Spring
Elliot looks up from the paper he's been reading to look over at Olivia. She's curled up on one end of the couch reading a book. Her hair is in loose waves around her shoulders and he can see the old t-shirt disappear beneath the blanket she has pulled up to her chest, trying to stay warm on this cold, rainy spring day.
He can barely believe she's sitting there. Even though they've been together for a little over six months, he knows she could just as easily slip away from him. She's committed as much of herself as she can…as she's capable of. He feels blessed because he thinks it's more than she's ever given to any other man.
Olivia looks up at him then and gives him a shy smile. She's used to catching him staring. He's been doing it for years. It used to be out of want…wondering what if. Now she knows it's something else. He always looks at her with three parts love and one part uncertainty…and she knows he worries that he's not enough for her. Or that he's too much. That his incredible need for her will drive her away and break his heart. She can't promise that she won't. The only thing she knows right now is that she doesn't want to hurt him. She'd trying like hell not to. But she worries that she can't live up to the impossible expectations he has for her. He knows her better than anyone, but she fears she's not the woman he thinks she is.
But for him…she tries. She really does. Because he's worth it.
He smiles back at her. He enjoys these quiet moments with her. Mostly because he never expected them. Timing never had never been on their side over all of the years they were partners. It was pure chance…a lucky coincidence…that they were here together. One brief interlude where the planets aligned…no wives or boyfriends…no horrendous cases…no disagreements or fights...and no more denying the pull between them. A moment of surrender to what they knew all along.
And that surrender was unconditional. He would never recover…there would never be anyone else for him. The first kiss had been as intoxicating as he knew it would be…and he'd been addicted to her ever since. He'd never know such bliss as when he lay wrapped in her arms…buried deep inside of her. As if their bodies had known what their minds had refused to acknowledge.
"I'm not going anywhere." She said with a small smile and turned back to her book. Because she knows that's what he fears the most. And today…she can promise him that.
She has the same fears he does. She's in too deep. He has the ability to rip her world apart. She knows she would never recover…that there is no one else for her. He's it. He's always been it.
He turns back to his paper…thinking about how fate brought her to him so many years ago. And that he's been an idiot…a fool…but thankful when fate intervened again and led them here. Maybe this was how it was supposed to happen for them. He'll never know for sure. He can only be thankful for what they have now…and not worry about what could have been.
He thinks there are some things that may not happen for them. He doesn't think she'll ever marry him. He's not sure he'll ever ask her.
He doesn't think she'll ever get the baby she wanted. Even though he'd be ecstatic if it happened…and he knows they've thrown that to chance…he doesn't feel like that's in the cards for them. And that makes him sad. Because he'd love for them to bring a child into this world. Something that shows just how much he loves this woman. And he wants her to have the joy of carrying a child…of giving birth. It will be another thing left to fate.
He thinks that fate had dealt them some harsh blows…but ultimately has been in their favor. So he'll trust in that.
Olivia looks up from her book and sees he is engrossed in his paper. But she knows his mind is elsewhere because he hasn't turned a page in a long time.
"A penny for your thoughts." She says and he looks up and catches the big smile on her face.
"I'm reading." He says, unconvincingly. But he knows she won't challenge him. Because although they talk more than they ever did before…they still don't get too deep. It's as if they've bared as much as they can…or need to…to be where they are. There are things they still can't, or won't, reveal. They keep a little bit of themselves from each other still. He sees he's right when she snuggles down a little farther into the couch and goes back to reading.
"I love you." He says.
She glances up at him again and gives him another small smile. She will never…ever…get tired of hearing him say that. "I love you too." She says quietly. Her heart feels liberated just a little more every time she says that to him. The weight of who she is…who she was...lifts just a little.
And she loves him for giving her that.
Summer
She comes through the door and he's there, wrapping her in his arms.
"I'm here." She says. "I'm fine." She confirms, because he knows he was worried. They haven't been partners for a long time now, and although he trusts Fin, it's hard when she makes a rushed call and says she'll be late. When he knows she's going into a potentially dangerous situation and he can't be there to back her up. And she called when they had their suspect in custody. She always does. But she knows he needs to see her. Touch her.
He hates days and nights like this. Since transferring out of the precinct, he's officially out of the loop. And although it was necessary so that he could hold her like this in his arms, he thinks he'll never really adjust to the change.
She pulls back and places a gentle kiss on his lips. "Tell me about your day." She says, trying to deflect his attention, as she slips off her blazer and throws it over the back of the chair.
The setting summer sun is sending an orange glow through the windows and when she turns towards him, he thinks she looks like an angel, and he smiles. Because to him, she is heaven sent. She has saved him more times than he can count. His body…his heart…and his soul.
He strides over to her and wraps his arms around her again, burying his face in her hair and inhaling deeply. "Nice try." He says softly. He rocks gently back and forth. "I'll never get used to it."
Olivia wraps her arms around his waist and rocks along with him, their intertwined bodies moving together slowly along with some unheard rhythm. "I know." She says, burying her face into his shoulder. Because she won't either. She misses having him as her partner. She misses looking across her desk at him. The banter…the teasing. She even misses the arguments they had.
