AN: This was inspired by me trying to understand who Kara is at her heart. And I can't help but feel mad, alone and tortured on her behalf. We're looking at someone whose lost everything and managed to stay strong. But I wanted to explore what inspired that grit. That loss jurying her most formative years of her life have shaped her, and like any child she held on to our most basic instinct.
To Hope.
All That Is Left
By Accalia-Aki
Who Am I?
I come from a world that was destroyed by my own family's lack of acknowledgment of its imminent destruction, lack of action aside from stopping its last hope to preserve their denial. On that day my parents chose to save me and my cousin and no one else. At that time I did not understand that I was saying goodbye to them forever. That I wouldn't see them or everyone I ever loved again. I feel stuck, trapped. Trapped in my desperation to find a home again. Earth is not my home, I've lost and now there is a hole in my heart that I can never fill again. My normal life ended the second I got in that ship. I am not human. I tried to be but I'm not. I am never going to be able to fit like Kal-El dose, He was raised on this earth and it's what he's known his entire life. But I remember our planet, I am Kryptonian of the house El. I am the only one who remembers what has been lost, our family, our culture, our world. And If I try to be something other than myself I feel like I am betraying those memories that are so precious.
I'm paralysed.
I can't move forward and I can't go back however much I am desperate to. I have to get up, I have to go on, I have to be strong. I have to hold on. If I don't, I'm not going to make it. I have to be true to my real self, not Kara Danvers but Kara Zor-El. So it is time to stop trying to be something I'm not. Being Supergirl is being me. Not pretending to be human, not wearing glasses to feel more normal, normal is what I used to be. I am still that little girl. I am still affected by the destruction of my world, it's like shrapnel in my heart that I can never heal from or cut out of myself. Kara Danvers is a shield that little girl has built around herself to hide in from the loss and pain she is trapped with.
I'm Lost and It kills me.
The only place to makes me feel at home is with Alex, with Johnn and with mon-el. I did to him what my parents did to me. I sent him away, I watched him disappear in to the blackness, for what seemed to be forever. I put him in my worst experience, a tiny pod surrounded in nothingness leaving the only home you have forever. But now He's back and he is no longer…
He's moved on. Used my memory to build a new life, one I can't be a part of. He's grown into someone new. We had a connection through the loss of our worlds. So now I am on my own.
Alone…
For a second time…
I can't lose the only place I have left to call home. Not again. I have to protect it. Supergirl can do that. I can, Kara Zor-El. But ultimately I can't hold it all together, I can't protect this world from itself, the very reason Krypton met its end. I'm terrified that I will be force to get in that pod again, of having my life torn away from me once more. I'm stuck trying to hold the world together, but I can't help but feel like it's not enough, I cannot be everywhere, I cannot fix everything, and so I'm stuck in this loop. Like a damaged record repeating itself.
I'm Broken.
I have to be strong. I have to hold on.
I need to go on.
Supergirl is hope.