Agonyclite
Destiny, it turns out, isn't such a bad chick after all. Once you get to know her. Don't believe me? Listen, she's dragged me out to the dance floor a few times. Sure, sometimes she's not the prettiest offer in the room. Okay, she's not often concerned about trample toes. And occasionally, when she's in a real hot phase, she might break up with you in the middle of the song.
I know, right? Good looking guys like you and me ought to have better luck. And sure, I'm dressed like luck's weighing down my wallet. But don't let the suit fool you. I've spent more time on the wrong side of the morning more than you have. You're young yet. What say we let you keep getting older, huh?
Mind if I loosen my tie? Yeah, I've got a few pricey silkworms at my throat, but the fingers of life have wrapped around my neck much tighter than this. One thing I learned, you can't appreciate a good choking until afterward, when you come up for air. I can see that's what you're trying to do. I get that. My air turned out to be a lethal woman. You've got to watch the ones who treat their guns better than themselves. You're gasping right now and I can't say that a deadly option's got no appeal. Worth the risk now and then. But this is the wrong now to be risking, friend.
But we're off track. Guns. Right.
I wouldn't be opposed to putting mine down. Elbow's as fussy as my hairline some days. The older I get, the more I think my boss has it right. Find a hobby and obsess the fun right out of it. You picked the worst pastime, which doesn't mean you can't chuck the boat skeleton out of the basement and start a new one.
What? Didn't follow that? Probably a good thing.
Okay, so maybe not boats. I'm a car guy myself. You like cars? I noticed you eyeballing my ride. Shocked me too. All that best-in-class horsepower and you still get the industry-leading safety features. Who knew I'd need to consider that stuff now. Well, you didn't know. But we've just met, right?
Life's a faulty car with a busted tie rod. Buckle up.
See, once in a while Destiny dumps you because she figures you don't need her anymore. Abandonment makes you stand up. No choice. That what happened to you? Got abandoned but couldn't stand? Takes time to grow those kind of legs, man. I didn't get that memo. Not til later. Kept trying to run on chicken wire. Hard to get far when you're flailing. Plus it's not an attractive look. So I'm saving you years of therapy by telling you now.
No, I'm not laughing at you. Just funny... I used to be the last guy you'd want to hear life lessons from. And maybe you don't want to hear them either. Seems like your social calendar's frozen tonight anyway, so I'm just playing companion here. Wingman, you know? Which means we need a plan.
So here's the plan. We both put our guns to bed. And then we get out of this rain, out of this alley. Might be a pretty offer on the dance floor tonight.
You can tell me why we had this stand-off. You can tell me what happens tomorrow. Or just tell me what you prefer to drink. I've got a stomach built on scotch, myself. And maybe I can tell you how I traded one-nighters for bedtime stories.
And we'll buy Destiny a beer.
*Agonyclite = A member of a heretical sect that stood rather than knelt while praying