She felt her heart sink as she looked down at the mangled pieces of wood. It was broken in half and each half was split down the center; one completely in half and the other nearly as bad. It had been the only one she had ever owned. At eleven it had chosen her and in return she had always kept exceptional care of it.
Her mother was a witch herself and had always expressed how important it was to cherish both their abilities and their wands. Her father having been a muggle disliked magic and anything to do with it. He had often threatened to throw her wand into the fireplace with the kindling. She had spent every summer after she had received it keeping it locked securely in her school trunk dreaming of the days when she was back at Hogwarts and able to allow her wand to exist freely.
Her mother never did magic around the house, not even when her father was at work or out for the day drinking. She had tucked that part of her away, only speaking in whispers to her only child how amazing and sacred magic was.
Throughout her life Eileen had repeatedly promised herself that she would not end up like her mother. Although she loved the woman dearly she pitied her as well. Eileen had been determined that she would never be in a position where her children would cower in fear anytime their father was in a bad mood or had too much to drink. She had sworn to herself that she would marry a kind man and whether wizard or muggle he would appreciate her magic for all it was. He would be kind and loving both to her and their children. As a girl she had planned on having at least a dozen children. And even though she knew that children were not perfect and that they needed discipline, she had vowed to herself that even then her husband would handle the situation in a loving way and treat their children with respect.
Then she had met Tobias.
He was a muggle and she had thought he was perfect. It was love at first sight for her. While they courted he was wonderful. He spoke so kindly and shared all of her hopes and dreams. Eileen had waited months to tell him that she was a witch, having only explained to him that she had studied at a boarding school. He was going into his first year of university when she gently broke the news. After agonizing over the idea that he would leave her for months, he had taken the news quite well. Although he was a bit apprehensive about it all, he found it interesting rather than disgusting.
Tobias was in his second year of university studying to be a lawyer while she was deep in the process of becoming a healer. Her dream was to work for St. Mungo's Hospital, specifically with children. They were madly in love with one another yet agreed that they would both finish their schooling before marrying and settling down. It was the perfect plan. They would both have occupations that would allow for them to earn enough to have multiple children. They would have the perfect life together and Eileen had never been happier.
Then it all came tumbling down.
One night of passion, the first time that they had allowed themselves to express their love with more than just kissing, had resulted in a missed monthly cycle. Followed by a rushed marriage, Tobias leaving university to begin working in order to provide for them both, Eileen working odd jobs to help in any way that she could.
When her son was born she instantly found herself loving him more than she ever thought she was capable of doing. She doted on him constantly. Despite her dreams of becoming a healer being put on an indefinite hold, Eileen found herself content and blissful with her new life.
The unexpected pregnancy had the opposite effect on Tobias.
He was bitter at the child for his existence causing him to give up his dreams of law and wealth. He despised his job at the factory and often coped with it by stopping at the pub for hours after work, stumbling home angry in the middle of the night.
Eileen held hope that once Severus was a bit older her husband could return to his studies and would one day turn back into the man that she had once known. By the time Severus was a toddler though, Tobias had lost all hope. The man no longer had any desire to do much more with his life than what he was doing.
He was cruel to his son. He never held him or played with him. He sneered at his very presence. When Severus got older and started to display signs of magic he acted as though he was disgusted by it.
Then he became physically abusive.
Severus was only four the first time that it happened. The child hadn't even done anything wrong. An accidental spilled glass of milk had caused Tobias to knock the child off of his chair and after snatching him off of the floor, turning him over his knee and spanking him until a wooden spoon broke in two over his backside.
After that initial physical punishment it was as though a dam had broken.
Severus was a quiet child. It was rare that the boy ever did anything that even constituted punishment let alone the punishments that Tobias doled out. All the child ever had to do was look at his father the wrong way and he would be beaten.
Eileen tried her best to protect her son, often finding herself on the receiving end of her husband's abuse. She had nursed and hidden more black eyes and swollen lips than she cared to admit.
