The Mary-Sue Chronicles: Kisshu's Revenge
Or, "How Not To Write a Tokyo Mew Mew Story."
Summary: Tired of being stalked by relentless OCs, Kish decides to do something about it.
Rating: T
Important note: This is a Satire. I am targeting a specific trend, NOT any one person. Some Kish/OC stories I've seen are pretty good. Most of 'em that I've seen are pretty bad. It feels like every time I turn around, there's a new one and I finally couldn't take it anymore.
Other Notes: Part five of my unconnected series, The Cannon Chronicles
Once, in Tokyo, lived a girl named Blueberry, who got turned into a Mew Mew and became the world's greatest crime fighter. She was beautiful beyond description; she was as tall as Mew Zakuro, and slender. She had hair like Zakuro's that grew as long as Mew Berry's when she transformed. Her hair was naturally white, and her naturally purple eyes became gold after she transformed. When she transformed, she got a pretty silvery-white outfit, with boots and a shirt like Mew Zakuro's and a skirt like Mew Ichigo's, along with the collar, pendant, armbands, and garter, all edged in gold. Her garter was on her left leg, like Ichigo and Berry's.
She also got a beautiful white cat- tail with a gold bow and bell on it, and antennae like Lettuce's, since she was infused with two animals, the Deep Sea Flounder and the Rare White Arctic Snow Cat.
She was more famous than Zakuro Fujiwara or Japan's Prime Minister, a stronger Mew than Ichigo and Berry combined, richer than Zakuro, Ryou, and Mint put together, a better dancer than Mint and Zakuro both, smarter than Ryou, a better gymnast than Pudding, and a better pastry chef than Keiichiro.
One day, while she was fixing pastries at the Café, Ryou came into the kitchen and said, "The aliens are attacking. Everyone, transform and head to Tokyo Park."
So the girls powered up and headed to the park. Once there, the girls found three giant grasshopper Chimera Animas.
"Blueberry Bell!" The bell on Blueberry's tail made a little tinkling sound as she waved it back and forth, summoning her Blueberry Bell, which looked exactly like Mew Ichigo's, except it was colored blue, and half a size bigger. It was super strong, and could hit any villain, [even if she wasn't facing the villain].
"Ribbon…Blueberry Glamorous!" Blueberry shouted as she attacked.
"Wow, Blueberry," Lettuce said. "That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."
"I guess we know who can be in charge if Ichigo ever has to leave," Zakuro said, offering the new Mew a kind smile.
"Absolutely," Berry agreed. "You're so amazing."
Blueberry blushed modestly. "Don't say that. Anyone could have stopped these monsters."
"You're good." A voice behind her made Mew Blueberry turn around. Floating above the ground was one of the Cyniclons. "But we'll be better."
For a moment, Blueberry was stunned as she took in the alien's appearance. He's so cool; she thought as she took in his forest green hair, and eyes that reminded her of liquid gold.
Kisshu looked at all the Mews, letting his eyes rest for moment on the newest one. "She's beautiful." He said to himself.
"Kisshu!" Ichigo shouted. "What are you doing here?!?"
So his name is Kisshu? How cool, Blueberry thought to herself.
"Just the usual, Koneko-chan." Kish assured her. "Causing mayhem, hunting for Mew Aqua, you know." He indicated Blueberry with a nod of his head. "Who's your friend?"
"I'm Blueberry." The newest Mew spoke up.
Kisshu smiled. "Very nice, Mew Blueberry. And to the rest of you all, we'll meet again."
The air around him shimmered and he warped away.
The girls de-transformed and headed home for the day. Late that night, as Blueberry was getting ready for bed, she heard something a sound from her balcony.
Crossing her gigantic bedroom, she opened the balcony doors and stepped out side.
"Hello, Blueberry-chan." A cocky voice behind her made her turn around. Kish was standing there, blocking the entrance to her room. She blushed modestly at being caught in her night dress.
"Um, excuse me, but what are you doing here?" She asked.
"I came to see you." He replied.
Blueberry blushed again.
Kish smiled. "You're adorable when you do that."
He reached forward and caught her chin in his hand.
"How about a kiss, Blueberry-chan?"
A Dragon Sword went flying in the computer monitor, shattering the thing. The rest of the computer spontaneously combusted a moment later.
"Kisshu!" Pie's voice rang out. "Why did you destroy my computer?!"
"I had to." Kish protested. "It was a crime against our planet."
"Well, cut it out!" Pie demanded. "I don't have an infinite supply of computers, you know."
Pie stormed away, and Kish leaned back in his chair and sighed. It had been two days since he discovered Fanfiction, and now he wished he hadn't. As much as he loved the KishxIchigo pairing he found, he was going to go nuts if another retarded fangirl threw herself at him.
He sighed again. "I hate the fandom. I have to find a way to stop the Sues. But how?"
He sat there for a moment, thinking, then teleported away away.
The girls of Tokyo Mew Mew raced down the street, each in their mew outfits. Keiichiro had just alerted them to an alien attack downtown, but had admitted, "This is unlike anything I have ever seen before."
And it was like something no one had ever seen before. The girls arrived downtown to find the most pathetic Chimera Animas they had ever seen. Mew Zakuro knocked one on the head with her fist, and it immediately fell to the ground, dead.
"That is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen." Mew Mint said.
"I'm not saying I like things to be hard, but, still. It would at least be nice if the monster was worth transforming for. I could defeat theses in my human form." Zakuro said blandly.
