Hogan's heroes and Hawaii Five-O are owned by others. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story was inspired by the Hogan's Heroes Season 4 episode "Clearance Sale at the Black Market." It can also be read as a lead-in to my Hogan's Heroes—Five-O crossover "Mistaken Identity."

CHICKEN FEED

"Car coming through the gate, Colonel," Kinch reported as he knocked on Hogan's office door. "Looks like we've got some new Krauts."

Hogan studied the two men, one overweight – not as big as Schultz – and the other, shorter and shifty-eyed. He watched the two head for the Kommandantur.

"Plug in the coffee pot!" he ordered. The team gathered in the small office and listened to the conversation.

"Sergeant Heinrich Bauer, Stalag 6," one of the men introduced himself. "Corporal Konrad Borland. We're here on a special mission, Herr Oberst."

"Just what we need, Mates! More Nazis sneaking around. I wonder what that 'special mission' is." Newkirk's voice dripped with a mixture of curiosity and sarcasm.

Hogan motioned for silence as Bauer continued, "As you know, Kommandant, many of the necessities of life for a renowned officer of your rank are becoming scarce. You know what I mean, those little luxuries someone like yourself who appreciates the finer things was once able to take for granted."

Hogan rolled his eyes at this statement. He could picture Klink preening at the compliments. "Flattery will get you everywhere with our Bald Eagle," he muttered.

"You should know, Guv'nor!" Newkirk laughed. "You've used that technique on him often enough!"

"Listen!" the Colonel hissed. "Here goes Klink, falling for that line. We may have to save him from his own folly. I'd hate to have to break in a new Kommandant if he gets into too much trouble."

"I have been missing certain things," Klink's voice came over the speaker. "What are you proposing, Sergeant?"

"Simply that Borland and I have certain, shall we say, contacts who can supply your needs. Several high ranking officers regularly avail themselves of our services for a small fee. Am I correct in assuming that you would be interested?" Bauer's voice took on a wheedling tone.

"Mon Dieu! He's talking about the Black Market!" LeBeau exploded.

"Klink would probably need to dip into camp funds to pay for stuff there, Colonel," Carter finished the thought.

"And they'd have him right under their thumb. He'd be a prime target for blackmail. We've got to stop this before he gets into trouble we can't get him out of!" Kinch shook his head in disbelief. "He couldn't be that dumb, could he?"

You're talking about Klink, Mate!" Newkirk's comment produced a chorus of laughs.

Hogan once again motioned for silence as Bauer's voice echoed from the speaker. "I realize that you may need some time to consider our proposal, Kommandant. Corporal Borland and I will be staying at the Hauserhoff in Hammelburg tonight. We will return tomorrow. I suggest that you not discuss this proposal with anyone." The sound of a door opening and closing signaled the end of the visit.

Hogan ran his fingers through his dark hair. "Well, at least they're not new guards. We've got to put a stop to their little operation." He thought for a moment. "Now, here's what we're gonna do. . . ." He grinned, "Newkirk, we'll need some uniforms. Abwehr, I think. Newkirk, you, Carter, and I will be paying a little visit to the Hauserhoff tonight. Carter, bring a couple of your new fountain pen smoke bombs. They might come in handy. Kinch, you and LeBeau will need to keep Schultz busy. "

"A pan of warm strudel will take care of that, Mon Colonel!"

"Just be sure to save some for us!" Carter exclaimed.

o-o-o-o-o

Bauer and Borland were enjoying a game of cards and a bottle of Black Market schnapps when they heard a knock on their door. Before they could react, the door was shoved open and three masked men in the uniform of the dreaded Abwehr forced their way in.

"Wh . . . What? Who?" a disturbed Bauer stammered. "Was is los? What do you want?"

"Just to give you a little warning," the tallest of the three responded in a dark, intimidating voice. "We are Abwehr. We have been watching you for some time, you and your contacts. We are very aware of your Black Market operations."

"Watching us?" Bauer blustered, sweat beginning to run down his face. "We've done nothing wrong."

"Trading with the Black Market is a crime against the Fatherland. I could order you shot!"

Bauer was visibly pale. "Shot" was not a term he liked to hear. Innuendo, intimidation, and blackmail were more his style. He looked at his equally nervous associate for support. Borland simply groaned "Abwehr. They have that power."

"Furthermore, you will not approach Colonel Klink again," the tall leader continued. "he has contacts of such importance that they would assure you an immediate transfer to some place far less congenial and much colder. Do you understand?"

The two guards nodded.

"We will leave you with something to remember us by." At Hogan's signal, Carter threw the smoke bombs. The disguised POWs left as Bauer and Borland collapsed in a fit of coughing.

o-o-o-o-o

"Love your strudel, Louis," Carter complimented the little chef. "You should open a restaurant!"

Kinch and LeBeau laughed as Newkirk recounted the evening's adventure. "You shoulda seen that Bauer sweat," the cockney chortled. "He's just a chicken at heart!"

Hogan's lopsided grin was much in evidence. "That's the perfect name for him! Big Chicken!"

Note: In the original episode, the Black Market operator General Kiegler was played by Gavin Macleod. He went on to play one of the classic Hawaii Five-O's memorable villains, Big Chicken.