Suicidal Word Game
By Gewlface
There were times where I thought about Bakura Ryou. There were times where I worried for him. As close as I thought we were, however, I failed to realise how little I truly knew about him.
I knew he was haunted by an evil spirit from ancient Egypt.
I knew that spirit was a threat.
But aside from that, I hadn't the slightest clue who Ryou himself was. His favourite food, colour, animal - nothing.
For the longest time I thought so much about the relationships I held with my friends, yet thinking is simply assumption. Assumption is nothing without proof, and therefore… I knew nothing.
"I need your help," was the first line that lead to this realisation. August twelfth, about eleven thirty at night; a date and time I don't think I'll ever be able to completely forget.
It was here that everything changed.
Of course, I had no idea that my life was about to fall into chaos, that the world around me would become overrun with misery and tragedy within the span of a few meager weeks. My groggy response that night had been a simple "what?" followed by a slightly more intelligent "who is this?"
"It's Ba-", a falter, a pause, and then, "it's Ryou."
The name Bakura had been 'borrowed' by the spirit of the Millennium Ring. Ryou, unwilling to fight back and insisting that "everyone needs a name" and "we do share a body, after all", had given up the name and began to go by simply Ryou.
The habit hadn't stuck just yet.
After a moment of silence - Ryou was calling me for help? - I responded. "What's up? Everything okay?"
When Ryou spoke, it was rushed and quiet. "I don't have time to explain. I need you to come to my apartment tomorrow. There will be a package waiting for you in my mailbox out front." The determined urgency in his voice left no room for questions. "Come alone, and don't tell Yuugi anything. I'll leave the mailbox unlocked."
And then he hung up, and that was the last time I ever spoke to Bakura Ryou.
The following day, Friday the thirteenth, I went to Ryou's place more confused than I'd ever been in my life. I'd woken up early for the first time in years so that I could drop by before school, worry pulling at me like a retracting chain of steel bound around my wrists in cuffs.
His mailbox was locked.
I figured there was no possible way for him to forget something as urgent as the situation had been made out to be. My mind made up, I headed up to his apartment. The knock I wrung onto his door was so hard that it left my knuckles bruised for days.
Only seconds later was the door opened, a cheery grin plastered along Ryou's face as he settled wide brown eyes onto me. "Good morning, Jounouchi!" he'd greeted, forgoing any honourifics.
"Hey," I responded slowly, eyeing him warily. He was… different somehow. "Is everything okay? You didn't leave your mailbox unlocked."
"Why would I do that?"
And, to my near horror, his eyes shined with sincere confusion.
"You… You were supposed to leave me a package. I came here to pick it up." I explained, trying to give off as little information as possible in case something was wrong.
Ryou frowned, thinking. "I was?" After a beat, he shrugged and turned, moving further into his apartment. "Whatever it is, it's probably in the sitting room. You can look if you want. Oh! Would you care for some tea?"
"No thanks," I mumbled, sifting through papers on the coffee table. As Ryou moved into the kitchen, I found what I assumed was the package. It was a thick orange envelope, relatively light but heavy enough to contain more than simply paper and was relatively small. On the cover was a large smiley face drawn in permanent marker; the symbol of our friendship that Anzu had decided on a while back.
I peeked inside and felt my stomach drop as my curious eyes met a single one made of gold and encrusted with blood around the edges. The Millennium Eye sat atop what looked to be a few pieces of folded paper, which I guessed to be a letter.
All I could invision was the corpse of Pegasus J. Crawford, cold and pale and lacking an eye.
I felt sick. Disgusted. And honestly, I was terrified. The spirit, Bakura, had killed Pegasus to attain the Eye, and who was to say what he'd do to me if he knew it was now in my possession?
Feeling the sudden urge to vomit, I headed for the front door.
"Jounouchi?" Ryou called, his head peering around a corner. "You're leaving already? Did you find what you were looking for?"
I nearly flinched. "Yeah, I got it. It's just homework and notes. Thanks for that, by the way."
"Oh," Ryou said, his lips forming a perfect circular shape. "I see. I guess I simply forgot."
Nodding, I pulled the door open, the metal doorknob slippery under my clammy hands. "I'm gonna go now. See ya." As I left, a thought occurred to me, and I turned back. "Where's the spirit? Has there been any trouble?"
By then I already knew that something was wrong. Either my friend was being controlled by Bakura, or he was completely out of right mind. I was determined to figure it out. A little bit of fear wouldn't get in my way.
"Oh, Bakura?" He chirped, smiling widely, distantly. "He's been working in the garden."
"The garden?"
Ryou nodded. "He's pulling out all the weeds," he explained. "It'll be so much better once its just pretty flowers, don't you think?"
