You know, if you told me a week ago that I'd be king of all the land; you know what I'd tell ya? Lay off the crack pipe frat boy; let the grownups deal with that shiz. Yet here I am. Conker The King, king of all the land. We'll aint this fantaboulous! Servants at my beck and call, non-stop partying and all the concubines (or whatever else you'd like to call them) that I'd need. But come here, come here real close 'cus I got a secret to tell you.
I don't want any of this.
Never have, never will. Well, tell a lie I suppose I did want the power that would come with imminent king-dom but I never really wanted to be king, you get me? A few days ago I was just some guy; gagging for a bit of cash (okay maybe a lot.) Now I have all this responsibility, and if you didn't already pick up on this I don't want it. Not alone. Not without Berry. These servants I have? Bah, nothing but a roomful of people I can't even stand the sight of. Don't even get me started on those damn weasels; the shit they leave behind is disgusting. Really, you don't even wanna see what I've seen buddy! As for the partying...
Sigh
Believe me when I tell you I've had my fill. I can't even stand to be in the same room with people cheering, laughing, having a good time with the loves of their life (Oh God Berry...Berry...I miss you so much.) The grins on their stupid faces make me wanna go on a rampage! I'd love to see the smile on their face when they have a baseball bat colon deep up their backsides. Asses. And the concubines? I can't use them. It would be too soon, too disrespectful. All I want is my babe, the perfect woman back. Berry. But she's gone now, dead and alone floating through space thanks to them damn mobsters. In a way I can understand how that smoking hot corpse feels. I'm dead inside now (and not just from liquor poisoning) and I'm alone. Nobody in this room right now would be speaking to me if I wasn't Conker the King. I tell ya, the minute I blow away my millions they'll be gone. Every single last one of them. And you know what?
I couldn't give a shit.
The sooner the better. I'm tired of their constant noise; really they're test on the nerves. God damn I wish they would just shut up; even if it's for a few seconds! I can't take this, I really can't! I just...I just can't live without Berry. Where's my...aaah. Revolver, revolver how magnificent you are. Your steel tumbler, your hard shaft-oh I forgot you were here. Thank you for listening; it's been therapeutic it really has, but I have to go. I have a hot felatio session with the end of this barrel, don't try stopping me!
Okay you could maybe try a little bit...
No?
Oh alright then...
Snap..
Click..
Boom!