There was a bright white light, clouds floated and danced around, twisting and smokey. A feminine voice called his name.
"Richie...Richie"
A woman slowly appeared, thick permed hair adorned her head like a halo. Great white feathery wings sprouted from her, covering her lithe body like a gown. As she approached her wings slowly opened, giving the man a big eye full of her heaving, glistening chest and trimmed hair between her legs.
"Richie?"
The man in question felt his breathing quicken as a lecherous grin passed over his face.
Crikey, her jugs are huge!
" My sweet lady! I-I.." He stuttered, reaching his arms out in want, opening and closing his palms impatiently.
"Richie, wake up you cock eyed git! " Growled the angel in a very familiar, very masculine voice. Richie whimpered as the angel balled her fists and punched him squarely in the nose.
"Come on Richie you saggy wrinkled old ssssssausage." Slurred Eddie, pulling back his shaking fist for another punch.
"Nno-nooo" Groaned Richie, stirring in his dirty hospital sheets. "Jugs?!"
Eddie quirked his eyebrow as he looked around the grungy, dimly lit room. His eyes alighted on the jug of tepid water/vimto/special brew on Richie's nightstand.
"Don't mind if I do my blighty me old matey ol' chim churro"
Eddie promptly guzzled the jugs contents before smashing it over Richie's head. The man in question sat bolt upright in panic, smashing his forehead into Eddie's grinning mouth, sending teeth scattering everywhere.
"Eddie! You complete and utter bastard! I was in heaven, about to do it with a beautiful angel! Her jugs were the size of my head Eddie! "
" They can't of been very big then! " Smirked Eddie slyly, digging within his pockets for that pint he hadn't quite finished at the lamb.
" Urgh, honestly Eddie you're sooo uncooth! I obviously meant the head with hai-...shuttup, just shuuut uuup! Anyway Eddy where the heeelll am I? "
" Razor Roger's loft! Me and the hospital couldn't be bothered to look after you after the shooting so I palmed you off to him! He found a new species of in your underpants! Not to mention he's been sharpening up on his surgical skills, took your appendix out for practise! Hahahaha! "
Richie looked physically sick at this, he gripped his covers with sweaty fingers
"Eddie..I already had it removed in 1984!"
Eddie only laughed at this, slurping up the pint of bitter.
"Did...did Razor Roger see my, well my todger? "
Eddie Hitler did not understand Richie's meekness, he wasn't exactly discreet about his obsession with wanking, but god help anyone if they saw beneath his stained clothes.
" Nah Rich he just hosed you off every now and then. Scrubbed you with a broom, didn't want to touch you, see." Reassured Eddie
" Well that's good then, you know what they say, worst things happen at sea! How long was I asleep? "
" About three months Richie "
" Ruddy Hell! Best get me off home! "
" Alrighty then me matey! You alright to walk?"
Richie's eyes widened at this
" Why wouldn't I be walking?! "
" Well Razor Roger did give you a good seeing to with his tool "
The ginger man's hands promptly travelled down and clasped upon his own clenched buttocks.
" I beg you're pardon? "
Richie's only answer was a resigned shake of the head and a put upon sigh. Oh, and being slapped around the head with an oddly well laundered pair of Y-fronts.
" Get dressed "
Eddie was constantly pestered by Richie on the short walk home, had he gotten any letters, was the washing up being done, was the secret 50 pence piece still glued to his loose bedboard ( Nope *hic*), had there been anymore lingerie catalogues posted?
" Richie, for the 137th time will you SHUUT UPP! " Screamed Eddie as they began to ascend the steps to the flat, gingerly stepping over puddles of vomit and broken glass.
"...Bastard" Muttered Richie, glaring down at the floor and contorting his jaw in annoyance.
Eddie responded by pushing his flatmate down the stairs, Richie went down with a crunch, stepping back up meekly,covered in vomit.
" Now I'll have to bathe Eddie! I hope my things are where I left them?"
" If you mean your wank mags and crusty underpants, I don't give a toss "
They crossed through the threshold, Richie noting the large amount of shoes piled up in front of the door.
" Exactly...how have you been paying the rent Eddie? " Richie shouted down from his way up to his room, Eddie was rustling some bottles around noisily in the sitting room.
Richie got a muffled reply but he just shrugged it off, opening the door to his room, looking inside and promptly slamming it back shut, pressing up against it in alarm.
" Eddie! EDDIE! There's a bird in my room Eddie! "
A/N: Yay been meaning to do this for a while, since I heard about that sexy bastard Rik's death :( Anyway I hope I got their characters done properly, not too OC I hope? Please review my foxy stoats, makes me write faster ;) Xx