"Regina, might I have a moment?"
"Can it wait, Hook? I'm tired and I just want to spend time with Henry."
"Won't take but a minute, your majesty. Besides the lad is currently occupied with his other mother."
Regina watches her son at the counter as he drinks cocoa with Emma and laughs at whatever she just whispered in his ear. "Fine. You can have one minute."
"If you'll just follow me."
He leaves through the back exit and waits for Regina in the hallway that leads to the b&b. Regina experiences deja vu as she recalls a conversation with Emma in the same location after she had seen Henry for the first time in a year. Remembering that time always puts Regina in a bad mood and her shoulders tense at the memory. Hook hems and haws, not seeming to know where to begin.
"Spit it out, pirate. I don't have all night."
He hands her a small velvet box.
She looks at him suspiciously. "Why, Killian," she purrs, dripping sarcasm. "You shouldn't have."
"Just open it."
Regina pries the box open and sees a nice diamond ring inside. She looks up at Hook and back to the ring as her facial expressions morph between confusion and irritation and back again.
"What is this?"
"I should think that's obvious, luv. It's an engagement ring."
"And you are giving it to me because...?"
"I'm not giving it to you. It's for Emma. I'm just showing it to you."
"And you are showing it to me because...I'm Emma's best friend and you want to know if she'll like it?"
"No, as a courtesy. I would do the same with Baelfire if he were still with us."
"I'm sorry. What?"
"I'm declaring, as it were, my intentions towards Emma."
"I got the gist of your intentions toward Emma when you moved into her house."
"Well then, I am formally declaring my intentions towards Emma Swan for her hand."
"Okay, but why tell me?"
"Well, I have already acquired David's permission-"
"Oh. My. God."
"And as the boy's other parent-"
"The boy has a name. Henry."
"Yes, of course. As Henry's other parent, it is only proper to extend the same courtesy to you."
"Before you ask Emma?"
"Well, there isn't really a formal protocol for seeking permission from exes in the enchanted forest, as the only exes in the enchanted forest were dead, but it seems like the right thing to do."
"Permission? From exes?"
"Yes. Don't worry, luv. Emma hasn't revealed to me the previous nature of your relationship. The lady doesn't kiss and tell."
Regina's mouth hangs open in disbelief. "Then how-? Why-?"
"Your 'predilection' for the dragon after the king's death was no secret, your majesty. And once, after a bit too much rum, Emma did confess to an adolescent dalliance or two with the fairer sex. I just put one and one together."
"And when exactly did you come to this conclusion?"
"Back in neverland, of course. All the 'our son' this and 'our magic' that was a bit confusing at first, and what with the sharing a cabin and sleeping beside each other in the jungle. Then there were the looks exchanged between the two of you, communicating whole conversations with the merest of glances, the relationship became very obvious fairly quickly."
"Really?"
"And then fortunately for me anyway, Emma moved on and chose me over you. So I've taken the 'captain guyliner' barbs and bad attitude and whatnot from you good naturedly, because kissing her while she was still with you was bad form. Really bad form indeed. My apologies, your majesty."
"I don't know what to say."
"Mom?"
Regina whirls around, hiding the ring box behind her back, to find her son peeking around the door frame. "Henry, hi. All finished with your cocoa?"
"Yes. Can I stay with you tonight?"
"Of course you can, sweetheart."
"Good. I need to get out of the loft now that gram and gramps are awake at the same time. They keep talking about making tacos. They think I don't know what that means, but I know what that means. And mom is looking for Hook. So..."
"Of course. We can make some popcorn and binge watch the Star Wars movies."
"All of them?"
"Well, until I fall asleep anyway."
"Sounds good to me."
"Why don't you go get our coats and I'll meet you by the door? I just need one more minute and I'll be right out."
"Okay."
Regina watches Henry zig zag through the celebrating crowd, making his way toward the coat rack by the door. Then she whirls back around to face Hook.
"How about it, your majesty? Say you forgive me for stealing your girl and that I have your permission to take her hand in marriage."
Regina takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, before beginning her tirade.
"First of all, you didn't steal Emma. Emma Swan is not a piece of property that can be stolen. She is an intelligent person who is fully capable of making her own choices and navigating her own way through life. Secondly, this is not the enchanted forest and Emma is not a girl nor a pampered princess. She is a grown, independent woman and the only one who can grant you permission regarding marriage."
Regina places the ring box back in Hook's hand before continuing.
"Third, and I can not stress this enough, do not spring this proposal on Emma tonight. She has been stressing for weeks over death visions, losing her magic, defeating another dragon, and swordfighting Baelfire's baby brother. Give the woman some time to relax and catch her breath."
"When then?"
"Tonight all she's going to want to do is take a long shower, eat something fried that is dripping with melted cheese, and 'just chill' as she says. Cuddle with her in front of the tv or let her fuck you until you forget your name. Ask her out for a date later in the week, or next month, or next spring. Give her something special to look forward to and to prepare for. Take her some place private where she likes to spend her time. Somewhere that isn't the Jolly Roger or Granny's or the enchanted tree where she came through to this world. Do not mention fate or destiny or happy endings. And remember Emma decides whether or not she'll marry you. Yes or no, it's up to her. Not you, not David, and certainly not me. Emma."
"Yes?"
Regina turns, quickly changing her grimace to a smile. "Hello, Emma."
"Swan."
"What's going on back here?"
"Just catching up. Henry wants to stay with me tonight."
"Yeah, that's what he just told me. And he said to tell you to hurry up."
"Rude. Come over in the morning for pancakes? We'll finish whatever Star Wars movies I sleep through tonight."
"Sounds good to me."
"I'll call you when Henry wakes up."
"Cool."
Regina turns to Hook. "Remember what I said, guyliner."
"Aye, your majesty. I won't forget. Unlike my name... later, I should think."
Regina glares at Hook, then smiles back at Emma. "Good night, then. Sweet dreams, pillow princess."
"I am so not a princess, Regina! You know this!"
"Yes, I do. You certainly proved you're no Aurora in the last few days."
"What was that, love? Proved that how in the last few days?"
"Don't worry your pretty little head, pirate. Just girl stuff."
Regina winks and walks off to join Henry.
"Swan, what is Regina talking about?"
"She's just teasing me about the way I was when she first found me. I'll tell you all about it later, after I get a hot shower and a grilled cheese."
"Hmm, Regina knows you very well, doesn't she?"
"I guess. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just taking some of her advice into consideration. I'll tell you all about it later."