A.N: Hello everyone! Welcome back in this crazy -completely nonsense- Doccubus story, narrated by the most fascinating cat in the world: Meph!
Since you liked this cat so much I decided to give him a main role (no, he's not pointing a gun on me right now, I swear- *whispers* call 911!) in a new little Doccubus tale.
I just want to say now: this is not a sequel of 'Halfway' and the chapters won't be necessarily related. So I don't have a plot for this, only few funny ideas.
AND if you have particular requests, or prompts, PLEASE tell me. This story is made to have fun, and since it won't have a plot, I can write all the chapters I want as long as I have new ideas.
Oh, and tell me if I should continue it or not! Feedback is always appreciated!
As always, thanks to my wonderful beta adrenalynn1986. Thank you for not making me sound like Super Mario when I write.
So, let's begin with this madness.
My wonderful paws will hurt like hell from all this writing, but it's worth it. The world must know.
My name is Mephistopheles, and I am the respectable guardian of this house. Most people dare to describe me as a fluffy, fatty, lazy cat. But don't trust those mere humans: I'm...differently slim. And my shiny, splendid red fur is so bushy that many people mistakenly think that I have a major body fat.
Nothing more wrong. Yeah, it's true, I might have problems licking my bum, but it has nothing to do with my prominent belly.
Anyway, let's stop talking about this right now.
I'm currently spread out on the kitchen counter of a huge colonial house, outside the city. Why on Earth did my humans chose this place, I will never understand.
There are gardens around this house...nature...I saw a cow! Cows are evil. And now this house is all adorned with flowers and fancy decorations I'm tempted to attack.
In the last two months my human Kenzi had been very busy organizing a huge celebration for the official union of my two other humans.
One is Bo, also known as 'The lady who taught me, that eating nachos with mustard while watching a movie on the couch is pure blissfulness'; and the other one is Lauren, also known as 'The lady who taught me, that eating nachos with mustard while watching a movie on the couch could give me a stroke.'.
They are so in love with each other...and I'm happy when my vassals are happy. That's why I'm here today. To bless their union with my presence. But before I can make my big entrance (where is my pug's parade!? Kenzi promised me one!) I need a snack.
Let's see...The space used for the wedding reception is full of tables and food. But there are weird-looking guards dressed up like penguins around. They might be the mythological creatures I once heard of from my former human Evony: waiters. Better stay away from them.
Oh...do I hear violins? It must be the time for my big entrance. Hold on your chairs with your sweaty hands, humans, I'm comin-
No. There must have been a mistake in the schedule. Apparently it's my humans' turn to walk the aisle.
I need a better view, but I need to be...sneaky. I'm going to walk through that hell made of white chairs and stinky feet and once I get to the first row I will get to see the whole show without interruptions.
Food can wait.
Thank god humans are mesmerized of the beauty of the two brides. I have to admit, that crawling between feet and metallic traps is quite difficult. Especially when that fluffy old lady decides to trample my tail.
Damn, lady! Do you know how much time I've spent combing it? I still can't feel my tongue!
Thank god I made it, and I can't express how much I love those well groomed hands that are lifting me up now.
It doesn't matter how this particular human is obsessed with her appearance; it doesn't matter how many people she almost killed because they stepped on her flawless and expensive dress, Evony will always take me in her arms for some quality cuddles.
As the brides slowly make their way to the wooden arch where my humans Kenzi, Tamsin and the weird-looking man Dyson are waiting, she gently caresses my head as she whispers: "What are you doing here, Belly Butter?"
Now, don't tell anyone, but I love this nickname. Evony is the only human who is allowed to call me like that, and I think I'm the only creature in the Universe that she actually addresses with a nickname that doesn't contain an insult.
I purr and sink deeper in her arms, as I turn my head in the direction of the brides.
They finally arrive at their destination, and even though the celebrant has not said anything yet, I can already see Kenzi's eyes shimmer with tears. But she is not the only one who is getting emotional, apparently.
Both Lauren's and Bo's parents are silently holding hands. A strong grip, that means more than a gentle gesture.
