A/N: Hey, y'all! This was written for the Hogwarts Eastern Funfair for the Ferris Wheel. My prompt: (quote) "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." —Maya Angelou

Word Count: 4624

Thanks to my sister for beta'ing! This is also dedicated to her— she requested a James coming out story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.

Enjoy!

January 27, 2015

James Sirius Potter swung his feet around as he sat next to his godbrother, Teddy Lupin. The two were sitting in the abandoned Quidditch stands, watching the snow fall as they spoke. Technically, they weren't supposed to be up there, but Teddy was Head Boy so he was able to stretch the rules just once.

Teddy took a bite out of one of the sandwiches he'd packed for the two of them. "So," he said, his voice muffled, "How's Hogwarts been?"

James perked up. "Great! Well, History Of Magic is terrible, Potions makes no sense, and the Defense teacher clearly doesn't know what she's doing, but the people here are amazing, and I think I've made friends with Peeves—"

Teddy groaned, a stray snowflake getting caught in his blue hair. "Thank Merlin I'm leaving this year. A team up with Peeves? Well, if anyone can handle it, it's McGonagall."

James grinned, his hazel eyes sparkling happily. "You'll be sorry you missed it."

Teddy clapped him on the shoulder. "The trick to surviving seven years of school is being yourself— they'll be happier that way." Teddy's amber eyes, which he had inherited from his father and hardly ever morphed, surveyed James carefully. In a deadly serious tone, he said, "Never be ashamed of who you are."

James recalled the sad tale of Teddy's late father, Remus Lupin. He had been a werewolf, so shunned for his curse that he nearly let it ruin his happiness. Now, Remus Lupin had been a great man, but James didn't want to take after him in the emotional department. He nodded. "I won't."

January 30, 2016

James Sirius Potter, now twelve, stared up at the ceiling of his dorm. His roommates were talking about girls again. Words are there more important things to talk about? Like Quidditch? Or how the Quidditch Captain had told him that he had a lot of talent, and was excited for James to start on the pitch?

One of his roommates came over and clapped him on the back. James tensed and his face heated up, so he looked down. His body was on fire where his friend's hand was, which both intrigued and puzzled him. Things like this had been happening all year— he was hypersensitive to other boys' touch, and his eyes got caught on Andy Grahams more than his sister, Helena Grahams, who was supposedly the prettiest girl in their year. He breathed a silent sigh of relief when the hand was taken off his back. There would be time to sort himself out later. Right now, he was going to find the Gryffindor Quidditch captain and talk strategy. Maybe his younger brother would be around. James always liked seeing him.

A week later, and James was silently cursing himself for getting so tongue-tied around other blokes. He was acting like his friends did when they talked to a girl they liked. Which made no sense.

Jimmy Carter, Ravenclaw, was super smart— maybe he just felt intimidated by his big brains. Still, "Could I borrow a quill, Potter?" didn't exactly warrant the loss of ability to move his tongue.

That night, he wrote to Teddy about it, complaining about his inability to talk to the male population. Teddy's response was sending James various LGBTQ+ articles and pamphlets. Terrified of what he held in his hands, he stuffed them all at the bottom of his trunk and vowed never to read them.

Over the summer holidays, he pored over every one of them.

February 8, 2017

Allan Tuchman. Git. But it hadn't been hard to fall for him, with his great looks and quirky personality. From November to the beginning of January they had dated, and then James (with the help of the Marauder's Map) had discovered his boyfriend snogging Brian Dunefield in a broom closet.

It broke his heart, but he called it off immediately. He knew that staying in a relationship like that would kill him, and it was already hard enough being in the closet, so to speak. He was in the middle of third year, and was about sixty percent sure he was gay, and ninety percent sure he was at least bisexual.

Well, his failed relationship with Allan hadn't been all bad. He had found a good friend in Brian, at least, even if they had shared a kiss only to have Brian break it off two weeks later. He'd wanted time to focus on himself, which James understood. They'd stayed friends, so Brian had escaped the List of Gits; Allan hadn't.

It was hard, having to hide who he was. He always felt out of place, no matter what he did. He changed before the rest of the Quidditch team whenever they had a game, and after them when the game was over, lest he make them uncomfortable. He had to actually pay attention in Transfiguration, or else his eyes would wander to Patrick Hensen, the cute Hufflepuff boy who sat next to him. The hardest part was keeping it from his speech. If he wanted to say Daniel Smith was gorgeous, he had to say that Mira Reynolds was gorgeous. If he said that Alice Michaels was hot, he meant Dennis Averys. It was exhausting, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it up.

