Authors note:
It was an idea I had in my mind since years. Like literally years. And today the idea has been lucky enough to be brought onto paper. I don't know how this will go as its really on the very old characters. Well old but important.
It is based on the day when Vivek was informed of tasha being attacked. That's all I can say right now. It's a single chapter story. Or rather tasha's death from vivek's viewpoint. Something we all missed after she died.
I feel that his unsaid emotions had to be expressed. Since a really long time.
Part of me
"I want to die before you, otherwise i will have to die twice"
The afternoon sun was out with the city hustling as it was. People went and came back from their offices just to be home to their loved ones for a lunch. It was good to see that people still valued their families. As very least of them were blessed enough to have them. City people were always busy. Busy in their lives so much that it was hard for them to even gaze the passerby. Who was sitting aghast and lost right in front of the street where the hospital was situated.
He looked terrible to begin with. His shirt all soaked in water that was now damp. Face wretched with sadness and pain. A pain he couldn't fathom, ever. At least not this early. He was sitting quiet like a dead man. Staring nowhere.
Where was he to look now?
He had nothing to look forward to. Absolutely nothing. All he was now composed of was incomplete dreams and wishes.
Wishes.
No. He didn't believe in those anymore. They were just some stupid things that people like him believed in. Thinking that everything can get alright. Everything.
But it didn't.
He couldn't save her.
She was right in front of his eyes.
He didn't even realize when he was taken along to the hospital. They had only told them that it's serious. No one told how much. He was able to feel the shivers in his body as he walked to the car. He felt bad. As if he was losing something. Something so precious. He sat in the car. Unable to breath. As if the car was enclosing on him. He tried to stay composed. But his behavior was giving out all the fear.
Yes, he was scared.
Scared to lose probably the only thing he had.
He was silent unable to comprehend what others were saying. But they weren't saying anything. They were all quiet. He couldn't see their lips moving. But all he could feel was the air that caressed his face and hairs. The air felt so cold and stale. He was staring outside trying to get back to the life which was just the same.
He hoped that it would stay the same till next day.
Traffic didn't stop them today. As their car rushed through the wet streets of the city in the middle of the night. Whoever was driving was driving at a speed he could actually get an accident into. But today he just didn't feel like complaining. He clutched the seat as he awaited this terrible ride to an end. Few more minutes and he can be with her.
It will be fine.
It will be fine
She says always. So yes, it will be fine.
He didn't want to think. Nothing at all. All he wanted was to reach the place. And see her. The cold was now felt as his sweat dripped down his forehead. His body was cold now. Cold like ice. He just wished to skip this part. Just skip this. And be back only when it was good.
If only it had happened.
When a screeching halt came to his thoughts as the car stopped. He gazed outside from the window. He could see the lights the emergency. People running. Tension. Fear. And pain. He was unable to move. He was just struck to where he sat.
When someone called out to him. Told him to step out. He wasn't able to hear anything. All he could see was their lips moving. He tried to open the door. But it felt jammed.
Don't open.
Don't open.
He wished to stay inside. He just couldn't take it. When the door opened as his friend and colleague gazed at him. He looked at him. Silently asking him for strength. For assurance that everything will be fine. His friend assured him. With a nod and gazed at him with a press to his hand. He could see a lie in that assurance as he knew that this time. he might not be that lucky. He nodded. And got out of the car and started walking.
The hospital seemed to scare him today. The lights buzzed and the people were hustling inside out. Everyone was busy. Someone was with a dinner for their loved ones while some were here for someone dear. He could hear the screams of the people. He didn't even know. He could see the mother crying for a loss of a child she held so dear. Her eyes were devoid and dead. She would never be the same again. He could see the son who lost his father. Before he could even reach him. He sat there defeated. This lost moment will stay with him forever. While somewhere a little girl cried silently to see her grandfather being taken away from her. She wondered why was he going with God. When he had her? But no one was able to answer. They had all lost the oldest and wisest man of their lives. They weep. As she stared at him going away. Without telling her the favorite bed time story.
