Okay, so to those of you who are my readers of other stories of mine, I apologize to you if you are reading this. I have tremendous writer's block on my other fics at this point. Though after I get past the beginnings of my recent two, then it will go smoothly.
In the meantime, I got major inspiration for this fic while I was watching one of the vids I 'stole' from my brother. The inspiration hit me so hard that it almost made my head hurt! (Laughs) But if this is cliche, then I apologize again. I searched for Death Note fics like this one, and I didn't find any, so I guess it's alright? o.O''
Title: Silver and Cold
Authoress: kittykat2892
Rating: I'd say about T+ (14+) only because it has shonen ai hints in it
Pairing: LxRaito (Shonen-ai, Seemingly one-sided)
Full Summary: L knows that Raito is Kira. He even has proof. But he can't bring himself to bring Kira to justice...Because it's Raito. Instead, he allows Kira's plans to move ahead, and hopes that in the end, the consequences will save Raito's soul. Songfic to AFI's 'Silver and Cold.' Shonen-ai hints. One-sided(?) LxRaito SPOILERS!
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I make no money whatsoever from this story, though I will satisfy some people's needs for angst. (Smiles) I also do not own AFI's song. They or whoever they're manager is or whatever, owns that song. I just own my inspiration and idea for this fic!
Warnings: The most I can come up with is shonen-ai and angst. Also, character death. AND THERE ARE SPOILERS! Be warned ahead of time.
Italics - Song Lyrics
Bold Italics - L's Inner Thoughts
+Silver and Cold+
He knew that this day would come. He knew upon awakening that morning that it would happen today. Then he had heard the annoying noise very faintly. As the day progressed, however, it steadily became louder. And louder. And louder. Finally, the racket reached such a peak that he had had to step outside into the maelstrom of a storm that was blowing through.
I...I came here toay
The dark-haired man just let the cold droplets of rain hit his bare skin, soak his clothes, his hair. It didn't matter. It didn't matter if he got sick today. Nothing mattered after today. So, for what could be the last time, he just stood outside in the rain, letting it soothe his nerves before he went back into the building that would probably be the last thing he would ever see the inside of. Just standing in the middle of the roof, staring at the gray clouds above him.
And left here in darkness
That's how he found him.
And found you...
Found you on the way
"Ryuuzaki! What're you doing out here!" Came the voice of the man that was plaguing the greatest detective's thoughts. Ryuuzaki, AKA L, turned to look at the figure of the young male standing under the awning of the building's rooftop. Ryuuzaki frowned slightly as he looked the light brunette over.
Ryuuzaki knew what would happen today. He could've stopped it. He could keep from his fate happening...Could keep from dying...
But now...
But the thing was...Ryuuzaki hadn't. He hadn't stopped it. No...that wasn't right...He couldn't stop it. He could not stop his death from coming on this day...Because...
It is silver and silent
It is silver and cold
"Ryuuzaki!" The dark-haired man sighed, shaking his head. Raito. Ever persistent...Ever stubborn. Just like always. Ryuuzaki wondered if Raito was like that before he became Kira.
Ryuuzaki smiled at Raito, putting his hand up to his ear and shook his head, acting as if he couldn't hear Raito. Though he heard the brunette's words loud and clear.
Just like always.
You in somber resplendence...
I hold
Everything about Raito stood out. His looks, his personality, his intelligence. That was the reason why Ryuuzaki couldn't stop his own death. Whenever Ryuuzaki stopped to examine Raito, his breath was taken away. How could someone like Raito be Kira? Ryuuzaki did wish he had known the real Raito before the Raito he knew now.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one
But wait...
Ryuuzaki mused to himself.
I have seen the real Raito...The time span with the Corporate Kira...When we were trying to arrest Higuchi. That was the real Raito.
Ryuuzaki smiled as Raito approached him.
Your sins into me
Ah oh
If only that Raito had stayed. If only I had been smarter than to let Raito handle that Death Note.
"What brings you out here, Raito-kun? It's pouring down." Ryuuzaki said lightly, hiding his roiling emotions very well beneath his exterior. Then again...He had spent his whole life doing that exact thing...
Maybe if he had learned to show his emotions, he could've avoided today...Could've avoided Raito turning back into Kira after Higuchi was caught.