He was asked on a date to Hogsmeade a month later by Marissa Colbert.

His palms began to sweat. His eyes flitted left and right in a desperate search for escape. Did she have to do this in a crowded corridor? Everyone was watching, waiting to hear his answer. He ran a hand through his messy black hair. He gulped. Protect his gay identity, or risk throwing it all away?

He tried for an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I have detention this weekend."

Marissa, curse her, frowned. "No, you don't. I checked with all the professors."

He choked on air. "You what? Why?"

"I wanted to make sure you'd be able to go."

Well, at least she was honest. If she were a guy, he'd probably go for her.

Definitely gay, then.

"Oh. Well, I must have gotten the dates confused. I have plans with someone else."

Her eyes blazed in a way James didn't like. He glanced around, and spotted his brother trying to push through the crowd to get to class. His little first-year frame was having a hard time of it, though.

"Who?" she demanded.

James gestured in Albus' general direction. "My brother."

The Hufflepuff's nose wrinkled. "But isn't he a Slytherin?"

James scowled. "He's my brother."

Before she could say anything else, he walked away, feeling clammy and shaken. He ate dinner in the kitchens that night, too queasy to brave the Great Hall.

That night, James received another letter from Teddy inquiring after him. His godbrother had been doing this regularly ever since James had sent that letter. He knew that the trainee Auror was just subtly asking if he'd figured out his sexuality. Well, now he was sure.

If it was scary before, it was terrifying now. When it had just been an idea, there was a chance that it might not apply to him. He could still be normal. And while normal had never been something he had strived for, this wasn't the sort of different he wanted to be. If word of this got out, he'd… well, he didn't know. But he didn't think he'd be able to stomach the sneers and jibes. He wanted to be liked.

He picked up a quill, and in the privacy of the dorm composed a letter to Teddy.

What would you say if I was?

There was no need to clarify; Teddy would know what he meant. He got a reply the next day.

Two things. First, got a boyfriend? Second, have you told anyone else?

He ran up to his room to write a response.

No to both— and don't you tell anyone, either. Well. Only my ex and a friend know. Are you okay with this, really?

The answer came just two hours later.

Of course I am. Never be ashamed of who you are.

March 12, 2018

There he was. Two seats in front of him. Smart, studious, a wicked sense of humor to rival James' own— he was perfect. Jason Walker.

He would probably end up failing Charms; he could never pay attention with Jason so close. At the moment, though, that didn't much bother him. Maybe Jason could tutor him if he did fail.

The thought made his face burn.

"Mr. Potter," chirped Professor Flitwick. "Perhaps you could demonstrate the Cheering Charm for us."

James sat up as the class turned to look at him. Including Jason.

"Certainly Professor!" he exclaimed with fake confidence. "The Cheering Charm. It makes whoever it's cast upon… cheerier."

Flitwick's blue eyes sparkled with amusement. "At times, Mr. Potter, you remind me a great deal of your grandfather and his friends."

James leaned forwards. "That sounds fascinating. You must tell me more about them."

Flitwick laughed outright. "Nice try, Mr. Potter. I've taught too long to fall for that."

James glanced at Jason, his hazel eyes briefly meeting the Ravenclaw's green ones. This was his chance to impress him.

He cleared his throat. "Right then, let's do it. Erm. Frank?"

His best friend, Frank Longbottom (who he'd never had a crush on thankfully), stood up and sighed. The look on his face said, "I hope you were paying attention."

James thanked Merlin that Flitwick had left the incantation in the chalkboard. He aimed his wand at Frank.

"Risus hilarus!" he said clearly, wiggling his wand a bit.

Frank's lips twitched a bit, but that was all. James wanted to kick himself. Of course wand movement mattered just as much as the incantation. Masking his disappointment, James turned to Flitwick.

"My pronunciation was spot-on, wasn't it, Professor?"

Flitwick wagged his finger at his student. "Pronunciation isn't everything Mr. Potter, as you've so kindly shown us. Five points from Gryffindor for not paying attention to the lesson," he squeaked. "Class is dismissed!"

As the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students filed out of the classroom, James avoided the gazes of his Housemates. He'd been losing points a lot lately.

He caught sight of Jason speaking to one of James' roommates. Curiosity got the better of him and he quietly went to investigate.

"...don't get me started on Potter!" his roommate was saying. "He thinks he's all that, just because he's Harry Potter's son— he's arrogant, thinks he's above his classwork, doesn't treat anyone with respect—"

James lowered his head, his face burning. Nothing was more humiliating than hearing someone insult you in front of your crush. He began to walk away, but stalled when he saw Jason open his mouth.

