Title: Cap Fic
Author: Rebecca Perlow
Rating: PG-13 for language (namely Jay's).
Timeline: post-Mallrats, pre-Clerks
Feedback: lemonbaby67@yahoo.com
Summary: Very short. The morning after Mallrats, Jay looks for his cap.
Disclaimer: The characters of Jay and Silent Bob are the property of Kevin
Smith, View Askew Productions, and Miramax films. Their likenesses are
the property of Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.
Warning: Still very new to Askewniverse fiction. Kindness, please.
Notes: The idea for this story was spawned by yet another Kevin Smith
marathon at my friend's house, during which she wondered aloud why
Jay would wear his trademark knit cap one day and a baseball cap
the next. Plus, my all too frequent, frantic early-morning searches for
my favorite jacket also served as inspiration.

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MOTHER FUCK.. Awright let's see -- food court..magic eye..grappling hook
..book store.. game show..bus stop..home. Yes! I had it on. It has to be
here somewhere.

Okay, got home..smoked a bowl with the tubby Jedi knight.. popped in a tape..stretched out on the couch..zzzzzz

Couch!

(lifts up cushions)

cap cap cap cap cap Snickers wrapper cap cap cap cap Reese's wrapper
cap cap cap cap cap cap cap cap Three Musketeer's fuck Lunchbox n'
you wonder why we have roaches cap cap cap cap cap cap cap cap cap
-- ooh, quarter.

(pockets it)

cap cap cap cap cap cap ball of string cap cap cap cap cap cap cap
crumpled rolling papers cap cap cap cap cap cap lighter cap cap cap cap
cap cap cap three day to five week old pizza crust cap cap cap cap cap
cap cap extension cord cap cap cap cap cap cap -- ooh, Dorito.

#crunch#

cap cap cap cap cap rubber band could use that cap cap cap cap cap
half a fatty save that for later cap cap cap cap cap cap cap g-string--

G-STRING!

(sniffs)

Oh yeah. *Lisa*. Better get these back to her.

(pockets them)

Fucking useless couch. Maybe s' under the coffee table.

cap cap cap cap cap cap dustbunny cap cap cap cap cap cap Coke can
cap cap cap cap cap cap magazine--

Ooh, Penthouse?..*Popular Mechanics*?! Fucking Lunchbox!

(tosses it aside)

cap cap cap cap cap cap pizza box cap cap cap cap cap cap 'nuther dust
bunny cap cap cap cap cap cap ashtray cap cap cap cap cap cap bong
turned over set that shit upright cap cap cap cap cap cap tape box fucking
Pretty In Pink *again* cap cap cap cap cap cap cap cap shelf bra--

SHELF BRA!

Damn Lisa, learn to take better care of your undies, Girl.

/*Jay?*/

(turns slightly at the silent call)

/*What the hell are you doing?*/

"Dude, I can't find my fucking cap! Shit man, I can't go to Quick Stop
without my fucking head gear! Some pansy ass motherfucker will make a
grab for the hair an' I'll hafta represent an' how the fuck we supposed to
make money that way?! Fucker can't reach for his wallet if I hafta break
his fucking fingers."

(takes out the rubber band and tugs his hair into a protective pony-tail,
doesn't hear rummaging behind him)

"Shit, and we're already two months behind on the rent. Fucking landlady's
gonna have a fucking stroke--"

(A faded San Jose Sharks baseball cap is dropped into his hands. He
stares at it for a moment, then hesitantly places the cap on his head,
adjusting it several times. Nods.)

"Ain't quite the same, but it'll do. Thanks Silent Bob...The fuck you waitin'
for, Bitch?! Quick Stop opens in half a hour, let's fucking move already.
Damn Lunchbox, what the fuck would your ass do without me?"

(slams door)

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