As a rapturous voice escapes
I will tremble in prayer
"That's exactly why I'm out here to get you, Ryuuzaki! You're going to catch your death of cold out here!" Raito snapped angrily, shielding his eyes from the pounding rain.
He's said the magic word.
"You need to come inside!"
Death.
Ryuuzaki just smiled idly at Raito before he looked back up at the gray clouds, blinking his gaunt eyes against the onslaught of rain.
"Raito-kun?"
"Hm?"
"Have you ever regretted anything in your life?" Ryuuzaki asked.
And I'll beg for forgiveness
"Well..." It seemed that Raito was truly thrown off by his question. That was rare.
"I'm one of the people that try to live their lives without regrets. My whole life, I've been the honor roll student, the one who was always looked up to...The role model, I guess. I never did anything bad. Nothing against the rules, nothing against the law." Raito explained, seeming to appear slightly uncomfortable.
This intriuged Ryuuzaki. Why should he appear uncomfortable at this point in their war? Raito had won. There was no way Ryuuzaki could win this war any longer.
"You don't sound fully truthful, Raito-kun." Ryuuzaki pressed.
(Your sins into me)
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one...
Raito actually visibly tensed at those words.
"What do you mean, Ryuuzaki? Of course I'm telling the truth." Raito said as calmly as he could. Ryuuzaki still noticed his discomfort.
"What is Raito-kun hiding from me?" Ryuuzaki asked, already knowing the answer to his question. Already knowing that Raito would never tell him. Never tell him to his face that Raito was Kira.
"It's nothing, Ryuuzaki. Just drop it, alright? To answer your question, I have only one regret." Raito said, turning his head away from Ryuuzaki.
"Which is?" Ryuuzaki asked.
Silence reigned for a few moments.
"Let's get inside, Ryuuzaki. We're both soaking wet." Raito finally said as he reached out, grabbing Ryuuzaki's hand and pulling the detective after him, towards the building.
At Raito's touch, Ryuuzaki gasped. At his touch, the bells ringing in his ears grew even louder, so much so that they were almost deafening.
"Do you hear them, Raito-kun?" Ryuuzaki asked before he thought. Raito turned and gave him a weird look.
"Hear what?"
"The bells."
Raito just shook his head. "I don't hear anything."
"Oh...I guess someone's having a wedding...Or a funeral..." Ryuuzaki said the word quietly, hoping Raito didn't hear the tone of his voice.
Life...
Like the flutter of wings
"Jeez, you are soaked, Ryuuzaki." Raito hissed as he sat down on the steps inside the building, toweling his hair down.
Ryuuzaki just grinned lightly at Raito as he pulled the towel away from his own hair, it still a little damp.
"You are one to talk, Raito-kun." Ryuuzaki laughed quietly, walking down the steps to kneel in front of the younger male.
"And you're tense. I've noticed that you're walking around with a slight limp. I can help you with that." Ryuuzaki said as he draped the towel over his hands, reaching out to Raito's foot.
"Ack! Ryuuzaki! That hurts!" Raito gasped.
Ryuuzaki's lips twitched. "Of course it does, Raito-kun. Massages are supposed to hurt, and then make you feel better." Ryuuzaki frowned.
"Do you not want me to give you a massage?"
Another pause of silence.
"No. It's fine..."
Ryuuzaki smiled to himself, hiding his eyes behind his bangs.
There was another silence.
"Ryuuzaki..." Raito said quietly. The dark-haired man looked up through his bangs at the brunette, and was surprised to see the turmoil in the usually dignified brown eyes.
"Have...you ever...liked someone?"
Ryuuzaki froze at those words for a few seconds, before he continued with his work. To Raito, it wasn't noticeable.
"I can't say that I have, Raito-kun. Being a detective like myself has its disadvantages. I've never met anyone that I could like." Ryuuzaki sighed. "Why the strange question, Raito-kun? That is not like you."
"...No reason." Raito muttered.
Feel your hollow voice rush into me
As you're longing to say
Ryuuzaki had a feeling, though, of what Raito was thinking. Though he had never told anyone, he had a sort of sixth sense about some things, and right at this moment, he was getting a feeling from Raito...That told him what the boy had been getting at.
Though of course Raito hadn't said it. There were too many reasons not to. One, Ryuuzaki was L...The world's greatest detective...The world's greatest three detectives. Raito was Kira, so of course it wouldn't work between the two. Not to mention the fact that Ryuuzaki seemed absolutely unapproachable...And then there was the whole thing about his death today.