"Maybe he's just not good at Charms," he suggested, pushing his blonde hair out of his face. "No one can be good at everything. And he's not arrogant, he's confident. There's a difference."

James' heart swelled. Maybe there was hope—

"Oh, he's fine at Charms. He gets to the common room, reads the textbook, practices for a bit, and then he's got it!" argued his roommate. James was really starting to hate him.

Jason shrugged. "Maybe he's just distracted. When Addy Frank sat in front of me in Potions last year, I couldn't concentrate at all. Nearly failed. Good thing she's with MacMillan now— otherwise I'd be failing half my classes."

His roommate looked intrigued. "You think he likes someone?"

James' heart was splintering. He should have considered the possibility that Jason was straight; the only obstacle of a future relationship with him in his mind had been his own fear of coming out.

He sighed softly and turned away. He was tired of being lonely, but it seemed he was doomed to it.

The next day, Brian was publicly outed in the Great Hall.

The event left James shaking. Plenty of people had offered their support, but hurtful words held more weight. Slurs were thrown his friend's way, and though he jumped to Brian's defence, he was paranoid that someone would be able to tell the truth about his own sexuality. James wasn't blind; he was the pitying looks, and witnessed how quickly everyone changed how they acted around Brian now that he was "out". Boys spoke to him less, girls talked to him more. He didn't want the same thing to happen to him. He wanted to be treated the same way he'd always been: as just another guy.

His hands didn't stop trembling until the end of the week.

April 16, 2019

FIfth year was a blur of stolen kisses in bathrooms, flirting between lessons, and secret rendezvous at night. It had been nearly three months since he'd begun dating Mitch Thames. Things had been going great— until three hours previously. James didn't know why he kept getting involved with unfaithful people, but he was tired of it. Catching Mitch with his hands all over Krissie Davidson hadn't felt good at all. To make matters worse, when he confronted Mitch about it, his boyfriend had told him that he had wanted a relationship he could be open about, and if James would just come out already, he'd drop Krissie in an instant.

James know better than to stick around someone who tried to force him into doing something he wasn't ready for.

Now he was in the middle of a Quidditch match, but his heart wasn't in it. He was still scoring goals (he was a Chaser), but he didn't do fun tricks or fancy maneuvers in the process.

They won the match, but for once, James couldn't bring himself to care. He headed off to the changing rooms like usual, not joining in on the celebration. He pulled his Quidditch robes over his head and began towelling himself off; he didn't typically shower here after a game, lest the rest of the team come in. He was too miserable to try to hide his sexual orientation. He shivered, closing his eyes as his head began to pound.

"Er. Hey, James."

James whipped around. There, standing in the doorway of the changing room, was none other than Jason Walker.

James blinked, his shirt in his hands. "Er. Hey, Jason."

Jason ventured further into the room. "I wanted to congratulate you on your win," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "You're a good flier."

James had never quite gotten over his crush on the blonde Ravenclaw. "Thanks."

Jason nodded, looking at James thoughtfully. "Are you all right? You seemed distracted during the match. Normally you…"

"Show off?" James finished, turning around so his back was to his visitor.

"No!" Jason sounded angry. "You're not showing off. You're having fun. There's a difference."

James really appreciated that. "Yeah. It is fun, normally."

Jason hesitantly stepped forward. "Why didn't you this time?"

Goosebumps spread along his back as he pulled his shirt on. "My...partner cheated on me. I found out right before the match."

Jason sucked a breath in. "Merlin, James. I'm so sorry."

James hummed in response. He wanted to vent to someone so badly. He wanted to tell the whole story: how hard it was, keeping his feelings a secret; how he couldn't seem to find any luck in love; how depressingly alone he felt. The desire to tell someone was too powerful to push away.

"I just— I thought I was finally getting lucky. Someone I could love. But every time I try, every time I'm brave enough to go for it, someone else is more desirable." He wrapped his arms around himself and sat down heavily on a bench.

Jason came over and sat beside him. "That won't happen every time. Hell, I'm surprised it happened once. You're an incredible bloke. It's not your fault that they couldn't see that."

James shook his head bitterly. "You know what I am? Harry Potter's son. That's all they see."

Jason frantically shook his head, looking pale under his light smattering of freckles. "No! Well, maybe to them, but I know— you're James Potter. That's not a bad thing to be."

