auThe Inner Workings Of Hell
Set in Season 4
AU: I know that some of the demons in this story have been killed by our two favourite hunters, but let's pretend they're still alive.
Chapter 1: Coffee Break
Lilith strolled into the cafeteria; she'd been working hard all morning, trying to break the 65th seal.
Her effort paid off, even with those damn angels on her back, the penultimate seal was broken.
She deserved a cappuccino or two.
Lilith walked over to the coffee pot and poor herself a cup.
She took her coffee and sat down across from Azazel, who was busy reading the newspaper.
"Hey there, Az."
"Hey Lilith, I heard you broke the 65th seal."
"Yep" she replied, feeling pleased with herself.
"I knew you could do it, just one more left" Azazel said, smiling.
Lilith returned the smile, she was glad that someone had complete faith in her.
Lilith was just about to take a sip of her steaming hot coffee, when a quiet sobbing stopped her.
"Who's that?" she whispered to Azazel.
Azazel just nodded his head towards the spot where the sobbing was being emitted, and then continued to read his paper.
Lilith looked over to the back table in the corner; behind it she could see the whimpering figure of the Crossroads demon.
Lilith walked over to her.
"Hey Crossroads, what's wrong?"
The Crossroads demon started to bawl.
"Was it something I said?" she asked.
"I...I hav...haven't got a...a...a na...name..." the Crossroads demon finally managed to say.
Lilith sighed.
"Well, that's your own fault isn't it, you shouldn't have made that deal."
"But those chocolate chips cookies were delicious." Crossroads replied and she began to cry even louder.
Lilith shook her head and returned to her table.
"She traded her name for cookies?" Azazel asked her, raising one eyebrow.
Lilith nodded.
Azazel returned to his paper.
A high pitched screaming filled the cafeteria.
"Sound like Alastair going at it again." Azazel said, without looking up from his paper.
A couple of seconds later a hysterical Meg ran in, quickly followed by Alastair, who dangled a dead rat in front of him.
"Alastair, no, stop it, STOP IT!" Meg screamed, obviously afraid of rats.
"Oh, come on Meggy, it's only a rat, look it want to be your friend." said Alastair, laughing.
Lilith closed her eyes; she only wanted a bit of quiet.
Azazel could see the frustration in Lilith's face.
"Hey Al, isn't there a soul you should be torturing?" he asked in a way that made the question seem more like a fact.
Alistair stopped, "Yeah, sure."
Alistair threw the rat at a screaming Meg and left the cafeteria laughing menacingly.
Lilith smiled at Azazel, it's was good to know that he was watching out for her.
"Thanks Az." Meg said, slowly calming down.
"What you got planned today?" Lilith asked Meg in an attempt to get her mind off the rat, she'd gotta admit, Alastair sure knew how to torture.
"Well, I'm gonna ruin the lives of a few unsuspecting college girls," Meg started "But first I've gotta crawl out of hell." she frowned at the thought of the long haul out of here.
"I'd better get started if I'm gonna get out of here anytime soon." Meg grumbled, and then walked off.
Lilith laughed to herself.
Demons; always ready with a snide remark but don't have enough common sense to use the front door.
She continued to drink her coffee.
"Attention," said a voice coming from the PA system "Would Lilith please go to Lucifer's office immediately."
Lilith sighed, seems like her coffee break was over.
Azazel chuckled "Sounds like you've been summoned."
Lilith got up and began making her way to Lucifer's office.
Walking through Hell, she could hear the screams from the souls on the rack.
She smiled the fact that though Hell is considered the worse place imaginable, she loved it here.
Better then that arctic craphole up there anyway.
"Hey Casey." she said to a passing demon.
The demon just waved back.
Lilith turned into the corridor where Lucifer's office was situated.
The fiery doors loomed over her.
Unexpectedly, one of the doors creaked open.
"Strange," she thought to herself "Lucifer's too lazy to get up and open his doors."
In fact, it was his severe laziness that got him kicked out of Heaven in the first place, not that bullcrap story he had made up.
The very same laziness was the reason why Lucifer had been in Hell for so long, he couldn't be arsed to claw his way out, he'd just spent the last god knows how long looking for an easier way.
It took him a while, especially with his chronic laziness, but he'd finally found the perfect way out for him.
Of course, this way involved someone else doing all the hard work.
To Lilith's surprise, it wasn't Lucifer who opened the door, but Ruby.
Lilith rolled her eyes, she knew it, there was definitely something going on between them.
"Hey there, Lily." Ruby said, looking exceptionally pleased with herself.
Lilith groaned, she hated being called Lily.
"Ruby." she simply answered and stepped past into Lucifer's office.
"Ah, Lilith I've been expecting you." Lucifer said, sort of like a James Bond villain
"What do you need?" she asked him, she had become used to being his slave, that's why he created demons in the first place, to do his work.
"Well..." he began "It's about the last seal."
"What about it?"
"In order for the last seal to be broken, you have to be killed. Okay? Good." he said without giving Lilith a chance to respond.
"But sir..." she said, searching for a way out, "Why can't you just use the front door?"
Lucifer looked at her.
"Damn!" he thought to himself "I'd completely forgot about the front door."
"Yeah, but..." he began, trying to sound like he was aware of the existence of the front door,
"This way's so much more dramatic."