She had been acting weird lately. He knew that her parents anniversary of death was approaching, and he was doing the best he could to comfort her, but it simply didn't seem to be enough. She was always so bright and happy it seemed awful for her to be wandering around the BAU headquarters without a word for anyone. She barely spoke and he hadn't seen her eat for over a week. She stayed at her office until late at night, never leaving her computers, and even though he wanted to do something to comfort her she didn't give him the chance. Everybody in the office had understood this massive change of behavior, but they had failed to get her to talk to them like him.

She heard a knock on her door but she didn't even have the power to answer it. She thought if she opened her mouth she would break down crying and she certainly didn't feel like getting sympathy.

"Penelope?" JJ's voice sounded worried, but for a moment it soothed her pain to know that her best friend was worried about her. JJ sat down and placed a comforting hand on her head."Sweetie why won't you talk about it? You have everyone so worried. I fail to listen to what Henry is saying because of the constant thinking of you, Hotch gets his cousin to take care of Jack so he can spend extra hours here, Rossi sleeps in his office waiting for you to go home. I caught Reid crying yesterday and he told me he felt he was losing you and Emily has started biting her nails again, and Derek… Well, Derek has it the hardest. He keeps pacing the headquarters, cursing at everyone and punching walls. He sends death glares at everyone and constantly looks at his phone, waiting for you to call him. He has even stopped calling his mother, because he thinks you'll call and he'll lose the chance to talk to you!" Penelope just stared at her with her red rimmed eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but tears flooded her eyes again and she broke down crying. JJ hugged and tried to soothe her but she was trying to understand what caused her such pain.

"Kevin dumped me… He said he found someone much better and he wouldn't have to carry her insecurities about her parents' death. I can't deal with this anniversary anymore… It keeps getting worse every time… And I will tell you something nobody else knows…" She took a deep breath and lifted the bracelets on her wrist only to reveal cuts, sharp and deep, that carried lots off darkened blood on their top.

"Penelope, why are you doing this to yourself?" JJ almost shouted.

She shrugged. "I deserve it."

"No, you listen to me! You cannot do this to yourself you hear me? Everybody in this building needs their ray of sunshine and you cannot take that away from us! I am so mad at you! Why didn't you tell anyone? And don't say I deserve it cause that's bullshit. All you deserve is love and happiness and we are willing to offer that to you but you have to let us sweetheart…"her voice was drowned in her sobs and she left closing the door loudly. Penelope could not do that to herself. It was not right and it was not fair. And Derek needed to know.

"Are you fucking kidding me? He stormed into her office so angry that he didn't even think about entering a bit less frightening.

"JJ told you, huh?" She didn't turn to look at him, she just continued holding back her tears.

"Of course she did and you better start talking before I lose it! Damn it I haven't been sleeping or eating due to my worries for you and you just decide to cut yourself?-"

"Derek I'm scared…" she said and embraced him for dear life. He hugged her back tight and inhaled in her scent. She had already started sobbing.

"I love you and I don't want to lose you damn it. Why can't you see you're killing me here? Do you know how hard it's been watching my solace walking around like a ghost and now you cut yourself? Fuck, why?"

"I thought I didn't have anyone by me and I felt so alone… But now I get I have my family here. Though my parents' death doesn't get easier…"

"I'll come with you. And do not even begin to argue, it is of no use. I would not leave you alone on such an occasion. But first, I have to go kick Lynch's ass and regret being born." Anger was now visible in his voice.

"No! I wouldn't want my hero in jail over someone so unimportant." He flashed her a smile to give her courage and suggested she went home to prepare for next day's trip.

When he entered his house, he heard the barking of his overgrown puppy."Hey there, boy.." He patted the dog's head and fell on the couch tired. But then he remembered: he had to call his mother, she would have been dead worried. He would also tell her about Penelope.

"Hey, Mom…"

She sat on her bed, still in her work clothes. She thought about Kevin, Derek, JJ, Rossi, Hotch, Emily and finally about Reid. Reid. JJ had said she had seen him crying over her. She decided then, the most decent thing to do.

