can never leave this place.
"Oh so your just another slave. I wish I was an avox rather than this. What's your name?"
Sidney. I was imprisoned for treason five years ago and they cut my tongue for it. I can't tell you more. Mr. Walker is one of many advisors for the President. He looks over and reviews social media mostly. He keeps the public ignorant of what is really going on outside of the Capital. A propaganda advisor if you will.
"Oh. I think I get it. Thank you!" I said once I understood Mr. Walker's position in the Capital. I should have known he's a government official.
Sidney crumples up the paper and throws it into the fireplace burning the evidence that we were having a conversation. I'm pretty sure he's communicated with other Avoxes the same way and to keep from getting in trouble they burn the paper. He motions for me to eat and I do.
I'm left alone again in this room that no longer smells of sex since Sidney the avox cleaned the bed and changed the sheets. I fall asleep on the floor. I still hate that bed, even though it is very comfortable, it still feels dirty to me and I'd rather sleep on the floor. The carpet is soft and comfortable for me to sleep on.
I wake to hearing the door being unlocked. I sit up and cower in my little corner. I watch Mr. Walker come walking in late that afternoon. I watch him take off his black blazer jacket and walks past me to the bathroom. I hear him start the shower. He walks back out and looks at me. "Shower with me." He demands. I stand up slowly and walk towards him. He pushes me impatiently into the bathroom. I undress what left I had on, which was only a pair of pants. He undresses behind me. He guides me into the shower, never leaving his hands off of me. He never calls me by my name I've noticed it the other night.
We stand in the shower and I shiver even though the water is hot and felt good on my skin and aching body. I shiver because he's touching me and kissing me. I hate him with every fiber of my being. I never dreamt this would happen to me.
I cry as he penetrates me and I try to keep from screaming, like usual. It hurts of course but it's getting less intense and becoming manageable to bare. He seems to not like that I'm not screaming, so he forces himself further in and pounding into me, which I scream out in pain as he pounds into me. Pushing me against the wall. He isn't happy until I scream out in pain. It makes him very aroused to cause me pain and discomfort. I hate him. I wish he would leave me alone and move on to another person to buy. I'm sure there are other boys or men out there that would be sold to him. I can't be the only one.
He finally stops and steps out of the shower. I am motioned to follow him. He dries off and goes to his closet. I watch him dig through his dresser and back out with something in his hand. It's a long wooden stick. He walks over to me. I look at it and notices it's another thing that will cause more pain. "No. Please no!" I beg as he walks closer to me. He grabs my wrist and drags me to the bed. He ties me to the bed post.
He turns me over on to my stomach and begins hitting me with it. Once I was raw he again forces himself in. My blood constantly lubricating him so he can pound into me with ease. Well ease for him anyways. He constantly leaves me in constant pain and torture. After he's satisfied, he unties my wrist and I pull them close to my chest and curl into myself as he showers. I'm not allowed to shower this time.
Once he leaves the room to do what? I don't know or care. But I crawl out of the bed and go to my corner that I chose to stay in the duration of my stay. He returns an hour or two later. He walks over to me and motions for me to get up, but I refuse. "Please no more!Not again, please!" I beg looking up at him. He smiled like he was enjoying my fear. He grabs my wrist and leads me back to the bed. And one more time he is pounding into me again. I'm so raw I felt like it would take weeks for me to heal completely. I was to stay with him for a week and he was going to continue with this same routine the rest of the week. How am I going to last? I wondered as Mr. Walker sleeps on the bed and me in my little corner of the room. I pull on the only pair of pants I have, to try to give myself some dignity.
Its day four that I'm still with him like he paid for. He brings in two of his friends to join in. He orders me to touch myself as they watch. It soon turns into a foursome. Each one taking their turn pounding into me. My voice gives out after the second man. Instead I whimper and cry. I'm fifteen and I've already lost count on how many times I've been with this "Client".
Day seven arrives and I'm allowed to leave. My body constantly in pain and I feel humiliated and ashamed of my body. The Avoxes that work in the training center escorts me to the fourth floor. Mags is there waiting for me. They deposit me on the sofa again like the first time I was with Mr. Walker. The two Avoxes have to half walk me and carry me to the sofa.
I hurt too much and I'm out of tears to cry anymore. I just lay there. I have no life left in me. I feel defeated and lifeless. I hate myself for existing and I don't care if I died right now. At least I'd be freed from this torture. Mags looks at me and she can see it in my eyes. She sighs with sorrow. "I'm sorry Finnick I wish there was something I can do to stop this." She said.
I don't care anymore. I'm done! I can't stand this torture anymore.
I'm standing in the shower scrubbing my skin raw. I step out of the tub and wrap a towel around my waist and walk up to the sink. I stare at myself in the mirror. I still look like the boy I once was. My face still rounded with childhood chubbiness but yet still changing into sharper angles. I'm still in the between stages of boyhood and manhood. My eyes no longer hold the innocent look and looks ages older then my face. I look down at the sink and see a razor blade. An idea went in my head and I pick up the razor head. I pressed it against my wrest and slice through the skin starting from my wrist down almost to the crease in my left arm.
I feel the blood flow out through the cut. I go and lean against the wall and slide down to the floor. I pressed the blade to my other arm. I jump when the door opens and I see Coral standing there wide eyed in horror when she sees me about to cut the other wrist.
"Mother. Father." She yells out for our parents. Mother is first to appear.
"Finnick, what have you done?" She cries. Father walks towards me and grabbed my arm to pull it away from my other arm. He takes the blade from me and wraps a towel around my cut, so to stop the bleeding.
"Finnick calm down." He says and I realize I'm sobbing and gasping for air. I finally calm down and let Father sew my cut closed. It's a clean cut and it will be easily covered up by make-up.
I leave shortly after I'm dressed, for Mags's place. I decide to live with Mags instead of my new house. I let my family stay and give them my winnings to keep them with food and clothing. But once I'm eighteen they have to move back to our original house.
"If you want my advice kid, I would use your good looks to get something more valuable." Luke suggest while I was standing next to the window watching and loathing Mr. Walker, who once again paid for my "Services".
"Like what?" I ask.
"Well only the elite and wealthiest people buy you, they must have juicy secrets and scandals they are willing to confess when they are too drunk to think straight. Play up the pretty boy image. Hopefully it will become easier for you to be with these evil beings that use you to satisfy their lust. I can give you something that will make it less painful when you are with your male clients. Take it an hour before you meet them and it will help you." He answers. He pushes his hand into his pocket and pulls out a little vile with a purple liquid. He hands it to me.
"Put a drop into a cup of water and drink it." He instructs me. I nod and thank him.
Years went by and I learned so much about the scandals that involve the President and of many politicians that run Panam. The purple liquid helped tremendously with Mr. Walker and the other men who bought me. I became the Capital's plaything and I used it to get secrets.