Last Thread Of Sanity, a harry potter fanfic

Last Thread of Sanity

Dead.

You were forced into the dank prison cell with a tiny window facing the pitiless dark water. You barely notice. All you can feel is your heart clenching painfully. Tears you can't hold back anymore, blind you. At the trial you'd been quiet, too out of it to do anything. Now you're alone.

Alone.

You stand up and scream your sorrow out and the Dementors feed on your pain, but still their presence doesn't bother you.

James is dead… and Lily.

You think of nothing else. The place James had called home is in shambles. You don't know what happened with Harry, little baby Harry, still innocent to the world around him. But no, you remind yourself. Voldemort is gone because of him.

By the first year, you hold on to your sanity because of your intense sorrow, which never seems to give you a moment peace.

But then thoughts of revenge consumes you, drives you mad.

The year's tick by and your sanity leaves.

You're forced to relive every moment you've had with the Potter's. The Dementors force you, but you cannot help but find moments of peace with thoughts of easier times, where the worst you had to think about was school tests, your blood-relatives (never family, the Potter's is your family), Severus Snape's friendship with Lily and whatever prank you had planned for the next day.

Sometime you laugh. You'd followed James around like a bloody lapdog. You couldn't help it. You were there though his three years of complete denial of whatever kids called attraction. You watched amused as he realised he was crazily on love with the one person who seemed to hate and despise him the most. You helped corner Snivellus, because James was not the only one more than fascinated with a certain someone with bright green eyes and brownish red hair.

You flirt and date around carelessly, going from girl to girl, but they never hold your interest. You seek out James' company, because you long for him. You grab on to anything he gives, you're like a bloody puppy dog, sitting with puppy eyes begging at the dinner table.

Your heart had stopped the first time you saw James and Lily together. You feel both extremely happy and sad at the same time and you don't understand why? James was happy, that was what mattered the most.

You felt sad when you saw the Dark Mark on Snape's arm by accident in your last year and you're happy because you didn't let the darkness take you. You had focused on making James happy and that had saved you.

You hear the rumours, of course. Even rumours reach Azkaban. Harry is living with Muggles, Lily's dreadful sister, and you pound your fist into the wall so many times you bleed, because it was you who was supposed to see him grow up. You are the godfather, the one to give him the love James and Lily can't.

You hope maybe Snape will love the part of Harry that is Lily, but your sanity has left you, so you can't be sure of anything.

Love is blind, you realise.

As you slip through the bars of Azkaban and swim from the stony shore to the green fields, intent on revenge, you marvel.

You will have your revenge.