Author's Note: Dasey drabbles I wrote along with Paramore's newest album Brand New Eyes. Please review. I'd really appreciate it. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own. I rent.
Careful
You'd make your way in
I'd resist you just like this
You can't tell me to feel
He walks into the room with a purpose. She's unsure of what it is but she knows it will evoke a response from her. That's just the way it always works (the way he always works).
She avoids his glances (the subtle ones and the painstakingly obvious ones) yet his eyes follow her every move. He talks like he's talking just to her and she never says his name (not even once).
She is frustrated. He can't dictate exactly how she's going to feel. And he can't expect her to feel the same things he feels. Unfair, the only word she can think of to describe it.
He corners her later when there's no eyes like a hawk's that could catch them. He is determined (on the verge of breaking). She is doubtful (at the tip of the iceberg).
"So…?" He prompts.
She shakes her head slowly, "…No…"
The next thing she hears, after his footsteps guide him into the other room, is the sound of something smashing onto the floor (breaking and cracking, so suddenly and so violently).
He's so hateful when he tries to be careful.
*
Ignorance
You're not a judge
But if you're gonna judge me
Well, sentence me to another life
She always felt like everyone was secretly judging her on everything she did. Her opinions, her looks, her attire, her attitude, her dreams, her goals, her.
He never judged her. Not once.
His eyes were always full of amusement and something else she couldn't figure out when he looked at her.
And she liked that.
She realized that she liked him too.
But not until it was too late and her best friend's arms were wrapped so tightly around him.
And the only arms she had touching her were that of a carbon-copy wannabe that no longer did anything for her.
If her thoughts of him were sinful and criminal then she wished she could be sentenced to another life.
One where they met first and lived happily ever after.
Like the fucking fairytale her life was supposed to be.
*
Playing God
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you
He was so selfish.
Not to mention egotistical and self-obsessed.
It was truly astonishing how he could look at them and only see himself.
No matter how hard she tried to make him change. He wouldn't. He was content. He was too happy with himself (with them).
She wasn't.
And she couldn't stand another day with him getting his way.
That's why she would no longer get in his way (by getting away from him, for good).
He didn't deserve (her) a point of view if he was the only thing he saw.
*
Brick By Boring Brick
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick and the clock struck 12
Well, make sure to build your house brick by boring brick
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down
When it's over, Derek swings his legs out of the bed. Casey is curled on her side, looking at him. He opens his mouth to say something but she beats him to it.
"This never happened," she says, "I know you, this won't work out."
Derek nods, solemnly, pulling on his pants.
"But…" she continues, and Derek feels the warm weight of her pressed against his back, "thank you. It was… it was really nice. For my first time, you know."
He leans back into her just for a second then releases himself and stands.
Derek thinks of actually saying 'you're welcome' but it seems too impersonal, even for him.
"Okay, then, goodnight," he says, as if they hadn't just had sex all night. As if they were just getting out of a movie, or finishing up dinner. As if nothing had really changed.
"Yeah," she says.
The tension wraps itself around Derek's throat, like choking fingers. He feels like he should say something, anything, but can't find the words.
So, instead, he turns the knob, steps out of the room and leaves.
*
Turn It Off
I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
Sometimes Casey wished things never changed between them. Because when it did, it nearly broke her down and apart.
She caught him staring at her with this love-struck look on his face and it made her finally realize. She tore her eyes away immediately because his look made her heart beat at an unhealthy rate. He didn't look at her for the rest of night, that she was sure of.
But then all she could see was him so she constantly stole looks when he wasn't looking. That was until he finally caught her and made a big fucking production about it. He needed to not feel guilty and she needed to get it out. So they admitted their feelings but did nothing to satisfy and/or relieve them.
Mainly because before it was gonna get any better between them they were for sure headed for a cliff. Casey knew she'd drown but Derek was a really good swimmer. He relished in disaster.
So now they were stuck in some kind of stalemate and it was unbearable for both but neither would give in that easily just yet.
Sometimes Casey wished she saw nothing at all.
*
The Only Exception
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
'Cause none of it was ever worth the risk
"Are you seriously following me?" She asks, turning around and glaring at her stepbrother-slash-ex-boyfriend.
"Uh…" he stares at her, mouth open, "no?"
She hits him with her purse multiple times before he throws his hands up in surrender and she backs off.
They're standing in the hallway of her dormitory at one o'clock in the morning. It's mostly quiet on the floor and for once Casey hates it.
"Why are you following me, Derek?" She dares to ask, glare fading and lips slipping into a frown.
"I forget to give this back to you," he hands her a pen. Not just a regular pen, but the pen she handed to him in the library the third week of university to use for his notes.
She holds it in between her fingers, "You followed me all the way back here at one o'clock in the morning to return a pen?"
"Yeah," he nods though his cheeks flush a little red. "That sounds dumb."
"Sure does."
"You know what's also dumb?" He doesn't give her a chance to reply, "How I can't stop thinking about you. I… It's become a problem. Sometimes I start to make my way over here then realize… and turn back. I call and hang up."
"That was you?" She stares at him accusingly.
He just continues talking. "It's like I've turned into this self-conscious coward, this lovesick puppy. Like I've turned into…"
"Me," she supplies.