And I can feel Evony's heart hammering in her chest, but I know that if I turn, I could see her face all serious and emotionless, as always. This human is really good at wearing a mask.
My humans are so beautiful. I really have taste in choosing my servants.
As the celebrant starts the ceremony they look at each other with dreamy eyes. They really share a unique bond.
It's the moment of the vows! I hope that Bo took note of my meows when she wrote hers last night.
Oh, here she comes!
"Lauren, two years ago I couldn't have imagined that I would meet a person who could take care of my heart, such as you did for all this time. I may not be good with words, and Gods, this is hard," -I hear some laughs- "but I promise you here, in front of my friends and my family, that I will do my best, every day, to make you happy. Because seeing you sad would be a sin."
Bo's father applauds instinctively and soon all the guests follow him. My human's face is now red as...anything that could be red. I suck with metaphors.
As the crowd stops my other human Lauren becomes pale. Unlike Bo, who is more spontaneous, the human doctor had spent many nights with the blank paper in front of her, trying to find the right words. Ever the pragmatic and analytical, I saw her writing, crumpling up many paper sheets and throwing them in a corner. I know this because I was so attentive to make her feel my support with loud snores and other...noises.
She didn't always appreciate it, anyway. Apparently it's not okay to fart in the proximity of humans.
Look at her...she's so nervous! I hope Dyson will catch her, I have the impression that she might faint.
"Bo, I have spent many days thinking about this moment. How it could have been, what I could have said...And now that I'm here the only thing that my mind can process is, that this is better than anything I could ever have dreamed of when thinking about this day. You fulfill everything that I could ever imagine being with you would be like, and I love you so much that sometimes I fear to wake up and realize that this is just that: a fantastic, perfect dream."
Another applause. I hope that your hands won't hurt when it is my turn to receive a standing ovation.
The celebrant restores the silence and takes the rings from the hands of a little girl. Maybe a cousin of Bos'?
Betrayal!
I should have brought the rings! Kenzi had spent hours teaching me how to walk in balance with the rings attached to my neck by a collar.
But nooooo, of course Bo had to stop her, saying that it would be a rude thing and insinuating that I might eat them.
They preferred a noob human puppy for this work of great responsibility. Look at that little girl, so satisfied.
I will hunt you during the wedding feast.
But now I have to focus on the most important moment of the ceremony: the exchange of rings.
Thank God it's not too warm today. Bo's fingers use to swell embarrassingly with heat.
"I, Bo Dennis, take thee Lauren Lewis as my wife, and I promise to respect you, love you, take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life."
Okay, now I'm sure that Lauren is going to faint. Hang in there, human!
Okay..after a long breathe her face seems to gain more color. She does the same with Bo, sliding the ring on her finger.
"I, Lauren Lewis take thee Bo Dennis as my wife and I promise to respect you, love you, take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life."
The celebrant smiles and hands them some papers to sign. They sign with shaky hands and Kenzi, Dyson and Tamsin do the same seconds later.
Again, the celebrant speaks. "I legally pronounce you united in marriage!" He turns to Bo, smiling. "You may kiss the bride!"
I hear Kenzi scream as she incites Bo. "You go, girl! Rummage her mouth properly!"
Bo and Lauren ignore her and melt in a tender kiss, while the crowd stands up and applauds. I can hear Tamsin sobbing with joy, but I suspect, that she's just happy because the time to eat like starving hyenas is coming.
Evony caresses my head and gently puts me on the ground. Thank God she remembers that I have delicate paws and I need to land carefully. Not like her girlfriend, Tamsin, who used to throw me like a rugby ball anytime I get too close to her pizza.
I purr and announce my presence crawling between my just-married humans. They both laugh as they bow to caress me. They still have to learn how to curtsy properly in front of the high-born. But it's wedding day, so I'll disregard that faux pas- for now.
I see the little girl standing in a corner, looking at me. Maybe she's curious, maybe she is blinded by my greatness. Or maybe she's trying to learn from the master as I draw all the attention of those present.
What, little human, are you disappointed that nobody is looking at you and your fancy ring-cushion? Too bad you can't see which tiny phalanx of my paws I am holding up right now.
...
So? :)