I didn't waste time in leaving then, practically sprinting to the school a few blocks away.
Ryou didn't come to school that day. After homeroom, I made my way to the rooftop with the package tucked under my arm. Once I was sure I was alone, I pulled out the papers, avoiding the bloody Eye.
The letter was addressed to me. It read;
"Dear Jounouchi Katsuya,
My sincerest apologies for the probable abruptness in which you will likely receive this letter. It is a situation I have thoroughly thought out and examined the likely consequences of, but I am willing to go out on a limb and risk it. An explanation is the least I can offer you in exchange for everything that is about to happen.
Growing up, I never had many friends. Those that happened to get close were destroyed, their minds separated from their bodies which were left behind to decay. It is a sad story that you've likely heard before, so I'll spare you the details.
When I met Yuugi, he showed me the truest of friendships. You understand, don't you? He changed you for the better as well. He was the kindest person I'd ever encountered and he cared more for others than he did for himself. His heart is pure and light, and he showed me that I had the strength to fight against my fears, that I could be something besides a container.
As I fought against my fears, I encountered a dire problem; I began to fall in love with them. More specifically, I fell in love with Bakura.
Despite all the nightmares he's put me through, both when I'm sleeping and when not, I came to understand that deep down, he's really sad and lonely. He's hurting inside, and I understand that.
But Bakura is too far gone for comfort and saving now. I can't fix him. I can't do anything for him but simply be there and hope that some day, maybe, he'll notice that he's not truly all alone in this big, scary world.
He wants me for my body. That much is common knowledge. I'm but a puppet to him, you see, and he's more than willing to dispose of me if the situation so calls for it. I've let go of my fear, and so I don't worry about whether or not I'll die anymore. There's just one thing; I don't want any harm to come to my friends, to you and Yuugi, to anyone.
You see, Jounouchi-kun, I have one last wish. All that I ask of the Gods is to spare the lives of my friends. They're precious not only to me but to each other and countless others, and I couldn't bare it if any of them were to die.
Bakura seeks to kill Yuugi. It is because of this fact that I have been forced to choose between a hopeless unrequited love for a psychopath or the bonds of friendship, of family, for you and the others.
I need to ask a favour of you, Jounouchi-kun. I need you to give Malik Ishtar the second letter enclosed in this envelope and anything else found within. I ask of you not to read Malik's letter. It's a bit more personal, and I'd prefer it to remain a secret.
Thank you. Please do not worry for me in the time to come.
Sincerely, Ryou."
And it was then, after nearly an hour of fruitless thought, that I decided to read the second letter.
It explained that Bakura had locked himself inside of Ryou's mind, spending countless amounts of time ebbing away at his thoughts and cares. His aim was to rid him of logical thought, to make it so that he was nothing but an empty shell.
"Oh, Bakura? Hes been working in the garden. He's pulling out all the weeds. It'll be so much better once its just pretty flowers, don't you think?"
"He wants me for my body. That much is common knowledge. I'm but a puppet to him, you see, and he's more than willing to dispose of me if the situation so calls for it."
In the letter, he asks Malik to kill him.
He explains that Bakura would take control over their body before he would be able to perform the act himself.
Terrified, I left the roof.
I threw the package away in a trashcan in passing.
I made a horrible mistake in my moment of panic, and it was then in the following weeks that I realised I was always wrong about things.
I always assumed. I thought I knew everything. I figured there was no chance Malik would find the letter in the trash, that it would merely be thrown away and everything would be thrown away with it. I thought I could be the hero and save everyone, that I could save Ryou and Yuugi from Bakura.
I thought I could fix things.
I thought I was right.
And it was because of me that Ryou's personality was erased.
It was because of me that Yuugi died less than a month later.
It was because of me that on September second, Ryou spent his birthday covered in his best friend's blood.
It was my fault he couldn't even cry or grieve.
It was my fault he didn't care.
And the next day, it was my fault that Malik Ishtar killed him in an act of heated and untamed revenge, destroying the Millennium Ring along with the remnants of my friend.
Overcome with despair, Malik disappeared. He was found on September twelfth hanging from a rope attached to his ceiling.
And I suppose that was because of me as well, wasn't it?
There were times where I thought about Bakura Ryou. There were times where I worried for him. As close as I thought we were, however, I failed to realise how little I truly knew about him.
I knew he was haunted by an evil spirit from ancient Egypt.
I knew that spirit was a threat.
I also knew that Ryou loved that spirit, and that that spirit considered him nothing but a pawn.
I'll die with that knowledge, and I'll die with the guilt of the five lives that were lost in the span of a single month.