So I, I will paint you in silver
Raito would kill him today.
There was nothing that could stop that now.
I will wrap you in cold
Not even the feelings of two people towards each other.
I will wrap up your voices
And say
Ryuuzaki finally looked up at Raito, and he saw the shock in those brown eyes at the look on his face. Ryuuzaki cursed inwardly. He had let his mask down.
"Ryuuzaki? What's wrong?"
"I'm...sad..." Ryuuzaki said. He wouldn't completely tell the truth, but of course he could stretch the truth.
"You? Sad? Whatever for, Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked.
Ryuuzaki just smiled a sad smile.
"After the Kira case...Raito-kun will go his own way, and I will go my own. We'll never see each other again. Friends are supposed to see each other, though." Ryuuzaki said, his heart screaming at him to tell the truth...Before...
Raito just stared at him, for a few seconds. As the two stared at each other, a few droplets of water cascaded down Ryuuzaki's cheek.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one now
"Ryuuzaki. You're still soaking wet." Raito said quietly as he leaned forward, using his own towel to brush away the water droplets. Ryuuzaki froze at the contact. Even muffled by the towel, his touch set the bells off again in his ears.
Not to mention the fact that Raito was acting kindly towards him. Even on the boy's good days, that never happened.
Ryuuzaki ducked his head, hiding the fact that his eyes had begun to sting.
Your sins into me
Ah oh
"Thank you...We should get back to the others now. They must be wondering where we are." Ryuuzaki said as he stood up, throwing the towel over his shoulder. Raito nodded, slipping his shoes back on before he stood up and followed Ryuuzaki.
As a rapturous voice escapes
I will tremble in prayer
In the main room of the SPK's headquarters, Ryuuzaki walked in before Raito. All heads swiveled to Ryuuzaki's direction.
"Ryuuzaki?" Souichiro asked, and Ryuuzaki nodded to the older man.
"Yes, Yagami-san?" He asked.
"Watari said that you had something to show us...Something that could indefinately prove who is Kira!" Matsuda said excitedly, and Ryuuzaki felt his heart drop out.
I told Watari to not tell them anything...Apparentally his sense of justice is stronger than his loyalty to me...Then again, that was pounded into my head by him...Justice...
"O-Of course." Ryuuzaki said, recovering quickly from the shock he'd just received.
"Why didn't you show us sooner?" Aizawa asked heatedly. Ryuuzaki just shrugged as he walked across the room to the computers, followed closely by Raito.
"I was waiting to be completely, 100 sure before I told you even the slighest thing." Ryuuzaki replied evenly, glancing at Raito sharply out of the corner of his eye. The poor boy was stiff in...what? Anger? Resentment? Hurt?
Ryuuzaki couldn't tell.
As I beg for forigveness
Ryuuzaki sat down in his chair for the last time, Raito standing behind him and to his left. His slender fingers began flying over the keyboard, though in reality, he really wasn't doing anything but bringing up meaningless files. Acting as if those files would open to his definite proof of Yagami Raito being Kira.
If I assume correctly...Raito will have made it where Watari dies, too...
I am sorry about killing you in the making of this, old friend...But friendships...Not even my friendship with you can keep me from betraying the world...
(Your sins into me)
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one...
Just as Ryuuzaki resigned himself to clicking on the definite proof, the computer screens all went blank for a few seconds, before static came up on the screens and the lights all went out. A few seconds of almost terrifying darkness, and then the room was bathed in an eery, red light.
"Where's the Shinigami?!" Matsuda shouted, looking around wildly. Ryuuzaki glanced around the room, and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly before he reopened them.
"Everyone! The Shini-!!"
Everything seemed to freeze for Ryuuzaki just then.
Cold in life's throws
I fall asleep for you
Pain. Unimaginable pain coursed throughout his body, centering in his chest. In his heart. So this is how Kira's victims felt seconds before they died. It was almost enough to make Ryuuzaki regret his decision of not showing them how Raito was Kira.
Regret how in doing so, he condemned even more people die...
Maybe even the task force.
But as he dropped his spoon, and as he fell out of his chair, he could think of nothing but how he had saved Raito for the time being. Maybe within the next few years, Raito would quit using the Death Note to kill people.
