Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. I only own the plot, the ideas and the gag in this fanfiction.

The Sweetest Lie

I wanna see you

Right now, I wanna see you

But I don't have the courage to send my love to you

There's no point in reach out my hand

I think I hate this world

-from Vocaloid Gumi's song 'Ambiguous Love' (Nankai Renai)

Kagura knew that today sucked balls.

The foreign exchange student was being plagued this certain feeling once again, and it irritated her. The first time it had happened, she freaked out so much that she had bugged Ginpachi-sensei about it over and over again until he told her that she was going to die in a week. Panicking over the fact that her demise had been set, she had gone over the rituals for a peaceful passing until Shimura Otae, their class representative had asked why she was trying to contact a funeral service in-between periods. When the Chinese girl explained what Ginpachi-sensei said, the class representative wasted no time in hitting Kondo Isao over and over again with her recorder, as it was forbidden for students to assault their teachers. After the assault, she then calmly asked their homeroom teacher to not spread lies.

"But really, Kagura-chan, what's the matter with you lately? You've been spacing out." Otae asked during lunch time in the school's rooftop, a place normally forbidden for students to enter. Given the gossipy nature of their other classmates who would no doubt concern themselves over the fact that their tomboyish exchange student was acting strange, Otae had opted to have lunch in a place where it would give them privacy.

Just when the vermillion-haired girl was about to answer, the door had opened, and in came the disciplinary committee member, Okita Sougo, whose blood-red eyes had its usual deadpan look. He wore the standard summer uniform that consisted of the usual short-sleeved shirt that was opened in the front to show off his trademark 'S' shirt that stood for 'sadist'. "Nee-san, you know students aren't allowed here." He said, looking at the brown-haired ponytail girl. "Or did China force you to go here?"

"Okita-kun, we're having our girl talk. Please leave at once." Of course, it translated to, 'Get the hell out of here unless you want to get kicked in the balls this instant', and Shimura Otae wasn't in the mood to be diplomatic because of what had happened.

"Tch. Fine." He knew better than to say 'no' to the de facto lady boss of the Disciplinary Committee (she was, after all, the lady love of their president, which automatically made her their lady boss), and he did want his, err, family jewels intact. Bowing to the nee-san's wishes, he went back to the door leading down to the third floors, and as soon as he made his exit, a huge sigh of relief came from Kagura.

"Okay, something is definitely up. You don't sigh." Otae had now narrowed her chocolate-brown eyes at Kagura, who was now slowly turning red. "Come on, Kagura-chan. It's just us here, the fence, the wind, and the lunch boxes."

Kagura took a deep breath, then blurted out her answer.

Kagura was thankful that anego wasn't the noisy type, nor the type to tease her whenever any hint between her and the guy she liked would have any sort of interaction. On the contrary, anego was silent, always giving her an encouraging look whenever the guy she liked would go over to her and talk. At least she had someone to talk to, unlike her guardian, who had told her that she was dying because of the palpitations she had been experiencing lately whenever that guy was around.

Right after lunch, before they were about to settle in, the disciplinary committee members had entered the room, announcing that they were going to have a surprise inspection for the uniforms. While the girls shrieked over their uniforms (especially the female delinquents in their class), Kagura knew it really wasn't a big deal. She'd get demerits for her stunt with the jacket and the jogging pants, but that was only because she forgot to wear her safety shorts! It wasn't that she was deliberately trying to get the attention of the disciplinary committee or anything—

Ah shit, now she sounded like a tsundere.

"Oi, China girl, get in line." Came the voice of the vice president of the disciplinary committee, Hijikata Toushirou. "We don't have all day."

She rolled her eyes at him, jogging over to the line where most of her female classmates were. As there were no girl members of the disciplinary committee, it was their class representative who had to check for the girls. Kagura sighed in relief; at least no gorilla or stupid sadist would check her skirt length—

Or maybe not.

As soon as it was her turn, Kondo Isao, the president of the disciplinary committee had started hitting on her friend (the usual, "Please go out with me, Otae-san!"), prompting her to whack the said man with her handy recorder, which had magically appeared on her hand. With them busy, only Hijikata and sadist were the only ones available to check on her uniform.

And just her luck, she was the only girl left in line, and sadist was the one holding the tape measure.