Lettuce hit one, by mistake. It immediately fell to the ground and died. "Oh, dear…" Lettuce whispered.
"This is crazy. Just what's going on here?" Ichigo demanded.
"Hark! For it is I, Kisshu, the evil alien invader! Who is alone and forlorn because my one true love, Mew Ichigo, has spurned me! Oh, whatever shall I do?" Kish as asked as he floated above the ground, his voice the most unconvincing thing any of the Mews had ever heard.
"Kisshu! What are you doing?" Ichigo demanded.
"Shhh…" Kish put a finger to his lips warning her to be silent. "Quiet, Koneko-chan. I'm hunting for Sues."
"What's a Sue?" Pudding wanted to know.
She got her answer a moment later when a cat eared girl with an outfit that was an absolute rip off of Zakuro's came racing over. "Don't worry, Kisshu-kun!" The red-haired girl shrieked. "Your lovely Mew Cherry will heal your broken heart!"
"Oh, good heavens! It's a Mary Sue!" Mint cried.
The other Mews looked appalled, except for Pudding, who didn't seem to understand what all the racket was about.
This was the moment Kish had been waiting for. He pulled out his Dragon Swords and flew at the fake Mew, stabbing her in the chest.
"Ack – Kisshu-kun…I thought you loved me!" Mew Cherry moaned.
"Never. In fact, I'm getting real tired of you Sues throwing yourselves on me." Kish replied. There was no time to say anything else, for just then, the Sue vanished in a puff of smoke.
"One down." Kish said as he flew back up into the air.
"Wait, you mean you whipped up these pathetic Chimera Animas and dragged out here so you could go on a Sue hunt?" Mint asked.
"Well, I didn't drag you out here, but the rest of it is true." Kish said. "Have you visited the internet lately? It can get pretty bad out there."
Ichigo and Mint pulled out their phones and headed for the internet.
"Try FanStories dot org." Kish recommended.
Ichigo arrived there first, and let out a scream. "What are all these people writing?!" She shrieked. "I don't love you!!"
Kish smirked and sat cross-legged mid-air. "That's not what the fans say."
Mint cringed as she looked at her phone. "Yuck. Look at all these Sues and OCs. And why are ninety-five percent of them in love with Kish?"
"It must be my dashing good looks." Kish grinned cheekily.
"Don't kid yourself." Mint told him. Before she could say anything more, another false Mew burst onto the scene. She was wearing a strange shade of yellow-green on a dress exactly like Ichigo's, which didn't exactly go with the boots that were just like Mew Zakuro's.
"Don't worry, Kish! For I, Mew Feijoa, will - " Mew Feijoa never got to finish her sentence, as Kish stabbed her, and she vanished in a puff of smoke.
And so it went, for the rest of the afternoon. The original Mews eventually went home, but Kish spent all afternoon defeating Mew OCs.
Mew Guava
Mew Kumquat
Mew Grapes
Mw Persimmon
Mew Casaba Melon
Finally, it got late, and Kish stopped attacking them and went back home.
He turned on the computer to go read one of his favorite M-rated Kichigo stories. But he was stunned to see, when he got to FanStories dot org, new stories about him and an OC.
"But, but, but I defeated those Sues!" He screeched, outraged at the indignity.
Pie appeared next to him. "Did you take a bunch of Chimera Animas and go stage a mock attack just to defeat a bunch of Mary Sues?"
Kish nodded.
"That's what I thought. First of all, Deep Blue is very angry at you for wasting Chimera Animas. Second, you have fans, and fans cannot be defeated. No matter how many Sues you destroy, fans will just come up with more." Pie told him.
Kish scowled and typed something into the computer, then turned to show the screen to Pie, who nearly dropped his fan. "Wha- WHAT IS THAT!?!?"
"Apparently, the fans believe that you and I have the hots for each other." Kish said dryly.
"WHAT!! I Do NOT love you!!" Pie fairly screamed.
"Don't tell me, tell them." Kish replied.
"Fuu Rai Sen!" The computer went flying. Kish was about to protest, but decided not to when he saw the look on Pie's face.
"In the future." Pie said coldly. "I believe that, instead of hunting for Mary Sues, you ought to hunt for Tokyo Mew Mew fans."
T.A.R.N.S.: Maybe I'll just put a standard disclaimer in my profile about the Cannon Chronicles... wait, I already did that. Now, I want the two people whos' KishXOCs I'm reading to know I didn't do this to pick on them, but I did do my absolute best to beat up the trends. I don't know how good this fics is, so please be sure to let me know what you thought in your review.
BTW: I don't approve of M-rated stories, but I was trying to think like our favorite perverted alien, and it was like, "Hmm... If I was Kish, and I was looking at a story about myself and the girl I'm in love with, what would I want to read?" Something M-rated, I'm sure. I also don't approve of Yaoi or Yuri, I'm just not sure how that got in there. Oh well. It fits.
Don't get me wrong. Not all OCs are Mary Sues, but the KishXOc is a definite trend. (It's just that Mary Sue Chronicles sounds better than Other Character Chronicles.) I also claim Mews Feijoa, Guava, Kumquat, Grape, Persimmon and Casaba Melon, even though I know nothing about them yet. (I wanna do a story about Casaba Melon!) Anyway, that's all the notes and disclaimers I can think of, so please eview and tell me what you thought.