LACKS in the Loft
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Contains Spoilers
Rated PG-13 for language
Time: Season 7 of Smallville after DESCENT and SLEEPER
The Players:
GRClark is George Reeves' Clark Kent in the Adventures of Superman television series
CRClark is Christopher Reeve's Clark Kent in the Superman movies
DCClark is Dean Cain's Clark Kent in the New Adventures of Lois and Clark tv series
TWClark is Tom Welling's Clark Kent in the Smallville television series.
Lois is Erica Durance's Lois Lane in the Smallville television series.
LACKS stands for Live Action Clark Kent Society
GRClark climbed the stairs of the Kent barn loft. TWClark was staring out at the moon looking like he had lost his only friend.
"I came as soon as I could," said the older Clark watching TW brace himself on the window sill.
Two zips were heard and CRClark and DCClark appeared out of nowhere. "Did we miss anything?" ask CRClark.
"No," GR shook his head somberly.
"TW?" said DC.
"She left me!" shouted TWClark into the night sky. The intensity of it reverberated across the small farm and half the county.
Afterwards the silence was thick. Not even a cricket dared to chirp.
"Of course Lana was going to leave him. Doesn't he know the story?" whispered CRClark.
"I don't think he's talking about SVLana," said GRClark gravely looking at his two companions.
"What?" said DCClark in utter surprise. "No way!"
"That's definitely not supposed to happen," said CRClark. "Do you think it's because he has all those other girls on the show?"
"Lois is a woman. She isn't jealous of anyone. She knows how much we love her," said GR as he spoke louder to TW. "Did she leave the show?"
TWClark turned to face them and shook his head no. "She told me if I didn't get my shit together, there would be no more late night visits. No bantering. No checking each other out. Nothing!"
"Ohhhh, so she's still on the show. There's just not any . . . offstory offscreensville. said GRClark. "That's a relief. You're Lois is a little dynamo. It'd be a shame to lose her."
"GR, I don't think you're helping," said CRClark watching TWClark become even more miserable.
"What shit do you have to get together?" asked DC looking very puzzled.
TWClark looked at them as if it was screamingly obvious. "I'm a Clark Kent who can't fly!"
"Well, she does have a point there," said DC. The other two Clarks looked at him. "Hey, I'm just sayin."
The other two Clarks nodded slightly, agreeing.
TWClark squinted at them. "I'm more screwed up than SRClark, aren't I?"
Not used to lying to a fellow Clark, the other three shook their heads and said no while looking everywhere but at TWClark.
"I'm so screwed," he said gritting his teeth. "I can't fly and now . . .What is Clark Kent without a Lois Lane?"
The other three looked at each other and grimaced.
"What did Lois say?" ventured CRClark.
"She said that I better get my head out of my ass and find my Kryptonian brains because sharing one with her cousin was in no way conducive to a more meaningful relationship with her!"
"Ouch!" said DCClark looking hurt for him and puzzled at the same time. "I thought that now SVLana was incapacitated that y'know . . ."
"Humph. She calls Brainiac out of deep space by getting blood on a stone and my life turns to major shit! We're all supposed to feel sorry for her because she has cataracts and is rumored to be in terrible pain. Whatever. They still make me say her name and I act like I'm constipated with concrete."
"This is not good!" said GRClark as he sat across from TW.
"We heard the season wasn't going so well for you and Lois," said CRClark.
"More than heard," added DCClark knowingly.
"Hey, I thought your creator-producers were leaving?" said GRClark.
"Not til next season," said TWClark quietly. "We still have to finish out this season with their concept."
All the Clarks found a place to sit and think. "I can't believe she left you," CRClark finally said. "That is totally unbelievable. What happened?"
"Well, it's probably more about what didn't happened," started TW. "We really haven't had much interaction this season. Still don't."
"But that's not your fault," said GRClark.
"No, but I did kind of mess up . . . See Lionel died."
"Who the heck is Lionel?" asked DCClark.
"Lex prototype. He had Lex's source material history but was Lex's father on the show. It's sort of like Chloe, Lois' cousin, is kind of proto-Lois. She has Lois' history, but she followed me around like a puppy dog . . ."
"Lois doesn't do that," said GR. "When you get the cape, maybe . . . but certainly not now!"
"I know!" said TWClark. "She's not the REAL Lois. It's just that she was on the show first and then they brought EDLois on . . ."
"Man, do you have trouble!" said DC.
"Yea, I know!" answered TW. "Chloe doesn't write many articles. She just got fired from the DP and was happy about it. And she's too busy being my sidekick. . . "
"We don't have sidekicks!" said the other three.