'FUCK IT ALL. WORLD, I HATE YOU.' She cursed in her mind, knowing that the sadist's tendency to humiliate her knew no bounds. Yet another day would go with them fighting over the smallest things, ranging from the best pencil brand to use in the classroom to the philosophical ones, like 'the meaning of life'. Frankly, she was tired of the arguments, only wanting to spend her days lately in complete silence so she could think about the new dilemma that was eating her figuratively.

Unfortunately, sadist wasn't a genius when it came to reading body language, nor listening to the hidden clues in her statements wherein she always yelled at him to leave her alone, and was fervent in annoying her more than ever. In fact, the usual 'must-annoy-China-once-a-day' became 'annoy-China-as-much-as-possible', and it pissed her off so much that she took great lengths to avoid him.

As if the world and the universe went in tandem to annoy the hell out of her, they presented her with a situation that was impossible to get out of.

'Gundam-fucking-shit universe, thanks a lot.'

"China, three demerits for your insistence on wearing those hideous jogging pants." The caramel-haired classmate of hers said, his voice as monotonous as ever. "And your skirt is too short, fix that right now."

Just for the sake of making her point across, she said, "Hey, there are perverts in this school! You want an innocent maiden such as myself accidentally flashing at them?!" he didn't have to know the exact reason why she was wearing those today. "Besides, I wear these for a reason, and there's no way in hell I'm removing these!"

He shook his head, clearly unfazed by her reasoning. "Ten more points for arguing with the disciplinary committee member." Before she could scream at him, he continued. "As for that weak argument, one, why would they even try to look at you when you're as attractive as Psy [1], and two, you're a maiden? I get the impression you're not, 'cause you're more male than female."

Kagura was reaching her boiling point and was just about to punch him when he said his last piece. "If you want to get handed a minor offense for disobeying simple school rules, then keep on wearing those pants."

A tense atmosphere filled the room as Okita Sougo, resident sadist of Class 3-Z, had insulted their exchange student in front of their classmates. It was an unusual case, for the two always kept to themselves whenever they exchanged insults, but this time around, their verbal argument was in full view of their classmates. They usually had physical fights out in the open (or in this case, in the classroom, where everyone would always sworn to secrecy about this… unusual hobby of the two), but never a verbal one.

Everyone waited with abated breaths on what would happen next.

Would their exchange student break down in tears over the insult about her being compared to the famous rapper who was infecting nearly everyone in their school with that dance, or would she insult him back?

The next scene undid everyone in the classroom, even stopping both Otae and Kondo from their arguments.

Kagura, glaring at the sadist with her azure blue eyes, pulled down her jogging pants, removed them, and tossed it over at the sadist's head, the clothing landing on his head to cover his sight. Gasps and screams were heard from the females in the room as Kagura stood in front of everyone, flipping over her skirt so she could show off her bunny-printed white panties in full view. Behind Okita, Hijikata was nosebleeding at the sight of her flashing her panties, and was trying his best not to fall down the floor from the massive blood loss he was currently experiencing. Shimura Shinpachi, Otae's younger brother, was fortunate enough to forget his glasses that day, and was unable to know what the commotion was about, while Katsura Kotarou was too busy fretting over Elizabeth. Hedoro, their resident gentle giant, was too busy tending the flowers in the school garden, and was not present for the uniform inspection. Kondo Isao had been knocked out after Otae kicked him for daring to stare at her best friend.

Just as soon as Okita removed the discarded jogging pants over his head, the door opened.

"Oi, why are you all so— KAGURA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Sakata Ginpachi, who had just entered the room for their afternoon class, shrieked at the sight of his pupil and surrogate daughter flashing her underwear for everyone to see. "PUT DOWN YOUR SKIRT!"

When she did, it was evident that her skirt was still too short to cover her butt, for she placed both hands behind her back. At this, Gintoki sighed and scratched his head. "Souichirou-kun, give her back her pants." He did not want to see his daughter in her underwear right now, and the image was forever burned in his retinas.

"It's Sougo." Was the automatic reply before he tossed the pants back to Kagura, who hastily wore her pants back.

