Disclaimer: I don't own MGLN and I never will
iStalk
"Hey Vita, do you notice anything…different about Fate lately?" asked Hayate enquiringly. She leaned back in her office chair and put her shoeless feet on the table, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible while asking her question.
"Hm? Oh, I'm not sure. Can you please take your dirty sweaty feet off the table though?" Hayate ignored her and instead attempted to balance a pen on the tip of her nose. Sighing Vita continued "I'll tell you who has been acting weird though, Nanoha. Always walking around with a stupid grin on her face and her head in the clouds." Hayate frowned but continued her balancing act "You should see her teaching the kids on the training field, not exactly the most formidable opponent, no ones been down to the infirmary in two weeks" The pen fell to the floor as Hayate sat rigid.
"Two weeks you say?…that's when Fate started acting strange, her symptoms verrrry much the same to Nanoha's" She tapped her chin in thought when her eyes suddenly grew wide as if she had just had an epiphany "You don't think…" she paused for effect adding in a gasp for good measure "You don't think…" She placed her hand over her mouth to stifle another dramatic intake of breath.
"I don't know if I don't think it, if you don't damn well tell me what it is!" Patience wasn't one of Vita's strong points.
"You don't think…" Vita was about to bop her on the head when the brunette giggled and let it all out "Fate and Nanoha started dating?!"
Vita fell off her chair in shock with a loud thud. "Wh-what?!" she yelled from under the table before using it to hoist herself back into her seat. "Dating! You've got to be kidding me!" her face was a bright crimson colour as she fiddled with Hayate's discarded pen which she picked up from the floor.
"Why would I be kidding? It all makes perfect sense now, they've always been so close-"
"Yeah because they are best friends! That's all, sure they hug a lot and they sleep in a giant bed together, but don't read too much into it" Vita reasoned.
"Vita, Vita, Vita" Hayate shook her head disappointedly "Have you learned nothing? Let me tell you, in my experience: subtext always equals gaysex"
Vita looked horrified.
"What. What experience? What are you talking about?" Hayate just answered with a smile and Vita sighed "Never mind, anyway that's another thing we looked over, they're both girls"
Hayate scooted closer Vita and started playing with the ends of her plaits "And what's wrong with two girls being together Vita-chaaan?"
"Get the hell away from me you loli-con" Hayate immediately obliged as she valued her life "That's better. What I meant to say is, we don't know if either of them are actually gay. They haven't shown any interest in…anyone really to suggest what they prefer"
"That's because they only had eyes for each other, they didn't need to look elsewhere…how romantic" Hayate finished her sentence by planting both hands on her cheeks and gazing doe-eyed into the distance, while Vita just made puking faces behind her back.
Hayate's face suddenly turned serious. "But listen I'm not one to jump to conclusions" Vita just raised an eye brow "We need to gather solid evidence"
"And how do you plan to do that exactly?"
"By watching their every move. Observing them in everyday life. Studying how they interact with each other. Surveillance-"
"Stalk them you mean" Vita said blunt as ever.
"Well…yes. But can we at least say spy? It sounds a lot less sordid"
"Sure what ever helps you sleep at night" Vita rolled her eyes "I know I'm going to regret this but how exactly do you plan on stalk- I mean spying on the two all the time since you're just one person?"
"I'm glad you asked Vita, you're going to help me of course!" Hayate assumed enthusiastically.
"I knew it" Said Vita, not quite sharing the same eagerness as the other girl.
"Let's see…you spy on Nanoha and I'll spy on Fate okay?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"No"
"Didn't think so"
The next day…
Hayate sat and watched patiently in a thorny bush little more than four feet away from the blissfully unaware Fate. Hayate knew it was hers and Nanoha's day off and she just knew something was going to go down. Call it a stalkers intuition.
She scribbled down observations in her small black notebook as she watched Fate's causal stroll down the street come to an abrupt halt as something caught her eyes in a shop window. After a few moments of pondering she stepped through the shop doors, making Hayate look at her watch and scratch down the words:
2:36 F goes into 'Fuwa Fuwa' clothes shop – wont give chase, too risky.
Hayate sat there for another five minutes before feeling anxious. She raised the binoculars that were around her neck to see if she could see further into the shop 'What's taking her so long?' she thought to herself. She finally caught a glimpse of the blonde as she made her way to the exit with a pink paper bag with the words 'Fuwa Fuwa' printed across the side in white. The fact that she seemed rather flustered, as if she wanted to get out of the shop as quickly as possible, was not lost on Hayate and she wrote this down as quickly as possible in order to catch up with the rapidly retreating blonde.
She jumped out discreetly from her hiding place and attempted to crouch-walk behind and decrepit old woman to keep herself hidden.
After realising that an OAP with a walking stick wasn't exactly the best cover, Hayate instead opted to trail behind an unfortunate boy that walked past.
They walked along the street for another couple of minutes with not much happening besides Fate whistling 'Love Is In The Air' and one young man getting seriously creeped out by a strange short haired brunette following him closely and writing things down in a notepad.
Said brunette, suddenly gasped loudly (causing the frightened boy to run away crying) as the object of her observation stopped and picked out a red rose from a near by bush before proceeding on her way in the direction of the park.
--
Vita sat in the large tree swinging her feet and yawning repeatedly. She wasn't being as inconspicuous as was instructed by her friend but she was bored out of her mind. And besides, Nanoha was too busy in her own little world to notice a ginger munchkin watching her from a tree a few metres away.
The knight stopped swinging her legs when she saw a familiar blonde walking towards Nanoha, who snapped out of her reverie upon sensing her friend coming closer. They greeted each other with a warm hug and the presentation of a rose to a smiling Nanoha. The whole scene looked rather lovey-dovey so instead Vita scanned the area in search of Hayate and to her great shock found that she was already right next to her on the branch
"Whoa when did you-" Hayate quickly cut the girl's reaction short by placing one had over her mouth.