Often her thoughts were consumed of taking Severus and leaving the man but she knew that it was a fool's dream. She had nowhere to go. Allowing her own father access to her son would be absurd. Her son would suffer the same fate in her childhood home. Eileen no longer had any friends. She had never been good at making them and the few that she had managed to obtain she had lost contact with since having Severus.
She was stuck in a horrible situation. As wretched as she felt doing so, she often found herself hoping that Tobias would drink himself to death one day, saving both she and her son from the abuse.
Her eyes traveled from her broken wand to her nine year old. The tears were streaming down his face. He had been told and reminded numerous times that he wasn't to touch it. It was one of the few rules that she had ever given him. With the father that she had suited him with she often felt guilty giving the boy any rules at all. Still, she was not foolish. She did not want her son to grow up believing that there were no consequences for his actions when he truly did do something wrong. It was bad enough that he likely expected harsh consequences for doing no wrong at all. Despite her feelings of pure dread over the condition of her most prized material possession she found herself also feeling relief that Tobias was at work and would likely stop at the pub after making his return hours away.
Still, unlike her husband, she would not blame the child nor would she punish him unless he was guilty without a doubt in her mind.
"What happened?" She asked in a gentle voice. She hoped that her child could not hear how close she felt to tears over the broken wand. His tears were already showing remorse enough. She did not feel as though she needed to add to his guilt with her own emotions.
"I'm sorry," Severus choked out through his sobs. His right hand balled up into a fist and rubbed furiously at his right eye.
"Being apologetic is wonderful," Eileen smiled sadly. "However I do not believe that is answers my question now does it?"
Severus shook his head. He looked absolutely panicked at the thought of explaining himself. The guilt was written all over his face. Still, Eileen needed to hear it from her son's mouth. She would never accuse him without a confession.
"I was trying a spell," Severus admitted through his tears. "The one that you do to make the lights go on and off but I did it wrong."
Eileen took a deep breath. She was not a woman who had a bad temper. She never had. Often she found herself wondering if that was her father's doing; if she had been too afraid to ever show any signs of a temper. If that was the case she figured that it was perhaps a small silver lining to her childhood.
"You know that you aren't to touch it," she reminded him of the rule.
"I wanted to try and learn the spell so I could show Lily," Severus confessed to his plan. "She's never seen a real spell. She's never even seen a wand."
Eileen found her heart warming at her son's words. Like herself, Severus did not have an easy time making friends. With very little money she often had to accept charity to clothe her child. His clothes were usually mismatched and either a size too big or one too small. It pained her that she could not dress him in the finest attire however she knew to be thankful that she was able to dress him at all. Other children often made fun of him. He had found a true friend in the little girl that lived a few blocks away, just across the street that separated where they lived in the lower class part of town from where she lived in the upper class section. Every time that Eileen saw her she was clad in the finest dresses yet she didn't seem to mind being seen with Severus. Eileen knew that her son valued his friendship with Lily very much and the idea that he had been trying to impress her softened her anger and disappointment. After all, he had so little to try and impress her with.
"I do not feel as though requesting that you refrain from touching my wand is an exceptionally difficult rule to follow, do you?" She asked her son. His tears had not stopped though they had slowed down a considerable amount.
"No," he answered honestly. "But I am almost eleven. It's almost time for me to get my own wand."
"Newly nine is a bit of a far cry from eleven," she answered gently. She knew that her child loved magic. He was absolutely enthralled by it. She was glad that he did and hardly wanted to discourage his interest. Still, she could not allow him to disobey her so blatantly. "I know that you are eager to be allowed to use your magic. I understand the feeling quite well. However, the rules are set in place for a reason. Imagine if the wand breaking had hurt you in some way. I would have been frantic with worry. The very thought of it is enough to take my breath away."
The tears that had slowed down started falling at a rapid pace once more.
"I'm sorry," Severus apologized once more, this time in a much more sincere tone.
"Thank you," Eileen replied softly. "However I am afraid that this time your actions call for a consequence." The words pained her to say. She knew that what she was going to propose would send her child into hysterics and the very thought made her wish she didn't have to punish him at all. "You will spend a quarter of an hour in the corner for disobeying me."