"Kagura." Their teacher sighed once more, clearly feeling tired at the sudden plot twist that had happened in his life. "Bookstore, with me. Hurry up, I have a class to attend to." At the nod of the exchange student, the pair exited the classroom, amidst the tension and chaos that had just happened.

"What the hell were you thinking, doing that stunt?" Ginpachi asked while Kagura was behind the curtain, fitting the new skirt that they were going to purchase. "I told you not to cause so much trouble—"

"He told me to remove my pants. Who am I to disobey the disciplinary committee?" she shot back sarcastically. "And you were supposed to get me new skirts! I kept telling you I needed new ones 'cause this stupid growth spurt has been driving me crazy since three weeks ago!"

"Fine, fine, my bad." It was no secret in the school that Kagura was staying in Ginpachi-sensei's place as the other teachers of their school had no extra lodging for the exchange student. The school principal, Otose, had personally approved of this arrangement herself. "Get what you need, I'll tell the old hag to deduct it from my salary."

Kagura shoved the curtains aside, now wearing one of her newest skirts. "Yay! Thanks, Gin-chan!" she said, grinning at him.

"Yeah, yeah, now shush. Go back to class, will you? I'll go up in a bit."

"Okay!" and with that, she exited the store, eager to go back to her classroom located on the third floor of the building. As she ran up the stairs, she bumped into something solid, and was about to fall back when a pair of arms grabbed her around the waist. "Ack!"

"China girl, no running up the stairs." It was Hijikata who had caught her, his metallic-blue eyes boring into her own. "Imagine the mess we'd have to clean up if your body shattered into million pieces."

She rolled her eyes at his lame attempt to be morbid. "Yeah okay, whatever, Mayora. Let go of me, will you? This is really awkward." The girl was referring to the stares that the students were giving them, as they were still in their pose. Hijikata still had his arms wrapped firmly around her while her head was pulled back, as if they were posing for a prenuptial shot that she often found floating in the internet.

Behind Hijikata was Okita, as was usual, while Kondo was nowhere to be found. She suspected that he was still knocked out from the blows that the class representative delivered. Seeing Okita staring at her blankly made her feel conscious of herself right now, but she ignored it. As soon as Hijikata let her go and made sure she was steady on her feet did she bolt straight for the washroom and locked herself in one of the cubicle.

Suddenly, everything just sank in.

Did she just… flash her panties at Okita Sougo?

Well, she did but…

Well, it was his fault for pissing her off, but what the heck happened to her, becoming all bold and stuff?!

She could probably blame it all on the otome games she's been playing, especially the one wherein the guy was this public morals dude who totally told off the girl that her skirt was too short, and she had to fix it [2]. Instead of fixing it, like what the heroine did, she flashed her panties at him. He probably didn't see it because of the pants she tosses at him, but she knew that Hijikata Toushirou had nosebleed on the spot upon seeing her underwear.

She let out a groan of disappointment, both at her stunt and how Okita Sougo treated her.

Sometimes, she wondered if she was some kind of Do-M for falling for a Do-S like him.

Sometimes, she wondered if it was smart of her to allow herself to fall for a guy who didn't give a rat's ass about her. Kagura had time to back out of this whole 'falling in love' thing, and that was by completely ignoring him. Simply reaching out her hand to him and confessing was nearly impossible. Yet, stupid her didn't get deterred by that fact, and she let herself fall for it, hook, line, and sinker. Right now, she felt humiliated, miserable and slightly depressed at the fact that her actions earlier had probably caused a dent in her reputation, and how he viewed her.

Ah, she was probably ranked lower than Hijikata now.

She had no one to blame but herself for what she did.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRGH!"

Notes:

[1] Psy - Popular Korean rapper who rose to international fame because of the song Gangnam Style. I bet most of you saw the gifs on tumblr of either Takasugi with Kawakami or Hijikata with Kondou.

[2] Public Morals dude - from a certain otome game who is very [morally] upright and did tell the heroine of the game to fix her skirt because it was too short.

Oh hey, new fic. I hope you'll all enjoy this one. I got the inspiration from a friend who gave me the prompt 'the sweetest lie' (hence the title) plus Vocaloid Gumi's song called 'Nankai Renai'. The lines on the first part were my own translation of the song, so please don't go stealing it.

I hope you enjoyed the first part. Please review!