Cold in life's throws
I only ask you turn away
Ryuuzaki grunted as he hit a soft body, barely registering through the pain. The detective opened his eyes, and looked up, shocked to see Raito staring down at him in horror.
But the horror wasn't fake horror. It was true horror.
"R-Ryuuzaki!" Raito gasped quietly.
Ryuuzaki just blinked up at Raito. He couldn't respond. He was in too much pain.
"Ryuuzaki, I'm so sorry!" The brunette breathed, and Ryuuzaki felt his eyes widen. Raito...Kira...Was apologizing to him?
Ryuuzaki twitched in pain as a spasm coursed through his body. At the look on Raito's face, he wished that Raito would leave. Would look anywhere but at him.
But not because Raito was Kira.
Cold in life's throws
I fall asleep for you
Ryuuzaki felt the pain worsening, if possible, yet at the same time, strangely dulling. It was then that he knew his time was close. Probably seconds away. Ryuuzaki looked up at Raito with slowly dulling eyes. He saw no anger, no hatred, nothing of the sort, in those scared, brown eyes he'd grown to adore.
He saw only fear, regret...Sadness.
"R-Raito...kun..." Ryuuzaki choked out, his eyes trying to close as he spoke, as he willed himself to live long enough to speak to Raito. To tell Raito what he had done.
Cold in life's throws
I only ask that you turn
As you see
Into me
"Ryuuzaki! Why?! You knew, didn't you?! Why didn't you tell anyone?!" Raito hissed quietly, and Ryuuzaki would've smiled if he could've as he stared up at the boy.
"I...didn't tell anyone...Raito-kun...Because...I couldn't..." Ryuuzaki shook his head slightly.
And the detective saw realization dawn in the brunette's eyes, giving way to horror.
Oh my beautiful one!
"You...! But...! Ryuuzaki! You can't!" Raito stuttered, and Ryuuzaki just studied his co-worker's face, trying to memorize the details before he fell into whatever abyss they put him in.
He wanted to remember Raito's almost ethereal beauty...Not his burning hatred for the world.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one now
Your sins into me
Ah oh
"Raito-kun...I knew...But I hope...That with...my death, you will...change...I made a...deal with the Shinigami...I knew you would kill me..." Ryuuzaki breathed, his eyes beginning to close. He couldn't fight it off any longer.
He was so tired. He just wanted to rest now. He had achieved what he wanted.
As a rapturous voice escapes
I will tremble in prayer
"What deal!?" Raito hissed, and Ryuuzaki just stayed silent. "What deal!?"
"To save...your soul..." Ryuuzaki replied, and he stared up at Raito's shocked face, watching as it slowly blurred in front of his eyes. He was slowly slipping away. He could practically feel his heart beginning to stop as it slowed down to an impossible rate for life to continue on.
As I beg for forigveness
"My soul?! Ryuuzaki, what did you do?!" Raito asked frantically.
"I...take your sins...with me, Raito-kun...So you...don't have to suffer...When you die..." Ryuuzaki breathed. His breath was coming shorter and shorter. It was hard to breathe. Terribly hard.
"But why, Ryuuzaki?! Why would you do that for me?! You know who I am!" Raito asked, tears slowly welling in his eyes. Ryuuzaki smiled up at the boy as he finally felt his heart stop, heard the bells, those ever increasing, those ever annyoing, bells finally stop ringing.
"Because...I love...you...Raito-kun..." The detective breathed as his eyes finally closed. He found the silence blissful. He found the warmth of Raito's arms around him as he died heavenly...For where he was going in Raito's stead would never have something like that warmth.
Never again. Never again would he feel anything of the sort...
For eternity and more.
(Your sins into me)
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one...
+Owari+
A/N: I thought that that was the best place to end it. To those who hate me, I apologize! (Grins a Cheshire Cat grin) This fic took me about an hour to write up (including getting what I hope are the correct lyrics). I hope you people like this, because I do have to work tomorrow, and it's 12:16 in the freaking morning where I'm at. And I have to go in to work at 2 tomorrow.
Yes, AU-ish. Yes, OOCness. Yes, it followed the anime. But ya know what? I like that part of the anime much better than in the manga.
I would really appreciate it if people reviewed, but I won't plead or tell you to. Though it would make me feel better to know that I don't totally suck at songfics now. I haven't written one in forever. (Grins again)
Hope you liked!
kittykat2892