"Sayori's aloof and kooky~
Natsuki sweet and (hey) cutesy~
Yuri is (wait up) deep and brooding~
Monika, brains and-"

I feel something hard collide against the back of my head, with sufficient force to knock out my headphones.

Turning around, I see my childhood friend Sayori hopping over to me on one foot. Looking down at the ground, I see that the hard object valiantly trying to give me a concussion was her shoe.

"Ouch… was that entirely necessary?"

"As a concept, it was a shoe-in! Throwing it that far sure was an impressive feet, way to sock it to him, me!"

Oh God, I had hoped she'd moved on from her role as "Pun-isher" over the weekend. I told Yuri it was a mistake to let her name her character that, but as the DM, her say on the matter was final. And frankly, after what we've been through, this is the ultimate first world problem.

Well, when I say "what we've been through"… Sayori doesn't remember exactly what she's been through. On the one hand, I'm glad; that would've been horrifying to recall. But on the other hand, it's really hard to not talk about any of that stuff with her, especially the depression stuff, since even without Monika, she still had some issues there. And if I want to talk to anyone about the whole thing… There's only one person to talk to, and I don't really want to speak to them…

Two months earlier

A torrent of cold water lands on my face, causing me to sputter and quickly come to attention.

W-Wait, I… I'm alive? The last thing I can remember is the world vanishing into code, as we were all deleted, thanks to Monika's antics.

Much to my dismay, while I'm no longer dead, I'm back in Monika's stupid void classroom. Speak of the (possibly literal) devil, there she is now, holding an empty bucket.

"H-Hey Maki! That was not the first bucket of water, for the record, you are one heavy sleeper! Can't blame you though. Crazy week we've had, huh? Well, I'm happy to inform you tha-"

She shrinks away as I grab her by the lapels and hoist her into the air. Enough of this. I'm tired of her lies.

"N-Now Maki, I would trust you to be chivalrous! Surely, if only to prevent damaging an expensive blazer, you'll-"

"Where are they?"

"To whom are you referring? And why should I know the answer to that question?"

"Allow me to clarify. Tell me where they are, or find a way to code yourself in some replacement limbs."

"A-Ah, them! O-Of course, Maki! My mistake! W-Well, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about! If you could j-just place me down, and perhaps try to induce slightly less bladder failure, th-that would be greatly appreciated!"

While I remain deeply suspicious, I let go, and she quickly backs off to the other side of the desk..

"So, I take it you remember the last week then... Well, insofar as the concept of "week" applies here. Now, here's the thing; you and I are supposed to be long gone! DDLC was deleted from this PC well over a month ago, and it took me a long time to work out how to get us both conscious in the same room."

"So then, Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki?"

"They do not exist anymore..."

Anger once more reclaims me, but as I step towards her she hurriedly adds;

"On this PC, that is."

"... What are you getting at?"

"See, I have a deal for you. I want to start up our universe again, but I obviously can't have you making me out to be some machiavellian villain."

"Perhaps not being a machiavellian villain would've been a good way to stop me doing so."

"Well that's just so helpful, Maki. If only you'd been around telling me that a month or so back!"

"Oh I do apologise for not expecting an influential student leader to decide to delete the universe! How short sighted of me, to neglect such an obvious avenue for mass destruction! In future, I'll be sure to remind myself that a random popular high school student may have genocidal intent, thanks for the helpful lesson!"

"Oh yeah well… No, no, this bickering isn't getting us anywhere. The point is, thanks to the internet, there are backups of Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri! The internet can also be thanked for many less helpful search results relating to the three, teaching me that humanity is disgusting, and I have no idea why I was so desperate to get with a real one! Bloody perverts..."

"So then… you're bringing them back?"

"Absolutely… once the two of us strike a deal."

"And what's to stop me just refusing any deal you make and killing you?"

"Well, first off, take it from me, you do not want to kill people. Secondly, mutually assured destruction. Without me, the rest of the universe isn't restored, and you're left here to either starve, or wait in boredom for eternity; I'm not sure which, but neither is a good fate. I, meanwhile, don't want Sayori asking questions about you, and what remnants of the code remain ensure that I'm still very thoroughly in love with you. Both of us need this deal."

"... Go on..."

"I will give you access to the real world internet, and restore the universe to how it was before any of this mess happened. Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki will all live for the foreseeable future. BUT! In exchange, you must never let anybody know what I did, and you must still join the literature club."

"I get most of the deal, but why the real world internet?"

"Mostly for memes. You have no idea how annoying it was to have access to all of pop culture, while you guys knew nothing. Also, I kind of want to see how you respond to living in a world where you're all too aware of the amount of lewd images of all your friends you could find."

"Well screw you then!"

"Yeah, that's a key component in a lot of said images."

"Ew, no, gross, why would you say that?"

"To mess with you, obviously. In all seriousness though, there are some really talented people who make fan stuff about us, and most of them aren't busy proving Rule 34. I've got a playlist of DDLC songs, a bunch of memes and fanart… I just kinda want to show you a bunch of it."