"Mummy no," Severus nearly wailed. He knew that he deserved it but he hated the corner. It was so boring. He hated knowing that he had disappointed her enough to make her send him there. She was the kindest person he knew and he never wanted to do anything to make her upset.
"Absolutely yes," she replied forcing herself to sound a bit stern. "I feel as though some time in the corner to think about your actions will help prevent you from repeating them in the future."
"But I won't do it again!" Severus whined stomping his foot for emphasize.
Eileen raised an eyebrow at her son's immature outburst. "I would like to make sure of that and standing in the corner is how I have decided that you will be punished," Eileen replied in a calm tone. "Unless of course you would prefer that your punishment be a spanking."
In his nine years Eileen had only put her son over her knee once. It had been nearly a year ago and one of the first times that she had allowed him to go and play on his own. It had also been the day that he had met Lily Evans. Severus had left the house at noon to go play with strict instructions to be home for supper. It was nearly eight in the evening when Eileen had finally set out to try and find him. By that time she was sick with worry. She had been sure that eight was too young to go off on his own but she had convinced herself that she was being overprotective. With her son missing she was shaming herself for ever doubting her own sense.
She found Severus down by the lake next to the Evans' house with Lily. Careful not to embarass him, she learned that he had gone to the Evans' for supper and then back to the lake to play some more. Lily's mother was sitting on their front porch keeping a watchful eye and Eileen took the time to walk over and introduce herself. She found the woman to be lovely and exceptionally kind.
After both she and Severus said their goodbyes they walked home in silence. Once there she gently explained to him how worried she had been and how naughty his actions were before taking him over her knee. What she had delivered could hardly be classified as a spanking; half of a dozen half hearted smacks to the small backside and she was done. Severus had cried a river though. She realized then that she hardly had to resort to such tactics to discipline him. She was sure that the mere idea of being in trouble with her was enough.
She had no fear now that Severus would choose such a punishment over some time spent in the corner. It was more likely that her son would transform into a troll.
"Mummy," Severus whined loudly stamping his foot once more. "No!"
"Then do as I have asked and see yourself to the corner," she replied in a gentle tone.
Severus let out a loud sob but admitted defeat. He turned and slowly made his way to the corner of the parlor next to a small end table. He wasn't sent to the corner often, the last time being six months prior, but when he was he always stood in the same spot.
He coughed loudly as his tears continued to run down his face and burn the back of his throat.
"Take a deep breath," Eileen instructed as she sat down in an old shabby armchair. She waited until she saw her son's back move in a way that told her that he had followed her suggestion. "Now let it out slowly." Once more she waited until she was sure he had done as she said. "Calm down," she soothed gently. "We will talk when you are done with your punishment."
Severus' hands went up and rubbed vigorously at his face in an attempt to wipe away his tears. A pointless task as his tears had not stopped falling.
"But I'm sorry mummy," Severus said in a hoarse voice. "I don't want to stand in the corner. I want to talk now!" His small foot kicked the wall mildly.
"There are consequences when you break the rules," Eileen reminded him. "Now either you stand there quietly and think about what you did wrong or you may come out of the corner now and go over my knee. That choice is yours."
A loud sob escaped his mouth before he muttered his answer, "I'll stay in the corner."
"Very well," Eileen replied in a sad tone. She hated having to threaten him as well as having to discipline him. "I will be watching the time."
Severus did not respond. She was sure his silence was his way of showing that he would obey her and do his time quietly.
Eileen watched as Severus' right foot raised an inch, the toes of his old trainers pushing into the wall.
"Foot down," she reminded him. If Tobias came home and saw scuff marks he would become suspicious. She feared that he would figure out that Severus had done it and beat the child for his actions. He would think nothing of waking their child from his slumber and turning him over his knee, wailing on him until he ran out of energy. The thought of it hurt Eileen's heart.
She watched as Severus' foot quickly returned to the floor.
