Continuation of the kiss scene:

I have never had the best timing with Tony. It seems that we have always kept everything so hidden behind double meanings that sometimes I am not even sure of what I was trying to say. But in this moment I want to get it right. I want to show Tony how much I feel for him. Knowing that I possibly will not ever see him again after he boards that plane in the next minutes frightens me to death. But ultimately, I am doing this for him. For Gibbs. And for the rest of my family. I am of no good use to anyone until I heal from all this brokenness.

….…add in the dialogue from the aired scene….

"You gotta call the guy."

"I do not know if I can."

"Oh, it will be fine. You know how he is on the phone. Functional mute. You'll barely notice he's there."

I chuckle through a cry because he is right. That is one of the thing that drives me up the hall and that I love about Gibbs.

My thoughts refocus on the loving man before, though. Gosh, my heart already feels so heavy from knowing I may or may not see him again. How am I going to go on?

"Tony…you are so…"

And he interrupts me with his usual charm saying, "Handsome? Funny? What?"

I tilt my head to the side getting lost in his eyes and that playful smirk. I take a quick, shallow breath knowing that my next word will show him that this is incredibly hard for me too.

I breathe out "Loved." Tears fill my eyes again as I finally say it because I do not want to lose him.

His eyes turn serious again and he brings his hand up to cradle my face. We meet each other in a kiss at the same time.

I let myself get lost him in for a moment. His lips are so soft against mine. I tilt my head more to the side to allow him more access. He slides his tongue and pulls my bottom lip. It feels like I have died and gone to heaven. I do not ever want this kiss to end. He pulls back slightly, but then goes back in for another brief, sweet kiss. I feel like I am in a dream. He is the only man that I have every truly let into my heart. He makes me feel dizzy with love. I cannot even manage to form words after that kiss because my heart hurts so much. I do not want him to leave. I want him to stay and make our lives here.

"Ok. This is not easy." He says, knowing that I do not have the strength in me to leave. I am just trying to memorize everything about him as I gaze into his eyes.

"Hardest 180 of my life." He says as he is backing away from. He has that playful smirk on his face again. And it makes me want to break down crying right then, right there.

Small sobs wrack my body as he climbs the stairs to the plane. Gosh, why does this have to be so difficult? Why couldn't we make this work? Why did we wait so long?

When he gets to the top of the stairs, he takes one last look, flashes me his famous Dinozzo smile, and waves. I laugh through my tears because I did not think I would see that lovely smile ever again.

But as soon as he boards the plane, reality hits me. I may never see that smile again. I may never see him again. My heart hurts. It hurts so much that I clutch at my chest and lose my breath. I will always love him, whether we meet again or not.

Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.