James sighed. "You don't understand. As his son, so many people keep tabs on me. All my relationships have to be a secret, unless I want them plastered on the front page of the Prophet. And that would really be something— the the whole world would know that James Sirius Potter, Harry Potter's son, liked men! I'll never get a moment's peace, I don't know how my friends would react, much less my family—"

He stopped, his heart pounding as he realized what he'd just revealed. He hadn't meant to give away his secret— just express his frustrations. For what felt like an eternity, James just sat there, petrified, in the ringing silence. Jason hadn't said anything, and James was afraid to look at him.

Finally, Jason cleared his throat. "James—"

The oldest Potter child rocketed to his feet. "I have to go," he said wildly, feeling numb. He began moving forwards, and heard Jason scramble to his feet.

"James—"

"I have to go!" The Gryffindor broke out into an all-out run. He sprinted up to the castle, hurtled himself through the portrait hole, and locked himself in his dorm. He collapsed onto his bed as tears began to well up in his eyes. He took off his glasses and hugged his pillow to his chest. He wished that he could wake up and find out that none of today had ever happened. First, Mitch had cheated on him. Then he'd tried to force James to out himself. After his disastrous performance on the Quidditch pitch, he'd vented his feeling to Jason Walker, who he'd never quite stopped liking. Which had resulted in him revealing the truth about his sexuality.

He groaned. Tomorrow would be hell. He closed his eyes and tried to go asleep.

As it turned out, the next day was not hell. No one looked twice at him, except to congratulate him on Gryffindor's latest win.

Then during lunch, Jason sat down beside him.

"You didn't tell anyone," he said hollowly. He feared an ulterior motive, despite the fact that that was unlike anything he knew about his crush.

Jason looked offended. "Why would I do that? It's your secret. I respect your privacy." The anger in his eyes lessened after James looked away in shame. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask... er, what was the name of the guy yesterday?"

James blinked confusedly, thrown off by the random change in topic. "What guy? You mean Mitch?"

Jason waved a hand, gesturing for him to continue. "C'mon, mate. Full name and House."

James cocked his head to the side. "Thames. Mitch Thames. He's in Slytherin."

Jason nodded. "Good to know. And the other guy?"

James sighed and muttered, "Krissie Davidson, Hufflepuff."

Jason winced. "Ouch."

The Gryffindor just shrugged and stuffed some more food into his mouth.

Jason leaned closer to him. "To answer your unspoken question, I haven't told anybody because I know what it's like, to be afraid of coming out. I'm bi."

James dropped his fork, the clattering loud in his ears. He slowly turned to look at his long-time crush, stunned. "You are?"

Jason grinned proudly. "Yep. Classes are hell. I usually have two or three crushes in each."

A laugh bubbled out of his mouth, and some weight had been lifted up off his shoulders. James wanted to ask, what about Charms? but thought it might be a little too early for that. Still, it was liberating to know that he had a chance.

Jason smiled and stood up to leave, but James caught his wrist. He thought he saw a slight blush on the Ravenclaw's face, but refused to get his hopes off. He hadn't meant to grab him, and the contact threw him off for a second. After several seconds, he simply said, "Thank you."

Jason grinned, and James swore the room got a little brighter. "Anytime."

Their friendship was born.

May 22, 2020

They'd been dating one month, and this relationship already felt more real than any of his previous relationships had. He and Jason just seemed to work together; he was happier than he'd ever been. With the help of the Invisibility Cloak, the two of them were able to go on late-night dates in Hogsmeade— Madam Rosmerta could keep a secret. They studied together, Jason showed up to every Quidditch practice, and they explored the castle together. Life was good. It was great, even. Until it wasn't.

Sometimes, James would approach Albus or Lily, news of his latest relationship development on the tip of his tongue. Then he'd stop, realizing that he couldn't share what made him happiest with them yet.

He'd lie awake at night, wondering if he was doing the right thing by keeping the truth of his sexuality from his siblings. He was terrified of distancing himself from them; things had been rocky between the three lately. They all had their own problems they were dealing with. They didn't need him to drop such a huge bombshell on them right now.

His parents were another matter. James didn't know how to tell them, or when. Homosexuality had never come up in the Potter or Weasley households, so he had no idea where any of his relatives stood on the matter. He didn't think they'd disown him— they were a very tight family— but any looks of disappointment or disgust would hurt just as badly. He didn't know where to turn.

So he wrote to Teddy.

So. I have a boyfriend. Things are going pretty well this time round. It's only been a month, but this is the happiest I've ever been.