"Garcia?" Reid's hopeful voice filled her ears.

"Hey there, Genius Boy. Listen, do you want to come over? I need to talk to you…"

"I'm in the street. Meeting you in 5."

"5? Are you thinking of flying?" But he just hung up.

Just five minutes later, her doorbell rung. She went and opened the door and a tired but happy Spencer greeted her. She went and hugged his and so did he. The truth was he had missed his friend. Long time. After Emily supposedly died, she was the person he was more attached to and seeing her like that for all these days made him feel hopeless.

"Come on in, my Love." They sat on the couch and she explained everything to him. Spencer could always understand her better than anyone else, probably due to his horrific past. Ut even though he had been through so many things he continued to care for her and he went to her home immediately when she asked him to. Spenser had a good heart and she felt she was taking advantage of it.

"Garcia you should have told me! You knew when I was doing drugs, you knew about my headaches, me being schizophrenic… I never hid anything from you, but I'm glad you decided to talk to me." They continued to talk for the rest of the night, until 3 a.m., when Penelope fell asleep.

Some hours later her doorbell rang and when she opened the door, his grin greeted her.

"Are you ok?" he asked before he stepped in.

"Better now. Let me just get dressed and I'll get to the car. You go wait there." She patted his cheek and went towards her bedroom. He found himself staring at her softly swaying hips and grinning. He had been having such moments since months and he realized that whether he accepted the fact that he was falling in love with his best friend or not, would not make much difference. He decided to get to the car and wait for her.

"Hey…" He understood from the huskiness of her voice that she had been crying. Feeling unable to do anything else, he reached for her, gave her a tight hug, a kiss on the forehead and tucked a blonde curl behind her ear.

Some hours later they reached her hometown and parked outside the graveyard. Derek got off the car and opened her door, took her hand in his and guided her to the grave. She placed the flowers on the tomb and stood back.

"Derek, could you go for a little bit?" He just nodded his head and left.

"Mom, I'm feeling weak. I wish I had you with me. I see Emily talking about her mom and I think of how I would like to talk about you without feeling all this grief and guilt. There are people who love me, but I will never forget about you… I love you Dad… I need you both so much… Please make everything better…" She wanted to say more but now all that would leave her throat were stiffen sobs. Derek approached her again and let her cry on his chest. She cried so much, she thought she was drained of tears, though more kept coming. At some point he lifted her chin and looked into her midnight blue teary eyes.

"Penelope they would be proud of you…" he caressed her cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah, how would you know?" she chuckled bitterly. He waited for her to look at him again, never loosening his stare. When she did, he leaned down and kissed her fiercely. His lips were firm but soft and warm. For a moment her knees got weak and she stumbled, though never breaking the connection with his lips. Their kiss ended as abruptly as it had begun and he just held her in his arms. "Because I'm just as proud.." he held her head.

"I can't do this…" she left crying and running. He could reach her. He was faster than her. But he didn't. He couldn't understand. Why did she leave him? He looked towards th sky and then back at the grave.

"Your daughter is the most amazing person. I know I've hurt her but I'm in love with her. I want to help her get past her troubles but she won't let me…Please if you can hear me, I'm begging you, ugh…" He sighed knowing it didn't make any difference.

"You're- you're in love with me?" She had come back. And now he turned back. He gave her his million watt smile. "You don't say?" she teased with a smirk.

"Oh, yeah baby, I'm in love. Can you pull the arrow out of my heart 'cause Cupid's much of a badass…" he teased back while they got closer.

"I love you, baby…"

"Oh how sweet… I love you too Hot Stuff… Now come on kiss me!" He smiled at her and then did as she bid. This kiss was much slower and gentler but she felt how much he loved her and she put just as much passion as he did. When she broke the kiss they were both panting.

"You are so going to prove how much you love me baby…" she breathed and he chuckled.

"I look forward to it, sweetheart…"