"Shh, they'll hear you." Once she was sure that the shorter girl wouldn't make another sound she withdrew her hand and looked back at the couple and whispered "Ooo a picnic under a cherry blossom tree hey? So romantic"
"So cliché"
"Oh hush you, you're so…oh my god look" Hayate pointed excitedly at the pair.
Vita just looked confused "At what?"
"Their hands, look at their hands" The redhead strained her eyes to see what she was on about and then realised that their pinky fingers were overlapping slightly.
"Are you being serious?"
"Vita, Vita, Vita. Have you learned nothing?" Hayate shook her head
"Let me guess; in your experience…"
"In my experience- hey how did you know I was going to say that? Anyway, when you go on a date, you can't just jump straight in there and start French kissing them. You need to put some ground work in first then build it up, you know, get the mood just right"
Vita didn't know quite what to say. Instead of answering she decided to look back at the pair again, but as her eyes grew wide and mouth went slack she wished she didn't.
Below them Nanoha was hand feeding Fate strawberries rather sensually, licking off any excess juice that ran down her finger.
"See, I said so…you could cut the sexual tension with a knife" Hayate grinned triumphantly and brought out a camera from the bag on her back.
"Okaaaay, this is getting really weird, I'm gettin' out of here" With that she jumped effortlessly off the branch and ran swiftly out of the park without looking back, leaving Hayate alone to watch the show.
"Pfft sure leave when it starts getting good"
"You're probably wondering why I gathered you all here today" Hayate stated with her arms crossed across her chest, trying to look as ominous as possible.
"Kinda…I'm also wondering why Fate is only half dressed" Nanoha said, scratching her blushing cheek as she looked over at the blonde who was only wearing a shirt and a pair of underwear.
"Heh, I was in the changing room when Hayate suddenly barged in, grabbed me by the wrist telling me she had something important to announce and dragged me all the way here. It was so embarrassing, people stared at me…" Fate trailed off gazing off to the side.
Nanoha clenched her fists and stared angrily at Hayate. "What did you think you were doing?
"What's wrong Nanoha, getting jealous?" The short haired girl said with a smug grin as she saw her friend's irritated glare turned to a look of confusion.
"…you what?"
"The reason!" she unfolded her arms and slammed them both on the table "I called you here today is because I know you two are dating"
"Wh-what are you talking about?! What proof do you have?" Nanoha said shakily, beads of perspiration already evident on her face.
"You want proof? I'll give you proof" from her pocket Hayate extracted a long thin piece of paper casting a glance over it quickly and smirking she turned it around to reveal what was printed on the other side "Exhibit A: a receipt for a purchase Fate made yesterday at the expensive clothes store 'Fuwa Fuwa' for a set of sexy lingerie intended for Nanoha!"
"Objection!" Fate said standing up making everyone stare at her, like she was a crazy girl. She sat back down quietly blushing "Sorry, just got a bit caught up in the moment, what I meant to say was, for all you know that could have been for myself"
"Well, my dear Fate I think we can all agree that you are slightly more…well endowed that Nanoha here-"
"Hey!" Nanoha shouting puffing out her cheeks and placing her arms across her chest self consciously.
Hayate ignore the protest completely and carried on with her explanation "-and if we look here we see that the size stated on this receipt it's far too small for a woman of your physique"
Vita, who was sat quietly in the corner watching, tugged on Hayate's sleeve and ushered her to come in closer "Hey where did you even get that receipt" she whispered hoarsely into her friends ear.
"I went through their rubbish bin, best not say anything though" she tapped her nose twice and turned her back to the rather disgusted looking Vita.
"Next, I have irrefutable that you two are in fact a couple" she disappeared under the table for a brief second and returned with a brown envelope which she threw at the two opposite her. It was closer to Nanoha so she picked it up and tentativly opened the flap and cautiously extracted whatever horrors lie within. Her left eye twitched slightly when she saw that they were pictures of her and Fate on their amorous picnic. The first showed her feeding Fate a strawberry, who had a look of pleasure on her face; the second showed the two leaning in dangerously close, their lips mere inches away; the third showed them both lying down staring into each others eyes.
"Who the hell took these?!" Nanoha felt and looked extremely violated.
"That's not important, what is important is what these pictures show, and you can't deny that they show that something fruity is going on between the two of you"
The couple sighed and looked at each other for a few moments "Okay fine" Nanoha finally admitted quietly "There is something going on betwe-"
"Still not ready to fess up hey?" Hayate yelled evidently not hearing Nanoha "Well, I do have one more piece of shocking evidence! Time to pull out the big guns" She pulled a video recorder from the bag by her feet.
"Err Hayate…" Vita whispered.
"Last night, I paid a little unannounced visit to your room, and guess just what I saw-"
"Hayate! They already admitted it!" Vita interrupted successfully this time. The short haired girl looked at Vita. Then at Nanoha. Then at Fate. Then quickly put the video camera back into her bag.
"Wait…what the hell was on that camera?" Nanoha enquired feeling even more violated than before.
"I knew you two were a couple! Congratulations!" Hayate cheered happily completely dodging the question "Nothing gets past Hayate Wright! Nothing I say! How has two whole weeks of being together gone so far?"
Fate scrunched her nose in puzzlement "Two weeks?"
Nanoha shared a similar look "We've been going out for three years now two weeks ago was our anniversary"
He only thing that could be heard in the silence that followed was the sound of 'Hayate Wright' facepalming.
A/N: A nice short little light hearted fic for you here. Hayate isn't as clever as she first thought it seems.
Bit of a Phoenix Wright parody thrown in.
x
Review if you want :)