Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or receive any monetary reward for their use, and hope only to extend the life of these characters to a new generation.
FATHERS AND SONS
By batbair
In the late night quiet depth of the nursery, he held the newborn carefully and lovingly as the little one stared up in unfocused wonder. Latching his tiny finger half way around the much larger one holding him, his eyes tried to see the face of the one who spoke in such soft and reverent tones to him. Above him, the gentleman thought back to his own father, Kenneth, and wondered how things had gone so wrong. His memory of when things changed his loving early years could be pinpointed to his adolescence after his father's loss of his best friend. Now in retrospect, he realized the change wasn't due to his adolescence but to the pain his father had been trying to keep at bay. As an adult he recognized that he had misunderstood his father's actions; the older man had withdrawn, not his love, just his outward affection. Maybe because his loss was so great, he was afraid to reach out to the others in his life who needed him. His sister had continued to receive the affectionate hugs and pats, while he himself received only the occasional verbal praise. Never the physical demonstration that he was loved. Being an adolescent, he had taken the withdrawal as rejection and had returned it in kind. Their relationship had never improved and he had resented the affection shown to others in the family to the point of even withdrawing his own affection from his father. The damage he now recognized had been considerable and tainted relationships within his own life. Now looking at the innocent child he held, he hoped he could end the cycle.
The quiet reverie was broken as another man entered the nursery and he flinched as he tried to quickly rebuild the wall so recently breached by himself. Looking up from his seat in the rocker, he waited a beat and listened to his heart; then realized the walls had to come down. Bending over to hide his now tear covered face and to give himself a moment to compose himself, he rose and laid the now sleeping infant in the cradle craved by his own father decades ago. Standing to his full height, he looked down at the other man, stepped closer, and embraced him.
"Kenny, we have to talk," he spoke so softly that the young man in his arms almost didn't hear his father.
Hutch wasn't sure what was happening but decided to let this man who hadn't really hugged him in twenty years or called him "Kenny" have his say. The birth of his own son had woken in him the desire to again have a real relationship with his own father. He had never really known what he had done that his father had stopped loving him as an adolescent. Perhaps now was the time to ask for an explanation but first he would hear Richard Hutchinson out.
"I want to apologize to you for giving you the impression that I don't love you and was disappointed in you. Neither were ever true. I know I didn't show you and I know I said some very hurtful things over the year... but I think I just figured out why. Do you think you could listen to me for awhile?"
Melting into his father's embrace, Hutch wanted to shout in joy but was still afraid. Taking the relaxed stance and the returned embrace as agreement, Richard decided to take a gamble that he could win back his son's love by telling him the story of his own adolescence and his resentment of his son's relationship with his father, Kenneth.
"Let go talk downstairs," Hutch responded as he released his father to step back, noting the tears for the first time.
Over almost untouched glasses of bourbon, Richard tried to explain to his son how he thought he was supposed to withdraw from him during adolescence because that was what his father had done. He began to suspect that he had been wrong a ten years ago when his own father made a deathbed apology that he had not really understood or accepted – until now. The senior Kenneth Hutchinson had apologized for withdrawing from Richard and for causing any rift between Richard and Kenny. After the death of his best friend, Sarah (his wife of almost twenty years) Kenneth had been in so much pain, he had not recognized his son's pain. He had all but abandoned the boy who was the spitting image of his mother, with her sky blue eyes and hair of wheat. It was easier to shower his love on his daughter who had his own red hair and hazel eyes, but her mother's sweet personality and warmth. He didn't consciously withdraw, it just happened. He was shrouded in pain when Richard needed him and Richard reacted by sheltering himself in adolescent rebellion. They went their separate ways and on the outside presented their relationship as an appropriate recognition of Richard's manhood. The loss of his mother was never healed; although his best friend, Grace, had helped him to cope and go on.
Years later, Kenneth had showered his grandson with all the love he had; young Kenny had been the lucky recipient of hours of attention and affectionate hugs. When Richard began to withdraw during Kenny's adolescence, he believed it was the correct way to raise a strong young man; after all that was what his own father had done. Richard was nothing if not a strong, stoic man. In return, Hutch had, in true adolescent rebellion, withdrawn in confusion and hurt never to return to the affable relationship of his younger years with his dad. His stoic façade had been fostered and he took his father's rejection of his career choice as just a continuation of his father's long ago defined disapproval of him. He did take comfort in his relationship with his grandfather; confused as to how his father had turned out the way he was when his grandfather was so demonstrative. Adolescent arrogance and lack of life experience; however, shielded him from the need to explore that relationship. Some how it was all just Richard's fault! Thinking that it was his own for not being what his father wanted was too painful an idea to accept, but one not far from his mind whenever Hutch thought of his father. As long as his grandfather was in his life, Kenny/Hutch always knew he was loved by someone besides his mother. For it was his grandfather who had commiserated with him over the phone over his divorce, his grandfather who he visited when he retuned to Duluth, and his grandfather who called the day he graduated the academy, although too ill to attend. Since his death, the gulf between Richard and Kenny just widened with the separation of time and distance. The occasional visits were characterized by carefully orchestrated protocols, which required everyone to be happy and content with the status quo. This had worked well for the family until Hutch's recent marriage and the birth of his son, Davey. Over the last two years, both sides appeared ready for a truce but unsure how to make the first step.
Finally, Richard wanted his "Kenny" back and to get to know his adult son, "Hutch". Most of all he didn't want his son to repeat the pattern of the last two generations. When he was holding Davey, he made the decision to make that first step. The unexpected appearance of his son in the nursery had caught him off guard. He hadn't had time to plan his approach but knew he couldn't let this opportunity pass; his grandson's relationship with his own Kenny depended on it now.
Two hours later both men were exhausted and, at times, in tears. Richard had finally connected his mother's death with his father's withdrawal. The separation of adolescence took on less of a player in the equation in raising a strong man. Both father and son agreed that if the father stayed involved and continued to be affectionate through those turbulent years, the son would still learn to be strong. Strength came from being loved. Talking things out had cleared the air and now they could begin to heal. They accepted that it would take time, but thought they could start to build a relationship from where they were. Both knew it wasn't just for Davey.
"Why don't you turn in Dad. It's getting late and the baby has been getting us up by five every morning."
"I think we both should turn in," Richard replied as he stood and offered his hand to his son. Hutch accepted his father's hand, rose and followed his father up the stairs; without a word they both headed for the nursery. Standing across from one another over the cradle making eye contact, they smiled and left the baby sleeping peacefully. Richard took Hutch's arm just before they left the room, pulled him closer, and kissed him softly on the forehead. Hutch accepted the gesture and smiled in return. Parting at the door, they went to join their respective mates. Grace and Sarah Beth both accepted the soft kisses their husbands offered and didn't wonder at the whispered endearments or request for cuddling by both.
Like father, like son.
Hopefully, the new generation of Hutchinson men would always know the love of his father by his words and hugs. After all even the most rebellious, defiant, arrogant eighteen-year- old boy needed hugs too.
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