"You and I know that! But those people who make us say stuff. They don't seem to get that."
"So your Lois thinks you've been letting this cousin of hers do your thinking for you?" asked CR.
"Yea. And she's right!" said TWClark looking forlorn.
"You mentioned Brainiac," said DC. "What's he up to?"
"Hold on a minute. We'll get to Brainiac later. How did you mess up?" asked CRClark.
"Yea," said GRClark. "Let's hear TW's side of it. I'm sure we're going to hear Lois' later."
"Oh yea," said DC nodding.
"Well, Lex killed his father, Lionel the proto-Lex, and fired Chloe. I was busy trying to solve Lionel's murder while Chloe tried to de-pixilate a photograph of Lionel falling to his death. See there was another figure in the photo and we were trying to see who it was," explained TW.
"Wait. You have telescopic vision, microvision and you've got some human trying to figure out what's in a photograph?" said DCClark.
"Uh, I guess you better add those to the list of things I don't have, too. Oh yea, and macrovision, so I couldn't see where Brainiac and Kara went in space . . .and freezing breath. I've only had superbreath in one episode so far. I think there's a tight budget on special effects or something."
The three other Clarks rolled their eyes in true Lois fashion.
"So anyway, Lois got shot by Lex's evil assistant and she put Lois and Jimmy in the DP cafeteria freezer," continued TWClark trying to explain the unexplainable.
"Really?" said GR. "This just gets better and better. I bet they've never even shown the DP cafeteria before."
"You'd win that bet," said TW squirming a little under the others' scrutiny.
"So you saved Lois and . . ." began CRClark.
"Wellll, kind of yes and kind of no," said TW.
"Hey, saving Lois is not a maybe thing! Clark Kent saves Lois, period," said GRClark as the other two nodded.
"See that's why she's . . . she said that I would never let SVLana have a hangnail, but I left her bleeding with a gunshot wound in the chest. . . "
"Not the chest!!" said the other three. "Lois' chest is sacred ground. It's never to be . . ."
"Okay, her shoulder then!" said TW with all the frustration and stress he was under.
"TW, you have some explaining to do," said DCClark adjusting his glasses.
"Lois and Jimmy were in the freezer. Jimmy was jabbering away to keep Lois conscious, I guess. I used my superhearing to find out whether they were . . ."
"Well, thank God for small favors!" said GRClark.
"And then I burst through the doors and warmed them both up with my heat vision. Jimmy was unconscious by that time. When I saw Lois start to wake up, I supersped out of there." TW finished and hung his head.
"Okay, let me get this straight. You warmed her up, but didn't take her to get medical attention even though she probably stopped bleeding because of hypothermia. BUT since you warmed her up, she probably started bleeding again – and you ran away??" said an incredulous CRClark.
TW couldn't look at them. "That's about it," he said to the floor.
The silence was unbearable. It hung in the air like an avenging angel.
"So did you find out what happened to her?" DCClark finally asked.
"No, and I didn't ask either," said Smallville's Clark Kent still staring at the floor.
"What could be more important than knowing whether or not Lois recovered from a near fatal gunshot wound?" asked CRClark.
Finally TWClark lifted his head and faced his friends. "Me realizing that all my mentors and fathers loved me. Chloe had to tell me what evil was."
"I can see why you're never going to wear the uniform, kid," said GRClark. "You're definitely are in no way, shape, or form ready for it."
"Having humans do your thinking for you, you not completely saving Lois, still being held back by Lana, letting your cousin go without protection because you can't or won't fly," began DCClark.
"Is this show about you or not?" asked CRClark taking off his glasses and rubbing an eye in frustration.
"Beats the hell out of me," said TWClark. "And now my Lois won't even talk to me. It was the one thing I looked forward to – even if it wasn't onscreen, we still had this offscreen thing going on. You know how it is. You all haven't been in the public eye for ages, yet you still have your Lois' to talk to."
"Yes, but Lois was always one of our main priorities. It sounds like on your show – that part of you is horribly underdeveloped," said GR.
"Which means you're emotionally and apparently mentally retarded," said CRClark.
"Challenged. Emotionally and mentally challenged," corrected DC.
"Challenged, my ass," said GRClark. "He needs a slap with a kryptonite stick or to get laid . ."
"Yea," smirked DC. "Preferably by Lois . . . onscreen."
"I wish," said TW. "Being naked with Lois would be a dream come true."
"So make it up to her," suggested CR. "It was just one episode, right?"