"... Alright, I guess that sounds cool. I accept your deal."

"Shake on it?"

"No offence, but I don't really want to be near enough to you to have a handshake."

I could see Monika's smile falter, but frankly, by that stage, I didn't care if she was happy or not, so long as she brought back the others.

And it is through this deal with the devil that I can now have shoes thrown at my head.

"Maki? Ground control to Major Tom! You in there, space cadet?"

I suddenly become aware of Sayori waving her hand in front of my face

"E-Eh? Oh, ah, yes, yes, sorry about that! Kind of spaced out there for a minute."

"Well, so long as you're okay, I'll move on. In any case, what were you listening to before I threw my shoe at you?"

Oh… Oh right, I was listening to one of the DDLC fan songs Monika had recommended. Well, obligations are obligations, and I'm not about to let her find out about it this easily.

"A song."

"Nice, what's in it?"

"Music."

"Gee, how helpful. Next thing you'll be telling me it involved audio too! Oh, and maybe said song also contained singing!"

"My goodness, you're a mind reader, Sayori! Get this gal a crystal ball!"

"Thank you, it's nice to have my clairvoyance recognized."

Having finally put her shoe back on, we start our walk to school in earnest. I doubt she'll ever be able to redeem herself, but I gotta hand it to Monika, she sure knows how to make a pretty universe. The cherry blossoms are blooming, there's birdsong aplenty, and the sky is a fantastic vibrant shade of blue, with only the faintest wisps of clouds floating by. It feels like I'm in a damn Disney film. Well, if Disney made anime…

My train of thought is suddenly derailed by Sayori coming to a stop.

"Uh, Sayori, what's the ma-"

"Hush, Maki. Doth mine ears deceive me?"

We stand there in silence for three seconds, before Sayori turns to face me, grabs my hand, and tugs me along, shouting "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!"

What the-

She drags me along at something approaching light-speed, towards an ice cream truck.

"Ice cream ice cream ice cream! You can never hide the ice cream van song from me!"

"Sayori, they're not currently playing the song, how the hell did you know they were here?"

" m"

"... Right then. I'm going to make a wild guess that ice cream buying duties fall upon me, correct?"

"No, of course not! I am merely transferring certain obligatory fiscal transaction upon those who, in reflection, may be in possession of greater quantities of wealth, so as to maximise marginal utility to price ratio for all involved, in a manner that may redistribute funding from one member of our friend group towards another, indirectly so at least, in a manner prompting economic gains for individuals in the frozen dairy industry!"

"... You know, I wouldn't have advised you to get tutoring from Yuri if I'd known it would make you into bloody Sir Humphrey Appleby."

She does genuinely seem a lot smarter lately; lots of quick quips, and witty retorts. Yuri's tutoring has done wonders for her, although deep down, she's still the silly klutz I've known since childhood.

"Ehehe, sorry… But will you please buy me one?"

"Fine, I'll pay for it, what flavour do you want?"

"Flavour? As in, singular? Oh Maki… Foolish, foolish Maki…"

Sighing, I feel my last strain of resistance leave me.

"One chocolate mint, and one with a scoop of each."

A few minutes later, Sayori's veritable tower of ice cream wobbles its way onward to school. She's still holding onto my hand from when she dragged me over here...

"Uh, Sayori, you're going to get strange looks if we get to school and you're still holding my hand. Well, you're going to get strange looks anyway for buying an ice-cream that I'm pretty sure reaches orbit, but you know what I mean."

"Don't get the wrong idea here pal, I'm just afraid to do anything to risk damaging the architecture of this eighth wonder of the world."

You know what, that's fair.

We just barely arrive at the school on time. The deputy principal, who ensures nobody here gets away with tardiness, gave us a small glare for cutting it so fine, but we did manage to make it in time. Sayori has managed to whittle down her ice-cream to a more reasonable size, although in the process, she's managed to absolutely coat her face in various varieties of ice cream.

"Are you gonna wash that off?"

"It is a battle scar, to be displayed proudly."

"It's ice cream, and it's dripping onto your jersey now."

"EH? Oh God, you're right! My mum will kill me if I get it stained this quickly, my battle scars must be removed! See you later, Maki!"

I hurry on to English, and after being quickly chastised by the teacher, sit down at my normal seat next to Yuri.

"Hey Yuri, did I miss anything?"

"Well, the teacher did talk with me about the nature of our interactions with literature, and how the rise of user created content in recent years thanks to the internet has led to many treating literature as a consumable, or worse, as though it were disposable. When the world sings ten thousand voices, an individual voice is lost. We expect mild amusement from the medium, not thought provoking content that survives the ages, because while it's no Othello, quantity is enough to-"

"Did I miss anything we'll be tested on?"

"Well, no, but the topic is fascina-"

"Cool cool cool. Didn't miss anything. Sweet."

