Disclaimer: Yeah I know that the "How I met *insert creepypasta here*" is over done; but I don't care! I don't own anything but the talking Eyeless Jack chibi in the corner of the room.
#CRASH# That is the sound I woke up to. Now let me tell you, I'm not Miss Sunshine when I wake up, I'm more like...Miss Chainsaw. So when I was so happily awakened at three in the GODDAMNED morning, I calmly grabbed my gun, made sure it was loaded, and got out of bed.
Right now you must be thinking, "Oh, she's about to go in there spewing hell-fire; how typical." Well that's not really my style. I like to wait, to get you when you least expect it. Besides, I don't like interacting with people, it a hassle.
If someone were to come where I am right now and shoot up the place, I would wait until their back was turned, kick them in the balls, steal their gun, and shoot them in the kidneys. Not necessarily in that order mind you...
Ya know… now that I think about it, I'm probably just insane…But back to the matter at hand.
Opening my room door, I was met with the sight of my robber's chest. As I looked up at him, I thought about the unfairness. He was sooo fucking tall! Like really the unfairness of it all! He was about 6'7" to my own fun-sized height of an even 5'5". "Bro, what the fucks are you doing…?" I asked him in the calmest voice I could muster at three in the fucking morning.
He just tilted his head and stared. When he did this, I finally noticed that he had a mask on. Sighing at the stupidity of it all, I face-palmed. A fucking mask? Really? Really? What is this shit the goddamn Purge? What next, Barney the Fucking Dinosaur coming to kill me for cocaine money?
"Bro, if you don't say, or communicate something, I will shoot you in the damned kidney, and then eat the fucked thing while you watch, understand?" I said in the calmest, most threatening voice that I could muster at the time. I mean give me a fucking break, it usually takes several cups of tea and/or coffee for me to function, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for being able to snark right now.
When he heard the part about me eating his kidneys, his shoulders shook, and he let out a sound that resembled the coughing of a dog. I twitched at his not taking me seriously, I shot him in the neck; non-lethally of course; I planned on beating the shit out of him before I phoned the police, its not as fun when their dying. Once I was sure that I had his attention, I pointed over to my 'Trophy' shelf.
I grabbed the lower part of his face and leaned in close. "Listen, and listen well; take me seriously if you don't want to end up like the rest of them, 'kay?" I asked in an innocent tone of voice, gesturing to the various body parts that I keep as trophies.
He started making that noise again, though this time I could understand why. You see, I keep…The parts that are…Important...to males... Anyway, I couldn't help but laugh myself.
Straightening up, I stood my ground. The masked man, or 'Manny' as I am now calling him, just tilted his head, as if waiting to see what I would do. Grunting as the fatigue reared its ugly head again, I did what came naturally. I grabbed the nearest notebook in the room and handed it to him, along with a pen.
"Look man, if you don't want me to shoot your obviously crazy ass, again, either write whatever it is you want, or get the fuck out of my house." I said impatiently, whilst tapping my gun against my hip. He made a noise that sounded mildly like a snort as he started writing.
We stood there for a minute or two before he silently handed me back the notebook, and pocketed the pen. I stared at him for a second. "You thieving son of a bitch, be glad I'm to tired to care right now. Cause I sure as fuck would have shot the shit out of you otherwise." I grunted while reading what was on the notebook.
#I was about to steal your kidney, but now that I've seen your impressive 'trophy' shelf…I've now decided to call a rain-check… For now at least. Oh, and you might want to call someone to fix your kitchen window, its kind of fucked at the moment.# I snorted as I handed him the notebook. Seeing that he was confused, I rolled my eyes. "You've already stolen my damn pen, might as well take the fucking notebook. And I'd like to know what to call you by before you leave...unless you'd like to be called Manny?"
He stared at me for a moment before making that coughing dog sound, which I now knew to be his laugh. He took a few moments to write his reply. When he was finally done, he tore out the page and handed it back to me. He laughed and waved at me as he left, more quiet than he entered.
#I suppose you're right, thanks for giving me a voice Hobbit. I'll remember this little piece of kindness later… And I think I like Manny… Though I'm known as 'Eyeless Jack' by the media. Seeya.#