But she never wants to go back. Because now he is her refuge.
"Take me to bed." She whispers. "Make me forget."
She whispers his name like a prayer as she comes…and she knows this is where they're supposed to be.
Autumn
They walk through Central Park, enjoying the cool, crisp weather, and she thinks about all of the years she looked at the other people here…wishing she could have what everyone else seemed to possess. That so many people took for granted. That she could be part of something more than herself.
She glances sideways at Elliot and smiles. She has that now. And the thought of that leaves her reeling sometimes. It's been almost a year and she can barely believe it. She tries not to think about it too much. She's afraid that somehow her bad luck will mess things up if dwells on what that means.
They reach the Bethesda Fountain and Elliot pulls her into his arms. They aren't big on public displays of affection but today is different. Everything is perfect today. The sun is shining. The air is crisp. They don't have a care in the world today and he's with the woman he loves.
They've made it a year and with so many potential pitfalls, it feels like a major milestone. He knows it is for most people. But for them, it feels like so much more. He runs a hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear before he steals a kiss.
She gladly kisses him back and when their lips part, he pulls her against him in a full embrace. He feels like something has shifted; like she is slowly giving that last little piece of herself to him. And he thanks God every day that they're here. He will never take it for granted.
He places a kiss on top of her head and she laughs. An uninhibited, carefree sound that touches the depths of his heart. He cherishes that sound because it used to be so hard to come by…
But it's been more frequent lately and he hopes that he's been the cause of it. He's fairly certain he has, but as Olivia would tell him, he doesn't need another ego boost, so he won't ask. He's just glad he could do that for her.
And for himself. Because making her happy has been his goal all along. And it makes him feel more secure in their relationship. He doesn't worry that she will disappear on him anymore. At least…not as often as he once did.
He hates to say he's never been happier…but it's true. He wouldn't give up his children, or the life he had that got him to where he is now. But when people talk about soulmates…he knows it's true.
Olivia pulls away from him and holds his hand as she pulls him towards the fountain. They sit on the edge like so many others on this fabulous day and she holds up her phone, intent on taking a photo. She has to take the photo several times because in every single one, he's looking at her, not at the camera.
He can't help himself. He loves her more with each and every day.
They finally get a good photo after she scolds him playfully, and he can't help but smile at the exuberance he sees on her face. She's like a small child and he realizes once again that she never had days like this…
He vows to have more of them.
She leans over and kisses his cheek gently and when she pulls back, he sees she still has a huge smile on her face.
She leans towards him slightly, her arm wrapped through his, and lays her head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head again. "I love you."
She lifts her head, staring at him intently, and the strange look on her face makes him think she's questioning his sincerity. He sees tears on her lower lashes, and then the smile returns and she whispers to him.
"I'm pregnant."
Winter
Olivia was curled on her side and she could feel Elliot pressed up against her. His hand was resting on her swollen belly and she smiled, wondering how he could sleep when the baby was moving around so much. It was cold in the room, and Olivia could see the snow falling gently outside the window. She pulled up the covers and tried to snuggle back into Elliot's body even more. He stirred slightly, pulling her closer even in sleep. She smiled, loving the feel of his skin against hers.
She had slept alone for so long that it had taken a long time for her to get used to having him wrapped around her. Now she can't fall asleep without him.
She feels content…a feeling she never expected to associate with herself. She supposes it comes from finally having everything she always wanted.
She considers herself lucky. Even though she waited longer than most…Elliot was worth the wait. He was a good man. Probably better than she deserved. But she didn't dwell on that any more. His commitment to her was undeniable. Despite her flawed past…her demons…her shortcomings. He loved her unconditionally.
She stopped trying to be enough for him…she simply accepted that he accepted her. And that's when things had changed for them.
She wasn't worried he was going to leave her…break her heart…devastate her. He showed her how much he loved her each and every day.
She hoped he knew how much she loved him.
She placed her hand over his and rubbed it lightly. She felt him stir behind her. "I have to pee." She said quietly and she heard him laugh as he released her.
The bed was cold without her and Elliot couldn't get her body snuggled up against his fast enough when she returned. He buried his face into her hair as he spooned her from behind. "I missed you." He murmured and she laughed lightly. He pulled the covers back over them and settled in with his hand on her belly, feeling their unborn child move beneath the palm of his hand.
Some days he had to pinch himself. He could hardly believe that he was here…with her. Sometimes he expected to wake up and find that it was all a dream. And that would be his worst nightmare.
Because this here…was everything to him. Olivia was his person. The other half of him. And if he woke up tomorrow and this was some kind of wicked trick…he would go out and find her and make all of this happen all over again. Because this was how things were supposed to be.
Right here.
Right now.
"I love you." He whispers into her ear and is rewarded with a quiet I love you in return.
No…this wasn't a dream.
He's going to ask her to marry him tonight. He's not even sure what she'll say. If she'll accept. But it doesn't really matter to him. Either she will or she won't. They will still be them.
And nothing will ever tear them apart.