I had never believed I was made for anyone. My hand fit no one's, my heart voidless, my eyes heavy and dimmed with distrust. From the moment he apologized for suddenly firing me, I came to the realization that our dynamic was epic and devastating all at once. If I had never laid eyes on him, none of the pain would have trailed behind us. But all roads lead to Fitz, and that was always how it would be.
Perhaps Cyrus was right. I ruled over him by constantly influencing his political strategies. Fitz was used to taking command over our physical and emotional relationship, yet this time, his touch and his kiss could not get him out of the situation that had just blindsided us. In the privacy of the White House master bedroom, we had been in a screaming match over the fact that I had missed the Cabinet dinner. I was already emotionally unsettled when I dropped my bag and saw Fitz anxiously waiting for my arrival. If he ever found out about my secret abortion behind his back, especially after serenading me with marriage and family propositions, I knew he could never look me in the eye ever again. He deserved to know, but I knew if he found out, he would never have allowed me to go through with the procedure.
So I took in his hurt expression, argued with him about being First Lady, and then finally to my disbelief, I managed to spew out the most spiteful words of all. The room shattered with a second of destruction lingering in the atmosphere between us when I blurted, "There is no future, no Vermont, not anymore." Fitz's lips parted slightly, his eyebrows furrowed, and the crease of his forehead wrinkled. I stepped closer to him, his eyes darkening as I stole a glimpse of his lips. His face softened as he ran his tongue slowly along his bottom lip as he focused on my frown.
"Just tell me why you're afraid. Why you don't want to be with me. I deserve to know." Fitz's husky tone caused me to shudder and I had trouble catching my breath as all the air escaped my lungs for only a moment. It was clear we had both cooled down from the heated fight, however now we were heating up in a different way. It was surprising to see him inch toward me and run his index finger along my jawline lightly. "Liv, I want us to communicate. Please." Fitz leaned down and nuzzled his head on my shoulder. There he went. Using his superpowers to overtake my anger and frustration, and it was working. I ran my hand through the curls at the back of his head continuously as he sighed into my neck.
"Living here is tiring and I'm just not used to it. I didn't have time to get used to any of this."
Fitz lifted his head up and rested his forehead against hers. I could feel is erratic, hot breath on my cheeks. His eyes sparkled with tears, so faintly I hardly noticed at first. But then his voice shook like I had never heard it before.
"If we had met in another time, another place, it would have been easier," he muttered.
"You don't know that." I smiled faintly at him and he mustered the best closed-mouth smile he could, but I saw his lips quiver.
"I'd like to think that." His voice faltered. Fitz then took the hooch from my hand and unscrewed the cap. He gulped down a sip and his face scrunched up in immediate regret. Handing it back to me, Fitz walked over to the bed and laid down on his back. He stared at the ceiling and folded his hands on his chest.
Watching him, I knew he was too emotional at this point to tell him about the procedure. I picked up my cell from the bedside table and decided to confide in the only person she felt ready to: Abby. I left Fitz alone in the bedroom and wandered the halls waiting for Abby to pick up.