Oh God.
A huge wave of relief washed over me. God it felt good. I can breathe again now, but not properly. Just another cut, only a small one. I bring the Stanley knife to my leg, lightly drawing a cut that barely breaks the skin and then repeat it, only deeper. Much deeper.
Oh god.
It's amazing. It's like winning the lottery, it's like getting a heart from the NHS, so impossibly brilliant, you don't quite believe it. I watch the blood as it runs down my leg, past my other scars, i watch as the blood begins to clot, that's my favourite part. I turn the shower on and step in, shivering. I only have 20 minutes before Edward said he'll come see me. So I probably only have 10. The blood runs down my leg with the water, and turns it a shade of red I'm much too familiar with. I wash my hair and condition, then go on to shave my legs, if Edward does say anything- which he rarely does because he just assumes I'm on my period- I'll just say I got a nasty cut shaving. Sometimes Edward makes it much too easy, I don't have to worry about him seeing my scars because the furthest we ever get is just making out, he can't read my mind and he's a bloke! I've been doing this for nearly four years, and no one can make me stop, not now.
The waters been running clear for a few minutes, so I can get out now. I pull on some blue and silver check pj bottoms, and a blue buttoned top. I grab my fluffy white robe and walk out the bathroom combing my hair, I grab a hair tie from my room and go downstairs to make a hot chocolate, saying goodnight to Charlie as I do so. As I walk up the stairs I hear the giveaway sound of my window closing announcing Edwards presence, and brace myself to be Happy Bella once again.
I hate having to do this, having to fake my life, i don't even feel like a personanymore, i feel like a shadow of the person i used to be. I hate it. I find myself thinking how good it would be to just end this. Then i met Edward. Now i don't even know what i want, i want to be happy. I just don't know how to be.
A/N Okay so this is just a sampler right now, first Twifanfic for me. I do have a bit of a rubbish record for ever getting past a first chapter in a fanfic, so you would think i just did oneshots, but no, too easy for me :)
So just tell me what you guys think, and then i'll try to continue it if people like it :)