Hi guys! this is my first one shot ever! so be nice, I like to think Mello did survive by the way, and that Matt found the letter... I don't know, the more I think of it the more I want to make this thing multichaptered so I'm going to stop talking.

Hey, Mattie.

I wrote this because I had a feeling I would, ugh, make it. If I do then I might get a tiny bit pissed because I took my time to write this, and if you see it and I survive... well, I think I might have to go shoot some people before I calm down. And if this is Near or some stupid son of a bitch stop reading. I swear I will become a zombie to kill you if you don't stop. Even in death I will be watching your ever move so be aware of zombie/ghost Mello.

Right. Now I've got that out the way, I'm sorry Matt. I know you didn't want me to do this, I saw it in your eyes when I told you. And I'm sorry I lied about 'always being by your side' because we both know its absolute crap that 'I will be alive in your heart'. Truth is a bitch, we've always known that. But I could be right there, now, if I wasn't such a stubborn, competitive and vengeful basted. Kind of like you, how the hell do you stay so bloody calm you crazy son of a bitch!? I swear, it could be so calming sometimes but... when something bad happened, something that would make me go off on a insane tantrum, you would just shrug it off, please, let your real self show again, for me? Like that day we met after my freak out over L (oh, when Kira dies, celebrate extra hard for me will you? Thanks) were you just broke down in front of me; it's unhealthy to hide emotions.

Oh. I went on a bit of a tangent there didn't I? Well I suppose I did write this to tell you my hidden feelings and that so what I say must sound a little hypocritical... but, I don't know if you know this or not but I love you. Holy shit did I actually just write that!? You better be proud of me Mattie! And if you're crying right now stop, because I don't want my piece of handy work that was supposed to make you feel better covered in your tears. Cry at my funeral, sure, but please, not now. Not when you just found out I, of all people... yeah, you know, I'm sorry I can't write it again, don't want to admit someone made me say the L word...or write, you know what I mean!

I don't know if you feel the same way but I do know it's nice to know your... loved... fuck Matt, you lucky bastard, you got the sexy me to love you! Feeling the love? You better be! I will be looking up on you (we both know I'm going to hell) and MAKING you feel it if you don't! How do you think that would feel? Being forced to feel something? Yeah, so I suggest you feel it.

On another note I would like to tell you why I fell in ... With you! It was that time back in the Wammy house, about a week before I left. I just then realised that since I got into the Wammy house you were to one to protect me, so when I left... well I realised how hard it was without you. That's why I got the gun, changed my image and... well, got pretty bad ass myself. And then I see you again in hope that I could be the one to protect you and what do I do? And for that I am a million times sorry.

I also got the guys at the mafia to watch over you, so if you're wondering why it was so easy to get away from those guys... yeah, thanks to my badass crew, trained my moi. Not that I don't doubt your driving skills and everything, I'm just the tiniest bit protective over that cute ass of yours.

Don't feel awkward.

I have also left you a fuck lode of money, it meant to be for a new house for us (I planned out out future, so much for me not being the sentimental type, huh) but I think you might need a new car now, or at least the old one topped up in paint.

So, remember to laugh and cry at out memories speant together, and tell Near I won, okay? Thanks Mattie

Love, Mello.

Ps- I might of cried once or twice writing this, so you do have my permission to cry on second thought.

review! (by the way, I love how on fanfiction we have invented our own personallity for Matt, because he's not in the anime or manga much is he? well, just a thought)