Nick Poodoo, Action Scientist
Chapter 1
Another boring day at the Black Mesa Research facility. Nick scratched what was left of his hair as he went to the soda machine. On the way, he spotted his friend, Byron. Nick waved, and Byron waved back. Nick put a quarter into the machine and pressed the button for his favorite fruit juice, "Prunetang." He sat down to enjoy his drink when that bastard Freeman passed by. He had his HEV suit on, and he was walking confidently in the direction of the testing chamber. Man, Nick hated that guy. Freeman stopped in the doorway of the break room and looked directly at Nick.
"Niiiiick. The Nickster. Nick-o-rama. Nickelodeon. Baron Von Nicktenschtein. Nick-Knack-Paddy-Whack give the dog a boooone."
"Hi, Gordon."
"Little Nicky. Nick comes in just at the Nick of time. Niiiiiiiick."
"Yeah, that's great Gordon. Could you please stop that."
"Sure Nicola. So, wassup?"
"Nothin'. Just havin' a Prunetang, talkin' to you."
"True, true. So, how's the Rogaine-I mean wife?"
"I don't have a wife Gordon, you know that."
"Oh, yeah."
They both stood there, engaged in the most awkward of silences. Naturally, Gordon broke it.
"You ever take a dump so big that it makes the toilet overflow?"
"No."
"Oh, well, uh, I sure haven't."
"Right. Don't you have to be in the testing chamber?"
"Oh, yeah. Bye."
"What a dumbass."
"What? Did you say something?"
"No, of course not."
Gordon left nervously. Nick propped his feet up on another chair and massaged his bald head. "How's the Rogaine?" Hmmph. Bastard. Nick sat back and watched the other scientists scurry about like mice, each of them doing what they considered to be most important to today's experiment.
"Don't fuck this one up," they would say.
"The administrator is watching," they cried.
Nick mostly just sat in the back and laughed. He was the head scientist, so he could fake importance most of the time. In case the administrator did come in, Nick would rush over to a microscope and look through the lens at an invisible specimen.
"Hmm, very interesting," He would say. The administrator would then leave without a word. Man, that administrator was one creepy mofo. The scientists had come to call him "The G-Man," since everybody knew he worked for the government, but nobody was sure exactly what division. He had bags under his eyes the size of Dennis Rodman's ego, and a speech impediment that made him sound like some sort of weird snake.
"Sssso, misssssster Poodoo, what are we working on today?"
"Oh, you know, this and that. Hmm, very interesting."
"Yesssss, very good. Back to work, missssster Poodoo."
"Dumbass."
"What? Did you ssssssay ssssssomething?"
"No, of course not."
The weirdo also carried this suitcase around all the time. In the six years he had been working here, not once had he seen the G-Man open that thing. The staff had made a pool, where each person bet on what they thought was in the suitcase. Currently, Nick had twenty bucks on "Dildo."
Bored, Nick stood up and walked in the direction of the testing chamber, hoping for something possibly interesting to happen. About halfway there, the entire facility was rocked by what seemed like an earthquake. Suddenly, electronic equipment exploded, walls collapsed, and strange crab-like creatures appeared out of thin air. One appeared roughly two feet away from Nick. As it approached, Nick had one thought.
"Oh, Shit."
Chapter 1
Another boring day at the Black Mesa Research facility. Nick scratched what was left of his hair as he went to the soda machine. On the way, he spotted his friend, Byron. Nick waved, and Byron waved back. Nick put a quarter into the machine and pressed the button for his favorite fruit juice, "Prunetang." He sat down to enjoy his drink when that bastard Freeman passed by. He had his HEV suit on, and he was walking confidently in the direction of the testing chamber. Man, Nick hated that guy. Freeman stopped in the doorway of the break room and looked directly at Nick.
"Niiiiick. The Nickster. Nick-o-rama. Nickelodeon. Baron Von Nicktenschtein. Nick-Knack-Paddy-Whack give the dog a boooone."
"Hi, Gordon."
"Little Nicky. Nick comes in just at the Nick of time. Niiiiiiiick."
"Yeah, that's great Gordon. Could you please stop that."
"Sure Nicola. So, wassup?"
"Nothin'. Just havin' a Prunetang, talkin' to you."
"True, true. So, how's the Rogaine-I mean wife?"
"I don't have a wife Gordon, you know that."
"Oh, yeah."
They both stood there, engaged in the most awkward of silences. Naturally, Gordon broke it.
"You ever take a dump so big that it makes the toilet overflow?"
"No."
"Oh, well, uh, I sure haven't."
"Right. Don't you have to be in the testing chamber?"
"Oh, yeah. Bye."
"What a dumbass."
"What? Did you say something?"
"No, of course not."
Gordon left nervously. Nick propped his feet up on another chair and massaged his bald head. "How's the Rogaine?" Hmmph. Bastard. Nick sat back and watched the other scientists scurry about like mice, each of them doing what they considered to be most important to today's experiment.
"Don't fuck this one up," they would say.
"The administrator is watching," they cried.
Nick mostly just sat in the back and laughed. He was the head scientist, so he could fake importance most of the time. In case the administrator did come in, Nick would rush over to a microscope and look through the lens at an invisible specimen.
"Hmm, very interesting," He would say. The administrator would then leave without a word. Man, that administrator was one creepy mofo. The scientists had come to call him "The G-Man," since everybody knew he worked for the government, but nobody was sure exactly what division. He had bags under his eyes the size of Dennis Rodman's ego, and a speech impediment that made him sound like some sort of weird snake.
"Sssso, misssssster Poodoo, what are we working on today?"
"Oh, you know, this and that. Hmm, very interesting."
"Yesssss, very good. Back to work, missssster Poodoo."
"Dumbass."
"What? Did you ssssssay ssssssomething?"
"No, of course not."
The weirdo also carried this suitcase around all the time. In the six years he had been working here, not once had he seen the G-Man open that thing. The staff had made a pool, where each person bet on what they thought was in the suitcase. Currently, Nick had twenty bucks on "Dildo."
Bored, Nick stood up and walked in the direction of the testing chamber, hoping for something possibly interesting to happen. About halfway there, the entire facility was rocked by what seemed like an earthquake. Suddenly, electronic equipment exploded, walls collapsed, and strange crab-like creatures appeared out of thin air. One appeared roughly two feet away from Nick. As it approached, Nick had one thought.
"Oh, Shit."