"You," he agrees and takes a few steps forward. "But, you see, I'm not that. I'm not that guy. I don't let a girl have power over me. I don't let myself be more involved than her. I keep myself at a safe distance because I'm good at it. That's what's expected of me. And I thought I was content with that." He stares into her eyes for one long minute. "Then everything with you happened and suddenly I wanted more. I wanted all that mushy-romantic stuff I'm not supposed to want."
"That's not necessarily a bad thing, Derek," she tells him.
"I know."
"So what?" She shrugs and he takes a few more steps forward. They're face to face, almost close enough to kiss.
"Casey, I… you…" He starts but stops and looks away.
"That all, Derek?"
"No," he says forcefully. He's so very frustrated now.
She rolls her eyes, "Why say all this stuff now? Not when we were actually, you know, together?"
"Because I was an asshole!" He raises his voice and looks away again, "But now I see that…"
"That I'm, what, the only exception?" She tries to joke.
"No, that you are my only exception," he whispers against her lips before he captures them with his own.
*
Feeling Sorry
And I'm getting bored waiting round for you
We're not getting any younger
And I won't look back 'cause there's no use
It's time to move forward
"We can't do this anymore, Derek," Casey moaned, trying to fight off his advances. Lips met collar bones and necks and muscles and she was rendered speechless again. "Derek, please…"
He leaned up, their lips almost touching. "I know I'm all you think about, Casey. What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, but–"
"Exactly." Derek grinned like a Cheshire cat and silenced her with a kiss. He could feel her physically relax beneath him, his own skin tingling with desire; arousal was like a tangible being inside of him, begging to be let loose.
So Casey obliged.
*
Looking Up
Things are looking up, oh finally
I thought I'd never see the day when you smile at me
We always pull through, oh, when we try
I'm always wrong but you're never right
"Come on, Space Case, it's time to go…"
A struggle, and a small whimper of protest. "Let go of me, Derek. I'm fine – "
"You're wasted. They're not your friends."
"Neither are you."
He stops, looking down at the pale face below him, cheeks flushed with alcohol and anger. Lips all shiny and eyes glassy. The face he'd spent the past two and a half years delighting in making frown. And before he can think, he swoops down, capturing those vodka-sweet lips with his own.
"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Casey."
And this time, she doesn't resist when she's being manhandled towards the Prince.
*
Where the Lines Overlap
Give me attention
I need it now
Too much distance
To measure it out
Out loud
Casey recognizes the voice on the other side of the phone immediately.
"Derek? What do you want?"
"Nothing. I was… Just saying hello."
"Come on, really? What do you want from me?"
Everything, he thinks. "Nothing! I'm serious. Just saying hi."
"Oookay. Well hi, Derek." He can hear her shuffling papers and scribbling something down, her attention focused on something else as he waits for her to process the fact that he's calling (for nothing, he has to remind himself. And how stupid the idea was.) "I'm busy right now. I have one paper due tomorrow and another one due the day after. Do you think I could call you later or something?"
"Yeah, alright," he's answering too fast, trying not to sound plain disappointed. "Yes. I understand, Case. Bye."
He sighs at the beep, beep, beep coming from the telephone (She didn't even said bye, she always says bye). And it is a strange feeling. Like he drank a martini two weeks ago and he's still feeling it moving inside his stomach and it feels just awful. But he didn't drink a martini. He just stopped seeing Casey.
And he miss hers… Love certainly makes a person feel funny things, his mind ponders.
Wait… Did you just say love? Because… Because you meant like, totally not love. He tells himself. Yeah, like.
*
Misguided Ghosts
We are just misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
Emily leaves and Derek stays behind.
Truman finds someone else and Casey finds herself again.
It's him that realizes that they are the only ones left from their group of friends to stick around.
It's her that realizes how truly awful it is.
She hates him for it. Because if she hadn't fallen for him she would've gone places. Good, better places.
He loves her, wholeheartedly. He would follow her until the ends of the earth even if she didn't want him anymore.
So they have to stick together.
Since everyone else pushed them away.
*
All I Wanted
Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well, it's a shame I'm a dream
"Tell me you love me," she whispers to him as she runs her hand through his unruly hair. His head is lying on her stomach and they are blissfully sweaty from earlier activities.
"No," he scoffs.
"Why?" She tugs on a piece of his hair and he flinches in pain, "If you don't, then say that. If you do, just do it. Be a man."
"I thought I already was."
"That's what you think."
"Hey!" He sits up and glares at her.
"Say it," she commands.
"No!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"Because!"
"That's not a good enough reason, Derek!" She turns away from her, hating herself for being this vulnerable and especially in front of him. She pulls the sheets around her body and stands up.
"Case, where ya going?" He asks, dumbfounded.
"Home."
"Because I won't tell you that I love you."
"Yes, you jackass." She starts putting her clothes on as he watches.
"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" He can't help but make it sound like question because he's so unsure at the moment.
"Yes, you will," she nods.
"Good." He gives her a once-over when she's dressed back up again. She looks perfectly put-together and he can't stop himself from getting a good eyeful.
After she throws the sheets back to him and she heads for the door, he doesn't even realize he's speaking until its too late, "Casey?"
She stops and looks at him, "Yeah?"
"…I… um…" He stares at her lovely face and the words are right there in his head just waiting to come out but he stops for stupid, unknown reason. She raises her eyebrows. "Drive safe," he manages to sputter out.
Her look softens as she tries to decode his words in her head. When he realizes she can't, she nods slowly then leaves.
He sinks back into the bed and tries to fall into a dreamless sleep but nothing comes.