Despite the fact that she did not converse with other parents often, she knew that most would punish a child much more severely than making them spend fifteen minutes in the corner for what Severus had done. His tantrum antics alone would likely have caused some to spank him. Eileen wasn't entirely sure that she wasn't doing wrong by her son by being so lenient with him. Given how much Severus had to endure with his father though she could not bring herself to be stricter. His reaction to something as small as standing in the corner told her all that she needed to know. She only hoped that one day when he was grown he would remember the lessons she had tried to teach him. She prayed that he would remember that actions both good and bad had consequences. She intended to raise a man that she could be proud of. She intended to stop history from repeating itself should her child ever choose to marry or have children. Her worst fear was that Severus would one day act as his father and grandfather. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if he ever abused his children the way he was abused. Discipline was one thing, abuse was another altogether.
A quick glance at the clock told her that Severus only had seven minutes left of his time. She debated ending his time early. His small heaving back was enough to break her heart. However, she was sure that doing so would send the wrong message entirely.
She forced herself to think of her wand and the fact that her child had deliberately disobeyed her rule. In that aspect she was sure that she was being far too easy on her child.
She watched as Severus' shoulders shook slightly with tears, his right hand moving up to his face and rubbing his nose before he sniffled loudly.
Eileen knew that she had not done much right in her adult life. A stronger woman would find a way to leave Tobias and make a life for Severus away from all of this. She did not have the courage to take a chance like that. She could not bring herself to put her son in a situation where he would not have a roof over his head or food on his plate. The odd jobs she took in paid too little to provide enough for him. Still, if she could raise Severus to be a good person as an adult than she would know that she had done something right. Despite the fact that it may have been naive, she couldn't help but feel as though her son's feelings towards her proved that one day he would be.
"Mummy," Severus said in a soft voice, the whining now gone. "Please. I am really sorry."
"You have two minutes left," Eileen replied. "And as I said, then you will be welcome to talk to me about anything you wish. However, for the next two minutes you will remain quiet."
A pitiful half sob, half sigh exited her son's mouth as he nodded his head. He did not respond verbally.
Eileen matched his sigh with one of her own as she eyed the clock once more. She watched as the second hand passed the twelve signaling that her son only had a minute left. She hoped that his temper was in the past and that she would not see him stamp his foot again as she was sure that if he did she would have to address it. Despite the fact that she hated to punish him she also hated to see his temper displayed. It was a trait that she was sure he had inherited either from his father or grandfather.
"Alright Severus," she said in a kind voice. "Come here please."
The child did not hesitate for a moment. Within seconds of the words leaving her mouth he was across the room and in her lap. He curled tightly into a little ball, his face buried in her chest.
"Calm down my Love," she soothed him softly as he continued to cry. "I am not cross with you."
"I bro - broke your wand," he stuttered over the words as he forced them out through his tears.
Eileen smiled sadly as she squeezed her son a little tighter. Her right thumb rubbed gentle circles on his lower back. Although she hated to see her child in such distress, she was pleased that he was now remorseful rather than argumentative.
"Yes," she said sadly. "And although I loved my wand very much it is just an object, it is easily replaceable. There is a bigger issue here and I am sure that you can tell me what it is."
"I could have gotten hurt," Severus answered in a small voice.
Eileen nodded despite the fact that her son was not looking at her. "Correct and had that happened because you broke a simple rule the consequences could have been much more severe. They could have included you spending the night in St. Mungo's or worse. I cannot fathom such a thought nor can I allow you to do things that put you in such danger without consequences. Can you understand that?"
Eileen felt her son nod into her chest.
"I love you far more than a silly little wand," she continued. "And it is so very important to me that you grow into a good man that does the right thing as often as one can."
Another nod as she felt her son's arms tighten around her. "I am really sorry I broke it and that I touched it at all."
"I know that you are Sev," she replied in a kind voice. "And I know that it will not happen again."
"Never," Severus promised. "But could you maybe come to the lake and show it to Lily. Her parents are both muggles so she's never seen one."
"I think I could absolutely do that," Eileen smiled. "Perhaps later today would even be alright."
Severus grinned softly, his tears finally subsiding. "Thanks mummy."
Eileen squeezed her son a bit tighter once more. She closed her eyes as she allowed the moment to wash over her. She prayed that one day this would be the worse of what her son would have to endure. That one day he would have a better life and be truly happy.