i'll close my eyes,

and then i won't see...

the love you don't feel

when you're holding me.

morning will come,

and i'll do what's right:

just give me till then

to give up this fight,

and i'll give up this fight.

"i can't make you love me" - bon iver's version.

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There was something wistful about the way things ended, despite the fact that everyone was happy and alive – oh, well, mostly anyway. He saw Avatar Korra – actually just Korra, he had to remind himself now – walk away from him to talk to other people without really feeling like that was how it was supposed to be – or, at least, how he wanted it to be, at Varrick and Zhu Li wedding's.

Maybe he was being selfish, or maybe there were things he wanted so badly that he was starting to confuse dreams with reality, but he expected more from his admission to Korra than a smile and a hug. He frowned right after realizing too that he was actually expecting too much: there was a really long time since they've been anything to each other, anyway.

It was foolish to think that another happy ending would bring everything back they way it was the first time everything turned out fine so many years ago, when they were still young and reckless. It was another time (so far away from now) when they were different people and – and that was a lie as much as it was a truth.

He may have become another person, but his feelings did not change – and believe him, he tried so hard to make them.

His eyes went with Korra, watching as she greeted every single person on that party with a wide smile: he had always wished hapiness upon her, and had sworn to himself that hers would be enough to make him whole, but that was true when he was the source of that smile. Now, as cruel as that seemed, the happiness in her eyes irked him, and he hated himself for being such a jerk – not that he hadn't known this all along, but it's been more evident lately.

"Is everthing alright, Bro?" Bolin asked, almost making Mako jump from surprise, except that all those years of hiding beneath masks made his composture become more of his own skin than it should have, "You look kinda down, ya know".

"I'm fine," he said more quickly than he intended and Bolin raised an eyebrow at his seriousness. "It's just – my arm, it's killing me" it was a truth, but so out of place that tasted like a lie in his lips. As much as it hurted, it was nothing compared to all other things hurting him too.

"Oh, come on, Mr. Brooding, it's a weeding! You can let that beat all this!" he said so cheerfully while unconciously eyeing Opal before pulling Mako into him for a little tour around the party, that Mako almost smiled – at least his brother's happiness still made him happy, even if just a little bit. "Love is in the air, Mako, just give it a deep breathe and you'll feel it too!".

Mako thought about telling his brother that he was not in the mood, but something told him that if he tried to resist, it would take more time for Bokin to let him alone, so he just went with it – he was faking so many things, why not fake just another one?

Except that, from the corner of his eyes, Bolin could see it all too well: the tightness of his smile, the uneasiness on his shoulders, the sadness in the back of his eyes. It's been like that ever since Korra had disapered all those years ago to recover herself from that poison, and it's still there as fresh – and as open – of a wound as it was the day she left.

Bolin has been wondering for a really long time now just about when would Mako stop pretending he didn't feel it so he could finally act like a real brother and stop pretending that he didn't see it too, the desolation in his presence.

Unconciously – and Mako had come to know that his brother did that a lot – Bolin squeezed his shoulder tighter and there was that frown of disbelief in his face while he was still rambling about how much more awesome his wedding to Opal would be from Varrick's, while trying to keep from asking the questions he gave up asking almost two years ago: "Why are you so sad all the time?", "Why are you working so much, if we don't need it anymore?", "What can I do to help you?", "I'm your brother, so why won't you stop keeping me in the dark?!".

"I'm fine, Bolin, I mean it", Mako said in such a serious tone that it made Bolin stop. "You don't need to try so hard: just – just believe me, ok?", he let go of Bolin to walk away, not really sure of where he was supposed to go from there, just sure that he need a way out of anything.

Before Bolin could run after him, he felt a hand on his shoulder keeping him from moving foward and leading him from the center of the party to one quiet spot near the exit. "Stop it, Kid", said Lin in such a nonchalant tone that it annoyed Bolin a little, "There's no use trying to save those who don't want to be saved".

"What do you know about him?!", Bolin started raising his voice letting desperation take over, "I can't take it anymore: seeing him so bad, even in a day like this! It's not fair!".

"I understand him more than I would like to", Lin thought to herself not letting his outburst bother her, looking somewhere far away while memories of an old love and a heartbreak were ironically flying all over her mind now – she knew Mako's behavior so well it hurted her too. A little. "Life is not always fair, but we suck it up and go on", she explained and before Bolin could actually interrupt her, the note of bitterness in her last word made him stop. "'He lost something and some of us take a while to get over, some longer, and some never do", she took a deep breathe for a second, briefly trying to scare away her own ghosts.

"Some need help, and some prefer to do it alone no matter the consequences. Just respect his timing. If he ever needs you, he'll let you know". Lin started to pull away and go back to the party, to her table, because she did not got all dressed up to end up not having at least a little break out of that wedding! "And if he doesn't, well... Maybe you'll need to learn how to let go too. People change and there's nothing you can do about that".

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a/n:

hello, everyone! it's been a craaaaazy year and just now on vocations - yay! - I got time to think about life and how i missed fanfictions. but yesterday i saw LOK's finale and it just rang a bell, ya know? i got it, Mako, i fell you! so i just HAD to writte something. it will be mako-centric and about self-discovery and i'd like it do be makorra at the end, but i'm not sure mako's growth will lead to that. i can just assure you that there will always be makorra, even if one-sided. i'll let mako grow on his own. let's just hope it will lead him to korra, because i'm a makorra shipper and if korra were to be with any of the main characters in my stories, it will always be mako.

forgive me for any mistakes btw, english is not my mother language.

please leave me a review telling me what you think! it would make my day :)

disclaimer:

i don't own anything related to LOK or A:TLA, sadly.