The only downside is that I can't tell anyone. You know and my exes know, and that's about it. Do you think my dad will understand?

He debated on whether or not to send it for an hour before he mailed it. Like always, Teddy's reply was quick and brief.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." —Maya Angelou

June 15, 2021

He'd just graduated from Hogwarts. He was done with school; he could do whatever he wanted with his life now. But before he went off on his own, he had to do something first.

Jason gently squeezed his fingers, offering James a supportive smile. Hands entwined, the two boys— now men— got off the Hogwarts Express for the last time.

During seventh year, James had come out to his brother and sister when Lily had been having her own boy troubles. He'd passed on his List of Gits to her, and hoped that she wouldn't have too many names to add.

He and Jason had also come out as a couple to the school. There had been a few hurtful insults, and James had received abuse on the Quidditch pitch, but nearly everyone was supportive. None of his teammates had cared, and they had even told him that they didn't mind if he changed at the same time they did. It had felt strange, changing with the rest of the team, but it made him feel as though he truly belonged.

Now all he had to do was tell his family. They were all here; Teddy had come by for the occasion, and all his uncles had children who were school age. Everyone was here, so everyone would know. He decided to just focus on his parents, and worry about his extended family later.

He slipped his hand out of Jason's as they got nearer and went on ahead to confront his family. His grandmother, Molly Weasley, looked over excitedly.

"James, dear! Your mum said that you have someone you want us to meet." She looked around, obviously searching for his non-existent girlfriend.

He nodded distractedly and approached his smiling parents. He wiped his sweaty palms on his Muggle jeans nervously.

"Er, Mum, Dad? I've been, ah, seeing someone for a little over a year now, and I want you to meet them."

Ginny looked surprised. "You waited a whole year? Why?"

He grinned wobbily. "It, uh, wasn't easy working up the courage to do this."

His boyfriend came to the rescue. "And I'm glad you did," he beamed, putting a hand on James' shoulder. He stuck the other one out to no one in particular. "I'm Jason Walker, James' boyfriend. It's nice to meet you all."

When Harry, who was closest to the hand, just stared at him in shock, Teddy leaned over and shook it warmly.

"Wotcher! I'm Teddy Lupin, James' godbrother. I'm so glad to finally meet you— I've heard a lot of good things about you."

This seemed to bring Harry back to the present. He nudged Teddy out of the way and grabbed Jason's hand. "Pleased to meet you, Jason. Sorry about that— one would think that James would have clued me in by now." His green eyes looked at James curiously. "Would you like to join us for dinner this week? I'd like to get to know you."

James' eyes widened and he shook his head frantically. Family dinners meant humiliation.

Jason saw this and grinned. "Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Potter."

Harry, who had also seen James' panic, grinned widely. "Excellent. And please, Jason, call me Harry."

Ginny began speaking to Jason, and Harry pulled James aside.

"Why didn't you tell us?" his father asked softly. "We wouldn't have minded."

James rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, wondering how he was supposed to explain to his father the crippling fear that had come over him for the past six years when he thought about coming out to his family. "We... it was never discussed, or mentioned. You never commented on it in when something regarding it came up in the papers, so I didn't know where anyone in the family stood on the matter. So I didn't tell you."

Harry looked taken aback. Then he put a hand on his son's shoulder. "James. I could never be ashamed of you. You're my son! And I know, in some families that doesn't count for much. But in this family, it does. I never addressed this because— well, I guess I didn't think about it. I didn't think it applied to any of you. But we're not upset. Not at all."

James exhaled slowly, some of his stress leaving him. "Yeah. Okay."

Harry pulled him in for a hug. "I'm sorry we made you afraid to tell us."

And he did sound sorry. He sounded like he thought he had failed James, which wasn't the case at all, and he hurried to correct his father. "No, it's just— coming out is scary, but not knowing any of your views on… this was scarier. But I did it. It's done."

Now that he'd said that, he realized how true that was. It was done. He didn't have to worry about this ever again.

Harry squeezed his shoulder. "We should go back and join the others. We don't want to leave Jason at the mercy of your grandmother, now do we? And James," Harry gazed at him seriously, something James couldn't identify glowing in his green eyes. "I'm proud of you, son."

James' face broke out into a grin, and he followed his father back to his family feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

The rest of the family introduced themselves to Jason, and James found himself next to Teddy.

"So," the blue-haired metamorphmagus said pleasantly, "you finally came clean, did you?"

James shrugged. "Never be ashamed of who you are, right?"

Teddy beamed at him. "Right."