They all lost something.
Something meaningful.
He walked among st these turmoils of emotions unable to feel the tears. Or the happiness that he should feel when he saw the new born mother back safe with her husband. Or the brother back again on his legs after the accident.
He wasn't able to feel it.
As if he was numb.
What am I going to feel today?
His throat clenched as he felt he already knew the answer. He walked ahead. Unable to look anywhere he gazed down. As he soon reached the destination.
He looked up.
They all stared at him.
He gazed at them. They all looked at him. Pity plastered all of those eyes. He stopped. No. Don't pity. He ached to see the strongest of people so weak. No, he wasn't weak. He can't fall apart.
He tried to walk ahead. Ignoring everyone he just glanced at the door in front. The door felt so heavy. As he could feel the stomach churn and his gut wrench. He held the door handle which was as cold as his skin. He didn't want to open this door. The door he now knew will close all the doors in front of him.
When the door opened and he crept inside
He saw her.
His legs buckled as he was about to fall. When Frederick's held him. And he didn't try to get back on his legs. As he gazed at her. She was there right in front of him. She looked so tired. So much of her had left her. She was supposed to be in the bed tucked at night. Happy.
Why was she here?
On the death bed?
He was now standing. Gazing at her. He could see ACP sir conversing with his daughter. His throat pained. As he saw her trying so hard to even utter a few words.
He couldn't understand what they were speaking. For all he was looking at was her. Her each breath ached her whole body. As it caused shivers in his body.
"I will protect you"
He always said that. But today. He felt like a coward. Coward who wasn't even able to go near her. He tried to go ahead. As he came near her behind acp sir.
"you don't cry?"
"No"
"you will, when it's one of your own"
He came forward as he could feel she was breathing probably her last breath. When he looked up. Trying to hold to the wall behind him. When she gazed at him.
Her eyes locked with his. Still able to read him as well as they did on the first day. When he felt her face blur. As he felt a warm drop of tear roll down his eyes. When he saw her staring at him. With a face that silently said.
"I Told you, you will cry"
Her eyes felt so deep today. As if the whole universe resides in them. He could feel the eyes staring at him with the same love. The way they did on the first time they met.
Tears rolled down his cheeks. And this time he didn't control them. As she took in the last of her breath. And gazed at him. He moved forward. But stopped. When he could see a small smile that she brought to her face.
He stopped.
As he could see her saying
"Don't. Don't hold me like this. Not this Tasha who lost. Hold that Tasha Who fought. And smiled till the end"
And soon the air left her lungs as life left her body. His eyes closed. As he collapsed to the ground. And all he could hear was the sound of the machine going dead. He fell like a pile. And could feel all the emotions leaving him. As tears dripped down. His eyes.
Everything fell apart that day. As he stood by her side. Unable to anything. To save the love of his life. His body shivered. As he felt the rain seeping through his clothes. As it slowly dripped down his face. Hiding the stream of tears.
He now stood in the heart of the city. He gazed around. Just to see various people moving past him. Each one had their own story to tell. Everyone was fighting. Smiling, laughing, dancing, breathing and living. Everyday was a celebration and a mourning for many. His life had changed today but it didn't change the world. And it didn't stop the city.
Maybe it was due to people like Tasha who sacrificed their lives to make sure that the city never stops. They don't expect a star or a national mourn. All they ask for is someone who will continue by carrying forward the mantel. Of service towards the people.
He felt that she died trying to protect. And he too had to do the same. Protect and serve till the end.
Yes, indeed he lost a big part of himself today. But he has to fight with whatever pieces that are left of him.
Till the end.
With a smile.
For her.
Always.
First time tried my hands on romantic genre. I hope it was okay.
Thanks to Originals143. Your words on "Till the end" helped me to have courage and pen my feelings for the characters I always adored. But never actually did. Hope that with this story I have a new beginning towards better writing. Can't thank you enough.
Feeling great to have voiced the characters I held so close.
Do let me know whatever you guys felt reading it.
Would love to hear from you.
Regards,
Renuka.