I'd Lie For You and That's the Truth
SUMMARY: Juliet and Carlton on a stakeout. Revelations happen; Meat Loaf (the singer) is referenced repeatedly. Pure unadulterated fluff and Lassiet all the way.
"Carlton, what would you say if I told you Shawn and I were getting married?" Juliet O'Hara asked as she passed Carlton the bag of chips. They had been on stakeout for almost four hours, and it was looking to be uneventful.
"I'd lie and tell you I was happy for you," he answered as he took a handful.
Juliet frowned. "Why would you lie?"
"Because I want you to be happy, and if Spencer makes you happy, then I have to be happy for you even if I'm really not happy about it at all."
"Oh, Carlton," Juliet sighed. "I wish you could see Shawn the way I do."
He raised an eyebrow, "What? Through rose-colored glasses?" he asked pointedly.
"No!" she protested. "He's fun, spontaneous, has a great sense of humor."
"The direct opposite of me."
"That's not what I meant at all."
"He's a liar, and he's childish."
"Carlton!"
"Well, he is. You're lying to yourself if you believe Shawn will ever grow up and be the adult you want him to be. You tell yourself that if you get married, Shawn will settle down and be responsible and make sure the bills are paid before spending the money on something crazy he decided he couldn't live without, like that cardboard cutout of John Stamos. Do you really think he'd put your needs above his own? He doesn't even do that now. When's the last time you went on a date where you wanted or didn't involve a TV marathon with Guster?"
Juliet stared resolutely out the window and didn't speak.
He spoke again, gentler this time. "O'Hara, you know I think the world of you. You are my partner, my best friend. I would do anything for you, even lie for you - not to you, for you - and tell you I'm happy for you when I'm not." He sighed and shifted in his seat. "I just want the best for you. You deserve that. I just don't think Spencer is good enough for you. You deserve champagne, fancy restaurants and nights out dancing, not a bouncy house and Chuck-E-Cheese."
"Thank you," she finally said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "I wanted the truth and you gave it to me."
"Anytime." He gave her a lopsided grin and brushed his thumb softly over her knuckles.
"I've been lying to you, too, Carlton," she said, gripping his hand tighter. "I broke it off with Shawn last month. I couldn't take it anymore."
"Take what?"
"The lying, the TV marathons with Gus, the double bean, double beef burritos with extra chili and onions before bed, the weekly trips to Chuck-E-Cheese. Mostly the lying, though."
"I'm sure the burritos came a pretty close second."
Juliet grimaced. "Definitely. Gas and onion breath aren't conducive to happy girlfriend. I actually kicked him out and sent him home after the first time he came to bed reeking."
"Don't blame you a bit. Does he even have a home?"
"Who knows? I still hadn't seen it even after dating a couple of years, which was odd, but I brushed it off as just Shawn. Honestly, I think he sleeps in the Psych office."
"If you aren't with Spencer anymore, then why ask me about marrying him?"
"I just wanted to know what you would say, to be sure what I was thinking was right."
"And were you right?"
"Most assuredly." And with that, Juliet leaned across the seat, crushing the abandoned bag of chips, grabbed Carlton by the lapels, and kissed him soundly. He floundered for a moment, his mind simply not registering that O'Hara…Juliet…kissing him could be more than a fevered hallucination. Juliet swept her tongue teasingly across his lips, and he moaned, all thoughts dropping away to focus his attention on the slant of her lips against his, her mouth opening to devour his. Fireworks exploded behind his eyes, and he pulled her closer, feeling her hands travel up to tangle in his hair.
They parted several minutes later to regain their breath. Carlton's eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared at her. "O'Hara, you just kissed me."
"You kissed me back."
"Does insanity run in your family?"
"A little. I might be crazy, but I'm crazy 'bout you."
"Did you just quote Meat Loaf to me?"
"Yes, I did."
"Just making sure."
"Carlton, I'd lie for you, too, you know, and that's the truth."
"As long you're lying for me and not to me."
"Ditto. For me, not to me."
"This is getting ridiculous. Let's call it a night and go get something to eat."
"And back to my place for dessert?" She smiled impishly and ran her hand down his tie and yanked him down for another kiss.
"Sounds fantastic," he answered breathlessly.
And with that Carlton Lassiter and Juliet O'Hara finished their stakeout and headed to an all-night diner for the first of many dates.
"Just tell me you won't get the chili burritos, Carlton," Juliet said as they settled in to look at the menu.
"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that," he answered with a grin.
Juliet groaned and then laughed. "You're right. The Meat Loaf quotes are getting pretty ridiculous."
And that was the start of their love story. They dated several months before they decided to get married. Eyebrows were quirked when their first dance started, but the happy couple were smirking and happy, which was all that mattered.
Shawn Spencer cornered Carlton by the punch bowl. "So, is that a dig at me? The whole 'I'd Lie For You, and That's the Truth'?"
Carlton eyed him. "No, not everything is about you, Spencer. We were just honoring our first date. It was a tossup between that or 'Paradise By the Dashboard Light,'" he quipped.
Shawn paled, looking sick, and Carlton shook his head and laughed as he made his way back to the dance floor where Juliet was beckoning.
"So, Mrs. Lassiter," he said, as they slowly spun around the dance floor. "Has it struck you yet that you are now bound for life to this paranoid ass?"
"For crying out loud, you know I love you."
"You really want to start that again?"
Juliet leaned in and whispered in his ear, " I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight." She kissed him, putting all the promise of the pleasure ahead into it.
"You took the words right out of my mouth," he said, "It must have been while you were kissing me."
They slipped away a short while later, starting their happily ever after with a bang.
THE END
A/N: The Meat Loaf songs quoted here are:
1. "I'd Lie For You and That's the Truth,"
2. "I Would Do Anything for Love."
3. "For Crying Out Loud."
4. "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth."
If you have never heard them, head over to YouTube and listen!