"Well, I did say some really . . . dumb. . . stuff in the following episode."
"Okay, let's hear it. Rao, this sucks!" said DCClark who was searching for somewhere to look other than TW.
"I said that Lana was more important than Lex finding out my secret and getting control over me. Then I implied she was more important than finding my cousin who was kidnapped by Brainiac. And I never . . . mentioned Lois and her situation at all."
The three other Clarks looked at each other. If they had been more like mortal men, they would have packed up their troubled thoughts and left. But, they were Superman. He never gives up on anyone and they certainly couldn't turn their backs on one of their own kind.
"You guys must think I'm a real putz. I'd understand if you didn't want to speak to me or anything. I'm worse than SRClark, aren't I?" said TW looking completely lost.
"Well, SRClark is always taking off without telling anyone. Otherwise we'd help him out. He's never asked us to come over and talk things out. I guess because his movie has been a one shot deal so far," said GR.
"Don't let the bastards get you down," said DC. "Television can just be crazy sometimes, y'know."
"Movie sequels, too," said CR as he placed a hand on TW's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"So what can I do about Lois?" said TWClark looking at his friends.
"Well, at least you have your priorities straight," started DC. "If Clark and Lois are together, then the rest will fall into place."
"Yea, no worries," added CR.
"You love her, right?" asked GR.
"We're not suppose to have a romantic relationship . . ."
"Don't give me that Powers That Be crap. Do you love her or not?" shouted GR.
"Of course, I love her. She's Lois Lane! There's no one else in ANY world for me," said TWClark defensively.
"Then tell her that," suggested CRClark.
"Yea, Lois can put up with a lot if she knows that," said DC looking out at the stars. "It's part of being Lois."
"You haven't given up on her, have you?" asked GR scrutinizing TW's facial expression.
"NO! Even though it seems like the people in charge will never allow us to be together. She's my Lois – I'll never give her up!"
CR put an arm around GR's shoulder and looked down at TW. "You've got a cell phone. Use it."
"That won't be necessary," said DC as he disappeared and soon reappeared with EDLois in his arms. She was not happy.
"Is this some kind of farmboy crap? You can't send one of your . . ." She looked around at the four men and searched for a word. "Frrrriends to kidnap me. While . . ."
"I LOVE YOU!" shouted TWClark.
"You're not allowed to love me," shouted EDLois back at him crossing her arms for emphasis.
"It doesn't matter. I do," he said more quietly and slightly embarrassed at the way he blurted it out. "How's your shoulder? Does it still hurt?"
The three other Clarks sat on the railing as if they were "Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, and Say No Evil" watching a tennis match.
"I'll live. Not that it would matter on the show though. I mean, I'm not as important as Lana or anything . . ."
"I don't love Lana. You know that. I haven't told her I loved her since last season."
Lois rolled her eyes. "Then explain to me how Lana is more important than the whole world? I'm in the world, y'know. That makes her more important than me with a gunshot wound."
TWClark tried to find words. "I . . . I . . "
Lois turned to their audience. "See, he's still sharing his brain!"
"I am not!" shouted TW defiantly. "Lois, it's not like I write this crap or decide on the story arcs!"
"Pfft. That's the other thing. Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter writes nothing on the show! Doesn't even wear the glasses. No suit – Tom Ford or tights with cape. Doesn't act like a boy scout or a hero. When was the last time you helped a little old lady across the street or got a cat from a tree?"
"It's not my fault!" The echos of his powerful voice could be felt bouncing off the loft walls as Lois and the other Clarks let out a huge simultaneously sigh.
"I know it's not your fault," said Lois quietly and with great understanding. "I just want it to stop. I want to get to the place where I recognize you for who you truly are." She hugged him and whispered, "I love you, too, y'know. The show creators can kiss my . . ."
"Lois! I never dreamed I'd hear you say that," said TWClark as he hugged her and rubbed her back.
"Well, we're in this together, right? We're Team Lane-Kent. Totally unbeatable," grinned Lois.
"Seventy years strong," said TW as the Clarks started down the loft steps acting as if their job was done.
"Speaking of creators, did you hear that . . .," started CRClark.
"Justice will prevail," said GRClark.
"Jerry and Joe taught us all that," said DCClark as they walked from the barn.
Lois swatted Clark's shoulder. "I'll make ya a deal. If you save me in the next episode and wear an appropriate disguise. We're back on for the offscreensville and hopefully for some major onscreen, too. Okay?"
With a huge smile, the Clark of Smallville pulled her closer to him. "THAT I can do."