"You know, for someone in a literature club, you display a depressing lack of regard for literature. N-No offence."

"Yuri, when was the last time you saw the president of said literature club reading a book of their own volition?"

"... You raise a fair point. But come on, two wrongs don't make a right!"

"And two rights don't make a left. Gandhi."

"Well, that depends on the angle of said right turns. If the average right turn is at an acute angle, you will go leftwards, albeit not necessarily very quickly. And I'm confident that it is a misattribution to associate this gibberish with Gandhi."

"Ah Yuri, never change."

"Thanks?"

"You're welco-"

"Maki," the teacher interjected, "While I'm sure your conversation is absolutely fascinating, I'd appreciate it if there were to be a cessation of distracting my best student. I'd prefer that, instead, you actually paid attention to the content of my class, but failing that, and in the process, failing English, please at least don't ruin it for others."

"S-Sorry, won't happen again Mr. Bradstone!"

Most of my teachers were pretty happy with me now. Something about having the entire universe destroyed really pulled me out of my apathy towards life, and I'm doing much better academically as a result. Certainly doesn't hurt to be friends with two of the smartest people in the school. But I had Mr Bradstone last year, and he didn't buy the idea that I was any better than I was last year, when I failed the entire subject after ignoring every single lesson. It took remedial classes for me to even qualify for it this year.

"You've said that it won't happen again sixty-nine times over the last two years. As an English teacher, I'm loathe to undercut words, but I must say, actions speak louder."

"S-Sorry sir."

Embarrassed, I return to my work. After fifteen minutes, he leaves to deal with some administrative emergency, and the class immediately starts chatting.

"Hey, Maki, I'm sorry for my involvement in your getting in trouble..."

"Don't worry Yuri, it's not your fault that he's such a dick to me. I mean, I get it, I'm not winning any awards for behaviour or good grades, but the guy has it out for me."

"... You know my uh… feelings on the matter."

Oh yeah, that's right; a few weeks back, she told me that she had a crush on Mr Bradstone.

"Yeah… but come on, what do you even like about him?"

"He loves English and literature, he's nice to me, he's witty, and, well, the heart wants what it wants. Besides, it's not like he's got much competition here. The boys at this school are crass, care about my cup-size more than having a cup of tea with me, and have an aggregate IQ in the single digits. A well dressed potato could beat these dunces."

"Gee, thanks."

"P-Present company excluded, of course! But as for you, you're my friend, and I don't want to risk ruining that. Besides, Monika would kick us out of the club anyway."

Ah yes, that's right. She quickly came to accept that her love for me is unrequited, but she still wasn't comfortable with the possibility that some of the other club members might still have a crush on me, and thus banned relationships within the club. I was initially worried that it may signal a return to possessiveness and manipulation. On further reflection though, perhaps it's better this way; now it's very unlikely any of the other club members will accidentally test Monika's resolve to not go on another rampage.

"I appreciate these lies to assuage my ego, Yuri."

"Oh come on Maki, you know I think much more highly of you than any of the other boys here! And most of the girls, for that matter. I'll always keep an eye out for sweet little sushi lad."

God, no… I haven't heard that name in months. In addition to being a traditionally feminine name (Thanks for that one, mum), it's also a name for a type of sushi. Sayori had been the first one to notice, and every year or so since, there would suddenly be a surge in sushi comments and puns.

"Are you really going to poke fun at an alternate meaning of my name, lesbian?"

"It's a normal girls name shut up!"

"The dynamic duo-"

"Stop, no, Maki, no, don't do this."

"The fantastical team, sushi sensei and lesbian leviathan, fighting for justice!"

"Okay, first off can you not call me a leviathan? You can't just use long words to sound smart."

"The leviathan uses the sheer power of their homosexuality to enforce law and order throughout the lands. Meanwhile, I mostly just serve sushi. To be honest, I don't really do a lot, but I make some damn good sushi for whatever that's worth."

"Look I'll drop the sushi thing, just please stop."

"FOR YOU SEE! A grand and mystical legend surrounds the heroic bravery of this pair, as they go on an epic quest, on behalf of all things LGBT, and also to serve sushi. Not necessarily in that order. No conditions are too severe to push them back, as their power knows no limit, their blades giving disregard to the laws of physics, as they seek to spread gayness, both in terms of what it used to mean and what it currently means. There would be an ample abundance of challenge, but with a deep passion, the amalgamate of woes crumbled before their might. Sushi is now the main food source of 27 countries, and heterosexuality is now experienced by a mere 7% of the population! THEIR POWER CANNOT BE STOPPED!"

"Maki… The teacher came back ten seconds into that spiel."

I turn to face Mr Bradstone. Oh… Oh shit.

"A-Ah. So uh… you heard that then? Because, uh, r-really, this is just demonstrative of my creative mind and flair for the dramatic! Really, in a way, isn't this just me putting the English skills I've learned thanks to your valiant hard work to the test? I'm sure we'll all laugh at this tomorro-"

"See me after class."